Cocaine Heart
Chapter 10
Zayn
I arrange the white powder in neat straight line and roll up the paper before sniffing it all and closing my eyes. I throw my head back against the couch and let my mind relax. Those damned grey eyes have been haunting me, taunting me and I’ve had enough. I can’t let a fucking girl rule my mind. I am better than that. But then why does her face float in my eyes every time I fucking close my eyes? I feel someone nudge me and open my eyes. “Want a hit?” Louis offers me a roll of weed. I shake my head. I am good with cocaine. I close my eyes again and rest my head on the couch. Let my mind go blank again.
Cocaine. The only thing of addiction in my life. I still remember the first time I tried it. God what that had been like. I think I was sixteen. Or fifteen maybe. Who knows? The ecstasy this little bit of white powder can cause is unnatural. My body feels heavy and light at the same time… but the best feeling is the numbness. The numbness blocks out the entire world and leaves me alone with my demons. I learned to live with my demons a long time ago but now they have adapted a different technique. I don’t know which is worse. I usually don’t block their voices because I am now used to them. They are my friends but now their voices sing a different song. Or is it the music playing in the club? I can’t tell the difference.
“So what do you think of these new girls?” I open my eyes again. I look at Louis sitting next to me, a topless girl on his lap and then look in front of me at the blonde dancing on the pole in front of me. She is shorter than Valentine and plumper but could I tell much difference if I turned her around and fucked her ass in a dark room? No. I try to remind myself I should not be thinking of fucking Valentine in the first place but I am not saying anything. I am still reeling from my high and letting my demons rule.
“I need to take a closer inspection” I say, getting up from my place and walking to the girl on the stage who is lying on her back, thrusting her pelvic in the air to the music. I hear Louis wolf whistle. I yank her by her hair and she gets up timidly although I know I know she is anything but and make her follow me to the private room. The room is dark but not dark enough. I don’t want to see her face. She puts her hands on my jeans but I pull her hand away. “Turn around” I order and she complies, turning and putting her hands on the wall, thrusting her barely cloth clad ass towards me. Her eagerness surprisingly turns me off. No, I shout in my head. This is what I want. I pull her skirt off and then my jeans. I am already hard, not because of her but because of the images in my head.
I don’t tease or try to see if she is wet enough to take me. I thrust into her and she gasps. I keep on, increasing my pace. I can hear her moans and gasp but they are nothing to me. I am lost in my head. I thrust one final time, shuddering as I come before pulling out and putting on my jeans. I don’t wait a second more. I leave the room to see Louis’s face stuffed with the girl’s boobs and his hand disappeared between her legs. I mutter about me leaving but I hardly think he heard me. I don’t care.
I look at my watch – Raven’s school will be over soon. I get in my car and drive to the school. I reach there before time so I sit in my car. Loud music blares but there is no one in sight to hear it except me. I look at my phone. There is a message from Hector about a meeting tomorrow at the club. I reply an affirmative and sit there waiting for the school to disperse the students. Due to the heavy music I don’t hear the bell ring but I see a lot of people coming out of the door, walking and smiling, talking… careless and ignorant. I look at them and think about my teens. I managed to pass high school and that was too because Hector forced me to. Otherwise I would have dropped out in 10th grade. Honestly why do I even need education in my line of work? I just should be able to read what’s on the box and handle the tech equipment. I could do both.
As I look at the crowd spilling out of the door, I see Valentine. Her ruffled blonde head is hard not to notice. I see her walking with the same guy from the morning. The guy is dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. I scoff. Looks like she found herself a pretty boyfriend. She turns in my direction and I look away, which is stupid considering that she can’t see through the tinted glass of the car. And still her gaze makes me feel like she is directly looking at me.
I turn off the music and get out of the car. She turns her face away with repulsion. Good, I think. It is better that she feels that. It is good if she stays away from me. She has already caused trouble enough. Then why do I feel the need to go to her and ask why is she looking away? I almost take a step towards her when Ravens comes in front of me. She just looks at me with loathing and gets into the passenger seat. What the fuck did I do to piss her off now? I want to ask her but I know as soon as I get inside the car I’ll hear from her so I just walk back in the car. As soon as I drive off she starts.
