Safe Haven

*Autumn’s POV*

There’s a brief moment of time after you wake up when you aren’t thinking about anything. You just take a deep breath and smile and you’re inexplicably happy. But then all of the memories flood back and you have to separate dreams from reality.

Luckily for me, my dreams did become a reality last night. I almost can’t believe any of it had actually happened – the city tour or the kiss. But it did, and it made me feel so happy inside. The kiss was even better than I had imagined it would be…soft, but firm and not a second too long. It was perfect. He was perfect. I can’t stop smiling! I feel like I’m literally floating on a cloud.

No, Autumn. Stop. It was just a kiss. I get obsessed way too easily…if I admit that I actually might like Niall, all I can expect is disappointment. I remember the last time I let my emotions take control over my logical self….

When I was a junior, there was this senior boy named Josh. 6’5, naturally bleach-blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and every girls’ dream at the time. The combination of his cocky, doesn’t give a shit attitude and his physical appearance sent me over the edge. He was totally the opposite of me: the insecure goody two shoes girl. He partied, did drugs, sold drugs, and hooked up with tons of girls; but he always knew exactly what to say. He always knew what I needed to hear…or feel. But only when we were alone. I only got head nods and barely noticeable smiles in the hallways at school. He practically ignored me even though we had been hooking up.

When I confronted him about it he basically just told me that I was just like any other girl to him. Whatever he had said to me or done with me meant nothing despite all of the sweet comments and afternoons spent cuddling. It was all just so that he could have make-out sessions and try to get in my pants. Luckily, I kept my virginity but that was about all I had left. I was broken down for days, maybe weeks, because I had let my emotions get in the way of my logical thoughts.

Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I hopped into the shower and pondered my plans for the day. There were only three things on the list: 1) Homework 2)Mani/Pedi with Kelsey and 3)Dinner with the “fam”.

Deciding on a comfy pair of jeans, a long sleeve tee, and a comfy cardigan, I went on to get my homework done as soon as I could. After plugging in my headphones and choosing my favorite playlist on my phone, it only took me about forty-five minutes of power studying to get through everything. I think I set a record time for completing coursework. I was really tempted to cuddle up and watch Skins on Netflix, but I promised Kelsey I would meet her at the nail salon at 12 and it was already 11:20. So I headed straight there.

An hour later, I was relaxing next to Kelsey in a comfy massage chair and reading Seventeen while a cute little Asian lady rubbed my feet.

“Ah, this is the life. I almost forgot how nice it feels to actually go out and have someone else paint my nails for a change.” I sighed, and the manicurist mumbled something (probably criticizing my chipped toenails with the nail polish still on).

“I know, right! I haven’t done this since I stopped doing pageants back in my hometown.”

“Pageants! I should’ve known you were one of those girls. Let me guess, your mom put you up to it.” I joked.

“Pretty much. It was the same old stereotypical story you see in them movies on television: Mother forces daughter to be in pageant, daughter grows up and hates it, daughter rebels, mother is unhappy.”

“Well at least you got something from it.”

“And what would that be?”

“Your great fashion sense, of course! Without you I would be whipping through our room like a tornado every morning.”

“Very true!” she laughed. “Now enough about me. You need to spill the deets about your date with Niall yesterday! And don’t you dare say nothing happened because you have been smiling from ear to ear all morning.”

I should’ve known she would ask me about it sooner or later. I had to find some way to stall, “It was not a date. But, I did have a really great day. I’d rather not tell the same story twice, so, I’ll tell both you and Harry tonight at dinner.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Good. You better, or else I’ll go and ask him myself!”

Luckily that was enough information to satisfy her (for now) and the rest of our time at the spa was spent relaxing and chatting about other things. Mostly about how much we doubted Harry’s cooking skills and our backup plans for ordering Chinese takeout just in case. We even had a number on speed dial. But, overall, we were both looking forward to spending time together; just the three of us.
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I gave three solid knocks on Harry’s door.

“Who iiiis iiiiit?” he asked in a sing-songy voice.

“Harry, you know it’s me.” The door swung open and I was greeted by something in the shape of a boy wearing an apron, and was covered from head to toe in flour. Oh no. He stepped aside, motioning for me to come in and I took a seat at the table opposite Kelsey. “I’ll be done in just a second! I just need to get cleaned up.” Well that was an understatement. I looked over to Kelsey as he walked away in the direction of what I assumed to be his bedroom.

“I betcha five bucks this food is gonna be terrible. Still got the Chinese place on speed dial?” she whispered over to me and I laughed.

“Of course. But let’s give him a chance first, okay? Boys can sometimes surprise you in a good way.” I replied.

A moment later, a much cleaner version of Harry arrived at the table balancing three plates of spaghetti, a baguette, and three glasses of red wine. “Voila!” I was stunned, the food looked delicious! “Wow, Harry! See, I told you he could surprise us. You owe me five dollars, Kelsey. Cough it up!”

“Not until we actually taste the food!”

“Heyyy” he pouted. “Did you guys make bets on my cooking skills? How dare you! I am shocked and appalled by your lack of faith.” We all had a laugh as he took his place at the table. “Well, dig in!” he shouted. And we did just that.

I took a huge bite of spaghetti and some of the bread, “Oh my gosh, Harry! This is incredible, especially the bread. Compliments to the chef.”

“Thank you, thank you. I used to be a baker, you know!” he stated proudly. The rest of the meal was mostly silent, since we were all busy stuffing our faces. That is until they asked the dreadful question.

