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You Are My Eyes (Haven't been edited)

Pain (Chapter 29)

(Harry’s P.O.V)

“Don’t ever talk to me; come near me ever again Harry…..you disgust me.”

Ivy’s words keep on repeating in my head as I watch her jogged away. I fall on my knees and cried. Like literally cried.I can assure you that I don’t often cry, the last time I did was when my mum past away and that was a couple of years ago.

I screwed up. I screwed up big time. Everything was perfect on Friday, Ivy was in my arm and I was in hers. I opened up to her, well open up about some of my past and she did the same. Just when I can feel us getting closer not only physically but mentally, things has to happen.

I have noticed that the relationship that I am having with Ivy is going in cycle. We are not dating and she is not my girlfriend, but whatever we have…..it’s not healthy. We are happy when we are together and the following day we can’t stand each other’s presence or something happen that keeps us apart.

Just when I thought we were actually improving, Alex has to interfere with us and spilled the bean. I know I screwed up by doing the bet in the first place. I don’t know why I suggested it. It might have been the urge to get away from Kevin….because if I have that amount of money I could leave and go back to England.

That was my aim….I was determined to get that money, but as I spent more time with Ivy the more I realize how wrong my attentions were. The more time I am with her, I’ve learnt to realize that I didn’t want to be with her or hangout with her because of the money. It was because I wanted her to be near me because of my own will.

School has started and there was no one at the front of the school now. I can’t stay here; I can’t stand being here when she is not. I know Ivy ran off and I know for a fact that she didn’t want me to come after her. She hates me, she hates my gut and I disgust her.

She made it clear. The way her eyes looked at me…..I know for fact that she means every word. Her eyes contain hatred, disgust and sadness. It was all because of me and my stupid decision.

I’ve never felt this type of pain before. Yes! I’ve been physically hurt and I was extremely sad when my mum passed away, but I’ve never felt like this before…..what I am feeling now. It’s new, it’s strange and it hurts a lot more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I look completely fine on the outside, but this pain was from the inside. Not where my intestine and lungs are, it hurt deeper than that.

I was emotionally in pain. In agony because of Ivy. I never thought in a million years that I would feel so emotionally un stable because of a girl. Ever. But here I am forcing myself to stand up from my silent tears.

I felt weak and broken, as if a part of me was no longer living anymore. I hate this new feeling and I don’t want to get used to it. Is this what being dumped or feeling broken felt like?



****

“Harry….haven’t seen you in here for ages,” Sarah smiled at me as I took the seat on the counter. “I’ve been busy I guess,” I stated without a glimpse of smile. “Tough day I am assuming?” she asked and I just exhaled in replied. “The usual then?” she questioned once more with one eyebrow rising and I nod.

I don’t know how long I’ve been drinking here for, but now the sun has already set. I am not at a legal age to drink but Sarah doesn’t need to know that. “Wow….I think you have enough for today Harry,” she chuckled. She was right….I haven’t drink this heavily in a very long time. I was only going to have a cup but now I’ve lost count really.

(Ivy’s P.O.V)

Have you ever felt so lost in your life before? Well that’s exactly what I am going through now. I have no family, no home and no one in my life. As much as I am grateful towards Zayn and Harry’s family for accepting me, I think I’ve been a burden enough. I have to leave even though I have nowhere to go.

Maybe I could stay at the homeless shelter or something. I know all the working money that my parents earned were saved up for me. But since their jobs paid so little, they can’t really save much. I used most of the money they left for me for their funeral. I wanted them to have proper grave, so one day when I am able to see for the first time…..I could come and visit them.

I don’t know where I am going, but I just kept on walking and walking. I felt like I had to get away. I had to get away from everything. Harry, Tom, Zayn……people.

Mum and dad……if you are up their please give me some sort of sign on what to do. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I don’t know who to trust anymore. I know Zayn haven’t done anything for me to accuse him of lying. But deep down I know he is only befriending me because he pities me. You both know how much I don’t like when people pities me. Why did you both had to leave me so early? Why couldn’t you have wait a little longer….just a little longer for me to thank you? Why can’t I be up there with you instead of being left behind all alone? You Don’t know how much I miss you both.

I sniffled. I don’t know how many times I’ve been crying today. It becomes countless really.
“I guess I don’t deserve to be up there with you guys,” I sighed after my breathing started to steady up again.



Like I’ve said before, I may be blind, but I can still see what brightness and darkness look like and now I know for a fact hat it’s already dark. I’ve been walking the whole day without stopping. I am dehydrated and hungry. I have no idea where I am and where to go for the night.

I kept walking and walking even though I barely have any energy left. My legs are aching and my body felt so weak. I was emotionally tired and physically tired. “Ivy?” the voice I dread to hear the most whispered in the distance.

