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ALWAYS

Chapter 35

I was furious with Harry. How dare he question how I felt about him. How dare he think that I would ever be with Louis the way I was with him. I'd made a lot of questionable choices in my life but I would never hurt him in that way. He knew that. I hated that he assumed because I was the one who really walked away and was the one who committed to the break up, that I wasn't hurting just as much. I rubbed my face as my mind drifted to the time right after we broke up.


I hadn't said a word in almost a week. Not a single word. I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel anything. My mother had gotten over being angry with me for leaving Charles. I think it was because I said I was moving to Ireland, so she was angry that I was going to be spending more time with Sorcha. I didn't care. My mother hated it even more that I was dragging her to my dad's house. I wasn't going there to see my dad or my brothers; I wanted Sorcha. She knew everything about Harry and I. She knew more than Katy did.
We arrived at my dad's just a bit before Sorcha had gotten out of work. My dad attempted to talk to me while my brothers just sat beside me, with their arms around me.
"Enola, it's probably for the best. These things are so unpredictable. Who knows if you and Harry really would've been happy had you stayed together." My father was trying to sound comforting but he really just sounded like a gloating jerk.
"Lochlan, I've tried to tell her that a million times. She's not listening. It just goes in one ear and out the other." My mother huffed at my father. My dad rolled his eyes and placed his hand on my knee.
"What do you want to do, hunny?" My father asked with a caring voice. I didn't move, speak or even make a sound.
"She's completely catatonic. I don't know what to do with her, Lochlan. What in the hell do I do with her? I thought it was her idea to leave Charles and she's acting like this?" My mother shouted again.
"This has nothing to do with that disgusting man you let her marry." I heard from behind me. I snapped my head back to see Sorcha standing in the door way of the living room. "Come here, baby." Sorcha said motioning me over. I jumped up from the sofa and ran to her. She wrapped me in a warm and understanding hug. "Come on, Enola. Come talk to Mama." Sorcha said releasing me. I nodded and we went down the hall to the room I was staying in.
Sorcha sat me down on the bed with a gentle smile. She let me pull my legs onto the bed before asking me, "Alright, what happened exactly?" I inhaled deeply and began to recount the last week of mine and Harry's relationship. I told her almost every detail; I told her about all the plans we'd made, the things we did, how he reacted to Charles and seeing the concert with Charles. "And what made him end it?" Sorcha asked. I sighed and told her of the jealousy that had over taken Harry and the horrible events of the benefit. As I told her what Harry said to me to break it off, I struggled to keep myself from crying.
"That's not what it was, Mama. I love him. I love him with every single fiber of my being, every ounce of soul the gods gave me. He's all that I've ever wanted." I stated quietly looking down at my hands. Sorcha brushed the hair out of my face.
"I know that it hurts and it feels horrible but..." Sorcha began.
I shook my head, "This isn't horrible. And hurt isn't the word I would use." Sorcha looked at me curiously. "I think that horrible would be better than how I feel now." I mumbled. Sorcha frowned and rubbed my arm lightly. "I feel like I'm do everything to keep myself from dying, Mama." I choked on the tears threatening to fall. "I feel like my heart is being cut out of my chest." A few tears slipped from my eyes. "I feel like I can't breathe." I leaned forward and buried my face in her chest. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. "I can't breathe without him. I feel like I can't breath." I sobbed into her shirt. Sorcha rubbed my back, trying to soothe me.


I sighed as the memory faded. I missed the way my step mother chose not to judge the way Harry and I were. I got lucky with Louis and Niall. They never said one word about me grieving the way I did. They always just called to make sure that I was okay and doing what I was supposed to be while pregnant. They even were the ones to comfort me the first time I saw Harry after our break up. Granted, at that time, I probably could've changed everything. But I was too scared of hurting him again with the possibility of Darcy not being his daughter. My heart was suddenly brought back to the night that I should've stayed.