“Do you have no integrity? Can you not keep one single promise? I asked you one thing when you forced me into this school, one thing and it hasn’t even been a month and you broke it! I can’t believe you!” she huffs and folds her hands against her chest. What the fuck? “What did I do now?” I ask. What promise? “I asked you not to sleep with anyone in m school or beat up anyone but did you listen to me? No! Of course no! Why would the great Zayn Malik listen to me? Who am I to him? What are my words to him?” she keeps rambling. What? I did not beat up anyone from her school. “I did not beat up anyone from your school. Why are you asking me this? Did anyone try something?” I ask her, my grip on the steering wheel tightening. IF anyone tried something, I will not beat that fucker but fucking kill him. I don’t voice out my thoughts.
“I am not talking about beating someone. I am talking about sleeping with someone. And you know who I am talking about” she corrects when she sees me opening my mouth to speak. She continues “I mean she is new here. And she didn’t know about us so she was the only one in this whole damn school who actually talked to me but no! Why let me live normally and make friends? You had to go and pull your moves on her didn’t you? Now she is repulsed by and me! You do this deliberately, don’t you? You like the fact that I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to, don’t you? It makes you think you are not the only lonely person, right?” she is angry, I know but her words still hurt. “I don’t know who you are talking about” I really don’t understand who is talking about. Is she talking about the girl I slept with the day before her first day? If then, I didn’t know she went to the same school as raven. And plus, I don’t want to fuck underage girls. I am not a pedophile! And yet you were thinking of Valentine when you were fucking that whore in the club today. That taunting voice in my head echoes. I ignore it.
“Yes you do. Val!” her name makes me go rigid and my knuckles turn white with the pressure I am holding the steering wheel but I recover fast… obviously not fast enough because Raven notices the change. She scoffs. “Unbelievable! And here to think there was a little part of me hoping she lied just because she didn’t want to look desperate! Unbelievable – you know what? – no, it is not unbelievable. Actually it is completely believable. It is me who is naïve and doesn’t want to believe that her brother is a nymphomaniac!” she screams. “Keep your voice fucking down before you give me a headache” I bite out.
I still can’t fucking believe that that blonde bitch went and rambled to Raven. What else did she say to her? Did she say her about Miller? I run a hand over my face. Fuck. If she said to Raven, who else has to spoke to? That blonde guy with her no doubt knows too and they are probably heading to the police as I am driving to the house. “Fuck” I mutter. Raven keeps saying other things but I can’t fucking concentrate. I should have killed her that night. This is what you get for having mercy on a pathetic bitch, another voice sniggers in my head. I am still high on the drugs and it is not helping me think clearly.
It is a relief that the house is now not that far. I park and Raven gets out slamming the door. I would have said something about that but I was too fucking consumed by other matters already. What the fuck am I to do now? If Hectors gets to know about this, he’ll fucking kill me! I run my hand through my hairs and cuss again. That bitch! I am going to fucking kill her! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. Shit fucking hell. I have to do damage control and this time there is no scope of mercy. That bitch had to run her mouth even when I specifically told her not to. She wants to die. Did she honestly think that she will tell around about me and I would not know about it? I run this fucking town! And to my sister? What the fuck? Is she senile? I pull the ends of my hair. I know I have to kill her. I have to. There is no other option. I should have just done it then in the woods.
Just as I am about to pull away from the house, Louis comes running towards me. “Hey Malik! Wait up mate! Hector’s inside. He wants to talk to you. We have a job to do” he says from the patio. I look at him and curse internally. I close the ignition off and walk to him and then inside. The blonde bitch would have to wait.
