Off The Rails

Waking up I was hoping to be cuddled up to Niall but instead I was all-alone in my bed. Feeling around the bed I soon lifted my head up wiping my eyes to soon reveal my mother and her precious boyfriend Seth.

"Morning darling did you have a nice sleep"

“What the actual fuck, what are you doing here?”

“Now Trinity there is no need”

“Shut the fuck up Seth” the anger was boiling up how dare he pipe up at me.

“Trinity really you are starting already... look we have come here to see if you are ready to come home because Louis is off to New York for a month”

“What...when are they going?”

“Tonight Sis I am so sorry we have only just been told this morning” looking up to see Louis looking so sad and apologetic, he calmed me down but then my eyes went back to my mother. Anger was starting again.

“Oh right well I’ve been thinking... I’m not going to go home... ever.. I have decided to move out”

“Ha I would love to see that”

That was it that little outburst from Seth pissed me off I got out of bed quickly and right hooked Seth right in the face knocking him backwards.

“TRINITY HOW COULD YOU”

“Oh I can show you again if you would like?”

"You are out of control"

"No this thing, this piece of shit you picked up is"

"What am I going to do with you, empty bottle of wine by your bed, tablets hardly been taken and you're even skinnier then when you left"

"I CAN'T HELP THAT MUM AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT"

"Mum I think it's best you leave"

"I can't without her can I"

"Oh so I'm a her now! you know what don't even worry about me anymore because I am done with you and this family...apart from Louis cause unlike all of you he is the only one that treats me like I’m normal and he cares for me and shows a bit of interest in to helping me"

"Trinity we do care"

"No you don't I'm done now leave..... Jay"

"Trinity I am your mother you call me mum not Jay"

"Not anymore, you may be my mother on paper but not in my eyes"

She just stood there staring at me so I moved around my room picking up a bag filling it with clothes, shoes and all my essentials. She was trying to talk to me but you could tell she just didn’t care. Louis tried to stop me but even he couldn’t convince me. Finally picking up my phone I booked my regular taxi and it was on its way. One last effort from Louis trying to take my bag but failing I ran out of my room but was soon stopped by Niall getting in my way.

“I will drive you where ever you want just talk to me please”

"I'm sorry I can't"

"Trinity remember what I said let me help...save you"

"It's too late for me to be saved, I’m sorry"

With that I moved out of his grip and went in to the taxi which soon drove off, wiping away the tears it broke me driving away from Niall. I knew where I was heading I have been thinking about this since I started to feel a bit better. Right now I was heading for the train station I had some money from Lola which went straight to me when she passed. I have kept it to one side and right now was the perfect time to use it. Driving down I had countless messages from everyone I knew they were following the taxi but right now I didn’t care they will not stop me from going my mind was made up.

"Here you go miss have a nice day"

"Thank you"

Giving the guy his money I jumped out and went straight in to the station it wasn’t long until I had a hand grab me turning me around.

"Trinity where you going to go?"

Right now I was faced with Louis and then Niall was behind but held back, looking in to his eye I knew he was worried.

“Trinity please tell me where are you going”

“Just somewhere just me and Lola loved, look thank you so much for putting up with me and helping me out so much”

“Why are you doing this you are doing so well, opening up, not drinking as much”

“Louis I know that’s why I have to go and besides if I was to go back home I would go back to how I was and I know I would just get worse... it’s better this way... look enjoy New York ok I will keep in contact ok...I better go Jay just turned up”

“Trin please she is your mother”

“She’s no mother of mine sorry Louis”

“It’s ok, keep in touch though yeah”

“I promise ok”

With that I gave him a hug looking over his shoulder I saw Niall staring at me, pulling away slightly I was debating to go and hug Niall but I heard Jay calling my name.

“Tell Niall thank you please”

“Of course”

“Bye Lou”

With that I ran on through the barriers and went and found my train which was heading towards Cornwall. Sitting on the train I was about to play some music and then I saw Niall calling me; I couldn’t help but answer I needed to hear his voice.

‘Hey Trin

Niall, sorry I wanted to say goodbye

Its ok Louis told me you wanted to say thank you, I wasn’t sure why you are thanking me ...

Yeah just, without you I really just... you have helped me so much

You don’t need to thank me at all I’m just glad I could help and that you could open up to me

Niall you are amazing you know that right

Well I have been told

Haha look I’m going to go ok have a great time in New York

Ok will do and I will see you soon ok

Don’t worry about seeing me you can get back to your life I’m going to be ok

Trinity I want to see you ok you are not going out of my life ok I won’t ever let that happen

But Niall

But nothing you’re stuck with me I’m afraid, now let me know you are where you are heading safely ok

Goodbye Niall

Trin please..’

Putting my phone down I turned to look out of the train’s window, the tears started to fall Niall was better off with out me. I played some music to drown out my thoughts but there is always a song that relates to what’s going on in your life. Of course this just made the tears fall quicker, looking out of the window I knew I wasn’t far from Cornwall now. You see Cornwall was a place Lola and me loved to go to when it was summer breaks or any type of holidays. We used to come down here and stay with our Aunt Betty; she was in her 80’s now and just an amazing person to be around. No matter what Aunt Betty would always know what to say and how to help, so when I phoned to see if it was ok to come down and stay of course she said yes. I haven’t told her how I was or why I was staying, but I knew that would be the first topic on hand when I arrive on her doorstep. Soon the train stopped I collected my belongings and stepped of the train, looking around I found the taxi rank and walked on over. Jumping in to the taxi I pulled my phone out and messaged Louis to tell him I was safe. I hovered over Niall’s name but decided I should drop contact now for him to be able to get back to normal. Pulling up outside I was nervous, what if she sent me back not wanting the hassle of me after hearing the endless list of issues I have. I took in a deep breath and finally knocked on the light blue front door, it didn’t take long until the chains unlocked and the door was opened.

