ALWAYS

Harry stood next to me in the kitchen, trying to help me put away all of the groceries. He'd been very quiet since we got home. I smiled hearing Darcy in the living room with Freddie. Once again, Louis had brought Freddie over so he could play with Darcy while Louis tried to set up things for Christmas for him. I peeked over at Harry to see if he was finding the kids amusing as well. But there was only a sad expression on his face. He was in his own world.
"Harry, are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" I asked gently, turning to face him.
"I'm fine." Harry nearly grunted as he walked away to put some things in the cupboard.
I huffed at him, "That's a bunch of bullshit. What's bothering you?"
"Something that was said when my mum and Gemma were here." Harry answered sadly, avoiding eye contact with me. I waited patiently for him to tell me what had been said. I watched him sadly while he tried to hurry around the kitchen. Finally, I'd had enough. I reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Talk to me, Bear." I murmured. He sighed and set the items in his hands down. "What's bothering you, baby?" I asked softly.
"It's my first Christmas as a dad." He stated. I nodded with a smile but my smile quickly faded when I saw the hurt in his eyes. "Gemma asked me how it felt, for this to be my first Christmas with my daughter." Harry said, tears filling his eyes. "It shouldn't be." HE murmured.
"It shouldn't be?" I asked sadly.
Harry shook his head, "No. This should be our fourth Christmas together." Tears started to fall from his eyes. I shushed him and wound my arms around his neck. I held him close to comfort him. I kissed his head gently as he cried, "I should've always been there for her. For you. I shouldn't have acted the way I did."
"No. No." I tried to hush him again.
"It's my fault that she's not had anything like this before." Harry cried into my neck.
"Baby, no. Sh. Stop." I begged him. "Nothing is you fault. Not a thing. This is on me. I could've been honest and I could've told you the moment I found out we were going to have her. This is my fault, you have nothing to feel guilty for." I whispered in his ear. I didn't want Darcy to hear any of it. "Baby, hush. It's alright. You're here now. We're the way it should be, all three of us. Don't do this to yourself. You're the best father in the world to our baby." I murmured, my heart breaking at the sound of him crying. I held him tighter as he buried his face further into my neck. "Harry, please, baby." I started to cry myself.
"I'm sorry, Noli. I'm sorry." He breathed against my skin. I lifted his head and looked into his beautiful green eyes. I stroked his hair away from his face and kissed his cheeks, nose and forehead tenderly. "I'm sorry, baby." He whispered.
"Don't be sorry. Please don't apologize for anything. We were so young and stupid then. But we've got this now. We should be happy that we've got all that we do. This is the life that we talked about every night. So what it didn't happen exactly the way we wanted it to. We're here. We're happy and nothing could change that, Harry." I cried softly. Harry nodded and pressed his lips to mine. My breath was taken away by how strong his kiss was. He set me up on the counter and stood between my legs. I wound my arms around his neck again as his fingers caressed my thighs lightly. I brought Harry even closer by wrapping my legs around his waist. Harry's hand slipped up my shirt just a bit, stroking the skin of my hip lightly. I let out a quiet moan into Harry's lips.
"Uuuhhh, Mummy, Daddy." Darcy's voice chirped nervously. Harry and I quickly separated and I jumped off the counter top.
"What's up, babygirl?" I inquired with a smile. She looked between Harry and I suspiciously. I looked back at Harry to see that he was trying to organize the things on the counter and clear his face.
"Daddy." Darcy peeped.
"What, babygirl?" Harry replied, still not looking at Darcy. He didn't want her to see the few tears that were left on his cheeks.
"What were you doin' with Mummy?" Darcy asked quietly.
Harry cleared his throat to let me know he was uncomfortable, "I was just lovin' on Mummy."
"Why?" Darcy inquired.
"Because I love Mummy." Harry answered. Darcy nodded and the room grew eerily silent for a minute. "What, Darcy?" Harry knew that Darcy had more questions.
"Why did Mummy make that funny noise? She makes that funny noise a lot." Darcy asked of Harry. I bit my lip as my face flushed bright red.
Harry grunted softly and turned to Darcy, "Because Mummy likes it when I love on her. Now mind your own business, little lady." Darcy nodded quickly, not liking the look Harry was giving her.
