Struggle - H.S.

“What do you mean, I have been marked?” I asked in total shock but instead of answering, he tightened the hold on my arm and examined it. “I knew letting you go was a mistake.” He said through clenched teeth. He was really scaring me by now and to be fair it made me think of when we first met. “HARRY, WHAT’S GOING ON?” I screamed at him, which snapped him right out of his thoughts.

“I told you about that other gang right?” He did but I never really thought much of it. “Yes you did but what.” He didn't let me finish my sentence. “You have been marked by them. You’re not only marked by one of those guys but you are marked by the leader.” He was talking nonsense or I just couldn't really process it.

“What are you talking about, Bradley is just some annoying guy, he can’t be a gang leader!” I said feeling like an utter moron. “Well he is.” Harry mumbled. He still held my arm but he did loosen his hold on it, which felt better. “So what now?” I said extremely calm, which surprised us both because I wasn't calm at all on the inside.“Now I’m going to move in with you and I will protect you no matter what and starting tomorrow, you will get boxing lessons from Louis.“ I wasn't completely on board with this because that would mean he was going to take away my freedom. “But.” He placed his hand over my mouth, whilst staring at me angry.

“No buts, there is no other way.” He told me icily and I felt the desperation creeping in. “There must be something and am I still allowed to go to school?” I asked him and he nodded slowly.
“Yes but only with us, which means that I have to enter an extra class.” The thought that he could worry about such a silly thing made me laugh, this was ridiculous. I mean what is it with guys trying to mark woman for their own.

Harry had finally left my room to make few phone calls so that gave me the opportunity to rethink this. What does this mean, it really just confused me to every core of my being. Harry has claimed me as his and now this Bradley guy marked me, why me? Isn’t there someone else they can fight about, without me getting hurt? I was sick of getting bruises and now cuts as well. This was going to be a fucking scar and I wasn’t going to let this happen, which meant I had to get a tattoo to cover it up.

I was sick of being a damn victim and maybe it would be better if I took away the thing they both wanted, which meant me. Maybe I should just kill myself. I know this was pathetic but I just couldn’t take it anymore. My whole body was hurting since the moment I met Harry and everytime it was healed, they would do something to me, which always resulted in pain. I realised I was crying when I turned my head to the side on my pillow. I was just done, I didn’t want to get hurt anymore and if that meant that I should kill myself then so be it. I just had to wait until everyone was asleep. This was for the best, nobody could claim me after this and I would be free. It’s not like they really cared about me, as I was just a thing to them and my parents left me, so that means they don’t really love me anyway.

“Anna, can you get down here for a second?” I heard Harry yell but I wasn’t in the mood to listen so I pretended that I was asleep. I heard him enter my room and stopping at my side of the bed. He sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry Anna.” He whispered, whilst touching my face softly. It shocked me to feel his hand on my cheek but it was too late. I would’ve given him everything but then he left me.

He left my room and closed the door behind him. I opened my eyes just to stare into the void. Should I write a letter? Nah as I just said nobody really cared about me, so why would I write them a letter to explain why I did it. I waited till 2am, the house was really quiet by now as I tiptoed my way to the kitchen, I made sure nobody heard me and I stopped when I heard the tv playing some movie softly in the background. "Shit, all right you can do this Anna" I mumbled to myself and I walked slowly to the kitchen, making sure that there wasn’t a sound when I opened the drawer.

I almost fist bumped the air when I got the knife from the drawer. I closed it softly and walked back slowly. I walked back into my bathroom and locked the door. I was numb by now, the nerves were gone by now as I knew that this was my only way out. I sat in the bathtub and put the knife on my wrist and started to push it into my flesh. Damn that really was painful but if this was my way out, it was just the price I had to pay. The first stream of blood was now dripping out my wrist and it made me feel sick but I didn’t stop there and put the knife on my other wrist and did the same thing.

After a while I felt light headed and I couldn’t see straight any longer so I just closed my eyes and welcomed the darkness.

Notes