Off The Rails

Cuddling up to Niall I actually found myself feeling normal, I didn’t feel broken and messed up I felt like Trinity. He would now and then pull me in tighter to him which instantly gave me butterflies. Talking to him was so easy we were having conversations about everything and anything soon though he brought up about me dancing.

“Louis always talks about how great of a dancer you are, you know we could do with another back up dancer if you wanted”

I stayed silent the feeling of normal slipped away so quickly I was now back to off the rails Trinity. I felt the need for drugs and alcohol from this conversation, I didn’t realise I was crying until Niall’s hand came up to my face wiping the tears away.

"Oh shit look sorry we can talk about something else"

All I could think of was back to Lola's death, the flash backs began seeing her smiling and waving one minute to the car flipping over. I shook my head quickly to bring myself back to reality looking in to the eyes of Niall Horan.

“It’s ok sorry, urmm I don’t dance anymore”

“Oh sorry”

“No its ok you wasn’t to know”

“Do you mind me asking why? Only Louis I remember Louis being gutted when he couldn’t make it to watch the dance you choreographed for the competition you won”

“Really he was gutted?”

“Yeah totally”

“Oh I thought he didn’t care”

“He cares a lot about you Trin”

“...Lola”

"Excuse me?"

"Lola is the reason I stopped dancing"

"Wait... your older sister Lola"

"Yeah”

“We can leave it at that of you want we don’t need to speak about it Trin if you don’t want to”

“It’s my fault she is dead that’s why-"

"No it's not...you cannot possibly think that"

“Well I do... If I got out of dance on time she wouldn’t off been in that crash...”

“Stop there babe you cannot blame yourself for what happened...Trin look at me please....some idiotic driver is to blame not you”

“Yeah but...”

“No butt’s about it what happened with Lola was a freak accident babe okay”

I looked up at Niall and he was looking straight back down to me, looking in to his eyes I started to feel a bit more relaxed. Leaning in I placed my lips on to his I knew he wasn’t expecting it but he soon moved his hands up to my face deepening the kiss. We stayed kissing for quite a while until I really needed to catch my breath. Looking in to his eyes I couldn’t help the smile that grew across my face which instantly he copied.

“Niall... thank you for such a great night”

“No thank you for agreeing to come on a date with me”

“Niall just accept my thanks”

“You’re welcome”

He pulled me closer letting our lips touch once again, as he pulled away I was expecting his
eyes to be looking back at me but something caught his attention. I followed where he was looking and saw my tablets on the desk. Great, I pulled away from him and sat up pulling my knees to my chest why was I so fucked up.

"What's wrong Trin?"

"I'm fucked up that's what's wrong I have problems after problems"

"What do you mean talk to me babe"

"Well I am convinced I killed Lola it’s my entire fault, I am an alcoholic, druggie and those tablets you were looking at.... I suffer with anorexia... the tablets are meant to help me keep the food down instead of throwing everything up...that’s what I mean by I am so fucked up”

"Babe firstly you didn't kill and it is not your fault you need to believe me when I say that please. Also you are not an alcoholic or a druggie you manage to walk away from the bar and you haven't smoked nothing all night now come on give yourself credit for that, and with your anorexia you are on the mend you have taken the first step in taken the tablets. With mine, Louis, Zayn, Liam and Harry’s support we will help you through everything ok you can open up to any of us we will always listen ok"

"Niall"

"Yes babe"

"Why you being so nice to me"

"What do you mean"

"I mean I am totally fucked up and you're actually deciding to spend time with me and you take notice of me why you could have any girl you want why waste time with me"

"Because it's about time someone did, I'm just sorry it took this long for it to be me. Besides I don’t want to spend my time with any girl I want to spend my time with you... it’s definitely not wasted either please don’t feel like that"

"I'm glad it's you Niall thank you"

"No need to say thank you babe"

Looking in to his eyes I wanted to smile but I couldn’t he noticed and pulled me in tighter to a hug and I just let it all out. I cried my eyes out I managed to talk to Niall without crying but now I just have to let it all out.

“It’s ok babe let it all out ok”

“Why....Why am I so fucked up.... Why can’t I just be normal?”

