The clock was now eight in the morning and I hadn’t slept one bit. I was lying in my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about everything that happened yesterday. I wasn’t mad anymore, I was just sad. I knew Louis were right. I had gone over to him and pushed him. What if I really was the reason he had beaten me. It was all my fault and I just needed to see that. Sometimes my mouth said things I didn’t mean and that’s why things that happen to me, happen. I really wanted to break this pattern of mine but I couldn’t do it while I was here. I had a plan. But that plan was to remain secret to everyone but me. And the first step was talking to Niall. It might not make sense right now but it will at the end.

I took a deep breath before standing up from my bed. I stretched out my body and heard my legs and arms snap a little. Sighing I put on a sweatshirt because I was freezing. I began walking out into the kitchen, thinking I would make some coffee and then do my business in the bathroom. But my plans were disturbed when I saw Louis standing by the coffee pot. I stopped breathing and backed away slowly, praying he wouldn’t see me. Because I was just the most unlucky person in the world he did see me. He turned around and was looking defeated. When he saw me his face turned desperate and he reached out towards me.

“Johanna.” I turned and walked to the bathroom. I ignored his calls and just kept walking. As I was about to open the door his hand snaked out and he stopped me. He had grabbed a hold of my arm and spun me around to look at him. I let out a tired sigh as I stared at the floor.

“Leave it alone Lou.” I heard him sigh and saw him shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Johanna, please let me explain.” I shook my head, still looking at the ground.

“You were right.” I felt tears come to my eyes again as I spoke. He was about to say something when I cut him off. I looked up at him while the tears ran down my cheeks. “He did what he did because I can’t keep my mouth shut.” His mouth fell open and he stared at me. “That’s what you meant right?” I tore my arm from his hand and stepped back. I didn’t run this time. I didn’t feel like running from him right now.

“No!” He shouted. “Jo, I didn’t mean what I said! No one deserves to be beaten, I’ve told you that. And I meant what I said then.” He placed his hands on the sides of my face “I am so sorry for saying that to you, I didn’t mean it. I was so mad because you’re always away but you won’t tell me why or where you are.” My eyes fell to the floor once more and I shook my head.

“I’ve told you, Lou. I’m out with Yvette most times. Other times I’m just walking around.” I knew he could tell I was lying. And when he spoke I wasn’t surprised he asked what he asked.

“I was afraid you found someone else. Someone you could go outside with, without being attacked by the paps.” I looked up at him and he had tears running down his cheeks. “Have you? Have you found someone who can give you what you deserve?” His voice broke and he sobbed quietly. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek. I wiped a few tears away.

“You’re the only one stupid enough to like me.” I shook my head and his hands fell to my waist. I pretended to think about forgiving him for a few seconds before smiling softly. “Louis, I really like you. And I do forgive you but you have to trust me when I say I’m not sleeping with someone else.” He nodded and the tears kind of turned to happy tears. I wasn’t crying anymore, only he was. I only smiled and felt empty inside. My plan was in progress and I knew I needed to break his heart someday. But until then I was going to enjoy these last few moments with him. I leaned forward and pressed my lips onto his. I released his lips and he leaned his forehead against mine.

“Thank you.” He breathed. I smiled and looked at him.

“For what?” He hugged me tighter and placed his head in the crook of my neck. I laughed a little and kissed his neck.

“For being to good for me.” I almost didn’t hear his words. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him. I wasn’t going to say what was on my mind. I wasn’t going to say that he was the one who was too good for me, I was the troublemaker. He was a saint for even liking a fat person, and then to add to that I had a really messy personal life.

“Louis.” He leaned back and I noticed he had stopped crying. I gave him a soft smile which he returned. “Don’t get jealous or mad or anything now but I need to go and talk to Niall.” He raised his eyebrow and waited for me to elaborate. “I can’t tell you why.” I gave him a playful smile and he laughed.

“Of course you can’t.” As he smiled I realized all of the boys and Perrie and Yvette were here yesterday. I wondered if they had gone home right after I went to bed.

“When did everyone leave yesterday?” I began pushing him to the kitchen. I wanted my coffee.

“They yelled a little at me after you came home and then they all went home. Except Yvette, she went home with Niall. She said she wanted to stay close.” He snorted as if he didn’t believe and I laughed lightly.

“Okay.” I pushed him inside the kitchen and stared at him for a little while. “How about we do it like this. I go to Nialls really quickly and you make coffee?” I smiled at him, willing him to say yes. He laughed and nodded.

“Fine.” He kissed my forehead and I began walking to the door.

“I’m borrowing you shoes!” Before he could protest I jumped in his Toms that stood by the door and walked out quickly. I walked to Nialls door and knocked lightly. I heard someone speak behind the door and when Niall opened he was once again shirtless. I smiled knowingly at him before walking past him, not waiting for him to invite me in.

