Beating Heart

//any request you have, I will grant it//

//Julianne//

Once I am positive all the shampoo is removed from my hair, I open my eyes and see that Harry looks incredibly impatient at the moment. He's leaning against the wall of the shower, his eyes lingering on me. I smile gently as he gives me a sly smirk, telling me that he's thinking about something and I'm sure he'll act upon it soon.

"Is everything alright, Harry?" I ask with a giggle accidentally slipping out, I can't help myself. With his pouted lips and furrowed brows, he looks like a child who just got punished by their parent. "Took you long enough, eh?" He rolls his eyes, but the smile remains on his lips. I do the same in return, but mine is cut short when he pushes off the wall and roughly yanks me closer to him, our bodies touching instantly.

"You're so gorgeous, my love. So damn beautiful." Harry's deep voice makes my insides trembles, from my heart to my crotch. I hide my face in his chest, embarrassed by the extreme redness on my cheeks. "Julianne, look at me." Harry insists, his lips leaving gentle pecks along my hairline. I just shake my head in rejection, I don't like for him to see me all flustered - even if he is the cause of it. "What's the matter?" He asks softly after a few moments of my silence passes. I just gulp, not knowing what to say to him. Of course I know what I want to say, I just don't have the courage to, the usual.

"Hmm?" Harry's lips press against the edge of my hairline, his hums send vibrations across my skin. I lift my limp arms from my sides and I secure them tightly around his body, my hands press into the small of his back. I constantly have a fear of him leaving me, even when he's right here with his arms around me. It terrifies me to be alone, I hate letting him go even for a split second. "There must be somethin', hm? Tell me, sweetheart." His voice is so gentle, so faint. I've hardly ever heard it sound so soft before, it's a rare thing I suppose.

Despite wanting this one thing to happen so damn bad, I keep my mouth shut. I turn my head, his lips remove from my skin as he leans up to give me space. I'm sure he thought I was going to look up at him, but unfortunately I don't catch his gaze. Instead, I turn my head so that the side of my face is pushed against his chest - even while being covered with water, he's still so warm.

"You know, baby, if you tell me.. I can handle it.. Whether there's an issue.. or.. or something you want.. you need to tell me though, so that I can help." Harry is trying his very best to get the words from my mouth, but I just don't know if I can be brave enough to say them. He's so amazing, so wonderful to me - but yet, I just ignore him, even when I want him the fucking most.

That's exactly what it is - I want him. This time, I want his hands to knead my chest, and I want his lips all over me, I want him to finish what we started last time. I'm ready for this next step. But, for some reason, I just can't gain the nerve to tell him.

I want to scream it to, I want to beg him and plead and get on my knees like a child wanting a new toy. I would do anything, anything he asks - if he would just do this one thing for me. Just to try it, to see if I like it, to see if he likes it. I just want this one simple thing. Yet, I can't dare myself to request it.

"It's botherin' you.. Please, tell me so I can fix it." Harry still speaks softly, and I appreciate that, but it's not going to help me at all. I'm still such a sissy. Once again, my silence surrounds us and it's honestly suffocating me. He must've taken notice of my discomfort, because he leans back and lifts his hand up to my face. His large palm covers my cheek, but the feeling doesn't last long. He gentle grabs my chin and moves my head so that I'm looking up at him now.

"I hate this." He mumbles quietly, his eyes boring into mine. "I don't like it when you're afraid to tell me things." His addition just makes me feel more guilty - I'm hurting him, and I can't seem to stop. "I-I w-want to, tr-trust me." My words are cracked, so is my voice - just the typical nervous me I guess. I always get choked up over the smallest things, and I never can understand why. My only explanation is that I'm truly nervous about what he'll say, or how he'll react - if he does anything at all.

