Pretty Girls ⇼ Luke Hemmings

I waited hours for Luke to reply, but he never did. Around 5pm, I dozed off and was awoken by a knock on my door. It was nearly midnight and Lea wasn’t home. I checked my phone, ignoring the texts I had from Luke and scrolled to Lea’s name. She told me she’d come back when I was done talking to Luke, but never got the confirmation so she never showed up. The knocking at my door sounded again and I cursed to myself, nearly forgetting that someone was at the door. I pulled myself out of bed, soothing my wrinkled skirt and opened up the door to see Luke. His hair was wet and he was dressed in a white shirt with black skinny jeans.

“I’m sorry, I was at work and I didn’t see the texts until I got home then I had to let Petunia out and I took a shower because I didn’t think you’d want me coming here smelling like raw meat and-” he rambled on, but I cut him off by stepping aside and opening the door wider for him to come in. I was too tired to talk to him about always showing up late. Once he was inside my room, I closed the door and turned on my lamp, sitting on my bed. Luke grabbed my desk chair and sat in front of me, his eyes beaming into mine. “Did you fall asleep in your clothes?” he asked, but he already knew the answer to it.

I nodded anyways, rubbing my eyes and likely smearing my mascara, but I didn’t care. It was already smeared from the crying I did when I saw the video. Luke ran his hands through his wet hair, setting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward, intertwining his fingers.
“You wanted to talk?” He prompted, his eyes full of hope.
“I wanted to talk about the music video.” My voice was slow. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, I haven’t thought that far ahead.
“You saw it?” His face lit up.
“Lea says that people write about what they’re afraid of… And I realize that all this time, I’m writing about love. Maybe I’m scared of falling in love.” I told him and his face twisted with confusion, not sure what I was getting at. “And you wrote about losing me…” My voice trailed off.
“Because I’m scared to lose you.” He finished the sentence for me, his eyes finding the ground. “I guess I’m still hoping it’s not too late, that I haven’t lost you quite yet.” I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t too late, that he still had me, but I couldn't. I still needed answers. Now was my time to ask him anything I wanted, and he’d have to answer.

“I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me… If it stopped, if you only took that one, why didn’t you tell me about it?” He was silent for a long while before finally sighing.
“I don’t know. I tried to, but when I opened my mouth to speak, I couldn’t bear to hear your response. I never thought it would come out, and I thought it’d stay a secret forever.” He still didn’t meet my eyes, but I wanted to look into his to see if he was telling the truth.
“That doesn’t answer my question.” I crossed my arms over my chest and he pursed his lips.
“I didn’t tell you because I knew it would hurt you. I care about you… More than words can say… And I knew that if I told you, I would have lost you. And I did, didn’t I?” His eyes finally met mine and I saw how red they were. Had he been crying?
“Why did you do it?” I asked, ignoring the redness around his blue orbs.
“It’s just what I did with girls. I never respected anyone like I respected you. I never cared about anyone like I care about you. When I realized how much I cared, I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t.” He tried to reach forward, but I pulled away.

“Do you still do cocaine?” I asked out of nowhere. I’d wanted to know since we met, but I never had the chance. Now was my chance.
“No.” I didn’t suspect any hint of lying in his tone.
“When was the last time you used?” He let out a deep breath.
“The night I met you.”
“Why?” I had all these questions coming into my head that I can’t help but ask.
“I don’t need it anymore. It used to make me happy, but I found a new vice.” I couldn’t help but cock my head to the side and he chuckled. “You, Val. I don’t need all that shit because you make me happy.” I smiled at his words, realizing how much I’ve missed the sound of his voice.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?” I asked, almost immediately regretting it. Luke’s eyes went wide as a blush spread across his face.
“How did you know about that?” His tone was rougher now, but still soft. I forgot I’d been hiding in the closet when he told Lea.
“Lea told me.” I covered my hiding up and he sighed, pulling at the roots of his hair.
“Of course she did.” He sat back in the chair, crossing his arms.
“Well?” I pushed, but he stayed silent. “Luke, if you want to talk this out, you have to answer my questions.” He threw his head back, acting like a child who didn’t want to speak. “Luke.” My voice was stern and he rolled his head back down, our eyes meeting.
“Yeah, I meant it,” he mumbled, hardly audible. “I love you, Val… And it kills me to know that you don’t love me back.” This time he was more bold in saying it, and there was something I couldn’t recognize in his eyes.

