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Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me?

Welcome Home (Joy Williams)

First off, I am so sorry about the delay in getting the first official chapter of Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me? posted. Winter has been hell. The weather in Iowa has been so spastic I’ve basically had a constant migraine since January. My oldest cat was sick off and on which has resulted in $200 in vet bills in the last month, thankfully none of it is life-threatening. I’ve decided that running my own business and trying to fulfill my creative need by writing isn’t enough and have been working on launching a podcast with a close friend of mine. Then February decided to go out with a fucking bang and a panic attack as one of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer which led to an incredibly dark period for me.

I need to find solace in my writing but this story was too heavy, too real for me to do that so I started writing something different. One of the hugest parts of my anxiety is perfectionism. I don’t like doing something if I can’t make it perfect. Today I realized something incredibly important:

Done is better than perfect.

So here it is, a completed chapter one. I hope you enjoy it and can’t wait to hear what you think about it.

Again, thank you for sticking with me through all of this.


“Did you sleep at all last night?” Harry asked as he walked into the gym. I was just finishing a ride on my Peloton and he looked prepared for his morning work out.

“Not really.”

“Hey Harry,” Dad called through the video chat we were doing while we did the ride together.

“Good morning, Marco. Should I blame you for the reason my girlfriend didn’t sleep last night?”

“That’s not my fault. Blame that Horcrux of hers. I got an email from her at 3:30AM, your time not mine.” It was currently 6:45 so Harry knew if I slept it was for only a handful of hours.

“Evie,” Harry said in his concerned tone of voice.

“What? I had a lot of work to do.”

“I’m gonna bow out of this conversation now. Have a good day. Love ya, Bambina.”

“Love ya, Dad.” The video ended and stepped off of the bike. I got on my tip toes to kiss Harry.“Good morning.”

“Good morning. You should’ve slept last night.”

“I missed the staff meeting yesterday because of the follow-up appointment Pops had with his cardiologist. So I had to read through the notes, get back with some of my staff on things and get prepped for a few conference calls and meetings that I have today.”

“Does this mean you’re leaving the house to work?”

“No, they are all with the New York and London teams. So they are video chats.”

“Everlee.”

“Just stop. I’m working from home again today. It’s okay.”

“You’re eventually going to have to go back to normal life.”

“I am back to normal life,” I argued. “Just an altered version of normal life.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” He was frustrated with me but he was being as supportive as he could be. “I have a meeting with the team to plan our recording sessions today. I’d like for my manager to attend, but we aren’t having the meeting in this house.” I hesitated.

“What time is it?”

“It’s a lunch meeting.” I scrolled through my schedule on my phone.

“I can do a lunch meeting.”

“Good. Now go shower, you smell disgusting.” Harry smiled as he kissed me. I walked out of the gym and into the morning air. A few steps from the gym and I snuck into the kitchen to find a fresh pot of coffee.

“Good morning, Everlee,” Linda said. She handed me the breakfast I’d gotten in the habit of eating every morning.

“Hey kiddo,” Pops called from the island where he was enjoying a cup of coffee, reading through the news on his iPad and eating breakfast. I walked towards him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Done with your morning workout already? It’s a bit early for you.”

“Yeah, Dad and I scheduled a Peloton ride together.”

“You two are having way too much fun with that.” I’d gotten one for Dad’s birthday for him while also buying one for myself.

“Hey, at least I’m being healthy.”

“Which I love,” Pops replied. “Are you going into the office today?”

“Nope. I’ve got conference calls and video meetings. Though Harry is dragging me to lunch with the team he’s selected for his album. They are discussing the recording schedule.”

“When does he leave for Jamaica?”

“End of the month.” I slid into the seat beside my father.

“You prepared to be apart again?”

“Not really. But it’s our life. We will always have time apart because of our careers.”

“I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“Eh, it’s life. I better go shower though. My first conference call is in an hour and it’s a video conference.” I groaned as I stood up.

“I’ll come down and see you a little later.” I kissed Pops on the cheek again before walking back outside and through the deck and outdoor area to the guest house. I slid the door open to find Harold curled up on the couch. He meowed at me.

“Good morning, bud.” I scratched his head a little bit. “Mummy is gonna go shower.” As I headed towards the bathroom the cat jumped down off of the couch and followed me. It had been an adjustment period for us. Harry and I had been sharing his 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 4,400 square foot home near the Sunset Strip, sure Ty and Eliza had been living with us but they were rarely there because of work and their relationships. Once Pops was released from the hospital I moved into the guest house I’d lived in at his house in college. I refused to be away from him. Harry, not wanting to be away from me, packed up his stuff, the cat, and most of my things to move in with me at my father’s.

It had been an adjustment the first six weeks that we’d been here but we were starting to get into a groove. I’d get up in the morning, work out, shower, get some work done, spend time with my father, and we’d all have dinner together. Harry was almost acting as Pops’ personal trainer. They’d play tennis, basketball, go on hikes, swim, and spend time in the gym that was in the house. I’d even witness Pops doing yoga with Harry which was something I never in a million years imagined I’d see.

I’d been refusing to leave the house to go to work at the office. Kammi and Cameron were, of course, supportive of it. They knew I needed to be home with Pops for a while. For the most part, everyone had been really supportive. When Cynthia found out that I’d been using the coffee table that was near the couch in the guest house, which was essentially a really nice studio apartment, she showed up and went to work. The guest houses on the property were right next to each other. They were all rarely used except the one Pops had converted into a gym when he bought the house, in fact, the one Harry and I were living in hadn’t been used since I lived here in college. We even found some of my stuff still in the closet. She put the bedroom furniture of another guest house into storage in the house and within 48 hours designed and put together a dream office for me. Unlike my office at SME, it was all white, calming, and very serene. Harry had put me in a car, driven me to the Apple Store and told me to buy everything I needed to have a home office. I’d always just functioned off of my laptop when I was at home because I’d had roommates and nowhere to have a desk. I even went overboard and bought two iMacs so that if he was in there with me he could be on a computer as Cynthia had put two desks in there. There was still comfy furniture so if someone was there with me or if Harry or Pops came out to hang out while I worked they didn’t have to sit in a chair at my desk or if I needed to relax for a few minutes between calls I could. Kammi would occasionally come and work with me here so we could spend some time together and I could get some face time with people that weren’t my father, my boyfriend, Linda, Cynthia, Rachel or the twins.