"Just.. tell me, or.. or.. sh-show me if.. if it's something you want me to see.. Or.. or I.. Julianne-I I don't know, just please tell me.. I'm going insane." I can't quite remember if I've ever heard him stutter before, but his voice carried an anxious vibe just now, perhaps he's nervous to. I'm sure he's worried about whether or not he'll be able to fix it. I know he would be greatly able to, I just wish he could read my mind so I didn't have to say it.

Instantly, I remind myself of what literally just came out of his mouth. I can just.. show him? Can I do that? How am I going to that? I shake my thoughts away and just go with that idea, just.. don't speak to him. Guide him, like I did the first time I asked for this moment to happen - despite it getting ruined by a stupid phone call.

"I.. I'm g-going to.. s-show you, I guess." I begin with a deep breath, I need to relax myself or this won't feel good for either of us. Harry's licks his lips as he nods lightly, waiting for me to go ahead and do it already. "If-if you don't.. want to you.. you don't.. h-have to." I find myself rambling, I didn't want to say that. I figure he wouldn't mind, he was very into it last time. A tad hesitant, but I was as well. We're both new at this sort of thing, so it didn't surprise me then.

"I'll do anything you want me to do. Anything, sweetheart." Harry gives me a reassuring look in which I just smile to. He's too good to me, honestly, I don't deserve him at all. With the quietness returning, I push his hand off of my chin and I easily glide a hand up his toned chest, my eyes watching my fingertips slide over his smooth skin. I feel his stare on me, there really aren't times that I don't feel it. My heart is thumping rapidly, threatening to jump straight out of my chest.

"I-I'm.. s-scared." I whisper the words to Harry, knowing that he'd hear no matter how soft I spoke. Both of his hands grab onto my waist, pulling me a little closer to him. I look up, tears swelling in my eyes. I witness his features soften as he becomes aware of my emotional state. His eyebrows relax, a frown comes over his pretty lips, and I can just see his own pain in those beautiful eyes of his. "Hey, baby. What- are you- Julianne." Harry shakes his head slightly as his right hand leaves my side and presses to the side of my neck, his thumb begins to rub against my jawbone.

"Darlin', you know I would never hurt you.. There isn't anything to be afraid of." He brings his body closer, the distance between us is almost gone. "I'll do anything you want me to do, just tell me. If there's something you're.. you're ready for then- then we can try it out.. I.. I just want you to be happy." I watch him clench his jaw as he stares at me, awaiting my reply. I wish I knew what to tell him, how to say it rather. I'm so upset over my own actions that I can hardly appreciate his. My heart begins to slow down, a sign that he's calming my shaking nerves. Thankfully.

"I-I.. I need you.. closer.. for th-this." My mutter faintly enters the air, immediately I can see Harry's face change with slight confusion, probably not exactly understanding what I want him to do. "Alright." He presses his lips against my forehead, sparks fill my entire insides as he holds his kiss on me for a long moment. Sadly, he pulls away and lowers his hands from my body. I watch him step back some, giving me some space. With a subtle smile on his face he says, "Position me, love."

I can't resist to let out a laugh at his choice of words, he's such a goof at times. I jokingly roll my eyes at him and turn my lips into a big smile. "C'mon.. Let's get out. I think that will be better." I motion him with my head as I snatch up one of his hands with both of mine. He chuckles at my move, but complies with me and starts to step. He opens the shower door after turning off the water. "You still haven't told me what exactly you want, baby." Harry reminds me as I tug him along with me. "Be patient, please." I smile over my shoulder.

"I'll try, but I can't promise." He shrugs, still grinning at me. I like his humor, just the simplest little things can make me laugh and definitely change my mood. He's a great person, I really did get lucky. As I guide him to the mirror, I watch his reflection. I can easily tell that he's looking back at mine with a smile on my face, obviously aware of me stalking him. I just smile once again and pull him to where I want him - the sink counter.

