I looked at him with such fear but the only thing he did was smile. He smiled an evil smile that told me he enjoyed seeing me like this. He loved the fact that I was crawling on the floor, begging for his forgiveness. But he wasn’t going to give me it just yet. He wanted to see me suffer for what I had done. The bruises on my body told a different story than the one he was going to tell everyone one later on. They told a story of hardship and pain. They told a story about rape and choking. But no, the story he was going to tell did not involve any harsh words. They only painted him as a loving man that tried helping his self tormenting girl. That story was a good one. It was approved by the management in this relationship and there was nothing I could do about it. And as he now looked down at my hurt body with an evil smile all I could feel was guilt.

If I had not been talking with another man he might not have beaten me in the first place. I clutched my stomach in pain and his smile almost grew. His head turned away from me so that I couldn’t see his features. When it turned back towards me on the floor the smile was gone and a look of pity washed over his face. He kneeled besides me and clasped his hands in front of him. He sighed and looked at me like I was a starving cat that had just killed my kittens. I laid there, in front of him, crying because I knew he could never forgive me. I hoped and prayed to a god I do not believe in that he was going to forgive me. He reaches his hand out towards my face and I cringe back involuntary. His face flashes with anger that had not been apparent before. He grabbed my face hard, I knew there were going to be a mark after it, and makes me look at him. The words he speaks come out in a hiss.

“You should be so lucky.” He pulls my head closer to his, his tone not changing. “I’m doing this because I love you. I can’t have you cheating on me again. Alright?” He stare blankly into my eyes and I feel tears well up in my eyes once more. I nod and close my eyes. He pushes me against the floor and spits on me. “Now fix dinner.”

I was lying in Louis’ bed staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t anything up there that interested me but after we ‘finished’ and Lou fell asleep, I couldn’t. Without even wanting them to, memories from my time with Michael flooded back. Tears were silently falling from my eyes but my breathing was even. I truly felt my heart break as I turned my head and looked at the sleeping man next to me. In so many ways he was perfect. In my entire life I never understood why someone would want me. When I met Michael he showed me that I wasn’t good for anything. Louis truly made me feel loved and I couldn’t believe I had been so cruel and slept with him. He looked so peaceful with is face all relaxed and innocent.

I turned my head to the other side to look at his bedside clock and saw that the time was three in the morning. I sighed softly to myself and lifted the cover. I put my underwear on and my shirt before starting to walk towards the door. I opened it and looked back at him. The room was dark but I could imagine his peaceful face on the pillow. I let out another sigh as I turned around and closed the door behind me. I walked out into the living room, sat down on the couch and cried.

*Louis P.O.V.*
I woke up because the person next to me was moving. I slowly opened my eyes and realized soon that she didn’t know that I was awake. I watched her move out of my bed and stand to put her clothes back on. I wanted to tell her not to bother and just come back to bed but when I saw the faint sign of tears on her cheeks I stayed silent. Did she regret what we just did? She might have hoped that the fact that she didn’t say ‘I love you’ back would be lost to me, but I noticed it clearly. I almost felt her love instead of her telling me. But I desperately wanted to her those words from her mouth. I often caught myself comparing this love to the love I had with Eleanor. The one Eleanor and I had had wasn’t soul consuming, it wasn’t heartbreaking. But the love I feel towards Johanna was all of those things and more. Every time I saw her cry my heart broke because most of the times I didn’t know why she was crying.

She was opening the door and I made sure to lie still so she wouldn’t know I was awake. She turned back to look at me and for a second I felt like she was going to turn around and walk back to the bed, back to me. She let out a small almost inaudible sigh and turned around and walked out the door. For a second I was a little dazed with the fact that we had just slept together, which was the best time so far in my life, and the fact that we lived together but she still decided to sneak out of the room. I however shook it off me and went to listen by the door if I could hear where she had gone. When I couldn’t hear anything I walked out into the hallway, I still made sure not to make any noises. I was approaching the living room when I heard it. I heard soft sobs and instantly knew it was her. I peaked around the corner to see where she was sitting. She was sitting on the couch with her back towards me. She was shaking from the sobs and you could tell she was trying to keep the noise down.

I debated whether or not to speak when her head snapped around and she stared at me with big eyes. She quickly wiped her cheeks but didn’t bother putting on a smile. She stared at me for several seconds, waiting for me to make the next move. She almost reminded me of a deer in headlights.

“You okay?” I had been debating in my head what to say but only those two words seemed to translate the worry I felt. She nodded and stood. She hugged her body and furrowed her eyebrows. She paused for a few seconds before lifting her gaze from the floor.

“Yeah I’m fine. I have a headache that’s all.” She turned around and walked into her room. Just as her back were towards me I heard her let out another sob and saw her hand shoot up to cover her mouth. Something was making her really upset and it killed me not knowing how to fix it. I ran a hand over my face and sighed. I wanted her to be happy but sometimes it seemed like her past screwed her up too much for her to take the chance. If it was the last thing I did I wanted her to look at me and smile a really genuine smile. I wanted her to be the person I knew she could be.
*End of Louis P.O.V.*