~
“You’ve had your boxers in a twist ever since I saw you get out of the car. What happened?” Louis asks. I ignore him. I am driving well over the speed limit but I don’t care. “Aw come on. You can tell me, something with Raven? Did Hector give you shit for being pussy? Is there a new crush in your life?” Louis babbled and I swear if he actually wasn’t a friend of mine for so long, I’d have punched him and thrown him out of the moving car. “Shit up Louis before I fucking throw you out of this car” I grit my teeth. “Both of you, just shut up” Lilah’s grumbles. “Zayn I told you need to go to a restroom” her annoying voice is only making me closer to just snap her neck and throw her lifeless body in the trunk.
This whole has been a major pain in the ass. But I knew that this deal was crucial and if I fucked up this then Hector will be really pissed. First Valentine, then the fight in the club… Hector didn’t say much but he didn’t need to. I grew up watching him. I knew when he was mad. And at this moment he was really mad. In the last month nothing was going smoothly in the house. And my fuck ups being one of the reasons bugged me. I know it may sound like bullshit but Hector is as close to a father figure I had growing up. Many may not deem him father of the year – I don’t either – but I cannot forget the night he helped me – helped us. He took me and Raven in when our own kin rejected us. Talk about fucked up shit.
This was the reason I didn’t want to let him down. I know I shouldn’t blame Valentine but I do blame her. Ever since that blonde came in my life nothing is going right for me. Even now when I am on a mission I am thinking about her. And what she said to Raven. Fuck. I feel like my head will explode. We finally reach the destination. I look back at Lilah. She had changed into her dress. In an usual time I would have glanced at the rear view mirror to glance at her while she was changing but my mind was too fogged up at this moment. She had noticed too because she was skeptically looking at me.
“How do I look?” she asked Louis and I. “As fuckable as always” Louis says slyly and she flips him the bird before getting out of the car. She had to walk for a couple of minutes before reaching the bar. We needed her to go and see first who were there. I sit there in silence and wait. There is nothing else I can do. Louis and I were already armed. We just needed the thumbs up from Lilah. Louis pulls out a joint and light it up. He offers me but I decline. I really don’t want to be high if we have to attack tonight given how distracted I already was.
“Hey, you checked up on that blonde again?” Louis asked puffing out smoke. I sit up straight. I know who he is talking about but I play dumb. “Who?” I ask. “The one I fucked today?” I ask. He shakes his head. “Nah, the one who saw us. Have you checked up on her?” “Why would I? I have no interest in her” I say in a dismissive way. “I wasn’t talking about fucking. I meant like has she kept her mouth shut… Although now that you brought up that topic, she would be a good fuck” I don’t know why but Louis words make every muscle in my goes rigid. “She’s young” is all I can manage in response. He pulls in a drag and puff out before replying. “What are you talking about dude? She’s the same age as Raven” he says and I only scowl more at him. “So now you’re talking about fucking my sister, are you?” I ask in a hard voice and he almost chokes on the smoke, coughing. “No, not at all. Why would you say that?” he speaks still coughing and looking out the window.
The rest of the time is spent in silence but I still think of Louis saying Valentine is a good fuck. I don’t like it. It was hard to not appreciate her beauty… What the fuck? Beauty? Since when did I start appreciating girls’ beauty? I never looked past a good rack and nice ass. And I didn’t need to change that now. I was happy fucking girls and not appreciating their ‘beauty’.
I didn’t get much time to ponder this because Lilah had texted Louis. He looked at and we got out of the car. I packed two guns in the back of my jeans and held one in my hand. These moments, with the gun in my hand, the adrenaline pumping through me, my body craving the fight, my mind blank… was one of the better moments in my life.
A/N: A DARK CHAPTER. THINGS WILL ONLY GET DARKER... LOTS OF DRAMA AHEAD.
ANYWAYS HOPE Y'LL LIKE THIS CHAPTER. VOTE AND COMMENT :)
ALSO. I TRY MY BEST TO UPDATE AS FAST AS I CAN BUT RIGHT NOW I GOT A LOT OF SHIT ON MY PLATE SO THE UPDATES MAY TAKE A LITTLE MORE TIME.