"I think.. I know.. but I'm not certain." Harry says as I turn to face him, the edge of the counter rests against the small of my back. Without me having to ask, Harry picks me up and gently sits me down on the marble. I raise my arms and wrap them around his neck, pulling his face into my hair. He chuckles a few times, his wonderful laugh fills my ears. "I'm sure my beautiful girl wanted more than just a hug, hm?" His arms go around me as well, holding me close the way I most definitely like it.

"Harry.." I release his name in a hushed tone. He hums to me, questioning me without words. I allow one hand to travel into his hair, my fingers tangling around the wet strands. "Do you remember.. what we almost did.. last time?" It appears that my bravery has finally shown up - a tad late, but at least it came before it was too late. Harry's hands rest at the swell of my butt, his lips against my ear lobe. "Of course.. how could I forget?" I blush at his statement, he does such wondrous things to me I swear I don't find it believable at times. The feelings, the sparks, the butterflies - everything. Is he even real? God, I sure hope so. '

"Th-that's.. what.. that's what I want.. if.. if that's.. o-okay." I squeeze my eyes shut, afraid to hear his answer. I don't want to be rejected, especially not by the only person I desire to have in my life. I don't need his family, I don't need my own - I just want him, I have to have him."Sweetheart, it's perfectly okay. I told you-" He loosens his embrace and our eyes meet once I can't rely on his shoulder to keep my head up. "-anything you want, you'll get." The corner of his mouth curves up lightly, enough for me to see it for just a few short seconds.

Harry doesn’t seem nervous anymore and that alone has me worried that I’m overreacting. I don’t know, perhaps it’s a girl thing? Or, better yet, a virgin thing? But he’s a virgin. He’s so chill with this, so relaxed - while I’m over here with chill bumps and tense nerves. I hate this, truthfully, he’s so strong and I’m just weak.

“You seem upset.” His sultry voice pulls me from my thoughts. I swallow to clear my throat, it hardly helps though. “I just... I’m.. I-I..” I couldn’t do it - I just can’t allow my mouth to say what I’m thinking. It’s so pathetic, I have no courage whatsoever and it’s only making things worse. “If you’re worried about me not wanting to do this... well, don’t worry because I do. I.. I want to do these things with you, and try them out.” Once his words sink into my heart and get through my thick skull - I truly realize that I’m freaking out for no reason.

“If you don’t want this to happen yet, then tell me to stop.” Harry suddenly brings his head lower - his lips pressing against the space between my breasts. I gasp for air, forgetting how to breathe. To ensure my comfort, Harry slides his fingers between mine and squeezes. I smile gently as I feel his lips leave little pecks horizontally along my right breast - getting closer and closer to where I want him. His free hand touched against my waist, making me feel even more pulled into this amazing moment. “Harry, please.” I pull at his roots, my other hand slaps against his nape. I feel his smile against my skin. He makes my heart explode.

“Be patient, baby girl.” He grasps my waist a little tighter, a chuckle follows his words. I realize he mocked what I said a few minutes ago, so I thought I’d do the same. “I’ll try, but no promises.” This only feeds onto his teasing. I don’t mind it though, I’m quite enjoying the feeling of his lips sliding on my skin.

“If I do something you don’t like... tell me to stop.” When he says this, I come into reality and notice that his lips are hovering over my nipple - hesitating slightly. For once, I make a bold move. I grab onto his hair harder than before and I push his head against me, giving his lips no choice but to close around the sensitive nub. A sharp gasp escapes from me, bolts of electricity shoot through my veins. Harry’s fingertips dig deeper into my side, anchoring himself to me.