It had been nice to have Cynthia and the girls around the house again. It gave the house life when they’d all show up for dinner or a Saturday by the pool or on the horses. It was almost as if we were a family again. I had been pressuring Cynthia to talk to my father. I heard her in the hospital telling him he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere because she needed to talk to him. Here we were, six weeks later and she’d said nothing. He just thought that because he’d nearly died everyone was afraid to leave him alone. I knew that it was because she was hopelessly in love with him but still afraid to tell him that.

As I stood in the shower I heard my phone vibrate on the sink a few times. I tried to ignore it. It wasn’t even 8:00 yet. Everyone had been doing really great about not contacting me outside of normal business hours. They knew that if they did I’d work 24/7 which was unhealthy and a habit that Pops, Cameron, Kammi, and the Board were trying to break me of. Mom and Dad had made a trip out when Pops was first released from the hospital. They wanted to make sure I was okay and that Pops was okay. The boys were able to come with them and against my better judgment, Pops pushed me out of the house to spend time with them. It was nice to see them and spend time with them for a while. Mom was concerned and still is, about the fact that I’d moved home with Pops. She didn’t want me to give up my life to take care of him, but she got it. She knew it was temporary, I just wanted to be close to him in case something else happened. I had gone far enough to outfit every room on the property with one of those damn Amazon Echos so that no matter where he was I could talk to him. Harry wasn’t a huge fan of it but he knew that his girlfriend who dealt with severe anxiety needed to be able to reach her father wherever he was to settle her anxiety.

I got out of the shower and towel dried my hair before getting dressed. I’d chopped my hair short a few weeks ago. My stylist told me that it was something she’d been anticipated after she heard about Pops. Evidently, it was totally normal for people to go through massive changes in their physical appearance after traumatic experiences. She was also placing bets on how long it would be before I appeared back in the salon asking for extensions because of how much I loved having long hair. I must admit, it was easier to get ready in the morning and often times I just allowed my hair to air dry and embrace the slight wave my hair had naturally. Knowing I was going to lunch with Harry and his team I put on a pair of skinny jeans that were a little ripped and a vintage tee that Harry had bought for me recently. I would normally work in clothing that fell in the athleisure category since I didn’t really leave the house unless I absolutely had to. I grabbed my laptop off the coffee table, my planner, Harold, and a few other things before heading towards my office.

“Alexa, turn on my morning playlist,” I said as I slide the door open and walked into my office leaving the screen door open so I could enjoy the morning air while I worked.

“Playing Evie’s Morning Playlist on Spotify,” the computerized voice replied. I plugged in my MacBook Pro and woke up the iMac while I got settled in at my desk. I had a routine every morning. First I’d turn on the morning playlist I’d made on Spotify and then turn on the giant TV that hung on the wall with CNN on with it on mute with closed captioning so I could stay up-to-date on the news while I worked. Then I look at my calendar and updated my to do list in Wunderlist so I knew what my tasks were for the day. After that, I’d check my email and see if there’s anything I need to add while prioritizing what I needed to reply to and when. I would always send out the morning update to my team with everything that I needed by the end of the day. I’d become surprisingly productive and followed this same routine every morning.
Living without an assistant a few feet away had been a challenge at first. I debated back and forth on if I wanted to have Eliza working here with me every day, we’d even tried it for a week and gave up. Sharing the office space with her wasn’t productive for me and it had seemed incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved. I wasn’t keeping the hours I normally did. There wasn’t a cafeteria so if you wanted to eat it was in the kitchen in the main house. I’d adjusted, she hadn’t. So she went back to work at the office. I think the amount of time Harry spent in the office with me bothered her a bit. He’d been a great help, often bouncing ideas with me when I needed human interaction. He also spent time working on his stuff while I worked, which was surprisingly nice. Since we’d set the space up as an office for both of us he was in here with me for part of the day most days. Though on days that Kammi came to work with me he’d hand off his desk and work from the couch if he felt like invading girl time. We even tried Eliza spending a few hours here once a week until a week ago when she asked if she could stop doing that. She said it wasn’t conducive to her work style. I could respect that. The work life I had set up now wasn’t for everyone. But that meant her job was shifting because she wasn’t really working for me anymore. Harry had suggested I look at getting a personal assistant, someone that could help with some of the stuff that Eliza had done that kept me organized but more specifically someone that could help me with things like running errands and making sure that my personal life was organized. I knew that what he was suggesting made sense but the fear of Eliza’s reaction had me hesitating to start the search for one.

