ALWAYS

I was annoyed. I was angry. I was tired. But most of all I was nervous. I hated going to art galleries with the boys. I knew that it was a favor for a friend of Niall and Louis' but even getting near an art gallery made my heart race. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed art. I still bought a lot and went to galleries. But I always went alone. It was easier to face my lingering emotions alone.
"Harry, would you hurry up?" Liam grunted at me. I knew I was taking forever but we were going to a big opening. I didn't want to risk being seen not looking my best. I ran my hand through my long hair, flipping it to one side. "Harry, you look beautiful. Can we please go?" Liam asked with the same tone he used with his wife.
I rolled my eyes, "Yes, Liam. We can go." I replied grabbing my wallet and keys from my dresser. I stuffed them in my pockets and followed the impatient boy out of the room. Louis and Niall were waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs with Sophia and Brynn.
"Oh Harry, don't you look nice." Sophia smiled. The last few days no one had seen me in anything but my boxers and a t shirt. I had been one for moping since I was informed of the event.
"Yes. You look great." Brynn beamed also liking my black, fitted trousers, pin stripped button down shirt and boots.
"Can you guys please stop talking to me like I'm a teenage girl please? We're going to an exhibit opening, not an award show. I don't care about how I look." I huffed at them.
"Sure. That's why it took you an hour to get dressed." Niall laughed putting his arm over my shoulders. I glared at his short frame. He laughed loudly causing me to almost cringe. What they didn't know was that most of the hour was spent with me sitting on my bed in front of the mirror, just staring. Not really focusing on anything. I couldn't look at my own reflection even.
"Let's go have some fun. I've never been to a gallery opening." Brynn sounded optimistic as she took my arm. I liked Brynn. She made Niall happy. They hadn't been together for very long but I'd never seen him smile the way he smiled at her. She got along well with Louis and Liam. She was the best of friends with Sophia. Everyone genuinely liked her and she genuinely liked everyone. I liked being around her for that reason. I knew someone like that once. Maybe that's why I liked Brynn so much. She reminded me of Enola. I shook the thought from my mind and furrowed my brows.
"Harry, are you okay?" Sophia asked placing her hand on my back. I smiled and nodded. She looked at me unsure. Louis frowned behind her. The boys all knew my fake smiles. I couldn't muster a real one when she was on my mind for the longest time, not when people asked. I had to lie. They couldn't know how deep the cut into my being still was.
"We should go. We're going to be late." Louis stated trying to get everyone moving toward the door. I happily walked away from the girls. I didn't want them prying again. The only downside of them always being around: I was mothered all of the time. I followed Louis out of the house silently to the car.


I sat in the back seat of Louis' car with Sophia. She placed her hand on my shoulder to soothe me. I turned my head to her to see if she was going to say anything to me. She just smiled at me warmly. I returned it the best I could before turning my eyes back out the window. I watched in silence as we drove through the city. I smiled seeing the people on the street. I had started people watching a lot lately. It made me feel better to wonder what their lives were like. Yes, I still loved the band, making music and touring. It gave me a reason to keep moving. It was what was helping me move on. If that's what you would call what I was doing. It was when we had breaks, like the month we had off now, that I started to get quiet and keep to myself. Sophia rubbed my back gently and went about talking to Brynn and Liam who were sitting ahead of us. I didn't understand why Sophia didn't sit with Liam. I would've been just fine sitting with Brynn. Louis' phone rang in the front seat.
"Hello darling." His voice sounded very bright. "We're on our way as we speak." He stated. He must've been talking to his friend we were going to the opening for. I wasn't sure if they were a promoter or an artist. I didn't even know if it was a man or a woman. Not that I cared. I wasn't too sure about going anyway. "I am very excited to see it. Niall and Brynn are with me, of course. Sophia and Liam said they wouldn't miss it." He informed the person on the other end of the line.Sophia and Liam knew this person as well but I didn't? How odd. I shook it off. I knew it didn't matter. I wasn't going to talk to anyone but them. I wasn't interested in chatting up girls in an art gallery like Brynn suggested I do. Louis hung up after a moment longer. He was smiling as he looked back into the car. I felt like he was looking directly at me but that was a silly thought to have. There were three other people in the back.


I looked around curiously as the car stopped. I peeked out Sophia's window and my brows furrowed. An old, four story, red brick building with Gothic style fencing and a lush green lawn. I knew this place. I had been here before. But when? I sighed and climbed out of the car after Sophia. Brynn crawled out of the car next. She tripped on her own feet and nearly fell. She collapsed into my arms. AS I looked down at her I had to shake my head. I saw blue eyes instead of green ones and a more rounded nose than hers really was. I quickly let go of her.
"Harry? Harry are you alright?" Liam voice sounded distant almost. Brynn 's green eyes peered into mine curiously. I just nodded and turned to the building. As soon as my eyes saw the sign my heart dropped into my stomach. My eyes started to well a bit. "Harry, you don't look alright?" Liam stated putting his hand on my shoulder.
I nodded, "I'm fine. I just...I haven't been here in a long time. Not since..." My mind traveled to the last time I visited the old, brick gallery. I ran my hand through my hair again.
"Well, we're all going in." Sophia reminded me. I nodded and inhaled deeply.
Brynn appeared confused, "Wait. How has he been here before? I thought this was just opening."
I shook my head and explained, "No. It's an exhibit opening. They have a new collection from an artist or an all new artist all together. Gallery openings are usually much bigger. More people, more press." Brynn lifted her eyebrow at me. I finally showed her a genuine smile, "Had an artist for a lover. Long time ago." Liam, Louis, Niall and Sophia all looked shocked. I had never told Brynn about Enola. I knew that no one else ever told her either because she loved to ask a million questions when she was curious. I laughed whole heartedly at her cheesy grin. Louis put his hand on my back as we all made our way to the entrance.


