Always on My Mind

You could feel the burning building up in your chest and you knew what was coming even before it set in. Soon you found yourself hyperventilating. Unable to control your breathing, you stood clutching your chest and gasping for breath. It had been months since you’d had a panic attack this bad. Occasionally you still got the feeling of anxiety, but you had learned to push through them. Right now your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest. Your mind was racing, but it felt like everything around you was moving in slow motion. The show’s crew moved busily around you, but you stood as if your feet were glued to the floor. Unable to move willingly, you felt paralyzed. You could feel your hands starting to shake when suddenly you felt a strong hand on the small of your back. You turned to see your boyfriend’s face inches from your own, concern written on every feature.

“Sunshine? Are you okay? Is it happening again?” Niall’s voice was soft as he lead you down the hallway to an empty room. As soon as you entered the room, he pulled the door closed behind you and wrapped you in his arms. His hands rubbed circles on your back while he made gentle shushing noises. His mouth close to your ear, he whispered. “Slow. Deep breaths, babe.” He always had the ability to calm you down and you could feel your breathing slowly at his command. “Good. That’s it, my love. Slow. In and out.” Your body relaxed against his strong arms and he held you. Finally, your heartbeat felt normal. The burst of feeling in your chest had started to slowly ebb away.

You focused on Niall. His smell. The feel of his arms around you. The sound of his voice in your ear. The warmth radiating from his body to yours. With him holding you, you felt the last traces of your panic attack disappear. He loosened his hold on you and leaned back. His eyes searched yours and you smiled softly. An answering smile covered his face as he brought his hands up to your face. His thumbs stroked your cheeks lightly. “I saw it hit you. I was only just down the hall from you when I saw your whole demeanor change. It was like you couldn’t move an inch. As soon as I saw it, I raced over to you. Are you better now?” You nodded your head trying to hold back the tears that always seemed to come after an attack. Niall saw and his thumb reached up and swiped a rouge tear away. “I’m glad but it’s okay, you can cry. Let it out. I know it makes you feel better.” He pulled you to him once more. You rested your head on his shoulder and let the tears flow freely. You felt safe in his arms. They were home. As if he could read your mind, he spoke up once more. “It’s okay. I’ve got you and I promise I won’t let go.”

Notes