At the request of Cameron, Kammi, and the board my responsibilities had started to shift because of the change with Pops. We’d temporarily promoted Pops’ #2 to take over his management roles and some of mine had shifted to several of my top employees in LA so that I could be the daughter I needed to be. It had been a challenge, I wasn’t always the best delegator but I trusted the people beneath me and knew that they were not only capable of taking on more but also deserved the chance to shine. I’d been so impressed by their work. I met with the once per week. Sometimes it was in a coffee shop as an excuse to get me out of the house. Sometimes they came over to the house and we’d hang out on the deck, enjoy some of Linda’s delicious food and the gorgeous view from my Pops’ house. And I’d even tried going into the office to meet with them once, that had been a nightmare. The second I walked in the door everyone was in my face. I hadn’t been in the office in two weeks at that point and Pops hadn’t either so everyone wanted to know how everything was going. It had been extremely overwhelming. I’d actually locked myself in my office and had a panic attack as soon as I made it through the building. It was too much being there and having everyone ask questions and try and get time with me. After that day I’d been afraid to go back into the office.
I’d not disclosed that panic attack to anyone but my therapist who I was now seeing twice a week. She was trying to prepare me mentally for the idea that someday I’d have to go back to work in the office while also working through the emotional repercussions of all of the changes happening in my life. Processing my father nearly dying had been hard. I didn’t talk for two days and had remained relatively quiet until he got out of the hospital and I started living with him again. My relationships with my friends and family had changed, which she told me constantly was normal. I’d experienced something extremely traumatic and only those who felt that same kind of trauma would get what I’d gone through or at least try to be supportive. I’d found myself growing apart from people I thought were essential to my existence and closer to people that at one point in my life I’d wished didn’t exist in my life. Harry had started joining me for one of the appointments with me each week. We’d struggled initially after my decision to move in with Pops. Living in a guest house together had been quite the adjustment. We’d fought a few times, once to the point that I slept on the couch in my office. I woke up the next morning to Harry sleeping on the floor beside me. He started crying and telling me that he was done fighting, he wanted to do whatever he needed to do to support me. That was when we decided he’d start joining me with my therapist on occasion. The experience initially had tried to pull us apart but honestly, we were closer now than we had been before.

“Hey there, buddy,” I said to Harold as he jumped up onto my desk looking for a few scratches behind his ear. He immediately meowed back at me. He was an extremely talkative cat. I loved that he was so happy coming to my office with me during the day. Sometimes he’d lay on the couch but most of the time he’d occupy a spot on my desk so that he could be part of everything that was going on. Sometimes he’d try to jump into the view of my video conferences. My staff and clients had become big fans of Harold’s appearances. I saw the request pop up in the corner of my screen for my first video chat, this one was with the head of my department in London. It would likely take about a half hour. In an hour I had one scheduled with the head of the department in New York. They’d each stepped up immediately taking over the weekly staff meetings that I usually video conferenced in for. Today they’d touch base with me to let me know how the staff meeting had gone. Then this afternoon I’d touch base with the staff in Chicago and LA that were handling the offices for me. We were working towards a quarterly meeting at the end of next week that would be held here in LA. As soon as the video chat with London ended a new request came in, this one from Kammi.

“Hey,” I answered as I leaned back in my chair with my iced coffee.

“Happy Monday!” she said cheerily, she had clearly had more coffee than I had so far.

“You’re still too fucking cheery in the morning.”

“Sorry, not sorry. How is the morning so far?”

“Not too bad. The video conference with London went well. The portion of the staff that will be here next week for quarterly meetings is excited.”

“Are you?”

“Fuck no,” I replied laughing. “I hate quarterly meetings. If I get a second of sleep between now and the end of next week I’ll be surprised.”

“You clearly didn’t get any last night,” she said. I’d emailed her at 4:00 this morning. I shrugged. “I know that they prescribed you sleeping pills. You need to take them.” She and Harry clearly talked about that last night when she, Nick, and Ty joined us for Sunday dinner.

“I hate that you and my boyfriend share everything. Nothing is sacred.”

“No, certain things are sacred. I don’t tell him what you tell me unless I’m super concerned for your safety.”

“I know. Thank you for that. How’s the office today?” I asked.

“Strange,” she replied. “Ty is lonely so he keeps coming in my office.”

“Why is he lonely?”

“They moved Eliza off of your desk, she was officially done at the end of the day Friday.” I frowned. “Yeah, it’s fucking weird. Until they determine where she’s permanently going to be she’s working the front desk.”

“Ouch. That’s the worst assignment. I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Kammi ordered. “You gave her a chance. You did everything you could to make your current situation conducive for her and she couldn’t make it work. That’s not your fault. Ty is having a rough time with it though.” We’d recently promoted Ty. He wasn’t just running Kammi’s desk anymore, he was the person who was placed in charge of all of the executive assistants in the office. It had been Pops’ assistant before but with his change, she decided it was time to retire. She’d been planning to retire at the end of the year so Pops’ agreed to pay out the remainder of the year so she could start retirement early.

“Tell him I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Ev. It’s not your fault,” came Ty’s voice. He appeared behind Kammi and sat on the back part of her desk. “She’s been a real bitch to deal with lately. When I told her that if she wasn’t going to work to accommodate what you need we’d have to move her she got super pissy. She stopped staying at the house a week ago.”

“Is she staying with you?” I asked Kammi.

“Nope. Neither of us has any idea where she’s staying. Honestly, even Joe has no idea where she’s been staying. She also turned off her location on ‘Find My Friends’ after her fight with Ty. Well technically after the fight with Joe when he defended Ty.”

“I wonder why she’s getting pissed at you guys?” I hated this. I got that my life had been disrupted but seeing how everyone else’s lives were changing because of it was hard to deal with.

“Here’s what I figure,” Ty started. I could tell by his tone and body language that I should get comfortable as he was going to explain what was going on in detail. “She’s not sure how to handle what you’re dealing with. I mean how the fuck long did it take her to come to see you and Jimmy when he was in the hospital?”

“Four days,” I said. It had been four days after they landed from the East Coast before she came. Ty had made Kammi, Nick and Joe stay out of the hospital the night they got home because of how fucked up I was. They showed up about two hours after Pops woke up. Joe had made excuses every time he came that Eliza had come down with a cold and didn’t want to get Pops sick. She showed up looking like she felt great and made no mention of being sick. I’d never asked what really kept her away, I honestly didn’t want to know.