Sophia took my hand tightly as we walked into the main part of the gallery where the new exhibit was being displayed. I looked at the sign for the exhibits name "AMARE". I smiled a bit thinking of the first time I heard the word, the little Italian shop. I looked at the initials underneath the painted sign. NG. I shrugged a bit, not familiar with it. I knew a lot of the new artist since I was in a gallery almost everyday but I wasn't aware of this guy. Sophia tugged my hand a little wanting me to follow her and Liam. I looked at Louis and pointed in the direction she wanted to go in. HE agreed and motioned for Niall and Brynn to follow us. I dragged my feet a bit. I wasn't feeling too eager. Sophia smiled brightly as she placed a glass of wine in my hand. I smelled it then made a face.
"What's wrong with it? It's red wine. You like it." Sophia looked upset.
I handed it back to her, "I don't want it." She seemed a bit worried but took it back anyway. She handed it to Brynn instead. Brynn took a small sip, followed by a big drink. Niall laughed quietly.
Brynn pushed the glass at me, "Harry, you have to try it. It's really good."
I held my hand up, telling her no, "I know what it tastes like. I've had it before. I don't want it." Everyone looked confused as I pushed my hands into my pockets. "Can we go look at the exhibit please?" I asked impatiently. I was sick of their weird glances and concerned stares. They knew the three days I spent alone right after getting home were not good for me.
"Here. Take this." Louis put a beer in my hand. I sighed and took a sip to make the rest of the group happy. Louis patted my back with a smile. "Let's go look at some art." I thanked the heavens and followed him out of the hospitality area.

We slowly walked around the first part of the exhibit. I liked all of what I was seeing. Above the first photo it said, "Where we look for love...". Lots of photos and paintings of romantic landscapes: beaches, vineyards, riverbanks, pleasant places. As we continued through the exhibit, I started to feel a sense of deja vu. The next photos were of major cities. I recognized Dublin, Ireland; Venice, Italy; London, England; New York City; Paris, France; Los Angeles, California. I had been to all of the places on the walls. But there was something about all of the photos, they all seemed so familiar. I chalked it up to being in each place so many times.
"Oh wow, look at these." Brynn said leaning in a bit. There were pictures of couples littering the walls in their plain black and white frames. My heart started to race as I saw the caption "Where we find love...". I saw faces that I has literally seen before. An elderly couple on a bench in Venice. A couple holding hands in a park in Paris. A couple locked in a kiss in New York City. "These are beautiful." Brynn smiled looking up at Niall. I could feel his eyes boring into me but I couldn't take my eyes from the scenes I replayed in my mind every night.
"Let's keep going." Liam suggested moving me gently. I snapped out of my trance and walked along after Brynn and Niall.
Louis walked beside me silently while Brynn gushed to Niall about the beauty in the photos and paintings. Sophia and Liam spoke quietly behind us so I couldn't hear them. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I felt like there was a hand in my chest gripping my lungs tightly. My heart felt like it was going to explode. My hands were shaking a little as the photos on the wall stole every bit of the heart and soul I had left. I looked at the caption, "What we fall in love with...". I couldn't focus as the tears came to my eyes seeing the photos of a chest with two sparrows tattooed on it. There were photos of hands and legs intertwined, chests pressed together in an embrace, legs wrapped around hips. I started to heave a bit when I saw a smile with dimples and a photo of bright green eyes. A picture of curly, brown hair hiding a face.
"Harry, are you alright?" Liam asked softly, touching my arm gently. I didn't answer as my chest tightened more. I saw a photograph that I never thought I would see on a gallery wall. Two bodies intertwined intimately in a pool, a warm, loving embrace that meant so much more than it eluded to.
"Harry, isn't that...Harry that's you." Brynn stated motioning to the photo my eyes were fixed on. "And these are your guy's song lyrics here." Brynn pointed to the handwritten line under the photo. "I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way." She murmured. I turned to Louis trying to contain all of my emotions. Sophia quickly wrapped me in a comforting hug. I couldn't even hold her back because I was in shock. I wanted to but I couldn't remember how to make my arms work. I was snapped out of my trance by a tiny voice yelling and getting louder. A little brunette girl came running at our group. Big eyes and a big smile.
"LOUIS! LOUIS!" The little girl cheered happily. He scooped her up in his arms, lifting her tiny frame from the floor. "Louis!" She beamed kissing him on the lips quickly.
"How's my best girl?" Louis asked her with a bright smile. I furrowed my brow. I hadn't ever met this child before. How did he know her?
"Well. Mommy lookin' for you. She sad." The little girl frowned a bit.

Notes