"What did you need, baby?" I asked her with a smile.
"Freddie and I are sleepy. Can we take a nap?" Darcy asked shyly. I laughed and nodded. "Can we sleep in your bed Mummy?" Darcy asked as she laid her head on my shoulder. I looked back at Harry.
He shrugged, "You and I can nap on the sofa." I nodded and carried Darcy into the living room to get Freddie.

I sat down on the sofa next to Harry after I put the kids into our bed. I snuggled into his side and pulled my legs up. Harry smiled and ran his fingers through my hair gently. I sighed and closed my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder and my hand over his heart. Harry held me close and tight. I disliked that he still felt tense.
"Harry." I murmured. He hummed in response. "I love you." I smiled looking up at his saddened eyes.
"I love you, Noli. I swear, I'm not going anywhere this time." He promised. I sat up and moved into his lap carefully, straddling his thighs. I placed my hands on his neck and stroked his skin gently to soothe him. "I meant it, Enola." He spoke with that tone that turned my knees to jelly.
"I know that, Harry. I know." I murmured, wondering why he was so upset. "Can you please tell me everything that is on your mind?" I asked, knowing there was than just the fact he'd missed out on Darcy's first years of life. Harry shook his head. "Harry, please. I told you everything last night."
"Sophia said something to me today about...before." Harry grumbled, looking away from me.
"About before?" I asked curiously. I didn't know what he was talking about.
He nearly whispered, "When we were together the first time, before Darcy." I nodded slowly, waiting for the rest of the story. "She said something about me asking you to marry me and I told her I wasn't going to." Harry informed me. "YET." He added quickly. I just nodded again, wearing a smile. "But she thought I meant at all. So she said that you weren't really like that and that what happened was because I'm special..and just Sophia running her mouth the way she does." Harry huffed.
"Oh." I frowned, moving back on his legs a little bit. I dropped my head and looked down at my own hands.
Harry quickly lifted my chin and smiled at me, "I love you, Noli. I know that you wouldn't do that to me. I know that what we did then was...I don't even know but I know that I love you more now than I did then, so much more. I love our daughter. I know that you and I are going to make it. I know that in eighty years, I'm still going to be waking up next to you."
"Yeah but that's what everyone is going to think of my for the rest of our lives. Everyone is always going to think that if we argue or if you're gone, I'm going to do that." I whimpered, trying not to let the tears fall down my cheeks.
"But I don't think that, baby. I know that when I'm not here, you're wishing that I was. I know that you want me home in our bed. I mean, I don't think you would've made that little video for me if you planned on letting someone else bed you while I was gone." Harry smiled, both of us thinking of the racy video I made for him to watch in his hotel room at night when he missed me. "You wanted me to know that you were waiting for me to come home and make you feel loved and special. You wouldn't be talking to me about having babies if you ever thought it would happen." Harry murmured. I nodded slowly. "I love you, Noli. I couldn't care any less about what other people think of us. I need you and we have a beautiful baby together. This is right where we both want to be." Harry beamed at me. I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "And Sophia doesn't feel that way about you. She loves you. So does my mum and sister. The boys all love you. They just know that what happened before was a struggle for us. And it did break us." Harry stated with conviction. "But they know that this is right where we'll always end up, in each others arms." I meshed my lips to his passionately. I buried my hands in his hair and moved as close to him as I could. "Damn kids." Harry groaned as he laid me down on the sofa.
I giggled, "Shut up and kiss me."


"Hey, E." Gemma smiled as she walked into the kitchen. I smiled and kissed her cheek gently. I was trying to set up as much as I could for the party as I could. I knew it was early but I wanted to be prepared. Plus Freddie had gone home, so I wasn't constantly chasing after him and Darcy. "Do you and Darcy want to go shopping with me? I still have to pick some last minute things up, stocking stuffers and what not? Thought you could use a break." Gemma asked sitting down at the island.
"Um..." I thought deeply about it.
"Oh Noli, just go!" Harry laughed. I glared at him a bit. "Come on. You've been go go go with this party all day and you will tomorrow too. Just go hang out with my sister!" Harry demanded. I bit my lip and looked over at Gemma. Her eyes were hopeful.