“Exactly. It took me about four minutes after I found out to get in a car and get to you. Kammi was on a plane within four hours. Then when she gets back and you declare you’re moving out of the house and not only did you move home with Jimmy but so did Harry she saw that you were in a relationship solid enough that he was willing to give up literally the best house I’ve ever lived in to move into the guest house you started living in at 16 just so he could be with you. Then when Maureen decided to retire and the board decided that I was the one that would replace her she was pissed. She ranted for like two fucking hours about how she thought that she was better suited for the job than I was, which by the way she’s fucking not. I pointed out to her that she never wanted this job.” He was right, she hadn’t. She’d told me initially she expected she’d have the job for like six months while she got settled in LA and then she’d be gone because she’d be acting and bartending. “She, of course, got fucking pissed that I pointed that out, so when she told me that she was going to focus on her ‘acting career’ I told her that the only reasonable thing I could do until she showed she was fully committed to her job was put her at the front desk because there was a crew of people who worked the desk. If she decides she’s done then I’ve got back up. It’s not like putting her on someone else’s desk. If she decides she hates it and leaves then I have to fucking rehire someone or train someone from the front desk. Which, by the way, Harry told me last night that he wanted you to hire someone that could do some of what Eliza did but more personal assistant type shit. I’ve got a few candidates from around here that I think would work. You say the word and I’ll get meetings set up.”

“What would I do without you two?” I asked. I could feel tears pricking my eyes.

“You’d be super fucking lonely,” Ty said. I laughed.

“True story,” I replied.

“We are working from your house tomorrow,” Kammi said. “I’m dragging Ty with me.” He normally stayed in the office when she came to see me during the week. It gave him a chance to do the managerial stuff he needed to do.

“Yay!” I cheered as I picked up Harold and made the cat cheer too.

“It’s mainly because I miss the cat being my roommate,” Ty tried to get out without laughing. “We can talk more about what you’d be looking for in an assistant tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’m just afraid to look for one.”

“Why?” Kammi asked.

“I don’t want Eliza to get more pissed than she already is.”

“That is not your problem to worry about,” Harry said as he slid the screen door open.

“Hey Harry,” Kammi and Ty said in unison. He came to my desk and sat on my lap.

“Hi, miss you,” he replied.

“You saw us yesterday. You’re lying that you miss us unless you’re really tired of living with Ev in The Tiny House.” Kammi had started referring to our living situation as The Tiny House, it made me laugh because while we were living in a much smaller footprint than we were before the reality was we had everything we needed and a few steps away was everything you could ever imagine in the main house. She just couldn’t understand how we were making it work. She wanted to kill Nick most days because of the whole shared room thing. It didn’t help that they also lived with Joe.

“I do miss you both. Am I allowed to work in the office with you all tomorrow?”

“Of course, Harry,” Ty answered. “Evs, if you can’t find an assistant that works for a while, Kammi and I have decided that I can come out once a week to help you make sure that your schedule is put together for the week, that all the meetings are confirmed. I can handle the extra responsibility for a while.”

“I love you both so much. I’m excited for tomorrow now,” I said. “But I’m getting the 10-minute warning for my New York meeting.”

“Enjoy that,” Kammi replied. “We will see you at 8:30 tomorrow.”

“Yay!!! Bye!!” I ended the call.

“Ty is going to help you find an assistant?” Harry asked as he went to sit down at his desk.

“He is. He’s evidently been scouting people from the pool in the office for me today.”

“So what was it about Eliza?”

“Her last day on my desk was Friday.”

“We knew that was coming.”

“We did. But Ty told me today that he told her last week that he couldn’t move her onto someone else’s desk knowing that they may have to quickly find a replacement knowing that she wasn’t fully committed to the job.”

“She’s not fully committed?” Harry asked.

“Evidently not. So she’s on the front desk.” I saw him cringe. “Exactly. It’s the worst job in the entire place. The phones ring non-stop, she won’t have a guaranteed daytime schedule anymore because everyone has to work in rotations. I fear that she’s going to fucking hate me for this because somehow it’s going to end up my fault.”

“It’s not your fault but I understand why you’re uneasy about it.” Eliza had been difficult to deal with and that was being polite. I had done so great and not flipped out on her about everything, but I knew that if she said anything about her new job that was even remotely negative that it was a risk. I got it, my life and job changing was causing her job to change. I wanted to scream when she’d complain about that. I didn’t ask for this change in my life. I’d go back to being a workaholic in a heartbeat to change the fact that my Pops had a heart attack. She was being selfish, which wasn’t totally abnormal, but was pretty shocking considering everything that had happened.

“I just hate when there are problems. If there’s an issue between two people in The Circus it makes everything awkward and weird. We had this problem once before.”

“What happened then?” Harry asked.

“Weirdly enough it was Eliza and Nick. He made an admittedly funny but very bad joke when we were all drinking at the condo one night. She’d been on a bender and had a different guy come home with her every night for like 10 days. She got pissed and didn’t talk to him for almost a month.”

“Ouch. What do you mean bender? Like drugs or drinking or just men?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know. I tried not to ask because I was worried about her but knew that if I made any comments she’d do the same thing to me that she was to Nick. She’d broken up with some guy that she thought was the one, they’d been dating for maybe three or four months but she is often times crazy when she’s in relationships. There was so much tension among the whole group. It just sucked.”

“I’m sure everything will work out in the end.” Harry was attempting to calm me knowing I was about to get on another conference call. He stood from his side of the desk and came over to me. He bent down and gently kissed my lips. “Whatever happens remember that I love you.”

“I love you too.” One more kiss and he headed back to his side of the desk and slid on headphones knowing that my conference call would likely bore him to death. Everything went well and was over in less time than I expected. I kept working until Harry decided we needed to leave for his lunch meeting. It was an incredibly nice day in LA so when I made it up to the driveway with my stuff I found him sitting in my Jeep with the top off. He had sunglasses on and his goofy smile plastered across his face. I threw my bag into the back and climbed up into the passenger seat. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you were this born and bred California surfer in this thing. Tan skin, wayfarers, and a floral shirt. You look just like the boys I brought home from the beach in high school.” He laughed loudly at the last comment.

“I’m sure I do. It’s easy to get a tan like this if you leave your office for more than a short walk to the house or gym every day.”

“Shut up. Not all of us have time to lay around in the pool or run shirtless on the horse trail.”

“You could have time, you can take a break every once in a while.”