I snuck into the corridor with a member of the security team. We were trying our hardest not to be seen by fans or any of the boys but Niall and Louis. The security man that I had been following around spotted Louis and waved him over quickly. A smile spread across Niall's face when he saw me with the security man. Niall and Louis rushed over to me.
"Is everything alright, Enola?" Niall seemed concerned as he kissed my cheek.
"How is he doing?" I inquired of Harry. Niall chuckled a little. "Seriously, I flew out here because you guys said that he wasn't doing well."
"With Zayn leaving, he's falling apart. He's acting as though it is the end of the world. He's not doing well." Louis responded quietly. I nodded and raked my fingers over my very pregnant stomach. It was a way to soothe myself. "How are you doing?" Louis inquired with a small smile. He placed his hand on my stomach waiting for my baby to move.
"We're okay. We're just worried about Harry." I replied softly.
"Hey Louis!" I heard Harry's voice from not too far away. I looked up at Louis and Niall with fear. I quickly stepped further back into the corridor. Niall then pointed to the bathroom next to me. I quickly ducked inside and locked the door. I listened to the conversation Louis and Niall had with Harry.
"What's up mate?" Louis asked Harry. The nervousness in his voice was apparent.
"Liam is getting antsy. He wants to work on warm ups and stuff again. He also wants to talk to you about what we should say about it while on stage." Harry's voice was beginning to break. My heart flopped. MY poor Bear. He shouldn't have to feel so much pain in such a short amount of time.
"Alright. I'll be there in a minute. I've gotta piss." Louis' voice was brighter than before. He was trying to keep Harry calm. I heard Harry's footsteps leading him away. "Okay, E. You can come out now." Louis said knocking on the door. I opened the bathroom door to see Louis and Niall with sad eyes.
"It would help for him to be able to see you. I don't think that this is fair." Niall spoke quietly.
I shook my head, "No. It would just break him even more when I left again. This is how is has to be."
"Didn't you come because he's not doing well? Come on, E! You want him to be better? Then stay, you know you want to stay." Niall snapped at me.
I shook my head, "No. I'm...look at me Niall. We all know how this happened. But it's who it happened with that is up in the air." There was so much guilt in my heart for not knowing who the father of my child was. Niall and Louis both gave me saddened looks. "Besides, the person that broke you cannot be the person that fixes you. I can't fix him. How in the world are we ever supposed to be normal when he has to second guess why I am with him or if I am with someone else when he's not around. I can't let him live with that uncertainty. I was selfish the first time around. I will not do that to him again." Niall and Louis nodded. They hated it but they knew I was right. I was doing the right thing by Harry and maybe even right by my child.

I stood within a sea of girls. I was near the stage but not close enough for Harry to realize it was me. I had changed my shirt so my stomach wasn't as visible. Harry loved to point out pregnant women at the shows and I didn't want him to see my stomach first then my face. I think it would break him even more. I was certain if he saw that I was carrying a life inside of me, the show would have to be stopped. He would be an even bigger emotional wreck and I couldn't deal with that. I smiled as they started to play Diana. It was one of my all time favorite songs by them. I loved the lyrics and the beat was awesome. Harry had some wonderful vocal moments within the song. I swayed along to the music while I kept my eyes on the love of my life. Watching him carefully, making sure he was alright. My heart began to break as I saw tears in his eyes. He turned his back to the boys and a majority of the crowd. He quickly wiped his eyes, first with his hands then the hem of his shirt. My Bear was crying because he'd had too much heartbreak in the last few months. It looked as though I was going to the hotel to be with him for a little while.

"Enola, this feels wrong. He needs to talk to you. He needs to consciously hold you and feel you. I feel like this is a mean trick." Niall huffed at me as he and Louis let me into Harry's hotel room.
"What do you think you're doing?" I heard Dale's gruff voice behind Niall, Louis and I. Louis and Niall turned to Dale while I kept my back to him. I didn't want this to happen. It was just supposed to be Niall and Louis that saw me.
"We're just checking on him. He's had a long day." Louis replied. I heard a tense smile within his tone.
"Yeah, and who's the bird?" Dale inquired. I turned to him slowly, making his jaw drop. "Enola, what...you're...what is going on?"
"Louis and Niall said he's not doing well. I still love him, Dale. I'm here because he needs me." I spoke honestly.
"Are you staying? I mean...Is that..." He pointed to my stomach. "Is that his?" Dale struggled to get the words out of his mouth. I stayed silent this time. Dale frowned, "It isn't." I still didn't speak.
"I'm just going to lay with him for a little bit. Can I come to your room when I'm done?" I asked Louis.
Niall shook his head, "No. You have to come to my room. Louis' room is HQ tomorrow. I'll take you to the airport as soon as Harry leaves for interviews and all." I nodded then asked Louis to open the door. Louis slowly pushed it open.
"Be careful. Don't wake him up or you're never leaving." Louis warned me. I sighed and walked into the room. Louis closed the door behind me. Once I heard the lock latch, I removed my jacket and shoes. As I made my way to Harry's bed, I stripped out of all of my clothing. I wanted him to feel as though it was a dream. A dream of the way we used to be but more some how. Obviously, the fact that I was pregnant.