:)
I arrange the white powder in neat straight line and roll up the paper before sniffing it all and closing my eyes. I throw my head back against the couch and let my mind relax. Those damned grey eyes have been haunting me, taunting me and I’ve had enough. I can’t let a fucking girl rule my mind. I am better than that. But then why does her face float in my eyes every time I fucking close my eyes? I feel someone nudge me and open my eyes. “Want a hit?” Louis offers me a roll of weed. I shake my head. I am good with cocaine. I close my eyes again and rest my head on the couch. Let my mind go blank again.
Cocaine. The only thing of addiction in my life. I still remember the first time I tried it. God what that had been like. I think I was sixteen. Or fifteen maybe. Who knows? The ecstasy this little bit of white powder can cause is unnatural. My body feels heavy and light at the same time… but the best feeling is the numbness. The numbness blocks out the entire world and leaves me alone with my demons. I learned to live with my demons a long time ago but now they have adapted a different technique. I don’t know which is worse. I usually don’t block their voices because I am now used to them. They are my friends but now their voices sing a different song. Or is it the music playing in the club? I can’t tell the difference.
“So what do you think of these new girls?” I open my eyes again. I look at Louis sitting next to me, a topless girl on his lap and then look in front of me at the blonde dancing on the pole in front of me. She is shorter than Valentine and plumper but could I tell much difference if I turned her around and fucked her ass in a dark room? No. I try to remind myself I should not be thinking of fucking Valentine in the first place but I am not saying anything. I am still reeling from my high and letting my demons rule.
“I need to take a closer inspection” I say, getting up from my place and walking to the girl on the stage who is lying on her back, thrusting her pelvic in the air to the music. I hear Louis wolf whistle. I yank her by her hair and she gets up timidly although I know I know she is anything but and make her follow me to the private room. The room is dark but not dark enough. I don’t want to see her face. She puts her hands on my jeans but I pull her hand away. “Turn around” I order and she complies, turning and putting her hands on the wall, thrusting her barely cloth clad ass towards me. Her eagerness surprisingly turns me off. No, I shout in my head. This is what I want. I pull her skirt off and then my jeans. I am already hard, not because of her but because of the images in my head.
I don’t tease or try to see if she is wet enough to take me. I thrust into her and she gasps. I keep on, increasing my pace. I can hear her moans and gasp but they are nothing to me. I am lost in my head. I thrust one final time, shuddering as I come before pulling out and putting on my jeans. I don’t wait a second more. I leave the room to see Louis’s face stuffed with the girl’s boobs and his hand disappeared between her legs. I mutter about me leaving but I hardly think he heard me. I don’t care.
I look at my watch – Raven’s school will be over soon. I get in my car and drive to the school. I reach there before time so I sit in my car. Loud music blares but there is no one in sight to hear it except me. I look at my phone. There is a message from Hector about a meeting tomorrow at the club. I reply an affirmative and sit there waiting for the school to disperse the students. Due to the heavy music I don’t hear the bell ring but I see a lot of people coming out of the door, walking and smiling, talking… careless and ignorant. I look at them and think about my teens. I managed to pass high school and that was too because Hector forced me to. Otherwise I would have dropped out in 10th grade. Honestly why do I even need education in my line of work? I just should be able to read what’s on the box and handle the tech equipment. I could do both.
As I look at the crowd spilling out of the door, I see Valentine. Her ruffled blonde head is hard not to notice. I see her walking with the same guy from the morning. The guy is dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. I scoff. Looks like she found herself a pretty boyfriend. She turns in my direction and I look away, which is stupid considering that she can’t see through the tinted glass of the car. And still her gaze makes me feel like she is directly looking at me.
I turn off the music and get out of the car. She turns her face away with repulsion. Good, I think. It is better that she feels that. It is good if she stays away from me. She has already caused trouble enough. Then why do I feel the need to go to her and ask why is she looking away? I almost take a step towards her when Ravens comes in front of me. She just looks at me with loathing and gets into the passenger seat. What the fuck did I do to piss her off now? I want to ask her but I know as soon as I get inside the car I’ll hear from her so I just walk back in the car. As soon as I drive off she starts.
