All Hidden Away

“OH MY GOD, NIALL! NIALL TAKE THIS!” someone screams shoving something into Niall’s face. I can tell it’s getting to him as well.
“LUKE! OH MY GOD IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?”
“MICHAEL! I LOVE YOU!”
“CALUUUMMMM!!! WE LOVE YOUUUU!” a group screams at once making me flinch away from the loud noise.
“BANG ME LIKE YOUR DRUMS ASH!” Someone else screams and I smile despite my tightening chest and shaking figure. We stand still for what feels like ten minutes with Luke holding onto my hand protectively and rubbing small circles with his thumb. Then things get a bit crazier when more girls join the bunch of girls all along the street. A sudden surge from both sides forces Mikey closer on my left and Luke to wrap an arm across my back. I can feel more people taking in the air I’m trying so hard to breath. I close my eyes as Luke leads me through the crowds that just seem to be getting closer. He is holding tightly onto my right hand but also has his arm draped around me protectively.
“Tasha… you need to open your eyes, babe so I can make sure you’re okay.” He says over the crowds. I open my eyes and look downwards and not at the forty or fifty girls screaming for the boys and shoot questions about me. I get a dizzy spell but try to push through it, only fumbling slightly. Now my ears are ringing and I’m feeling light headed. My chest is tight but I’m not wheezing thankfully.
“Paul!? How much further?” asks Ashton after seeing my sway on my feet. Luke growls under his breath and I see Niall also become visibly paler for the same reasons as I am. I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Niall!” I shout loudly enough for him to hear me. he turns around with a look of concern. He stops and Luke helps me push past Mikey to stand next to him.
“You okay?” he asks concerned. I shake my head no as I struggle to catch my breath. I open my mouth to answer and out comes a strained, harsh sound as my ears ring loudly momentarily blocking out everything. Dark spots dance in my vision.
“Fuck.” I hear two Aussie accents and an Irish accent say before my eyesight clears and I feel Luke supporting me by my elbows. My breaths are quickly becoming rapid and my hands begin to tingle.
“GUYS! PLEASE! WE HAVE TWO EXTREAMLY CLAUSTOPHOBIC PEOPLE HERE! IF WE CAN JUST GET THEM TO THE CAR WE WILL COME BACK AND SAY HI!” screams Michael over the noise. Girls continue to scream but everything seems to goes numb. The landscape changes and I can feel Luke supporting me up as we walk to the car. The ringing noise over takes anything else and the black spots perform a beautiful ballet in front of my eyes. We seem to be moving faster than before and before I know what is happening I’m sitting in a car doubled over and trying to catch my breath.

