ALWAYS

"Is everything okay, Harry?" Louis asked as I helped him strap Freddie into his seat. I shrugged and stayed quiet. "Come on. What's wrong?"
"I really know how to stick my foot in my mouth." I answered. Louis stared at me waiting for more of an explanation. "I think I might of hurt Enola's feelings on accident." I replied, picking at the door of the car.
"Why is that?" Louis seemed genuinely concerned.
I shrugged again, "She told me she thinks that Soph is pregnant and asked me if I'd be happy if we were."
"You didn't say no, did you?" Louis looked like he was about to be mad on Enola's behalf.
I shook my head, "Of course not, Lou!" Louis stared at me, waiting for the rest of the story. "The way she was acting was almost like she's jealous of Sophia and Liam. I asked her if she was then I said that I would get her pregnant." I informed him. Louis lifted his eyebrow. "Okay so I was laughing and I told her I would knock her up." I confessed.
Louis sighed, "She loves being a mother." He smiled a bit, "She loves being a mother to YOUR daughter. She probably is jealous and she didn't want you to take it as a joke. We've both known her a long time. She says one thing even when she wants something else. I think her saying she doesn't want another baby is her way of making you really think about the decision you made." I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair. "Do you know why she wants you to be sure?" Louis asked, a knowing tone in his voice. I shook my head. "She used to cry for you a lot when she was pregnant with Darcy. She always told me that she was an idiot for letting Charles touch her. She hoped with everything she had that you were Darcy's dad." Louis sighed. I nodded slowly again. "Harry, she loves you. That's all it is. She loves you and is still hoping that you love her just as much."
"Yeah." I nearly whispered.
"Really. I think she just has baby fever because of it and being with you again has opened the door to having a very different life than the one she thought she was going to before you." Louis hugged me tightly then climbed into the car. I trudged into the house quietly. It was completely silent, not even the television was on. I locked the front door behind me before heading up to the bedroom.

When I walked into the bedro\m, Enola was standing in front of the mirror with just her bra and panties on. I was curious about the way she was looking at her own body. I sat down on the bed and tried to get her to pay attention to me. When she didn't, I watched her closer. She was dragging her fingertips over the faint marks left behind by our daughter. I smiled at the thought of Enola staring in the mirror with a huge belly. I shook the idea from my mind. I needed to get her to talk to me. I stopped myself from speaking again when I noticed the sad look in her eyes as she peeked down at her thighs and turned to see her own bum.
"Noli, what are you doing?" I asked softly. She didn't answer; she shook her head and reached for her silk, lavender robe hanging on the post of the mirror. "Baby,can you talk to me, please?" I pleaded from the bed. Enola turned to me with tears in her eyes, her robe hanging open. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. I didn't think...I just didn't think." I murmured. "I know you love me and that's why you want another baby." I whispered. Enola wrapped her arms around her own waist and nodded slowly. I took her hand in mine and pulled her closer, "Please, tell me what you're thinking."
Enola let out a tiny sob, "I'm sorry, Harry." I frowned and kissed her hands lightly. "I don't mean to be this way tonight. I'm just...you're home and..." She balled. I tried to pull her closer. "I shouldn't be wanting another baby. You've not even been home a full day and we're already fighting." She cried.
"Noli, baby. We fight. We've always fought like this. It's just how we are. But I know that I love you. And the day I give up fighting with you is the day that I don't care anymore." I murmured to her, stroking her knuckles gently. She smiled a little, remembering how she had said the same thing to me years ago. "We argue about what's important. It's not like we're fighting about money or stupid things. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass." I chuckled, hoping she'd get what I was saying.
"Harry." She whined, realizing I was quoting The Notebook. "This is serious."
"Baby, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to really. You've just been so sure that we're not ready to have another baby. You were right when you said that we need to know what we want. That I need to know what I want." I spoke gently as to not hurt her feelings anymore.
"It's just... we can have that life we talked about when we were just stupid kids." She whispered, trying to hold back the tears.
I pulled her closer and placed a hand on her hips, "I know we can. I'm so happy and lucky and grateful but you and I said we weren't going to try. I'm just going to love on you and I'm going to make you feel loved and if we end up with another little one, I'll be over the moon. But I think you're right that we may not be ready. Are you sure this is what you want, at this very moment?"
"I want you. I want babies. I want all of the stuff we planned out when we were in my studio in LA." Enola was nearly sobbing.
I kissed her hand lightly, "I know. I know. It's okay though. We have the rest of our lives to do it." Enola nodded and buried her face in her hands, letting the sobs rack her body. "Baby, why are you crying so much?" I asked starting to feel worried. She shook her head. "Come on. There's something you're not telling me." I stroked her hip softly with my thumb.
"I want more kids but...you...you won't want me anymore after I push out a few more." Enola whimpered.
"Why on Earth would you think that? I love you, Noli." I was caught off guard by her statement.
"Because..." She began, her fingers on her barely there stretch marks.
"Don't be ridiculous, Enola. I love you because of your heart and the way you think. I am going to want you until the day I die." I huffed at her. Enola opened her mouth to protest. I held my hand up to stop her, "I will want you when we are eighty years old and I have to take a pill to prove it." Enola giggled quietly. "Noli, I'm never not going to want you. Some days I think it even might kill me." She laughed again. "You're gorgeous and I love these." I stroked her stomach gently. "This happened because I love you. And it'll happen again for the same reason." Enola tangled her fingers in my hair with a loving look in her eyes. I leaned forward a bit and kissed her flesh softly. I smiled against her skin, thinking how weird the conversation would end up being if she were already pregnant.
"Why are you smiling?" Enola murmured, stroking my hair. I shared my thoughts with her. She giggled again, "It's not that far-fetched is is?" She asked jokingly.
"Hey, I know we both think that maybe we're not ready." I said pulling her closer. Enola lifted her eyebrow, wondering what I would say next. "But Darcy is sleeping and I'm sure not against practicing makin' one." I smirked up at her. Enola laughed loudly and pushed me back on the bed. I wound my arms around her waist and grinned up at her. "You're always going to be my Queen, baby."