“Do you have no integrity? Can you not keep one single promise? I asked you one thing when you forced me into this school, one thing and it hasn’t even been a month and you broke it! I can’t believe you!” she huffs and folds her hands against her chest. What the fuck? “What did I do now?” I ask. What promise? “I asked you not to sleep with anyone in m school or beat up anyone but did you listen to me? No! Of course no! Why would the great Zayn Malik listen to me? Who am I to him? What are my words to him?” she keeps rambling. What? I did not beat up anyone from her school. “I did not beat up anyone from your school. Why are you asking me this? Did anyone try something?” I ask her, my grip on the steering wheel tightening. IF anyone tried something, I will not beat that fucker but fucking kill him. I don’t voice out my thoughts.
“I am not talking about beating someone. I am talking about sleeping with someone. And you know who I am talking about” she corrects when she sees me opening my mouth to speak. She continues “I mean she is new here. And she didn’t know about us so she was the only one in this whole damn school who actually talked to me but no! Why let me live normally and make friends? You had to go and pull your moves on her didn’t you? Now she is repulsed by and me! You do this deliberately, don’t you? You like the fact that I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to, don’t you? It makes you think you are not the only lonely person, right?” she is angry, I know but her words still hurt. “I don’t know who you are talking about” I really don’t understand who is talking about. Is she talking about the girl I slept with the day before her first day? If then, I didn’t know she went to the same school as raven. And plus, I don’t want to fuck underage girls. I am not a pedophile! And yet you were thinking of Valentine when you were fucking that whore in the club today. That taunting voice in my head echoes. I ignore it.
“Yes you do. Val!” her name makes me go rigid and my knuckles turn white with the pressure I am holding the steering wheel but I recover fast… obviously not fast enough because Raven notices the change. She scoffs. “Unbelievable! And here to think there was a little part of me hoping she lied just because she didn’t want to look desperate! Unbelievable – you know what? – no, it is not unbelievable. Actually it is completely believable. It is me who is naïve and doesn’t want to believe that her brother is a nymphomaniac!” she screams. “Keep your voice fucking down before you give me a headache” I bite out.
I still can’t fucking believe that that blonde bitch went and rambled to Raven. What else did she say to her? Did she say her about Miller? I run a hand over my face. Fuck. If she said to Raven, who else has to spoke to? That blonde guy with her no doubt knows too and they are probably heading to the police as I am driving to the house. “Fuck” I mutter. Raven keeps saying other things but I can’t fucking concentrate. I should have killed her that night. This is what you get for having mercy on a pathetic bitch, another voice sniggers in my head. I am still high on the drugs and it is not helping me think clearly.
It is a relief that the house is now not that far. I park and Raven gets out slamming the door. I would have said something about that but I was too fucking consumed by other matters already. What the fuck am I to do now? If Hectors gets to know about this, he’ll fucking kill me! I run my hand through my hairs and cuss again. That bitch! I am going to fucking kill her! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. Shit fucking hell. I have to do damage control and this time there is no scope of mercy. That bitch had to run her mouth even when I specifically told her not to. She wants to die. Did she honestly think that she will tell around about me and I would not know about it? I run this fucking town! And to my sister? What the fuck? Is she senile? I pull the ends of my hair. I know I have to kill her. I have to. There is no other option. I should have just done it then in the woods.
Just as I am about to pull away from the house, Louis comes running towards me. “Hey Malik! Wait up mate! Hector’s inside. He wants to talk to you. We have a job to do” he says from the patio. I look at him and curse internally. I close the ignition off and walk to him and then inside. The blonde bitch would have to wait.