I feel him hollow his cheeks, sucking gently but more than enough. My lips are forming words but I’m breathless - no noise enters the air and I greatly appreciate that. I yank his hair some more, moaning faintly as he uses his tongue more than his lips for the next few moments.
“Ha-Harry.” My groan is deeper than before. His lips take control again, not going too hard but just perfectly enough. I bite my lip, grinning from ear to ear in utter pleasure and joy. He’s making my wishes come true, I can’t thank him enough for this. I highly feel like he’s enjoying this just as much as I am. I blush at the thought, I wonder if he’s-

“I love you.” Harry blurts out the words I love to hear the most, his mouth starts to attack the skin around my nipple. His teeth easily sink into the soft flesh, I already know he’ll leave a mark. I don’t worry about t though, obviously he’s the only one besides myself that would see it. Sadly, he’s getting overwhelmed and he’s rushing it. He’s starting to bite down too hard, making me wince in light pain. He doesn’t notice, which entirely shocks me. I have to take control for a moment, for my own safety I suppose. With all the force I possess, I tightly grip his hair and pull his head away from my chest.

Immediately his eyes catch mine and I jump back in unexpected fear - they’re glowing. “No, no, no, don’t be afraid. I-I I’m sorry!” Harry starts to panic in front me. He withdraws from me completely, even releasing my hand. He holds his up as if he is surrendering to me. “Harry-Harry.” I reach out for him but he steps away, vigorously shaking his head from side to side - denying me all of a sudden. “I can’t hurt you. I can’t. No- I.” He voice holds a great amount of anxiousness - assuring me that he’s terrified about this.

“You weren’t hurting me. Just.. you just were going too fast.” I try to convince him of this but it doesn’t work. His eyes simmer down, losing their wild gleam. Yet, he remains unsure about this. “C’mere.. please.” I hold my hand out again, wishing that he’d just take a hold of it and let me guide him to me. To my surprise, he stares at me for a few seconds but eventually grabs my hand. He brings himself back to where he just stood between my knees, his eyes hesitantly lingering on my face. “Are-are you hurt?” Harry’s face is saddened, his brows droopy and his teeth chewing at his bottom lip.

“Harry, I’m fine. I promise.” As I put my palm over his scarred cheek, he seems to relax more. My touch always calms him, same the other way around too. “Swear?” He pouts at me like a little boy, gosh he’s the cutest. “I swear, baby, I swear.” My lips curve into a smile as I hear myself say that to him. His eyes brighten and he, too, puts on a grin - pleased to hear me call him something other than his name. I grab his face with my hands, bringing him back to where he once was. He smiles faintly at me right before his lips reconnect with my skin - but this time, on the other side of my chest.

My mind can hardly keep track of his movements, and before I even realize it - he's lifted me off the counter, my legs instinctively wrap around him. "Harry." I breathe his name out, intending to calm him some. I know he can get his head twisted around things and become uncontrollable, I don't desire to have that occur right now - not during this. "Put me down, please." I anchor my fingernails into his nape, trying to inflict a slight bit of pain so he would get distracted and actually listen to me. "Now." I push my fingertips further down, pinching his skin easily.

He grunts against my chest, but finally complies with me. I feel my skin touch the cold counter top as he sits me back down. His arms untangle from around me and he leans back, I can tell he's ashamed of what he's done - or, what he could have done. "Harry.. it's-it's fine." Immediately, I do my best to get his attention. He stumbles a little as he backs himself away from me, as if one of us would poison the other if we got too close. I swallow the lump forming in my throat, I can't be weak right now. He needs me, and I certainly need him.

"I'm-I'm rushing it, I-I'm sorry." He shakes his head lightly, blaming himself entirely once again. I sigh gently, gesturing him to come to me, but he ignores the movement of my hand and instead turns away from me. "I don't need to put you into.. s-situations that.. that could result in me.. being unable to.. handle myself." I watch him as he crosses the room, heading to the towels that sit on the back of the toilet where he left them earlier. "As much as I know you enjoy it.. we can't.. we can't do this." He snatches the towels and turns around, our eyes don't even meet - he's staring at the ground as he makes his way back to me.

He hands me a towel, even though my skin is mostly dried off. I presume it's for my hair, it's still soaked. "It's.. too much teasing, I.. I can't." He adds in, clearly not interested in looking at me anymore. He wraps his towel around his hips, hiding his erected member. I gulp harshly, he's just going to ignore it again. He's going to forget that we hold sexual tension between ourselves. He'll wipe away every reminder of what I want - just so he won't hurt me. I hate that, honestly, I hate that with all of my heart.