“Sooo, Harry. As you know, Autumn had a very special day yesterday with her new hunky boyfriend, Niall. Has she told you about it yet? In detail?” I groaned internally.

“Oh, it almost slipped my mind. Thank you for the reminder, Kelsey. Care to share yesterday’s events with your two best friends?” They both focused their attention on me, eyes wide and ears open.

“Okay, fine. But save your comments until the end.”

I told them everything, not even trying to hold back. Maybe it was the wine…or maybe I just actually trusted someone for once in my life. They actually listened intently and didn’t offer any side comments or judgments. I started with the moment he arrived at my door, then the amusing time we spent sightseeing, and ended with him back at my door…minus the kiss of course. I almost got away with it, too. But no, they just had to ask questions at the end.

“So that’s it? He just left you at your doorstep?” they inquired.

“Uh, yeah. Pretty much. I mean, we said goodnight or whatever and I thanked him but that’s pretty much it.”

“Oh, how did he say it? I mean was he just like ‘goodnight’ or was it a nonverbal goodnight?”

“Harry, what are you talking about? ‘Nonverbal’?” my face was beginning to turn red.

“Oh, you know. I don’t know…. Maybe like a hug? Or perhaps a kiss?”

I didn’t dare say a word. Whatever I said I knew I would make it worse or end up spilling the secret somehow. “Uh. I-is there any more wine? The wine was scrumptious.”

“WELL, BUST MY BUMBLERS!” Kelsey spazzed, almost giving me and Harry a heart attack.

“What?!”

“SHE KISSED HIM. You did, didn’t you, Autumn? I knew it I knew it.” Well, there was no point hiding it….

“Well, he kissed me first. It was nothing, really I-“

“That is definitely not what I would classify as nothing. I haven’t had enough alcohol to believe that it was nothing, love.” Harry slurred. I sighed, relieved that I had gotten that off of my chest but also just out of exhaustion.

“Okay, fine. It was amazing and he was really sweet and it was pretty much the prefect day. But it’s not like we’re dating or anything so it’s nothing.”

“Well have you spoken to him yet since then?”

“No….and I don’t plan on doing so until class tomorrow. Actually I’ll just wait until he speaks to me first. Don’t want to come off as desperate.”

“Yeah, but you also don’t want to come off as uninterested! Trust me, as a male I would know.”

“Harry, you could hardly be considered a male. But, I do agree with him, Autumn. You need to go see him right now.”

I laughed at Kelsey’s joke. “I can’t just show up at his door uninvited!”

“That is why you’re going to text him.” Kelsey grabbed my phone and opened up my recent text messages.

“No!” I protested. But it was too late, she had already sent a text to Niall asking if he was busy and if I could come over. “I cannot believe you! That makes me sound so desperate!”

“Oh, shush your pie hole. Look, he already responded.” I snatched away my phone and read his text: “No, I’m not busy ☺ why don’t you come over and we could watch a movie or something?”

Oh my gosh. Oh. My. Gosh. I got butterflies in my stomach, either from nervousness or excitement, I wasn’t exactly sure. Something deep inside of me was telling me that I should be suspicious and keep my guard up, but I tried to suppress the feeling. “Should I go?” I asked, looking to my friends for reassurance.

“Yes! Go!” they practically pushed me out of the door.
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I arrived at Niall’s dorm about five minutes later, but I couldn’t seem to muster up the courage to knock. Come on, Autumn. You can do this. Just knock! He invited you! Oh, what the hell. Might as well go for it, not many other options left for me now.

I gave a light tap on the door. Waited. Another knock, but louder this time. Still nothing. I knew this was too good to be true. I sighed and began to turn away, but then the door opened.

Spinning back around, I came face to face with a familiar blonde. Although, I couldn’t remember where I could have possibly known her from considering she was half naked. “Um…is-“ she immediately cut me off.

“He’s busy. What do you want? We’re kind of in the middle of something here.” She motioned up and down her body, covered only by lingerie and some boys’ t-shirt. My eyes began welling up with tears. “Oh,” I croaked out, “sorry to bother you. Could you just pass on a message to Niall for me?” she gave me a weird look and smacked her gum, but nodded.

“Tell him I said Fuck You.” I heard her scoff and shut the door, but by then I was already halfway down the hall. Then I realized it was that same stupid girl from the coffee shop the first day I…ran into Niall. I ran back to my dorm as fast as I could, tears streaking my face and blurring my vision. My heart was beating so fast by the time I made it back that it physically hurt to take a breath. I was so…sad! And angry and I felt so…stupid. I had let a stupid boy I barely knew get the best of me.

I just couldn’t believe that he would invite me over just so that he could flaunt it in my face. Who the hell does that? I burst through my door and kicked off my shoes, slamming into things left and right as I ran to my bed in the dark. The light switch flicked on and a very confused Kelsey came and sat on my bed.

“Autumn? What happened? I thought you were going to go see-"

“Don’t even say his name, okay?! I don’t want to hear it. Don’t say anything. Just leave me alone.” I felt bad for yelling at her, but I didn’t know what else to say. If I talked about it I was just start crying again. A few moments later, I felt a weight being lifted from the bed and heard the light switch off. The room was now completely silent.

I let myself go back to that dark space in my deepest thoughts. I should’ve read the signs, and followed my gut feelings. The only thing left to do was to go to sleep and hope that I wake up tomorrow morning with no memory of the past few days.

Notes