“I know. We both also know that I’m not very good at taking breaks. I took time when Pops was in the hospital, I can’t now. Too much work to do.” He reached his hand across the car and grabbed mine. Our fingers interlocked as he brought it to his lips kissing the back of it. His rings felt cool against the inside of my fingers. After his lips left my hand he returned it to my lap so he could focus on driving. He expertly navigated his way through the area my father lived into the restaurant that his lunch meeting was at.

I zoned out easily these days. It didn’t matter if I was alone or with a group of people my mind would wander and I’d lose track of everything else happening around me. This happened most frequently in a car, thankfully it was usually only when I wasn’t driving, though that had happened once. I got home and sat in the driveway sobbing until Harry came out to find me and asked what was wrong. I was terrified that I’d driven from an appointment across town to the house and had no idea how long it had taken or how I’d gotten home. That was the first week we’d been living here. I hadn’t driven much since then. Harry or Sam took me everywhere. It was odd. I missed driving. I missed the freedom of being in a car alone but I understood why Harry had decided to hide every set of car keys to every car that either of us or my Pops owned. This ride was like the rest. I stared blankly at the scenery and watched the world fly by. I could hear Harry singing along to the radio but couldn’t pinpoint the song which was rare.

“Evie…Ev…Everlee Mae Scarcello.” Harry snapped in front of my eyes breaking me of the trance. “Where were you at babe?”

“Sorry,” I replied.

“Don’t apologize. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a long day and I’m a little overwhelmed right now.”

“Call Ty and have him cancel your afternoon,” he suggested. I’d been up late the night before working as I had been most nights. I was often lucky if I got more than a handful of hours of sleep at a time. I hadn’t slept a full night since I’d been in France with Harry for the final time.

“I can’t do that.”

“Then I will.” He grabbed his phone from where he usually threw it into a cupholder and I watched as he hit Ty’s entry in his favorites. They’d been communicating so frequently that I was pretty sure he’d rearranged it so Ty was the easiest entry to click.

“You can’t do that,” I protested.

“I can and I am.”

“Harry this is my work and my life. You can’t do this.” He glared at me and I quieted. He could do this. Cameron and Jimmy had given him this power when they all realized that I was struggling. He did it often which had initially pissed me off. “Hey Ty,”I heard him say. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. “Yeah, we just got the restaurant. She’s out of it. Can you reschedule her afternoon?” His thumb rubbed across the back of my hand as he listened to Ty. “I’ll let you know later today how she’s doing for tomorrow. I need to get her to take the sleeping pills her doctor gave her so she can sleep. Her day tomorrow is just you and Kammi here, right?” I don’t know how I got so lucky to have Harry in my life. I was an absolute fucking mess most of the time and he was doing everything he could to help me navigate through and survive it. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later and see you in the morning.” He hung up the phone and I turned to look at him. “Ty canceled the rest of the day. When we’re done we are going to go do something to help you relax a little.”

“Okay,” I responded quietly. I held his hand once out of the car as we walked into the restaurant. I tried to put on my best happy face and not appear like the fragile shell of a human I was right now. He’d been delaying this album for too long all because of me. I felt immensely guilty and was pretty sure that his team hated me for it at this point.

“Hey Ev,” Mitch greeted as he hugged me.

“Hey, how are you?” I asked.

“I’m good. We are all happy you could make it.” He and Harry had instantly bonded when they met in spring. He was a great guy and an incredible musician. I’d really enjoyed watching them form this really amazing musical bond. They often sat with drinks on the deck at Pops house with guitars, notebooks, and a laptop. I’d sit in my office working, with the door open, listening to them and the sound of Harry’s voice as it drifted into the room. I’d hold off as long as I could before grabbing my laptop of iPad to go sit with them and listen. More than once I’d found Pops out there with them.

The lunch meeting was great. Harry was getting so excited for them to take off to Jamaica. I tried to stay out of their plans for that. I knew that the teams were anxious to leave and that having to put off the trip more than once was inconvenient, to say the least. But they all had been the kindest people through the process. Hell, the first week we’d been living with Pops after he’d been released from the hospital Jeff, Alex, and Tyler showed up at the house with the most amazing spread of food and tried to help us all relax. My father was really enjoying the amount of life that everyone brought to his house, despite the heart attack and everything that had happened he seemed to be the happiest I’d seen him in years.

“Are you going to come with us for a while?” Jeff asked. I snapped out of my wandering thoughts when I realized he was talking to me.

“I don’t know. Right now is a difficult time for me to leave. I have so much work right now that I will probably remain attached to a laptop for the next 12 months solid. You’ll have to keep this guy in line for me,” I said as I squeezed Harry’s shoulder with my hand. He bent his head to the side kissing my fingers.

“I hope she can make it for at least a visit or two while we are gone,” he added. He had really been trying to convince me that I could come with. That working remotely was possible because I’d been doing it from my laptop at the house for the last six weeks. He knew that it wasn’t just about work, it was about leaving Pops. They’d be gone for a minimum of a month but likely 6-8 weeks if things were going well and they wanted a bit more time. Leaving home for that long seemed terrifying. What if Pops got sick again and I was gone? What if he needed me? What if he got lonely? As if he knew I was thinking about him I saw my phone light up on the table with a text from him.