“- so it was a really funny story actually. Cal and I were walking around in LA and my thongs broke… well they were Calum’s but I was wearing them… so I kicked them off and just walked barefoot. Cal was an ass about it, caught it on Keek and made fun of me… but it was really funny when people thought I didn’t mean like, jangles but thongs like woman underwear… I think people assumed I wore like these lacey undies. But what was really funny was that my feet actually really hurt because the cement pathway was so hot…because, you know, LA in summer I guess.” I hear Luke talking to me but don’t open my eyes and just try to further slow my breathing down.
“How are you feeling?” he asks placing a hand on my back, creating a warm patch just were my bra strap lays on what feels like my freezing body. I lick my lips.
“Better.” I mumble. He doesn’t say anything but just rubs small circles on my back. “How’s Ni?” I ask hoarsely. Luke laughs in response and I try to sit up slowly.
“Hey,” he says gently. “Take it easy. He’s much better than you are.” He says still smiling, causing his blue eyes to crinkle with an unversed laugh.
“What?” I ask confused by the way he is looking at me.
“I just think it’s amazing you can feel like this and still be worried about your friend.” He says quietly. I smile and take an unsteady deep breath.
“I’m sorry…” I say quietly looking down at my hands and fiddling with my fingers. He covers my shaking hands with his.
“Don’t be… it’s okay, as long as you are.” He says half smiling at me. I raise my lips into a forced smile as my chest heaves a heavy breath that makes me frown. “Still having trouble breathing?” I nod slightly. He shifts closer so our arms are touching now. “I had a panic attack once, and Ash made me match his breathing to calm down… do you think it’ll help?” he offers.
“I – I don’t know.” I say still not having full control of my lungs and looking into his deep blue eyes. He takes my hands in his and places one on my chest and the other on his.
“In…” he takes a deep breath that I try to mimic through the tight pains. “And out…” he says quietly before letting go of his breath. I can feel his steady heartbeat under our hands contrasting my sporadically beating one. We repeat the exercise for a bit until the breath in isn’t so choppy or strained.
Luke gently lets go of my hands.
“Thank you.” I say calmly. “Two - nil.” I say smiling at him. He frowns. “You’ve helped me twice and I haven’t yet paid back the favour.” I say shrugging. He frowns.
“Friendship doesn’t work like that.” He says looking at me.
“I know, but I do need to find a proper way to say thanks…” I say smiling at him. He seems to think about it for a few moments, chewing on his lip-ring.
“Penguins.” He says dead seriously. I think I heard him wrong and cock my head indicating for him to repeat it. “You can repay me with anything to do with penguins.” He says smiling. “they are just – like, the best and my favourite.” He explains. Before we can further the discussion the door to the car opens letting a cooler breeze inside and Ash and Cal stick their heads in.
“Everything okay in here?” asks Ash smiling gently at me. I nod.
“Yeah, Luke helped me catch my breath, thanks.”
“Damnit Luke! You were meant to take her breath away! What happened to sticking to the plan?” says Calum laughing. I shake my head as the boys laugh before piling into the car. We are sitting right at the back and Niall comes to join us while Ash, Cal and Mikey take up the seats closer to the front.
“Are you okay?” we ask each other at the same time. “Jinx you owe me Nandos.” We say laughing.
“Because that’s not creepy at all.” Says Michael laughing.
“Yeah, I’m okay… how about you? You had me worried… now Hazz is gonna make sure I’ll be fucked.”
“Sorry Ni…” I say feeling bad. He quickly reaches over and pulls me into a hug.
“No. No I didn’t mean it like that… don’t feel bad, even I was starting to freak out.” He says comfortingly. I nod and sit up as the car starts to move.
“No but… I’m sorry guys… like I know I can’t control it. But I’m still sorry.” I say to everyone. Paul shoots me a sympathetic nod before going back to the road and Luke nudges me shoulder gently with his. The three other boys turn around.
“It’s okay, really… don’t stress about it.” Says Cal smiling sweetly.
“Yeah…” agrees Mikey. “As long as you are okay…”

When we arrive home I grab my dress from Paul and walk inside, noticing my hands are still shaking. I head over to the lounge and dump my dress on the back of the couch.
“Hello?” I shout out trying to find where everyone is.
“In here!” I hear Lou call back and I walk into the kitchen. He and Liam are sitting around talking.
“Hey Tash… wait… what happened?” asks Louis quickly standing up and walking over to me. he places one hand on my cheek and the other on my shoulder. He grumbles under his breath.
“LUCAS! ASHTON! MICHAEL! CALUM! AND NIALL HORAN!” he screams as he leads me to a chair. The boys appear sheepishly. “What happened.” He says pointing at me.
“Lou. I’m okay…” I say looking at him. He cocks his head to the side and I nod in confirmation.
“How did you know?” I ask standing and facing his resting bitch face.
“You’re pale and look like you’ve been crying.” He says looking at me with concern.
“What’s with all the screaming, Lou?” asks Harry sleepily walking into the kitchen in only a pair of sleeping trousers.
“I don’t know. That’s what I want to find out.” He says crossing his arms and looking at the boys.
“We got mobbed and she had a panic attack.” Says Ashton.
“Oh my…” says Liam quietly while Harry turns to me, he raises his eyebrows in question before walking forward towards me. I nod that I’m okay.
“Yeah, Luke helped me calm down.” I say pointing to Luke and smiling. He grimaces and nods.
“Thank you.” Says Harry nodding to his mate. “…Again.” He says laughing slightly. Luke has a lopsided smile on his face and Niall and Michael have disappeared into the pantry in search of food.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” He says hugging me. I pull back and nod, needing my personal space right now. I take the hair elastic off of my wrist and tie it into a quick messy bun.
“I can’t get over how cool your hair looks.” Says Haz giving me silly smile.
“Thanks… so the thing you said you needed to talk about?” I ask looking at him, not feeling like small talk.
“Yeah well you know how we were going to leave for tour on Wednesday…?” he asks frowning slightly. I nod and raise my eyebrows.
“Well, we have to only leave the following week on Monday… the main interview had to be cancelled.” he says. Making Niall and the others who have been on tour smile. I nod my head in thought.
“Does that mean it will be for longer?” I ask confused.
“No, it still finishes three days after your birthday.” He says smiling and wiggling his eyebrows mischievously. I roll my eyes as I hear gasps.
“Thanks Hazz.” I say sarcastically before grabbing an apple to munch on. I sit counting the days. It is now the 5th of May. We leave on the 16th May and get back on the 7th June. No doubt I’m going to be hungover on the 6th… My first exam is on the 15th… I sit for a bit planning the weeks ahead.
“What’s got you thinking?” asks Liam coming and standing next to me.
“Just university… I have my first exam on the 15th June … So I’m going to have to-”
“DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!” screams Michael standing and pointing at me. I raise my hands in the air. “You will not have to study on the bus! Because it will not happen!” says Michael looking serious.
“But – ” I try to protests.
“Nope!” he says crossing his arms and sitting back down.
“You can always study while Mr Bossy is playing on stage.” Whispers Liam into my ear. I smile and nod at his good thinking.

