False Bond ***ON HOLD***
Living hell (Chapter 1)
1 week after Marks death:
My phone has been ringing endlessly over the last week. I haven’t gone to work, I haven’t talk to anyone, I just trapped myself in my room and cried. I didn’t feel like doing anything, I didn’t want to do anything, I don’t have the energy to move anymore because I feel like half of my heart just been ripped apart and the remaining half is dying slowly.
My phone beeped loudly, echoing through my whole room and for the first time in a week I’ve decided to look at my phone. My phone was overloaded with missed calls from my two best friends and my dearest brother who I know is worried sick about me. I decided to look at the latest message which was from my close best friend Jess.
You haven’t been picking up my calls, I know what happened is devastating but we are all worried about you…please text me back or something because my brother is visiting from England and I want you to meet him before he leave tomorrow.
I feel bad for shutting everyone out but I feel like I can’t move on with my life knowing that my beloved person is no longer with me. How can I enjoy myself when he is not here? I want to meet Jess’s brother but I am selfish person, I’ve always been a selfish person, so I decided not to reply to her.
But reading that text got me thinking about something I dare not do if you ask me two weeks ago. Since everything happened so fast last week, I don’t care about the consequence of my next action because I can’t stay in Thailand anymore and everything reminds me of him…everything.
I don’t want to move on with my life, let alone trying to forget all the wonderful memories we've shared but I know if I stay miserable, I will be dragging the closest people I know into my living hell.
I have to move on.
Wow. That sounded so foreign coming out of my mouth and now I am sitting on the floor with my back against my bed sobbing. I can’t move on, even if I wanted to I can’t because everything that happened was my entire fault. If only I didn't force him to walk me home, he would still be here holding me and telling me that everything will be O.K. But my selfishness was not satisfied and because of that it cost me to lose the person that means the world to me.
Thunder boomed loudly waking me up from my nightmares, my body is drenched in sweat because I must have fallen asleep on the floor while having internal debate with my heart and my head. I've been getting nightmares about that night ever since it happened. The rain poured down from the wicked dark sky with lighting the only source of light shining through the street, I must have fallen asleep for hours because now it’s already 7 pm.
The promise Kim, the promise.
My subconscious reminds me at the back of my mind as I look out through the stormy night of Bangkok. Then it hit me, I have to leave this place not only for myself but also for the benefit of other, so I can get better. The only way to move on is if I leave everything in the past behind and change the environment of my surroundings.
I decided to pack my clothes as I call my boss (the head of the hospital) asking for a transfer, which he happily accept because he wants me to get better. After I pack everything I could possibly need to fit into my 25kg suit case, I decided to book the first flight regardless of the cost. I am trying to move on but it doesn’t mean I have to forget Mark; I just need to learn to accept that he is actually gone and will never come back.
So I decided to take a photo of him with me, the photo were we both glowing with happiness, it was the first time Mark told me that he loves. Looking at the picture brings pain to my chest but I know that I have to be strong, not only for myself but for him as well.
My flight is at 6:30 am but I decided to get out of my house an hour and half early to avoid my heartless dad. I arrived at the Bangkok international airport at 5:30 am, but like always the place is full of people. I decided to check my bags in and tried to find my terminal. The airport is huge, without a doubt you could get lost easily but knowing how to read and speak Thai helps a lot when it comes to situation like this.
Since I still have 45 minute left, I’ve decided to go grab some breakfast around the corner of my terminal before bumping into a solid figure. Without looking up I said sorry quickly but then I remembered people don’t say ‘Sorry’ in Thailand, that’s English language, so I said ‘Kor-tote’ (A/s: Sorry or excuse me in Thai language) and walk around the person.
“Miss…miss,” I heard a deep raspy mail voice call out behind me which I didn’t turned around because I know the person who saying it wasn't calling out for me, so I decided to keep walking.
“Um…Khun… (A/s: it means ‘You’ in Thai language) with the red converse,” again the voice yelled but in a kind tone and now I can detect that the male have a British accent. I looked around to see who is wearing a red converse but there was none and then I realized the man was calling for me because I forgot I wore a red converse.