"Do you wanna tell me about your new project?" I asked Enola as she laid in my arms silent and satisfied.
Enola shrugged, "If you really want to hear it."
"Of course I do, Noli." I beamed at her. "I love what you do. I want to know."
"I'll probably start crying again." Enola murmured, showing a bit of embarrassment.
I laughed quietly, "Yeah?" She nodded shyly. "That's okay. I'll hold you until forever ends if it helps." I whispered before kissing her lips lightly.
"I've been doing things with light." She stated. I nodded waiting for her to elaborate. "I found some old drawings I had done while you were gone." Enola began. "A lot of them were of you, from when we were in Europe and I was meeting your mom and Gemma for the first time. You laughing and smiling. I drew pictures of your hands and eyes and just all of this really strange, overly obsessive stuff." Enola babbled. I just stared at her with a smile on my face. "And I remember you're sister saying that she loved how I would draw you, even your hands, like the light was coming from inside of you." Enola blushed as she said it. "So I started looking back at the photos I took from Ireland and the ones I put in my collection. And I took all of these photos of you and you do look like there's a light radiating from inside of you..." Enola was still looking kind of embarrassed. "Sooooo, I decided I was going to play with the idea. I tried to take photos of things to make them look like their glow was coming from inside." I stayed quiet as she finished her explanation. "I know. I know. It's stupid but I can't get the idea out of my head." She was going to start babbling incoherently soon.
I shook my head quickly, "No. No. I like it. It's a good idea."
Enola smiled shyly, "You're just saying that."
"No. I'm not." I chuckled. "I know there might be a little more to it than you're really telling me but I love it. I love the way you think. I can't wait to see the photos."
"I wish I could just show you. I think I might start looking for a studio that's a little closer to home." Enola grumbled quietly. I smiled a bit when Enola turned her head for a moment. I had the perfect idea for her second Christmas present.

Notes

I really love you guys from the bottom of my heart. Every time I see comments I get so excited. You guys really do make my day, every day.

Peace&All My Love