Message with Pops
Pops: Are you done working for the day? I stopped in your office and you weren’t there?
I’m at lunch with Harry, Jeff, Tyler, Alex, and Mitch.
Pops: Ahh the boys club. You always did tend to fit into those groups.
As I sit here listening to them I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. This is what life would’ve been like if I hadn’t quit Designated Hitter and hadn’t forced Kyle to start drumming in that band and sent him on tour.
Pops: Oh god. That would’ve been pretty terrifying. Okay…what I was actually texting you about. I just got off the phone with Cynthia. She and your sisters are coming over for dinner tonight. Evidently you girls need to get to work on planning a baby shower.
Shit. I forgot I was supposed to call Kayci to set up lunch this week. I’m the worst sister ever. Fuck. Do you need me to pick something up?
Pops: Nope. Linda has everything covered. You’re also not the worst sister ever. You’re busy, they get it. Just prepare Harry. He usually seems a bit overwhelmed when you five women are all in a room together. Oh and Kourt is bringing her new boyfriend. Though Cynthia tells me that Kayci is pissed about that because her boyfriend just broke up with her? I can’t keep up with all of you. Rachel has at least had the same guy since she was 6.
It’s because she’s weird. Kayci and Dylan did break up over the weekend. How did you not miss her sobs? She sent out the Bat signal to the sisters and everyone arrived at the house at about 12:30 Friday night. I felt bad for Rach and Harry. We all ended up a bit drunk, well except Rachel because well pregnant. Harry I think slept in my office most of the night. Rachel slept on the couch, Kourtney passed out in a lounger on the deck and we found Kayci on the floor of the bathroom using a towel as a blanket. It was a mess.
Pops: I did wonder why they were there Saturday morning and why Kayci didn’t leave until Sunday night. You’re a good big sister.
I try and because I’m the one willing to drink with her and because Kourtney likes to lecture her for smoking pot. I, of course, can’t.
Pops: You’re still a good sister. Your three sisters and three brothers are lucky to have you. Speaking of sisters…Kayci just walked in looking for you. She said she’ll be waiting in the pool. I think she hates her roommates and this is just an excuse. Now stop paying attention to me and participate in your meeting. You worry that Brit when you zone out.
I know. It happened on the way here again. I swear he’s never going to let me drive a car again because I can’t be in one right now without having any clue what is going on. Also, Kayci does hate her roommates, with a passion. I’m surprised she hasn’t moved into the other guest house or back into her old bedroom. Okay…okay, back to work. I’ll see you both when we get home.


“What was that?” Harry whispered to me.

“Pops. Evidently, Cynthia and the girls are coming over for dinner. I flaked on my sister duties and didn’t text the girls about setting up a lunch to plan Rachel’s baby shower.”

“Shit. You were supposed to call them this morning.”

“I know. So be prepared, dinner with my family tonight.”

“Good, you know I love them. And you. Mostly you.” He kissed me quickly before falling right back into the conversation with everyone at the table.

Message with Kayci Grant
You okay, sis?
Kayci: I’m fine. My roommates are annoying. And fucking Dylan called me drunk last night.
Please tell me you didn’t invite him over.
Kayci: I didn’t. I’m not THAT fucking dumb. He was trying to apologize but I knew that he didn’t mean it. He was drunk. He just wanted to get laid. I kept telling myself what you and Rachel told me Friday night. He doesn’t deserve me. I deserve so much better than him and someday I’m going to find my person and it’s not Dylan.
Definitely NOT Dylan. No one that cheats on you deserves a second chance. You are a first class, five star, James Beard award-winning, four months to get a Monday night reservation level catch. He doesn’t even deserve to be handed out through a fucking drive-thru.
Kayci: You are the best. Also now I’m hungry. Tell the Brit to hurry up the fucking meeting and get you home.
I’ll do my best but he’s currently in the process of planning a trip to leave me and record an album so I’m feeling a little woe is me.
Kayci: If you need a roommate while he’s gone I can come live with you and Harold.
Oh, I know you would. We will be home soon. I’ll text when we are on our way.


I slipped my phone into my purse and tried to focus back in on the conversation. They settled on dates to head to Jamaica for the third time since starting this process and we were back in the car headed home. Harry was always so talkative when we left. He loved the guys that were part of this team. It was like a dream for him. They supported every, single, idea and decision he had. He’d lay in bed at night gushing to me about how amazing they were making work. I loved listening to him ramble on and on and on about how different this experience was already from everything else he’d experienced and they hadn’t even taken off for the bulk of their recording.

“So I have to warn you, Kayci is at the house already.”

“Good, there’s no way you can go back to work if she’s there.”

“I know. I’m honestly surprised that she hasn’t asked Pops if she can move back into her old room. She hates her roommates. She can afford to live without them but they were her best friends when she was in school. They are all still in school and she’s working so life is different for them.”

“Also when you consider that working for your sister is essentially playing dress up, at least how the roommates view it, they seem pretty judgmental.” The twins had turned 22 three weeks ago. Harry had drug me out of the house to spend time with them while they celebrated. It was the first time I’d met Kourtney’s boyfriend Max and the first time Harry had really met anyone outside of the twins, Rachel and Luke. Her roommates had been a nightmare. They did judge Kayci. She’d met them when she was a student, she had decided to take some time off from college after her freshman year because she was offered a fairly large modeling contract and had started working on her music. They hated that. They were all still struggling through their senior year and hoping to get into grad school or law school and here was Kayci getting paid to fly around and put on expensive clothes. They were bitter and jealous.

Kourtney had opted to get her own place when they went to school. She lived in a super cute studio in West Hollywood so it wasn’t like her sister could move in with her. I had suggested that she move back home with Cynthia but it was not an option for Kayci. When it was just she and her Mom they argued constantly. They were so much alike. Their arguments were ridiculous and often that they agreed with each other and hated it. She also had been with Dylan for almost a year so she barely stayed with her roommates until the last month or so when he had started making excuses that she couldn’t be there which turned out to be because he was cheating on her. I knew if she asked that Jimmy would give her the final guest house or even let her have her old bedroom back. The house was big enough that it was one of the few times growing up that the twins hadn’t been forced to share a bedroom.

“Yeah, it’s a bad situation for her.”

“I’ve thought about telling her to just move into the house until we get back but the idea of having she, Eliza, and Ty alone there is a little unsettling.”

“Eliza isn’t staying at the house.”

“Where is she staying?”

“I don’t know. Actually, no one does.”

“Do you have any ideas?” he asked. He was concerned, I could tell. Despite how things had been going lately we all still cared about Eliza, though I’m sure she’d say we didn’t.

