All Hidden Away

I found myself sitting in the old tree house Harry and I always used to hang out in. Im sopping wet and can’t remember how I got here. Im starting to shiver and get cold, but im also not ready to go back yet. My phone buzzes for the hundredth time since I left and I grab it out my pocket and see it’s Louis. I decline the call and turn off my phone replacing it in my pocket.

I have always loved the rain and cold weather. There was this one time it started raining when Gem was walking me home and we had to go inside this little Café across the street and have some tea to warm up and let the rain pass. Harry was at football practice and she and I had a fun afternoon together. Although I don’t always think I have the best relationship with my big sister, I think it’s got to do more with me never feeling like im pretty enough, or smart enough to be related to Gem. She and Harry have always been my role models, not just since he became famous.

The first time Harry and I found the tree house, we were walking around a bit on a Sunday afternoon and he dared me that he could climb the tree faster than I could. I was about six or seven and he was nearly 11. I saw the perfect tree and rushed for it. He climbed up the one side whilst I scaled the other. As we reached as high as I could go (he was never one to purposefully make me fail) he told me to climb a little higher. I was scared of how high up we were but I wanted to impress him. I then noticed what he wanted me to climb to. There was a platform and a roof just above my figure tips. We sat and played cards for the rest of the day and promised to always come back here to talk and have fun. It’s hard to believe how high I thought the tree was seeing as how quickly I can climb it now with barely any effort.

I look down on the olden wood my legs are hanging over and see the small badly engraved heart with the letter N&P in it. This is where I had my first kiss with my first and only boyfriend. I was about 14 at the time and I ended up dating the guy for 3 years, but we ended badly and haven’t really spoken since, losing him both as a friend and more. I missed Pierce, but more as a friend than anything else. The night we shared our first kiss we went out for movies and diner, but we didn’t enjoy the movie and ended up coming and sitting here, the only place I could think of without having to go back home. He told me he liked me and I pushed him away, thinking he was just messing around. He looked me in the eyes and that’s when I realised I he was serious, and that I liked him. The minute I noticed a brown patch at the bottom of his right eye I knew I liked him too. It was beautiful. We walked back home and I didn’t realise Harry and Lou where home for the weekend and oh boy did Harry nearly kill Pierce when he saw we were holding hands. He ripped me out of his hold, picked me up and threw me over his shoulder ignoring my protests and took me outside, shouting at me for not telling him. They ended up being alright once they got to know each other but I remember Pierce’s face when he realised Harry Styles was my brother. I mean yes sure most people from Holmes Chapel do, but mum begged them all to keep our secret. I had to make Peirce promise to not tell anyone, I vaguely remember even threatening to let Harry and the boys loose on him once.

There are many memories linked to this little wooden house that come to mind while I sit here thinking.

There was the one Christmas time Gem got frustrated with me and yelled at me that we weren’t getting Christmas presents from Father Christmas this year, and instead of telling me about the financial issues, told me it was because I was naughty and she told him I didn’t deserve any. Which thinking about it was still better than if she said it was because he wasn’t real… I guess? So I ran away from home for a couple of hours with my teddie - bear until Harry came and found me with a small candy cane from Father Christmas saying Gem had sent a letter of apology and this was sent back with a reply explaining that he understood the misunderstanding, but that his elves were sick so couldn’t make a lot of presents this year. Harry has always known what to say in almost every situation. Well, with me at least, sometimes he really can talk some shit in interviews.

There was also this one time I fell really badly at school when I was about 6 and hurt my arm. My wrist wasn’t able to move and I was in a lot of pain. I didn’t walk home with Harry and Gem like I was meant to because I was scared I had to go to the doctor. I ran to the tree house and sat down and cried. It felt like ours later, but was probably closer to seconds, that a mop of curly brown hair poked through the little door and Harry come up not looking happy that I wasn’t with them and that I was crying. After showing him my wrist and saying I didn’t want to see the doctor, he convinced me to go home with him so mum could have a look to make sure it was okay. He bribed me with this new baby doll I was saving up for, but he was earning more money than me at this point as he was doing more chores than I was. I was in a cast for 6 weeks and it was Harry, with mum, who helped me wash and tie my hair. He even was the first person to sign it. He really made me miss the days we could just be Hazza and Tasha, not Harry Styles, his body guard, the rest of the band, millions of screaming girls… and Tasha.

I think that I have two sad memories from this little place of happiness. One was the day Harry told me he was auditioning for Xfactor, and as a result would be away from home for a while, which lead to his touring etc. And the other was the day I told him I was signing the contract. I had asked mum to tell him over the phone so I didn’t have to see his reaction, but instead he took me here and said that mum said we needed to talk. I didn’t look at him while I was speaking but I knew he was hurt. I started crying and he pulled me into our famous Hazza and Tasha hugs. They are the kind of hugs that just seem, for a moment or two, to just fix everything. We spent a while talking about how excited he was and what this would mean for the family.

As I sit here remembering all these things that happened in this one place I start remembering other things. The day I met The One Direction Boys is so clear I can even remember the colour of my socks that day. Of course it was also the first time I signed a legal document, with Modest! of all places. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve done some wonderful things for the boys… but also some things that I don’t agree with. I regret it a bit I guess, signing the contract but im glad I don’t get hassled as much as Gem does. I was introduced to Louis first, as he was closest to Harry – wearing his famous nerd glasses and grey beanie which was “his style” at the time. I liked him instantly because he made me laugh even though I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up on him.
It wasn’t because he was becoming famous or anything, but rather because I was meeting the people that were taking my brother away from me. Next was Zayn, who I must be honest, unnerved me a bit. I remember this uneasy feeling coming over me and couldn’t help thinking he was sad about something. I never said anything about this though, and with him leaving the band and all the nonsense everyone writes about them, I kind of wish I had. I grew to like him even if it wasn’t as much as the other boys. Niall also made me laugh, and I loved his accent, when I first become good friends with him I told him it was because of him that I wanted to marry Irish. Liam was… well Liam. The most normal one of the group, yet still funny and more like a giant teddie-bear than anything else. I think he’s good for the boys, even if people tease him for being Daddy – Direction and a slight kiss up to Modest!. And then came signing the document. I was shaking so badly I could barely hold the pen, but Harry placed his big hand on my shoulder and I knew he wanted to protect me from the public just as much as I didn’t want to be in the public. And once that was done, I was sent home, which kind of feels like the story of my life… no pun intended.

My eyes were watering thinking about all the hard and fun times I’ve had with the boys and with my family. I miss not spending as much time with them. As soon as I think about getting up and going home the long route, I hear the familiar squeak of the old ropes. The hatch door opened and for another time, curly locks and a smiling Harry’s green eyes met mine, and he smiled at finally having found his missing little sister.

Notes