“You are normal ok; you are just going through a rough patch”

“Niall I am far from normal”

“Fine then let’s put it this way if you were normal I would never of met you been able to help you”

“Niall you’re in a band with Louis my brother we would off met at some point”

“Ok you have a point their but it wouldn’t of been the same, Trin you need to stop thinking you are fucked up ok. You are far from being fucked up you just need to be loved and cared for”

“I don’t deserve to be loved or cared for though, I’m off the rails I’m too far gone to deserve anything”

“You deserve everything babe you deserve to be loved, cared for you deserve to have the best life you can possibly have. You deserve to be saved.... let me save you Trinity”
I couldn’t even speak I just placed my lips to his, kissing him was a way to numb any feelings I had and right now my emotions were all over the place. Pulling apart I excused myself to get a drink as I got downstairs I went straight for the wine that was all they had which I didn’t actually mind drinking. I didn’t bother with a glass I just took the bottle and headed for the garden when I saw Louis sat on the bench at the bottom of the garden.

“You alright Sis?”

“Yeah just needed a drink”

“A whole bottle?”

“Yeah...”

“Was the date that bad? Do I need to beat Niall up?”

“No no calm down Lou it was a really good date actually”

“Then why have you been crying?”

“I....I just opened up a lot to him and I just....Just need a drink to help me”

“To help you with what”

“To deal with all this emotion it’s better this way”

“What do you mean its better this way?”

“It’s just better than how I used to deal with it all”

“Which Was?”

“...cutting...”

“Trin”

“No don’t just let me drink I don’t want to think back to those times please”

“Of course... come on take that back to your room its freezing out here”

“Why are you out here... it looks like you have been crying...what’s happened?”

“It’s nothing sis”

“No you want me to open up you do the same”

“She cheated on me”

“Who?”

“Eleanor”

“What a cunt wait until I see her next”

“No Trin don’t worry about it”

“Don’t worry about it what the fuck do you mean by that”

“I forgave her but I just feel sick sleeping beside her”

“So she is here”

Anger took over my body this happens often when something pissed me off how dare that slut cheat. One thing about my personality is people I care about friends family it doesn’t matter anger will take over if anything happens to them. If a person has caused the pain they will get the full brunt of my anger.

“Trin stop its ok”

“No you deserve better than that whore up there”

“I’m breaking up with her tomorrow”

“Well I’m kicking her out tonight”

He tried to stop me but smiled and laughed slightly allowing me to carry on, knowing this was exactly how I was going to act. Walking up the stairs I kicked Louis door in loud enough to hear the other doors starting to open. Eleanor was just waking up when I head Louis explain to everyone what was going on.

“Trinity, how did the date go?”

“OH great NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE”

“What.... what’s wrong Trinity?”

“YOU CHEATING ON MY BROTHER THAT IS WHAT’S WRONG GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I DRAG YOU OUT”

“Louis tell your stupid crazy sister that you forgave me and to go to sleep”

“MY SISTER IS NOT STUPID OR CRAZY NOW GET THE FUCK OUT WERE DONE”

“No Louis please come on”

“YOU HEARD HIM NOW LEAVE”

“I’m not leaving until I have spoken to Louis”

“RIGHT THAT’S IT GETTING DRAGED OUT IT IS”

I walked on over and grabbed her by the top she was wearing pulling her out of the bed. With a thud she soon got to her feet and decided to walk out seeing I really wasn’t messing around.

“Call me please we can sort this out babe”

“No we can’t just go”

She left I felt like I needed to punch something but Louis stopped me by just hugging me followed by everyone else soon hugging Louis seeing if he was ok.

“Thank you for that sis, forgot how aggressive you can get”

“That’s the one thing that hasn’t changed I will always look out for you brother”

“Thank you, now let’s sleep yeah I’m knackered”

“Yeah same night Lou, Night everyone else hope you enjoyed the show”

“Night Trinity”

They all just laughed and we went our separate ways Niall didn’t hesitate in walking back with me to my room which instantly just made me relaxed and happy.

“So you go to get a drink and end up kicking someone out”

“I’m just unpredictable I guess”

“Hmm I like it; you’re so hot when you’re angry”

“Oh stop it you, now kiss me and then let’s fall asleep”

“Whatever you want babe”

I giggled until his lips crushed on top of mine; kissing him just felt so natural now and I wanted nothing more than for this to carry on. Soon though we pulled apart and I was cuddled up to him once again this time though falling in to a deep sleep dreaming about Niall.

Notes