I slowly crawled into the bed beside him, trying my hardest not to let my pregnant body shift the bed so much. I really didn't want to wake him. I settled in on my back. One of the only ways that I could really lay with the huge belly I had. I sighed a bit and picked up Harry's wrist. I laid Harry's large, limp hand on my very large, pregnant stomach. I wanted him to feel her. I wanted him to feel what we had created together. His daughter started doing flips inside of me. So happy to finally feel her daddy so close by. My eyes welled with tears as her little foot kicked his hand as if to say hello. He smiled in his sleep. Slowly, his eyes opened. He stared at me in disbelief.
My reaction was to speak to him as though he was in a dream, "Can you believe it, Bear? Our baby." He smiled even wider and hummed softly. It was the one thing I wanted more than to be with him again. I wanted the child inside of me to be his. Harry's eyes closed after another moment. He was out like a light again. I turned onto my side and rested my head on his chest. My belly was pressed into his side so my baby could feel his warmth as well. I kissed his naked chest softly and slowly. And in a split second, I knew that showing up was wrong. I felt an intense wave of desire. I knew most of it was my hormones because I was pregnant. But I wanted to wake him. I wanted to rouse him from his much needed rest and make love to him. I giggled a little. He wouldn't go for it. He'd be too concerned with the child inside of me. He would be a great father. If only I knew for sure.

I woke to someone shaking my shoulders gently. I opened my eyes to see Niall smiling weakly at me. I smiled back at him. Then I realized the sun was up and I was still in bed with Harry. Harry was kind of far away but his hand was still on my stomach.
"Come on E. He's got to get up soon." Niall whispered. I nodded and carefully wiggled out of Harry's grasp. Niall shook his head, "You just had to get as close to naked as possible?"
"He likes sleeping like that. It makes him feel better to feel my skin on his. I wanted him to rest." I replied picking my clothes up from the floor. I carefully slid into my jeans and t-shirt while Niall kept an eye on Harry.
"You know, I think you should stay. Look at him." Niall pointed to Harry's sleeping frame. He looked at peace and he was still smiling a little. "It's going to kill him when he wakes up and thinks it was just a dream." Niall informed me.
"I know. But I can't be the one to fix him. I broke him." I stated once again.
Niall shook his head, "You didn't break him. He did that himself when he told you to leave. He did that when he didn't let you tell him you gave Charles the divorce papers. You're not at fault in that. He is. He did that to himself. Save him from himself."
I shook my head, "He's just going to think I came back because I'm pregnant. He wouldn't take me back out of love. He would take me back out of an uncertain obligation." I knew it wasn't true but I needed to convince myself of it. Niall grunted softly and shook his head.
"Come on. You need to be out of here soon. Dale is coming to get him up in twenty minutes."



I leaned back on the sofa and tried to control the tears falling down my face. I should've stayed that night. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my name coming from the doorway. I looked up to see Niall standing against the wall, his arms over his chest and a concerned gaze.
"Are you alright, E?" Niall asked stepping into the room more and closing the door.
"I don't think I can do this, Niall." I murmured as he sat down beside me. He rubbed my back and kissed my temple.
"Everything will turn out the way it is supposed to, E. You taught me that everything happens for a reason. You are his reason and he is yours. It will all turn out in the end." Niall tried to sound assuring.
"He hates me. He thinks that I don't love him, that I never did." I whimpered.
Niall laughed, "We all know that is not true. We all saw it and can still see it. I promise. Things are going to change for the better." I shook my head and buried my face in his neck to cry. Niall stroked my arms soothingly. "Come on. Darcy is nagging Harry about presents."

Notes

One more chapter tonight! :)

Comments

@#104926
I’m so glad you do!

I love this

@Kammy.
I do. Very much so. Lol. ❤️

@morrison_hotel

You love me <3

Hell yes to a new story about Harry and Enola.