“Louis!” I yelled his name but he didn’t answer. “LOUIS!” I screamed his name with more panic in my voice and felt someone shake me awake. I tried to fight of the person who was shaking me but it didn’t work. Soon I heard a voice calling me and it became more and more clear.

“Johanna! Darling, wake up.” His voice was so soft and comforting. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a slightly scared Louis looking down at me.

“What happened? You were gone.” I sat up quickly and Louis had to move out of the way so that I didn’t hit him. I ran my hands threw my hair as he soothingly ran a hand across my back.

“It’s okay. You just had a nightmare again.” He kissed the top of my head and hugged close. “I’m not going anywhere.” I sighed and looked up at him. I felt tears forming in my eyes and shook my head slowly. As they started to run down my cheeks I spoke.

“I know.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and he hugged me even tighter. “I just don’t how much I can take the nightmares. They’re killing me. I’m scared all the time.” My voice was shaking and I couldn’t breathe normally. Louis began rocking us back and forth while singing my favourite song of theirs, Over Again. When he finished he stopped rocking us and leaned back to look at me. He wiped the tears away and kissed my lips softly.

“I’m so sorry Jo. I really thought they would’ve caught him by now…” His voice trailed off and I could tell he truly was sorry for not being able to help me. I placed both of my hands on his face and gave him a long kiss before leaning back again.

“Just because you’re famous and kind of rich doesn’t mean you can do miracles. And I understand that, Lou. I’m not asking you to be anyone but yourself.” I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed when I felt his arms wrap safely around me. “I love you.” He kissed the top of my head.

“I love you more.” I slowly shook my head and heard him laugh. “I’m sorry, I meant I love you more than I loved you yesterday.” I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and he chuckled lightly.

“You’re a good obedient boyfriend, you know that?” I grinned largely and giggled. He nodded and pushed me down on the bed. He placed himself on top of me and kissed my nose lightly.

“I’m here to satisfy my lady.” I giggled more and tried to push him of me. His chest somehow ended up coming closer to mine and I couldn’t help but smile more. “So my lady, what can I do for you?” I pretended to think about it and then looked him straight in the eye.

“Breakfast.” His smile faltered a little bit and I giggled a little bit more.

“I was hoping you were going to say sex.” He pouted and looked at me with puppy eyes. I couldn’t do anything but laugh and lift my head to kiss his collarbone.

“But I’m hungry.” I leaned back down on the bed and looked at him with my own puppy eyes. He sighed and relaxed his arms, which meant his entire bodyweight was on me. I giggle loudly and tried to get him of me but didn’t succeed. “Louis! Get off me!” I tried to sound serious and angry but the giggles between the words were ruining the seriousness of it. Finally I managed to push him off me and I rolled out of bed quickly before he could grab me again. When I turned back to him he was lying on his back staring at me with a pout of his beautiful face.

“You shouldn’t push me off you like that. I was having sex with you in my head.” I laughed out loud at how serious he sounded and picked up a pair of sweatpants from the floor.

“Sorry love, but I really am hungry.” I shrugged and put the pants on. “And it smells like no one is making me breakfast so I have to take matters into my own hands, now don’t I?” I raised my eyebrow and turned around to walk out into the kitchen.

“You’re such a tease.” I think I heard him mutter ‘bloody hell’ too but I was too busy thinking about how much I needed to use the bathroom. I knew he wasn’t going to get up anytime soon, he was going to stay in bed both in protest and in hopes that I would come back. But I really was hungry so that wasn’t going to happen.

It’s been about three weeks since I got home from the hospital. We have cleared my apartment and I have fully moved in with Louis and Harry once more. Harry was planning on moving out because ‘it’s hard to be around when I’m not with him’. Of course he told Louis another version as to why he’s moving but I wasn’t going to tell him the truth. The police still haven’t found Michael, but they have put Robbie away for at least five years. I walked around every day feeling scared that Michael was going to find me or Louis, and that fear only got worse when Louis was off doing his thing for the day. Both of us and the boys had at least one cop with us everywhere we went. Somehow I still had the feeling I was being watched by someone who no one could see. Every time I went outside it felt like there was someone staring at me but I tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen and wasn’t surprised when I noticed Louis wasn’t there. I laughed and went over to the fridge to search for something to eat. When I decided that I wanted cereal I also noticed we didn’t have any milk so I groaned out loud and slammed the fridge door close.

“Louis!” I heard him respond with a low ‘yeah’. “When was the cop getting here today?” I heard some shuffling and soon a half-naked Louis walked out into the kitchen. He scratched the back of his head and shrugged.

“I think they were sending someone over at nine or something, so in two hours.” I smiled and nodded my head.

“You have any cash?” He nodded and grabbed his wallet from the counter. He handed me ten pounds and then looked at me with curious eyes. “Milks out. I’m just going to run downstairs to Tesco and get some.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “You want anything?” He shook his head and looked at me with worried eyes.

“Be careful.” I waved him off and put my shoes on. “I mean it Johanna. Don’t be gone for too long, or I will call the police.” I smiled and waved him over.

“I’ll be gone for five minutes.” I kissed his cheek and unlocked the door. I had to admit that the thought of going outside, for the first time alone in months, was really freaking me out. But I couldn’t be scared for the rest of my life. I had to face my fears someday and that started today.