Without a word, he exits the bathroom.

My eyes roll, how can he be so stupid. Teasing? I hope he's kidding. My feet hit the floor once I slide off the counter. I wrap the towel around my body, trying to conceal it from his eyes - apparently it's a weapon that doesn't need to be shown, or at least that what he makes it seem to be. I secure it under my arms before going into the bathroom, I grab another towel and wrap my hair up.

When I enter the room, I find him resting on the bed, the towel has been discarded on the floor and his lower half is now covered by pajama pants, and briefs underneath I'm sure. He's turned on the television, the remote sits in his hand as he scrolls through the channels. I shut the bathroom door, not wanting to be reminded any more of what's happened in there - or what hasn't.

For a moment, I debated on either confronting him to call out his stupid, ignorant behavior, or to stay quiet and ignore him for the rest of the night. It isn't hard, I'm tired anyways. I decide to keep my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself for now, I'm sure the topic will come up eventually, sooner than later most likely. I go over to the dresser, I suppose I need to cover my body before I become a dangerous distraction.

I grab a pair of underwear and pull open the middle drawer, knowing that's where Harry put all of my sleeping clothes. I shove a few of his shirts off the top - he put those in there because I usually choose them, but not tonight. A smirk gently fades onto my lips as I see the lace covered nightgown - one of the more revealing things I own. Perrie got it for me, told me she wanted to spark up some romance. Despite that not happening yet, I grab it. With no hesitating or debating, I go back into the bathroom to change. Like I said, I don't want to be a distraction.

I refuse to let him sit there and act like I don't want him to fuck me into oblivion. Julianne, where the hell did that come from? My heart, I guess. Okay, maybe not fuck - but at least rub his hands on me. I just want him. I'm.. ready. No, I just need to think for a few minutes... I just need to think.

-

//Harry//

"Shit, Julianne." I flinch lightly as she slams the bathroom door. I look over in her direction, seeing her with her arms folded on her chest and her eyebrows lowered in anger. I clear my throat, not sure what's going on with her. "Too much teasing?" She says loudly, stepping closer to the bed. I sit up more, my back entirely against the headboard. "Pardon?"

"Pardon?!" Julianne yells out, mocking me in a very upset manner. "What's.. wrong?" I ask in a soft voice, the opposite of hers. She never gets this mad with me, perhaps I've really done something wrong this time. "I'm not fucking teasing you, Harry! That was the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth!" She screams at me like she's about to punish me - honestly, wouldn't mind. I snap away from those negative thoughts and try my hardest to listen to her. It's just hard to focus when she looks so beautiful, she's so gorgeous. The addition of the nightgown isn't helping me either. "Julianne-"

"No, Harry! Do not say a word!" I won't lie, a slight bit of fear comes alive inside of me. She could leave me, easily - in the end, that would literally kill me. I take a deep breath, prepared to take whatever she throws to me - harsh or not. I doubt it won't be harsh, though, I can see the disgust all over her face. She hates me currently, dear Lord I hope I change those feelings. "I am so sick of waiting on you. I want this, Harry. I want you, you fucking idiot. Either you don't fucking see it, or you don't want me!" A single tear slips down her cheek, I witness her breaking down too often it seems.

"Don't say that. Of course I want you." I'm quick to defend myself, how dare she believe I don't want her in that way. It's something I think of every damn day, I can never stop thinking about having that experience with her. "You never act like it. You.. you always.. stop." She says this like we try these things out every day. That's obviously it, Harry, she wants to try everyday because she fucking wants to do it... She's ready. But, the question is, am I?