“You can’t love someone if you’ve only known them for three months.” I denied, not wanting to admit how strong my feelings were for him.
“Don’t feed me that bullshit, Val. I’ve known from the moment I saw you. It just took me a while to figure out what it was that got me feeling that way.” My heart flipped at his words. I’ve known from the second I saw him that there was something different about him, but I’ve been unsure what it was. Could it be love? Is that why this hurts so much? Do I love Luke? “Valerie.” He sighed, grabbing my hands. I allowed his fingers to slip in between mine, closing my eyes at the tingling feeling his touch gave me. “Do you love me?” he asked and I opened my eyes to look at him again. His eyes pleaded into me.
“I don’t know.” I whimpered, tears forming in my eyes. “This whole mess has made me so confused and-” I stopped suddenly, but he nodded.
“I understand.” He tried to pull his hands back, but I tightened my grip and he stayed. I wanted to feel his touch for longer, even if it was just between our fingertips.

“It’s killing me not to be with you, Val.” He admitted and I let out a dry laugh.
“It’s killing me, too, Luke. But-” before I could finish, he cut me off.
“Then why can’t we just forget all of this and start over?” His thumb ran across the back of my hand and I stared at the way he traced over my knuckles.
“It’s not that easy. I wish it was, but it isn’t. You really hurt me.” He flinched at the words.
“I know.” He closed his eyes. “All I can seem to do is hurt you and I’m sorry. I wish I could stop because it hurts me to hurt you, but it’s just how I was raised: To hurt before I am hurt.” I gently pulled Luke’s hand towards me and he took the hint, sitting next to me on the bed and pulling me in for a hug. He smelt so good and his skin was so warm.

He pulled away and I set my head on his shoulder as his arm stayed on my shoulders. His other hand moved over and grabbed mine as he brought it up to his lips and pressed a light kiss on each of my fingers. When he pulled away I examined his hand, picking my head up to look up at him with confusion.
“This is new,” I noted, my index finger running along the new heart-shaped tattoo on his wrist.
“Yeah, I got it as a… Reminder, I guess.”
“A reminder? For what?” He twisted his wrist to look at it. The hair was still shaven, his skin was still red, and I wondered how new it was.
“That someone like me—someone who’s lived in darkness his whole life—can actually love. And someday, maybe I can be loved in return.” I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he could be loved, that he is loved, but I’m unsure. I don’t want to lie to him, just to give him hope.

Instead of saying anything, I pulled him closer and planted a kiss on his lips. He kissed me back immediately, but we pulled apart before anything got too serious. Our foreheads stayed connected and my eyes stayed closed as his hand touched my cheek.
“So, I take it we had a good talk?” he asked and I couldn’t help but laugh as I pulled away to stare at him and nodded. “Now what?” I didn’t have an answer to the question, so I just sighed.
“I don’t know… I guess… Maybe we try again?” We gave each other small smiles as he stood up to leave.
“Okay. I guess I should let you get to bed then?” he assumed, scratching the back of his neck, but I shook my head.
“Stay,” I pleaded, and he was quick to nod, pulling his shirt over his head and taking his jeans and boots off. I followed in his lead and began to unbutton my blouse before he tossed his shirt at me. I catched it, surprised and confused.
“Um… You can wear it… If you want.” I agreed, ridding of my clothes and putting Luke’s oversized shirt on before climbing into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me as I set my head on his chest. It felt so good to be in his arms again. It felt even better when he kissed my forehead and whispered that he loved me before I fell asleep.

Notes