"Come on, E. Please. I know you haven't gotten anything for Dad or Robin yet. It'll be good." Gemma stated with a blank stare. "Harry can take care of the rest of...whatever this is. He's a big boy." Gemma's tone was pleading.
"Alright, sure. Darcy and I can go shopping." I agreed quietly.
"Great. Let's go!" Gemma hopped off the stool. "I'll get Darcy." She rushed into the other room. I looked at Harry suspiciously.
"What?" He asked trying not to laugh. I folded my arms over my chest and continued to stare at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Harry began to sound nervous.
"What are you up to, Mister?" I asked him, taking a step closer. Harry shook his head quickly. "Really?" I moved a little bit closer. Harry's face turned pink and he shook his head again. I pinned him against the refrigerator with my body. "Really?" I pressed myself against his crotch.
"Nope. Not a thing. Gemma wants to take you shopping." Harry grunted quietly. I could feel him getting excited against me. "You should hurry. She looks like she's on a mission." Harry stammered as I slid my hand up his thigh.
"Harry." I spoke with a warning tone, walking my fingers around the waist of his jeans.
"I'm not up to anything, baby." He nearly whimpered. I smiled and kissed his lips lightly. "You should hurry. It sounds like Darcy is ready to go." Harry murmured against my lips.
"Okay. We'll be back in a few hours." I smiled up at him. Harry nodded and kissed my forehead. Both of us knowing that if he kissed my lips, I wouldn't go shopping with his sister.

"Sooo. E." Gemma began as we walked around the mall.
"Gem." I giggled. I knew there was something she wanted to talk about but didn't know how to say it.
"You and my brother." She stated quietly. I looked at her and lifted my eyebrow. "Things seem to be pretty...serious between you two." She announced.
"Yeah. Things have always been serious between Harry and I. I love him. He loves me. We have Darcy." I replied, still giggling.
"Right, well..." Gemma was still thinking of how to say what she wanted.
"You know you and Harry both do that dragging sentences out thing when you wanna say something but don't know if it's okay to say it?" I said, feeling quite amused.
"Has he said anything to you about getting hitched?" Gemma blurted. I threw my head back laughing. "Enola." Gemma nearly whined at me. "You guys have known each other for seven years almost. You left your husband for him and he hasn't even looked at another girl since you really."
"We've talked about it briefly. I'm down if he is but it's not something that I'm biting my nails over. I love him and that's all I really need. He's a good father and we...we don't need a piece of paper to say any of that." I explained quietly, not wanting to make Darcy worry.
"But if he asked..." Gemma trailed off.
"Are you crazy? Of course I'd say yes!" I shouted at her. I started laughing, "I'm madly in love with the man. I would do anything for him."
"Like...have another baby?" Gemma smirked.
I rolled my eyes, "Is that what this is? Is he sending you on a reconnaissance mission?"
"No." Gemma giggled loudly. "Harry doesn't really talk about these things with anyone. He kind of keeps to himself when everyone else starts talking about their relationships. I was just curious about where you two stood."
"Well, I'm standing next to him. Where I belong." I replied quietly.
"You two are so damn cute, you know that right. If he doesn't ask you to marry him, he's a fool." Gemma kept laughing. I blushed and looked down at my daughter who was having fun looking all around. "He loves you. We all know that. It's funny. He's got that look about him every time you walk into the room. Like that old fashioned, true love glow in his eyes when you're around. So do you." Gemma bit her lip, fighting back tears. "It's nice to see him happy again. He was a very different person after you two broke up. I'd never seen him like that before."
"I know, Gemma. I know." I muttered sadly. She looked at me curiously. "I went out to that first show after Zayn left. I just wanted to check on him. Niall and Louis were worried because of everything that happened with me and then Zayn. I just needed to make sure he was okay." I informed her. Gemma nodded and urged me to keep talking. "I knew that I should've stayed that night. I should've just sucked it up and let him wake up with me. Told him everything and tried to put the pieces back together but I was so afraid that she wasn't his. I could bear to have him wake up with me, my huge belly then be heartbroken when she wasn't his." I explained calmly. Gemma took my hand gently. "I love him, Gemma. I know that I can tell you guys all the time that I do. But I also know that you'll forever have this nagging in the back of your mind that makes you worry that I'll leave again or something like that."
