I practically ran from Louis after kissing that guy in front of him. I didn’t what the heck had come in to me when I did that. I was getting tired of seeing him looking at me longingly and knowing I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted. I couldn’t stand seeing his heart break every time I laughed at the other boys joke, because he wanted to be the one to make me laugh. Most time he was the one that put a smile to my face. He was so wonderful and he didn’t deserve the trouble that came with me. He is a pure person in all senses and he should be with someone who is as pure and innocent as his childish self. Some where along the way I decided that him hating me was better than him loving me. I’m not saying he loved me, because for all I know this whole thing might just be a little crush from his side. But I knew that if I made him hate me he wouldn’t want to be around me. I knew I was jeopardizing my living situation but it was for the best.

When I ran away from him I went to where Soph was still standing. She took one look at me and grabbed both our purses. She held them in one hand and then grabbed my arm and walked to the back of the club. Someone must have told her we had to leave there. She dragged me outside and then a few blocks away from the party before turning to face me. When she stopped I almost ran right into her.

“Are you okay?” She caressed my cheeks and it was then I realized I had been crying. I sniffled and thought about what had just happened. I made Louis hate me. I had been looking at the ground and when I looked up at her and saw her worried eyes all I could do was shake my head. The tears started running down my cheeks like a waterfall and I began to breathe strangely. I heard her say ‘oh’ and then her arms were around me. She hugged me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe but I didn’t care. I felt my heart break and she was the only thing keeping me from loosing it completely. After several minutes she leaned back and wiped my cheeks. She gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my arms.

“We have to get a taxi. We are ditching this party and going home.” Those words made me look up at her and smile. Even though she meant the flat which I shared with both Louis and Harry, it felt like she meant Sweden. I wanted so badly to go back but it wasn’t safe for anyone if I did so. I nodded at her statement and pulled out my cell phone from my purse when she handed it to me. I quickly dialed the number to the taxi company and they answered immediately. I spoke to them, asking for a taxicab and told them where we were. They told me they should be there in about ten minutes and said good bye and such. When I placed the phone in my purse I could feel Sophies eyes on me. I sighed and lifted my gaze to meet hers.

“Yes?” I asked in a very shaky voice. I knew she wanted to know what had happened and she wanted to know now. The thing I was afraid of though, was her judging me. I knew she would understand why I did it, I had almost done the exact thing to Soph. But I didn’t know if she was going to yell at me or just shake her head. She kept on giving me this look at said ‘you will tell me and you will tell me now’ and it made me sigh. I shook my head before telling her what happened, in a short version. “I kissed another guy in front of Louis to make him hate me.” To my surprise she groaned and closed her eyes.

“Are you shitting me right now?” She looked at me with tired eyes and I shook my head. This wasn’t at all what I had expected. “Well I can’t say I’m surprised. You got scared, so instead of working it out with him and letting him help you, you run.” She shook her head and right then the taxi came. We both got into it and I told him the address. He started driving and we didn’t speak during the entire ride. The car stopped and the driver told us we were here.

“How much is it?” I leaned forward and heard Soph get out of the car.

“50 pounds.” I nodded and gave him 55 for the trouble, or something. I got out of the cab and saw Soph standing there waiting for me. She had her arms crossed and was looking at me with a bored expression. I just shook my head and walked passed her and into the building. I felt her follow me and I didn’t speak to her until we were inside the elevator. “You know why.” I looked at the floor as I whispered the words. I heard her sigh and her arm snaked around my waist.

“Yes I do know. But I also know that you won’t be ready, ever. You have to sacrifice a little to gain a lot.” I let out a small laugh. She sounded so wise even though she was the one who always played it safe. She sounded ten times older then she was. The elevator opened and we stepped out. I walked ahead to the door and she followed closely behind. I unlocked the door and stepped aside so she could go inside before me. I walked in and locked the door once again.

“So what do you think?” I tried changing the subject and she noticed it. But instead of commenting on it she answered my question.

“I love it actually… But you can tell it’s a boy who decorated it.” She turned to look at me with stern eyes. As soon as I met her eyes she softened into a smile. “You know I can’t be mad at you. But I can see that it’s hurting you not being with him. And even though you are trying to convince yourself that it has to do with you not being able to respond to his emotion the same.” She shrugged. She began walking into the kitchen and I followed her. On the way I noticed her bags outside my bedroom. I smiled to myself and then got reminded that it was Louis who brought her here.