“No idea, honestly. Maybe an ex, maybe someone she worked with when she was bartending, a friend from one of her acting classes, or some new guy. She also could be staying in a hotel for all I know. She and Ty got into a fight and he’s not seen her since other than work and there she’s essentially ignoring him.”

“What is all of this about?”

“Her demotion.” And again the wave of guilt washed over me. Eliza had been my best friend since she was about five hours old. I hadn’t had a pleasant conversation with her in weeks.

“This isn’t your fault. I know you’re internalizing a lot of blame. Stop doing that.”

“I’d like to point out that I hate that you can read my mind,” I replied turning to face him in the car and smiling a bit. “It’s annoying because when I’m trying to have will power you make me fail.”

“I personally love that it’s my newest superpower. So how can I help you with not blaming yourself?”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t honestly have a clue. “I want to fix everything but that’s what I’ve always done. Eliza and I have always been close but we’ve also always fought. She has a wicked jealous streak and can be incredibly vindictive when she wants. At this point, I’m sure she’s jealous that everyone’s focus has been me because it was my Pops that almost died. She doesn’t like when the spotlight isn’t on her.”

“I’m sorry, Evie. You don’t deserve this extra stress. She also should know that she needs to be a better friend but I’m beginning to see that she isn’t really capable of that. I hate saying that because I know how much she means to you but you deserve better than to be treated like this.”

“You’re right. I don’t deserve this. But honestly, there’s not much I can do about it right now. I am just going to give her the space she so clearly needs and keep plugging away at everything I’m doing to make life better for me, for us, and for my family.” He squeezed my hand in his.

“I’m proud of you for how strong you’ve been through all of this. It hasn’t been easy to watch your Pops go through everything and you’ve been the most incredible daughter through it all. If we’re being honest, I don’t even completely mind that we gave up our dream house in the hills to live in a guest house. Getting to build a relationship like I have with your Pops has been pretty great.”

“I love you. Honestly, I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.” He plugged in the code to the gate and pulled to where we left my Jeep in the driveway which was next to where Kayci’s Mercedes was sitting. We got out and started to walk to the back. “I’m gonna let you have some time alone with your sister. Okay?” I nodded before he kissed me and walked towards our guest house.

“Kayci,” I called as I walked towards the pool. I found her on a raft, her foot anchoring her to the side where a beer sat on the edge. She was staring at her phone.

“Hey sis,” she called back.

“Drinking already?”

“I needed a beer and Pops always has my favorite here.” Her favorite was a random craft beer we’d found at a dive bar on a sister road trip that we all went on to celebrate the twins turning 21 last year and as a last hoorah of the four sisters all being “single” or at least as single as the four of us could all be at once. The bar had told us where we could find this beer and Pops always kept it at the house for the random warm days that everyone ended up in his pool because he was so proud that the girliest of his girls found a beer she could drink. I, of course, would drink anything as long as it was cold.

“He does always have it. He’s a sucker for his girls.”

“He is. He looks like he’s feeling great,” she said. I sat down on the side of the pool and took a drink from her beer.

“He is. We had an appointment at his cardiologist Friday and they are really happy about his progress.”

“Is it totally weird to be the person who that stuff with him?” Kayci asked.

“Completely. Like I’m not ready to be a parent and here I am essentially parenting my parent. I’m stressed out beyond belief and work isn’t helping.”

“What’s going on with work?”

“Well, the Eliza bullshit is getting worse.”

“How so?”

“She refused to come work from here with me. Ty is in charge of all of the assistants now and he informed her that my assistant will need to be willing to work remotely from ‘The Compound’ until I return to the office.” Ty had jokingly referred to my Pops’ place as The Compound since his first visit here in high school. “So she got moved to the front reception desk until a more permanent decision could be made on a placement for her and now he and Harry are plotting to put together a job description for me that is half work assistant/half personal assistant. She and Ty got in such a blow out fight that she’s moved out of the house and none of us know where she’s staying.”

“She tends to be reactive like that. I remember when she would come out with you for spring break and shit she used to be so fucking evil to me and Kourt. I am pretty sure it’s why we were evil back. I apologize now that you were collateral damage in that whole thing.”

“I appreciate that. You were young and annoying then, I can forgive that. Now you’re just annoying.” She splashed me with water as I took another drink of her beer. I heard the door from the house open and glanced to see my father walk out and towards us.

“I saw you out here drinking your sister’s beer and thought you might prefer your own.”

“Thanks, Pops.” I took the beer from him before he sat down on a chair not far from me.

“So she’s just talking to no one?” Kayci asked. I nodded. “That’s super bitchy. I mean I have always just tolerated her because she’s one of your best friends but this is like way out of line. You have been more than fair and have given her a life that let’s face it without you she’d never be able to afford. She’s paid less for housing in your penthouse than I do for my bedroom with my shitty fucking roommates. She’s flown around the world like ten fucking times with you and gets to do some of the coolest shit. Hell, I’d kill for that job and we know that I essentially have no desire to have a real job in life because as my roommates like to say I get paid to play dress-up. She’s so far out of line that getting to keep any job is too nice.” I tried to give visual clues to Kayci to get her to shut up about it but clearly, I was failing.

“What’s out of line?” Pops asked. He knew nothing about what was going on at work. We’d all been trying to shelter him from the stress for the most part and only fill him in on the extremely important things.”

“Everything going on with Eliza,” I said.

“Oh, like how she tried to use her P Card for the Marilyn Monroe Suite at The Roosevelt?”

“She what?!” I asked.

“She still had a credit card for company expenses. She was an authorized cardholder on your account and you hadn’t answered the call, I was the second contact. I got a call from the credit card company one night for unusual charges about a week ago. They said the charge was at The Roosevelt so I called over there and talked to my contact since we often use it for client events. They sent over the security camera footage because it was on your account and I was worried your card or Eliza’s had been stolen. There she was with giant sunglasses and a headscarf trying to hide her identity checking into the Marilyn Monroe suite for an undetermined amount of time.”

“First of all, where the hell was I? Second, did you decline the charge?” I asked.