After chilling for a bit and discussing some things we need for tour – apparently everyone needs underwear which has me concerned as to what they are doing for underwear now – we discuss dinner with Mish, Jared and Stu tomorrow night.
“So I think we can just have a barbecue… I don’t know if Jared has started is vegetarian thing yet…” I say thinking out loud.
“Anyway, it sounds good!” says Liam smiling.
“Or we can have pizza?” asks Michael pulling out puppy dog eyes and a pout. I smile.
“That actually sounds so much better than having to cook.” I say honestly... “Actually…Haz can I cook tonight?” I ask looking at my brother. He nods.
“What do you want to cook?” asks Lou standing. I smirk.
“Chicken…” I look at Niall, he and Liam catch on and stands next to me doing the hand movements. “Stuffed with mozzarella.” Harry laughs. “Wrapped in Parma ham. With a side of homemade mash.” Louis pulls a face but I can see him smiling.
“Oooh, that sounds nice!” says Ashton clearly not catching the joke.
“It was…” he says proudly. Harry and Niall giggle.
“I do recall it was me that gave you the recipe.” I say scoffing and crossing my arms.
“Yes… but it was this wonderful chef that pulled it off.” He says pulling his smug look. I laugh.
“I guess I can try cook that ratatouille I made for Christmas?” I say shrugging. I hear Niall scoff and turn to look at him.
“You guess you can try? Shut up and admit you’re a good cook and can cook anything!” I roll my eyes.
“Easy for you to say. I could put dogfood on a plate for you, sprinkle some sprinkles on it and you’d enjoy it.” I laugh at him.
“Ooooh!” exclaims Ashton and Michael.
“Burn…” says Luke. Niall feigns hurt but ends up laughing. We sit like that for about another hour. Throwing insults at each other.

“Yeah well…” Luke bites his lip trying to find an insult for me after I said people only recognise him because his band sucks. “You’re a dirty trashcan full of poop…” he says crossing his arms across his chest. I can’t help but double over in laughter and soon everyone is laughing at a blushing Luke.
“Please tell me you didn’t get that from Surf’s Up?” I ask after I stopped laughing. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. Making him also go a shade darker red. “God… now you just look like that little penguin to me.” I say still laughing slightly.
“You mean Smudge?” he asks smiling happily. I laugh again at how cute he was being. “He’s a cute baby penguin! Why are you laughing?” he asks pulling a funny half shock half sorrow face.
“Because, you’re all meant to be in this like huge hectic punk rock band, and you helped my dye my hair, and giggled when you liked the way it worked out.” I say pointing to Michael he rolls his eyes but smiles. “You have the most adorable cheeks of any three-year-old.” I say looking at Cal he bites on his lips and looks like a little puppy. “You have giggle most girls would kill for… and dimples.” I say to Ash. “And Luke, you’re like all the good aspects of children in one being! And it just makes me smile.” I say looking at everyone who awes and gives me a hug.
“Now, you are definitely more punk rock than all of them put together.” Says Niall to me before laughing.
“Yeah! Cuddles!” says Calum snuggling closer to the group of us. I try to stifle a laugh.
“But still… we ARE punk rock…” says Michael defensively.
“No you’re not.”
“Shut up!”

Notes