Self doubt is an awful thing. It eats at your soul, tears apart your confidence, but it becomes a problem magnified by thousands when you’re in a relationship. It probably doesn’t help that the man that I’ve given my heart to, the one I’m hopelessly in love with, is also the dream of tens of thousands of other women. It’s not the other women that worry me. It’s me.

Today isn’t a good day for me. I somehow fell into a deep pit of self doubt and pity and I can’t seem to climb out again. I know that the thoughts racing through my mind aren’t real, they aren’t true, but that ugly voice inside my head won’t let it go.

“Why would he even be with you? He can do so much better?”
“Have you seen yourself? Have you looked in the mirror?”
“No man in their right mind would want you, let alone Niall Horan.”

Doubt and corrosive thoughts pile up so high that I can’t see the light right now. I need someone to knock them down. I need Niall. I’ve curled up into a ball, trying to fight the tears, but I’ve failed miserably. I’m bawling, my body convulsing with the heaving with the sobs and I can’t make myself stop.

The lies in my head are outweighing the sound of his voice. The soothing tone being drowned out by filth.

I’ve got to make this stop. I will not let this win.

I sit up, wiping my eyes with my sleeve and reach for my phone. The text I send to Niall is simple and sweet.

“Come over please…I need you.”

Within seconds he answers me.

“Do ya now? That sounds promising. I’m on my way”

The second he walks through my door, it’s like his presence brings a calm into the room. My heart settles, my chest unclenches. I feel better just him being here. He walks towards me, arms outstretched, eyes on my tear stained face.

He frowns slightly, palming my face with his large warm hand. His eyes scan my face, the concern he has for me painted on his every feature. “Where’s my sunshine? Where’s her smile?”

My head drops and I stare at the floor in shame. Ashamed that I let myself get this way. Ashamed that I believe lies that my own brain tells itself. The tears fall as I cry silently, Niall’s hand still cupping my cheek. I feel the slightest pressure as he brings my gaze back up to meet his eyes. He frowns when he sees the fresh tears. His thumb swipes them away and he pushes a fallen piece of hair out of my face.

“What’s wrong? Why are you sad?”

I shrug and sniff, not really knowing what to say. “It’s just…I don’t know…sometimes I think that..” I shake my head and let out a long breath. “God, this is going to sound so dumb…”

Niall’s eyes search mine and smiles softly. “Nothing from you is ever dumb. I don’t care if you think it’s ridiculous, I promise that I won’t.”

I feel the edge of my sadness start to fade. The ugly thoughts from just a few minutes ago being chased off just by the presence of this wonderfully sweet man.

“I just was starting to doubt some things. Not us. But I guess me.” I look up into his eyes, trying not to cry again. “I know you’re it for me, but what if I’m not it for you. What if something better comes along and I’m left without you? I just can’t imagine life like that.” I drop my head again. I can’t look at him when I feel this foolish.

A second later his fingers tuck beneath my chin and he raises my eyes to meet his.

“Listen to me, okay? You will never be left without me. Ever. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” A watery chuckle escapes me and it makes him smile. “You’re the only thing in this life that I want and I know that you’re all I’m ever going to want. It’s you and me, sunshine, forever.”

A warmth blooms in my chest when he says forever. I do want forever with this man. I want longer than forever if I can get it. I will never get enough of him, never be over him, never grow tired of him.

His thumb strokes across my now dry cheek. “Do you feel a bit better now? The worries gone for a bit?”

I nod, nuzzling into his hand.

He bends his forward and kisses me. His lips soft on mine, parting slightly so that he can deepen it. He changes the angle slightly, swiping his tongue across my own and nipping at my bottom lip before kissing me harder than before. His arms wrap around me, holding me close to him. I melt against his body, letting myself get lost in him. His passion for me radiating through him and seeping into my skin.

This is a kiss to top all those we’ve had already.
This is a kiss to seal a promise.
The promise of forever.

Notes