"E, I've never thought that. I think that you tried to do the right thing, leaving when he couldn't handle it anymore. While I wish that you would've told him that you were pregnant, I understand it, I guess, as much as I can anyway. But I don't ever think that you would cheat on Harry." Gemma held my hand tighter. "You love my brother and I know that. Everyone knows that." She kissed my cheek gently and we continued to walk around aimlessly, trying to find gifts for her dads.


Gemma and I walked into the house with a load of bags and a sleeping child. Darcy was asleep in my arms with her head on my shoulder. Harry came out into the hall with a smile. He laughed seeing how Darcy was a limp noodle in my arms.
"I'm going to put her in bed. She needs some real rest." I murmured to Harry before kissing him softly. Harry nodded and let me carry Darcy up to her room. I heard him start talking to his sister with happiness in his voice. I smiled brightly and looked at my daughter. I hoped that she would be a sister like Gemma was to Harry. I kissed her hair gently as I opened her bedroom door. I laid her on her bed atop of the blankets so I could change her into her pajamas so she could sleep comfortably.
When I walked into the living room, Harry rushed up to me. He looked angry and hurt. I turned my eyes to Gemma, fear and sympathy were written all over her face. I looked up at Harry and saw the fire in his eyes.
"What happened?" I asked gently, reaching up to touch his face.
He grabbed my wrist to stop me, "You lied to me."
"About what?" I asked calmly.
"You came to see me when Zayn left!" Harry nearly screamed at me. I took a half step back and glanced at Gemma. She mouthed an apology. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe evenly. "You came to see me but I couldn't see you!" Harry was shouting still. "You were six months pregnant with our daughter! You were there and you didn't tell me!" His voice broke like he was about to start crying. "WHY!?" Harry's voice boomed through the house.
"Don't you dare wake up your daughter. You're going to scare her." I spoke softly, wanting him to calm down.
"No!" Harry shouted again. I rubbed my forehead and tried to keep my level head. "You were six months pregnant with her. You could've told me. Instead of hiding behind Louis and Niall you could've told me, Enola!" He snapped at me.
"I should go." Gemma announced softly, standing from the sofa. I walked away from Harry and wrapped my arms around his sister. "I'm sorry. I thought he knew." Gemma whispered in my ear.
"It's okay, honey. We would've ended up here sooner or later." I replied squeezing her to rid her of her guilty feeling. Gemma kissed my cheek and left without saying goodbye to Harry. I turned to him with mean eyes.
"Don't you look at me like that!" Harry snapped. "I'm not the one keeping secrets here." Harry glowered at me.
"Enough. Harry. I did what I thought was right at the time." I stated with an even tone. I didn't want the fight to escalate. I didn't want to worry our child. I walked away from him. I didn't want to argue about it. It was done. I couldn't change it.
"Enola, don't walk away from me!" Harry shouted at me as I made my way up to our bedroom. I groaned and tried to get to the bedroom before him so I could lock him out while I changed into my pajamas, but I failed. He pushed the door open as I tried to close it. I groaned and went to the dresser to dig out something to sleep in. "What? You can't sleep in my shirt tonight?" Harry snapped at me as I looked though my own clothes.
"Harry, just stop. I'm tired. It was almost five years ago. I'm here with you. She's here with you. I don't see why you're upset." I huffed at him. I knew why he was upset. I understood it completely but I didn't want to argue when Darcy was trying to sleep.
"You don't know why I'm upset? Are you kidding me, Enola?" Harry yelled some more.
"Stop yelling, you're going to wake Darcy." I snapped at him as I threw a t-shirt of his on the bed.
"I don't care. You came half way across the world to "check on me" but you didn't think that maybe, just maybe, me knowing that we had made a child would make me feel any better? You slept in the bed with me, you let me hold you and then you thought it was okay to let me think that I was just dreaming again?" Harry was losing control of his temper. "What made you think that it was a good idea?" He cried loudly. I started to undress silently. "I needed you. I needed her! I was falling apart without you. You got to see me but I couldn't see you, how is that fair?" I threw my clothes into the laundry basket before I pulled his t-shirt over my head. "Enola, are you even listening to me? Do you even care?" Harry shouted once again.