“Oh Trinity look at you all grown up, come in my dear”

“Hey Aunt Betty thank you for this”

“It’s my pleasure now what do you say to a nice cup of tea”

“Sounds great to me, thank you”

I chucked my bag down and followed Betty in to her kitchen the kettle was put on as I took a seat around the island in the kitchen. As soon as the cups of tea were ready I knew it was time to talk, she didn’t have to say anything just the look made me start to speak.

“I’m a mess Aunt Betty, I’ve been staying with Louis and I have gotten better I just knew if I went home I would slip back in to old ways”

“And what are your old ways dear”

“... Drinking, drugs and one night stands... I know it’s bad but since I’ve been at Louis I have been good with not drinking as much I used to go out every night clubbing and now I only went a few nights. The drugs is improving to I haven’t touched anything in the past two days. One-night stands have stopped to. I want to get better, I need to my anorexia is slightly improving that’s a work in progress but I’m trying and I understand if you don’t want me around but-“

“Oh dear I’m not kicking you out when you need help, now I tell you what, we need to come up with a plan to help you. Have a good nights sleep and we will work this out tomorrow to help you ok”

“Thank you so much Aunt Betty”

“Oh no need to say thank you just glad to have some company, now I have made up the spare room for you so just go on up and I will put some dinner on. Don’t worry if you can’t eat it all ok”

“Ok thank you”

I walked over and placed a kiss on her forehead before heading up to the spare room. Nothing had changed in the house only a few new additions of pictures and ornaments. Walking in to the spare room my heart sank seeing pictures of Lola and me around the walls. Whenever we stayed this was our room, pictures from the fairs photo booth just tapped to the wall. I didn’t realise the tears slipping from my eyes until it landed on my hand. Wiping the tears away I unpacked my bags and headed on downstairs to join Aunt Betty.

‘Ok that’s great thank you I will let her know see you soon Tom’

Walking in to the kitchen I took a seat this time at the table, Aunt Betty soon brought over two plates of pasta and chicken taking a seat for herself.

“Now dear I have just been on the phone to Tom he was the same age as Lola”

“Yeah I think I remember him”

“Well he goes on a run every morning which I thought might be a good for you so you have something to get up for and put your mind to, also there is a job going but it’s at the local pub...will you be ok with that”

“Urm yeah, yeah I will be ok with that it’s not like I’m addicted... and the running thing just thank you for sorting this out Aunt Betty”

“I have one thing, a deal breaker if you wish”

“Hmm go ahead what is it”

“Every Sunday you have dinner with me that’s all I ask”

“Of course Aunt Betty anything for you”

“Good now eat up”

***
A week had past and I was struggling but improving I went for the runs with Tom and started working at the pub called Giddy Bridge. I have spoken to Louis as much as I could but he was very busy, Niall tried contacting and I caved one night. He was sad I cut him off but I tried to explain he deserves better and I wasn’t good enough for him. He wasn’t having none of it but agreed to give me some space to get better and I promised when we saw each other I would talk to him like we used to. My friends back at home kept contacting me wanting me to come back home and party with them but I ignored them all I needed to ignore them. I was about to start my shift at the pub but today was a bad day for me I was itching for something to fill this hole that was noticeable to me today. The alcohol was calling to me but I needed to be strong, walking behind the bar taking in a deep breath I started my shift. The smell of the vodka was so tempting shaking slightly I poured the drink out for the customer. Forcing a smile I put the bottle back and returned back to the customer.

“Vodka and coke for you”

“Thank you...sorry what’s your name you look familiar to me?”

“Ur Trinity, Trinity Tomlinson”

“Shit you’re Lola’s sister right”

“Yeah... I am I’m sorry you are?”

“Tyler, Tyler Adams I was the one who always played the guitar around the bonfire”

“Oh my god yes I remember you now, you cut your hair off”

“I did, you’ve changed to”

“Yeah...”

“You look great...what brought you down here then”

“I needed somewhere to... become myself again you could say”

“Right ok I wont pry... well when do you finish here?”

“I finish at 10 tonight”

“Maybe I could show you something when you finish”

“Urm”

“That sounded creepy it’s a place Lola used to love and she never got to show you so I would like to show you”

“Oh... well yeah I’m up for that”

“Awesome I will see you later”

He walked away and I felt a bit better, I didn’t feel like I was going to cave in to the alcohol.
My shift went sort of quickly we were busy tonight but soon I was walking out of the pub meeting Tyler.

“It’s only a 10 minute drive”

Jumping in his car we headed towards the beach but went up a slight hill pulling up in front of a gate, which said ‘No Entry’. I was hesitant at first but I soon jumped out of the car and followed Tyler under the gate. A short walk and we were soon on top of a hill looking out to the sea front the view was incredible.

Notes