“Johanna’s here!” He shouted out and I turned around to look at him with a questioning look. He blushed and gave me a small smile. I looked into the living room and then the kitchen and when I didn’t see Yvette I gasped.

“No way!” Before Niall could get a hold of me I spurted to his bedroom. I slammed the doors open to kind Yvette standing there in nothing but a bra and panties. She shrieked until she realized it was me. She put her glasses on and looked at me with a small smile and a blush on her cheeks. “Seriously? Niall?” I asked skeptically.

“Hey!” I heard Nialls voice from behind me. He pushed me aside before walking into the room to put a shirt on.

“Gosh, it smells like sex in here.” I laughed and looked at Yvette. She was looking around and then she looked at Niall.

“I can’t find my clothes.” He smiled and pointed out the door.

“Living room.” She blushed as she mouthed ‘thank you’ and walked passed me. I laughed at her and followed her into the loving room.

“Could you shut up, Jo?” Yvette sighed and put her shirt on. I smiled at her and shook my head.

“Oh come on! This is huge! I always thought you were going to hook up with Harry and then break his heart.” I shook my head again and looked at her. I studied her for a long time before realization smacked me in the face. “Oh my gosh, you like Niall.” I whispered so that he couldn’t hear me. She smacked my arm and blushed even more.

“Shut up!” She whispered back to me. My smile grew bigger as I left her to walk to the kitchen. She continued getting dressed. In the kitchen Niall was making breakfast and asked me if I wanted some tea. I shook my head and leaned against the counter.

“You okay?” He looked at me with sincere eyes and I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Yvette hugged me close when she came into the kitchen. I smiled into her shoulder. When she let me go she went to stand closer to Niall. I smiled in secret and looked at Niall.

“I still want to do the surprise.” They both knew about it, I told Yvette first of all, so I could talk about it with both of them. Niall nodded and looked at me.

“How is it between you guys?” I looked at the floor and thought about the question.

“It’s fine.” I sighed and looked up at them both. They looked great together and I was probably disturbing their alone time. “What I wanted to say was that I want to do a different song than the one we did yesterday.” Niall nodded and handed Yvette a cup of coffee.

“Alright, that’s fine.” I smiled and nodded. “What’s it called?” I told him the name of the song and he furrowed his eyebrows. He agreed and I also told him the second song I wanted to sing to all of them. He really liked that one and he agreed to sing with me on that one. I said goodbye to them and began walking back to our flat. When I walked through the door I was hit with the smell of coffee and scrambled eggs. I smiled as I walked into the kitchen and saw Louis making breakfast. Harry was sitting on the island and was talking to Louis.

“So she just forgave you? Just like that?” Louis nodded but didn’t turned around to look at Harry.

“Yeah. I’m not going to think about it to much. I’m just happy she did.” He shrugged.

“I think you deserve to be punished a little while more. If I were her I would still be mad.” Not wanting to hear the conversation anymore I interfered before Louis could respond.

“Well you are not me, now are you Harold?” He gave me a sideway glance and I could tell he didn’t fall for my act. I turned to Louis who was staring at me with a huge smile on his lips. It pained me to lie to him but I had to. “What are you making mister?” I walked over and gave him a hug. He kissed the top of my head and held me close.

“Well I thought you might want some breakfast, so scrambled eggs with coffee.” He let me go to pour some coffee into a mug and then giving it to me. I went to the fridge and grabbed some milk, and poured it into the mug. When I turned around Harry was looking at me and Louis was standing with his back to me.

“Jo, can I talk to you?” Harry spoke and I nodded. Louis turned around to look at me and I shot him a smile. I followed Harry into his room and closed the door behind me. “What are you doing?” His harsh words were a complete surprise and I backed up a little.

“What do you mean?” I looked at him confused and then diverted my eyes to the floor.

“Oh you know. After what he said to you, how can you forgive him?” He looked at me sternly as I raised my gaze.

“I forgave, but I didn’t forget Harry. I still remember and I will remember every single day of the rest of my life.” I sighed and scratched the back of my neck. “I just don’t want to ruin the time we all have together.” He snorted and grabbed a hold of my shoulders.

“What do you mean by that? He told you it was your fault that you’ve been beaten before. Jo.” He shook me lightly and my eyes snapped to his. “You deserve better.” He looked so exhausted. That was all I could think of when I looked into his eyes. He looked so tired. He really needed to sleep I could tell. I looked at him for a long time before speaking.

“Don’t worry. I have a plan.” I spoke softly and I sounded calm. I backed away from him with a small smile on my lips before I went out into the kitchen to eat breakfast with Louis.