"I made a mistake, Harry!" I finally blurted at him. "I know I made a mistake. I know that I should've woken you up and made love to you all night. Told you about our baby. I know that!" I hollered back at him. "I know I made a mistake. Why do you have to keep throwing it back in my face!" My voice broke. Harry's face went from angry to sad and apologetic. "You think I wanted to do what I did? Do you? You were already so broken up that you thought you were losing a friend and your band. I couldn't bear to tell you that you might be a dad but that I wasn't sure. I couldn't put more on your plate." Harry came closer to me. "I feel even worse every time Darcy asks you a question about it. Every time my mom makes one of her backhanded comments." I held back my tears. Harry frowned even more and tears started to fall from his eyes. "I know I fucked up, baby. But I can't take it back and telling you how sorry I am only goes so far. I can never apologize enough for what I did or how I went about it but that's all I can do is say I'm sorry."
"Noli." Harry reached out for me.
I took a step back from him, "I'm tired. Today has been a long day and tomorrow will be too. I just want to go to sleep." Harry dropped his hand and let me crawl into bed. I curled up underneath the blankets near the edge of the bed. I pulled the blankets over my shoulders and shut my eyes. I didn't really want to speak to Harry anymore. I heard him let out a shaky breath then start to undress.
The bed shifted slightly. I looked into the mirror to see he had sat down shirtless, with his pants undone and boots off. I took all that I had not to start crying when I watched him bury his head in his hands and his shoulders shake just a little. I hugged the comforter around me tighter and shut my eyes tighter, willing away the tears. I opened my eyes again when I felt I had my emotions under control. I watched Harry in the mirror stand and flip his hair out of the way before he discarded his jeans. He crawled into the bed beside me and laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling. I felt my heart breaking as I heard him sniffle and try to breathe normally. After a moment of complete silence, I heard and felt the bed shift.
"I can't sleep with you all the way across the bed." Harry murmured in my ear as he wound his arms around my body. I burst into hysterical sobs. Harry squeezed me tightly and kissed my neck and shoulders. "I'm sorry, Noli. I'm sorry." He whispered . I turned over to face him.
"I never wanted to hurt you. I just want to protect your already broken heart." I sobbed. "I never wanted to do this alone. I never wanted my daughter to not know you. I know that she needed you. I needed you. But I couldn't...I didn't want to watch your heart shatter into a million pieces if I told you she wasn't yours." I sobbed into his chest.
"I know, baby. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Harry cried as he held me tighter. I struggled to breathe as sobs racked my body. Harry kissed my forehead and my cheeks, trying to make me calm down. He hushed me and tried to tell me that it was okay.
"I love you. I just thought that I had to prove it by being the one that really walked away." I cried into his chest.
"No, you did, baby. You did." Harry whispered.
"I'm sorry." I wailed into his chest. He tried to calm me even more but it wasn't working. It was something that I had been holding in for a long time. Harry buried his face in my neck and intertwined his legs with mine.
"Noli. Noli, look at me, baby." Harry demanded. I looked into his eyes, tears still streaming down both of our faces. "I know that you were trying to do the right thing. I know that but it still hurts to know that all this time I thought the feeling of my hand on your pregnant stomach was just a dream. But now that I know it wasn't..." Harry sniffled roughly.
"I'm sorry, Bear. I am. I laid there next to you thinking about how I should've woken you up and told you everything. I wanted to. But everything inside me told me it was a bad idea. Maybe if I had told you, we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe it had to happen like it did. But that doesn't mean I don't regret it. I didn't want to keep her from you or make you think that I didn't love you or she wasn't yours. I didn't mean to keep breaking your heart." I explained between sobs. Harry meshed his lips to mine tenderly. His kisses were soft and sweet as he cradled my head in his hands.
"Don't cry, Noli. Please don't cry. You're right. We're here now. I've got my baby and you. Everything else is worth this and the life we've got planned out. Just a bump in the road." Harry murmured between kisses. "It doesn't matter anymore." He whispered before kissing me passionately.

Notes

Well, there's a nice long one for you to think about. It might be about a week before I get the next chapter up. Some people are a little behind with chapters, so we'll wait for them to catch up before we get to the next chapter. I know you guys are dying to fins out about what will happen next. :P

Peace&Love