~
“You’ve had your boxers in a twist ever since I saw you get out of the car. What happened?” Louis asks. I ignore him. I am driving well over the speed limit but I don’t care. “Aw come on. You can tell me, something with Raven? Did Hector give you shit for being pussy? Is there a new crush in your life?” Louis babbled and I swear if he actually wasn’t a friend of mine for so long, I’d have punched him and thrown him out of the moving car. “Shit up Louis before I fucking throw you out of this car” I grit my teeth. “Both of you, just shut up” Lilah’s grumbles. “Zayn I told you need to go to a restroom” her annoying voice is only making me closer to just snap her neck and throw her lifeless body in the trunk.
This whole has been a major pain in the ass. But I knew that this deal was crucial and if I fucked up this then Hector will be really pissed. First Valentine, then the fight in the club… Hector didn’t say much but he didn’t need to. I grew up watching him. I knew when he was mad. And at this moment he was really mad. In the last month nothing was going smoothly in the house. And my fuck ups being one of the reasons bugged me. I know it may sound like bullshit but Hector is as close to a father figure I had growing up. Many may not deem him father of the year – I don’t either – but I cannot forget the night he helped me – helped us. He took me and Raven in when our own kin rejected us. Talk about fucked up shit.
This was the reason I didn’t want to let him down. I know I shouldn’t blame Valentine but I do blame her. Ever since that blonde came in my life nothing is going right for me. Even now when I am on a mission I am thinking about her. And what she said to Raven. Fuck. I feel like my head will explode. We finally reach the destination. I look back at Lilah. She had changed into her dress. In an usual time I would have glanced at the rear view mirror to glance at her while she was changing but my mind was too fogged up at this moment. She had noticed too because she was skeptically looking at me.
“How do I look?” she asked Louis and I. “As fuckable as always” Louis says slyly and she flips him the bird before getting out of the car. She had to walk for a couple of minutes before reaching the bar. We needed her to go and see first who were there. I sit there in silence and wait. There is nothing else I can do. Louis and I were already armed. We just needed the thumbs up from Lilah. Louis pulls out a joint and light it up. He offers me but I decline. I really don’t want to be high if we have to attack tonight given how distracted I already was.
“Hey, you checked up on that blonde again?” Louis asked puffing out smoke. I sit up straight. I know who he is talking about but I play dumb. “Who?” I ask. “The one I fucked today?” I ask. He shakes his head. “Nah, the one who saw us. Have you checked up on her?” “Why would I? I have no interest in her” I say in a dismissive way. “I wasn’t talking about fucking. I meant like has she kept her mouth shut… Although now that you brought up that topic, she would be a good fuck” I don’t know why but Louis words make every muscle in my goes rigid. “She’s young” is all I can manage in response. He pulls in a drag and puff out before replying. “What are you talking about dude? She’s the same age as Raven” he says and I only scowl more at him. “So now you’re talking about fucking my sister, are you?” I ask in a hard voice and he almost chokes on the smoke, coughing. “No, not at all. Why would you say that?” he speaks still coughing and looking out the window.
The rest of the time is spent in silence but I still think of Louis saying Valentine is a good fuck. I don’t like it. It was hard to not appreciate her beauty… What the fuck? Beauty? Since when did I start appreciating girls’ beauty? I never looked past a good rack and nice ass. And I didn’t need to change that now. I was happy fucking girls and not appreciating their ‘beauty’.
I didn’t get much time to ponder this because Lilah had texted Louis. He looked at and we got out of the car. I packed two guns in the back of my jeans and held one in my hand. These moments, with the gun in my hand, the adrenaline pumping through me, my body craving the fight, my mind blank… was one of the better moments in my life.
A/N: A DARK CHAPTER. THINGS WILL ONLY GET DARKER... LOTS OF DRAMA AHEAD.
ANYWAYS HOPE Y'LL LIKE THIS CHAPTER. VOTE AND COMMENT :)
ALSO. I TRY MY BEST TO UPDATE AS FAST AS I CAN BUT RIGHT NOW I GOT A LOT OF SHIT ON MY PLATE SO THE UPDATES MAY TAKE A LITTLE MORE TIME.
:)
Chica, I really love this story.. by any chance will there be an update soon-ish?
1/11/17