"I stop because I don't wanna-" Once again, I'm cut off and she gladly finishes my sentence for me. "Hurt me. Yeah, I think I've got that burned in my brain by now, Harry." Her eyes roll in disbelief. I watch her as she turns away from me, anger taking over her entirely now. She can't even look at me without wanting to scream, I feel like horrible. "I didn't realize you.. you were ready." My words fill the silence, along with the faint squeak of the mattress as I get off the bed. I believe it's time I man up and comfort the woman I love, she deserves that.

"I never said I was ready." She snaps suddenly, her back still to me. I gulp lightly, trying to keep myself reminded of the issue. She's upset with me, and I need to handle it - solve this issue before it bursts into something much larger, much more serious. "I can't possibly be ready if I don't even know what I'm getting into!" Julianne's words come out laced in a mad tone, something I definitely never expected from her. She's usually calm and collected, but I guess we all can get so irritated by things that we just.. explode.

"I just want to.. to try.. things.. that way I'll be.. able to.. to know if I'm ready or not." Her voice quiets down some, but not to it's regular volume. Finally, I have closed our distance. I stare at the back of her head, only a few inches between us. "I just can't comprehend why you always stop! Right when it gets good, you stop. It isn't fair, Harry. You just stop." She sounds more sad now than angered. I hate knowing she's upset, if she starts to cry I might just break down with her.

Julianne deserves to know what's going through my mind, no longer will I try to hide these thoughts. My hand lifts from my side and I gently, carefully place it on her clothed waist. "The reason I stop.. is because I'm afraid I'll do it wrong.. or you won't like it."

All sounds, including her heavy breathing, come to a stop. I'm terrified that she'll forever hate me for this, for being cautious with her - for considering her comfort. No, I'm not going to act like she's the one to blame. I shouldn't have been so stupid, I just should have asked her how she felt, how well I did, or even if she wanted me to keep going. All I did was run away from something so magical, so perfect. I have got to stop caring so much about the wrong things - yes, I could lose control but it's very unlikely - Julianne doesn't need to worry about me being unable to handle everything. All she needs to focus on is how good I make her feel, if I do at least.

To my utter surprise, her small hand covers mine, her fingers forcing themselves between my own. They slide under my hand, hooking onto my palm. "You touch me perfectly, Harry.. sometimes it's too hard, sometimes it's not enough.. but either way.. it's perfect." I can sense her honesty, she's being real with me and I respect her so much for that. She's incredible, really, she is.

"If there's something you want me to do.. or something you want to try.. tell me.. right now.. and we can do whatever it is you want." I use my free hand to gather her blonde locks and toss them over one shoulder, exposing her neck to both my eyes and lips. "I just want to make you happy." I whisper softly near her ear, right as I go to kiss her shoulder. She shudders lightly, but I can tell it's not in fear, but rather in pleasurable delight. "A-anything I want?" She questions as if she doesn't already know that answer. "Anything, Julianne, anything." I assure her, planting kisses across her shoulder, up to her warm neck.

As light as a feather, she mumbles to me. "Harry.. I know what I want."

Notes

--I know the chapter is long and there's a lot of back and forth, but please trust me guys!! It will all make sense, I swear!! and warning - more long chapters are coming! Also - excuse the errors, you guys ought to be used to those! I will go back in a few days, when I'm not so dang tired, and read over it again and change any errors!
**I had an a/n posted before this chapter but I deleted it so if you didn't see it---- I apologize for the delay, holiday season is crazy for me! Also, I announced that I would be giving you a special little piece of info!!!!

Sequel is coming in 2019! Not quite sure which month, but definitely early!!! /// in chapter 85 I will give you the soundtrack to the sequel as a late gift!!! xxxx & I MIGHT give you the Name in chapter 90 - we'll see ;)

I won't say how close we are to the end with BH, but just know the sequel is coming! Also, lots of vivid details will be in these next few chapters - so you've been warned my friends! Love you all so much, thank you if you voted for me or the story in the fanfiction awards! I truly appreciate it so much xxxx Updates coming, I promise!!