“You were busy with your sisters cooking dinner, it was Sunday. Your phone had been sitting next to mine. I didn’t want to worry you so I deleted the missed call and voicemail. I called Eliza, told her I was declining the charge and asked why she was checking in there. She lied about some bullshit. Said that a friend was coming in for a while and she wanted to have some privacy from Ty. I told her that it didn’t matter, she couldn’t use her P Card because that was theft. I told her that I wouldn’t turn her into our legal department and let her keep her job but that if she was trying to run from her problems I wouldn’t be paying for them. She made me promise not to tell her parents as she sobbed on the phone. Something is going on with that girl, she didn’t sound like herself. She sounded strung out so I changed all of the locks on the Malibu house, your penthouse, and this place the next day. It’s why you and Harry needed a new code last week. Ty changed the locks at your place so you’ll need new keys and new codes when you head home. She knows if she needs help she can come to me, I made that clear. But I also made it clear that she would no longer be living off of you if she wasn’t working for you.”

“Fuck. This is worse than I thought it was. I need to try and sit down with her, don’t I?”

“Probably at some point but give her some time. She usually figures shit out after a week or two. I mean how many times has she given you her resignation and then decided she was staying?” Pops asked.

“At least a dozen times.”

“So let’s allow this to make it one more time and give her another week before you step in. Ty and I can handle the rest of it.”

“I can’t believe you were keeping this from me,” I said as I turned to look straight into his eyes.

“You’ve been handling all of the hard stuff lately. I thought this could be my turn to handle the tough stuff. I told her that night that she sounded high and offered to send her to rehab. She denied it and hung up on me.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to get involved but if she’s using I might need to step in.”

“No, you don’t. If she’s using and needs help I’ll help her or I’ll call her mother and father. It’s our jobs to be parents, not yours. You’ve been working to take care of literally everyone in your life. You need a break and a vacation.”

“I’ll second that,” Harry said as he walked up to the pool. He bent down to kiss the top of my head before going to sit beside my father. “Speaking of vacations, we settled on a schedule for recording.”

“When do you leave?” Pops asked.

“Two weeks. I’m trying to convince that daughter of yours that she’s coming with me for at least a few days in the beginning.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Pops said. “How long will you be gone?”

“The plan is 4-6 weeks before heading back and finishing between here and London,” Harry excitedly answered.

“Well, if you need her father/boss’s approval you’ve got it. Take her the whole damn time for all I care. It’ll be nice to have a break from her.” I threw the lid from my bottle of beer at my Pops.

“I’ll take care of Harold,” Kayci said.

“That’s just your excuse to figure out how to move home,” Pops replied laughing. “If your living situation is really that bad you can stay here until you figure something out?”

“Are you serious?!” Kayci looked stunned. Pops didn’t joke about this kind of stuff and she knew it as well as I did.

“Of course I am. I actually talked to your mother about it yesterday. She was going to take you shopping to try and figure out what you wanted to do to that last guest suite down by Evie and Harry. If my girls need somewhere to come home to my girls have a home here.” Before he knew what was happening Kayci had jumped out of the pool and engulfed my father in a giant hug. “Welcome home, Kayc."

Notes

There was a lot in that chapter. I know it may not make the most sense but neither does anything happening in Evie’s head right now. She’s trying to navigate her relationships in this new world after her father’s heart attack. Having one of the most important relationships struggle is hard on her. I speak from experience on this. It’s part of the reason it was very important for me to tell these parts of Jimmy’s recovery and the way it has an impact on Evie’s life, not just his.

Last year as I helped my mother through the aftermath of her diagnosis my relationships struggled. My brother and I fought over everything. My sister-in-law tried to pretend as if she was willing to be there but only when her schedule wouldn’t allow it. I had friends who disappeared off of the face of the earth, one of them being one of my closest friends. She always claims that I’ll let her know when I need her. A little over a year ago as I prepared to move home with my Mom for the first time in nearly 20 years I told her that I was done coming to her and telling her when I needed help. Friends don’t have to cry out to friends. They are just there for each other. They check in. They show love. They care. It wasn’t my job to point out that my life was in shambles to everyone around me.

I wanted to show the struggles that a major life change can cause on relationships through this story. Unlike me, Evie doesn’t share any siblings with Jimmy. Eliza was the closest thing. As the struggle in their friendship imitates the real-life struggle in my friendships it became harder and harder to write. It’s part of why I needed a larger time to write this than I initially expected. It was hard to see the reality of my life played out on the pages of my fiction. But it was necessary, as your priorities in life shift so do the relationships in it.

I did find my voice again and have been working on another story that I’m unlikely to publish, at least here as Harry is not the lead male. For those curious Michael B. Jordan is. Finding my voice there helped me find my way back here. I am hopeful that chapter two won’t take nearly the amount of time that one did.

I hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to send your thoughts over. As my brain was scattered writing this I’m sure it’s not up to my normal writing standards but I would still love to hear from you.
xx AM.

Comments

@xXFluffy_GruXx
I am so glad you liked this! It was such a challenge to write. Evie's inner-monologue was hilarious but trying to portray it as just her inner-monologue and not her talking was tough. Plus we know Evie LOVES to talk so it was difficult. I am just seriously so glad you liked it. I've been sick since Christmas and struggling to even get work done so knowing that someone liked it as much as you did makes me feel so much better. Especially since I have the house to myself and nothing on my to do list tonight! I'm just under 5400 words into the first real chapter of this and can't wait to finish it and share it!

Oh my flipping goodness. I freaking cried, smiled, laughed. This chapter was a freaking lot. I couldn't take it. Like, I'm not just saying it. I was holding back sobs because Pops is just so.... fantastic, and Evie couldn't lose him.
Great chapter, lovely. I can't wait to read more. Sorry it took so long for me to read it. My dad's computer broke, and he is in college... and his college is online so... he stole my computer. XD
Lovely chapter, deary... even if it did cause a roller coaster of emotions.