“What did he say when he called you?” She grabbed two Pepsis from the fridge and gave one to me. She gave me a sweet smile and we walked into the living room. After we had placed ourselves on the couch she started speaking.

“Well first I kind of fan-girled when I realized it was him. After I had calmed down he explained that he was living with you and that they were leaving soon. He told me that he would pay for everything back home as long as I stayed here. And I didn’t have to think about coming here so…” She shrugged and drank from her soda. I looked at her and thought about what he had said.

“Did he say why he wanted you to stay here?” I started to get a little suspicious and looked at her with narrowed eyes. Her smile only grew and I started to do so too.

“He told me he didn’t want you to be alone. He said, and I quote: ‘I know I haven’t known her all that long and she keeps on telling us she going to be fine. She says it’s going to be awesome being alone, but I know she is lying. She’s not made of stone.’ Or well something like that.” Sophie shrugged again and I sat there staring at her with my mouth open. I couldn’t believe what she just had told me and I think I didn’t want to believe it.

“And I just made him hate me, again.” Soph didn’t ask anything. She knew what I meant when I said that. She knew Louis had treated me like trash the first few times I had met him.

For the rest of the night Soph and I just sat on the couch talking. We talked about everything between heaven and hell. We made up dream scenarios where I somehow married Louis and Zayn became her secret lover. I told her about the fact that Zayn was going to propose to Perrie and Soph almost cried. Her favorite in the band had always been Zayn and she wanted to bang him like there was no tomorrow. It was after I told her that, that she said they were to become secret lovers. I felt really bad for not being there to see him propose but I knew that it would be up on Youtube or something tomorrow. I was really happy for the two, the really loved each other.

Around one in the morning we decided to go to bed. Soph was sleeping in my bed, we’re best friends and that’s what best friends do. She had finished getting ready long before me because I wanted to take a quick shower before going to bed. When I was finished in the shower I put on my pajamas which I had brought with me into the bathroom. I felt rather thirsty so I walked out into the kitchen and filled my water bottle up. When I was about to turn the lights of I heard someone trying to unlock the door. Thinking it was just Harry I walked over and unlocked the door for him. The door flew open and Louis was standing there. Totally wasted and his clothes halfway of his body. Next to him stood a small brunet that also looked wasted.

“Hello, Johanna.” Louis smiled cheekily to me and began dragging the girl into the flat.

“Louis.” I spoke with a warning tone. He looked at me and I saw the anger from before.

“What? I am only following your lead, darling.” He pulled the girl closer to his body and her hand caressed his chest. I felt sick just watching it and felt my own anger build up. I shook my head and reach out to grab the girls arm. I pulled her from Louis and pushed her towards the door again. She was so wasted that she almost fell over. She turned around to start yelling at me but I slammed the door in her face before she could utter a word. When I turned around to look at Louis he was looking at me with furious eyes.

“Do not do that again.” I pointed at him as I spoke. I felt so hurt and confused.

“You’re the one who don’t want to be with me, remember? Because I do remember!” He shouted at me and I took a step forward. He stumbled back and almost fell over, I grabbed his arm to keep him upright.

“Gosh Louis. I am not having this conversation with you right now.” He ripped his arm from my grasp and stared at me.

“Then when will we talk about it? Because I leave tomorrow!” I sighed and rubbed my temples.

“Louis, you won’t remember anything tomorrow. So it doesn’t matter what I say. All you are going to remember is me kissing another man.” I looked at the floor and saw him almost falling over again. I grabbed his arm again and started dragging him to his room. “Come on, you are going to bed now.” He tried but failed to break free. He was to wasted and his muscles wouldn’t listen to him.

“Fine, but only because I want to.” I almost laughed at his words but decided he wouldn’t like that. He climbed into bed and I took off his shoes before laying the cover on top of him. He looked at me with sad eyes and I felt my heart break all over again. “Why did you do it?” His eyes shined in the dimmed light. He looked so small and innocent. I made him act like a crazy person. I leaned down and kissed his forehead as I caressed his cheek. I placed my mouth next to his ear before whispering the words softly.

“Because I love you too much.” With that, I walked out of his bedroom and into my own. As soon as I got into bed Soph placed her arm around me and I cried myself to sleep.