My phone has been ringing endlessly over the last week. I haven’t gone to work, I haven’t talk to anyone, I just trapped myself in my room and cried. I didn’t feel like doing anything, I didn’t want to do anything, I don’t have the energy to move anymore because I feel like half of my heart just been ripped apart and the remaining half is dying slowly.
My phone beeped loudly, echoing through my whole room and for the first time in a week I’ve decided to look at my phone. My phone was overloaded with missed calls from my two best friends and my dearest brother who I know is worried sick about me. I decided to look at the latest message which was from my close best friend Jess.
You haven’t been picking up my calls, I know what happened is devastating but we are all worried about you…please text me back or something because my brother is visiting from England and I want you to meet him before he leave tomorrow.
I feel bad for shutting everyone out but I feel like I can’t move on with my life knowing that my beloved person is no longer with me. How can I enjoy myself when he is not here? I want to meet Jess’s brother but I am selfish person, I’ve always been a selfish person, so I decided not to reply to her.
But reading that text got me thinking about something I dare not do if you ask me two weeks ago. Since everything happened so fast last week, I don’t care about the consequence of my next action because I can’t stay in Thailand anymore and everything reminds me of him…everything.
I don’t want to move on with my life, let alone trying to forget all the wonderful memories we've shared but I know if I stay miserable, I will be dragging the closest people I know into my living hell.
I have to move on.
Wow. That sounded so foreign coming out of my mouth and now I am sitting on the floor with my back against my bed sobbing. I can’t move on, even if I wanted to I can’t because everything that happened was my entire fault. If only I didn't force him to walk me home, he would still be here holding me and telling me that everything will be O.K. But my selfishness was not satisfied and because of that it cost me to lose the person that means the world to me.
Thunder boomed loudly waking me up from my nightmares, my body is drenched in sweat because I must have fallen asleep on the floor while having internal debate with my heart and my head. I've been getting nightmares about that night ever since it happened. The rain poured down from the wicked dark sky with lighting the only source of light shining through the street, I must have fallen asleep for hours because now it’s already 7 pm.
The promise Kim, the promise.
My subconscious reminds me at the back of my mind as I look out through the stormy night of Bangkok. Then it hit me, I have to leave this place not only for myself but also for the benefit of other, so I can get better. The only way to move on is if I leave everything in the past behind and change the environment of my surroundings.
I decided to pack my clothes as I call my boss (the head of the hospital) asking for a transfer, which he happily accept because he wants me to get better. After I pack everything I could possibly need to fit into my 25kg suit case, I decided to book the first flight regardless of the cost. I am trying to move on but it doesn’t mean I have to forget Mark; I just need to learn to accept that he is actually gone and will never come back.
So I decided to take a photo of him with me, the photo were we both glowing with happiness, it was the first time Mark told me that he loves. Looking at the picture brings pain to my chest but I know that I have to be strong, not only for myself but for him as well.
My flight is at 6:30 am but I decided to get out of my house an hour and half early to avoid my heartless dad. I arrived at the Bangkok international airport at 5:30 am, but like always the place is full of people. I decided to check my bags in and tried to find my terminal. The airport is huge, without a doubt you could get lost easily but knowing how to read and speak Thai helps a lot when it comes to situation like this.
Since I still have 45 minute left, I’ve decided to go grab some breakfast around the corner of my terminal before bumping into a solid figure. Without looking up I said sorry quickly but then I remembered people don’t say ‘Sorry’ in Thailand, that’s English language, so I said ‘Kor-tote’ (A/s: Sorry or excuse me in Thai language) and walk around the person.
“Miss…miss,” I heard a deep raspy mail voice call out behind me which I didn’t turned around because I know the person who saying it wasn't calling out for me, so I decided to keep walking.
“Um…Khun… (A/s: it means ‘You’ in Thai language) with the red converse,” again the voice yelled but in a kind tone and now I can detect that the male have a British accent. I looked around to see who is wearing a red converse but there was none and then I realized the man was calling for me because I forgot I wore a red converse.
Notes
Where do you think Kim is flying off to? who do you think Kim bump into? (Well, stay tuned and find out because the story is only just getting started)Please vote and subscribe because you won't be disappointing.....well I hope not anyways :)
Lots of love P.S. xxx