I am just hearing things, I walked, I ran and I am far away from him now. “Ivy?” he choked out once more. No! I am just hearing things….it can’t be him. It can’t be……I am far away from him now.

I sped up my pace with the amount of energy that I have left. “Ivy wait…..please…..I am sorry,” the voice wasn’t going away. I could hear footsteps jogging after me. It was real….Harry is really here. I’ve been walking for the whole dam day just to get away from him and now I am back to the start again.

“Ivy please…..let me explain…..I am begging you,” his voice cracked. I don’t want to hear him. I don’t want to talk to him and I certainly didn’t want to hear his excuse. I could hear cars honking as I kept walking and without a doubt I know I’ve just entered a busy street. I cross the road quickly and I know I’ve made it safely to the other side. But the next sound caught me off-guard…….

“Beeebeeee……………..Bruhhhhhh.”

I froze and slowly turned my head around……no this can’t be happening. I quickly rushed to the sound of the crowed that’s been formed without me realizing. No….nothing happened. Nothing happen. Harry is fine.

“Someone call the ambulance……oh my god…..someone call the fucking ambulance,” a very frighten male yelled.No…no…no. It can’t be…..it can’t be Harry. My breathing hitched and my body was shaking as I was getting closer to the crowed.

“Son….stay with me son….,” the same male said guilt. No….it couldn’t be Harry…it’s not Harry….he can’t be hurt. I pushed the people there were in my way. “Dear….,” a female grabbed my arm. “Let me go,” I snapped. I didn’t want to be rude but I had to have out who got hit by a car.

“Keep your eyes open son….the help in on their way,” the man encouraged. “I-Ivy?” he croaked in pain. Oh my God…this can’t be happening. I dash towards Harry’s voice within a flash. I didn’t even know I was that fast even though I barely have any energy left.

“Harry?” I choked out. “I-Ivy….I-I’m s-sorry,” he shattered. I am now sitting beside him while holding his hand. “I-I am s-sorry,” he repeats. I could feel my heart being stomped on by an elephants. My body shake in fear as I started to sob.



This can’t be happening again. Why does bad things always happen to the people I care about? Why can’t it happen to me instead of them? I am a troublesome, a bad luck, a burden, a disease, a curse and a killer to the people that are close to me.

“Harry…I forgive you alright….I forgive you,” I cried out. He let go of my hand and wipe away my tears, which made me cry even harder. Where is that dam ambulance when you need it? I placed my hand on top of his but he pulled my hand towards him instead. He placed his soft lips on my hand and kept it there.

How can he be soo sweet at this moment in time, when he is close to dying?

My subconscious wants to scream and wish this was just a bad dream. But I know too dam well that it wasn't a dream. I am lucky in a way that I can’t see because it would have killed me to see how badly injured Harry really is. But…..I wish I can see at this moment in time just so I can look at his face and store the image of what he looks like forever.

No! He is not dying Ivy……Stop it!

“Son….stay with me son, keep your eyes open” the male before said worriedly. “Harry….look at me….stay with me alright…..stay with me,” I begged while wiping my tears with the other hand. He will be alright. He will be alright.

Dear lord….mum, dad and Harry’s mother…..please don’t let me lose another person that is important to me in my life…..please don’t let another special person lost their life because of me again…..please hear my prayers….

“I-I…l-love y-you I-Ivy……always…..”

Notes

Shock once more?? I bet you guys hate me soo much now hahahha .

Trouble in paradise......but hey....Harry confessed :D - I hope you guys like this chapter.....the next chapter I will write in Harry's P.O.V on this accident and....well his confession of course.....how he sees it :D

Give me your thoughts and opinions beautiful people. I love hearing for you guys......can't promise when the next update is....but I will try keep up the regular update :D

Love you guys always and I can't thank you all enough for sticking around!!!! <3 ^_^

Lots of love P.S xxx - Stay safe and beautiful like always <3<3

Comments

Please update :)

@JustBloo.

See......we need more people like you in this world <3 <3 Yes!!!! you were very helpful and I messaged you with the biggest spoiler everrrrrr ^_^

@PS2Live the dream


Was I helpful? I have a problem conveying my thoughts into understandable sentences lol But what can I say? I'm just a fanfic reading girl willing to do anything to see her otp continue their story ;)

@JustBloo

DO you know how much LOVE I have for you?? If you don't......well.....I LOVE YOU dear <3 <3

Hey!

I had this same thing happen to me too! Weirdness! But anyways...

I honestly think that this story has so far been written wonderfully. If there wasn't a plot or designated outcome, I sure as hell couldn't tell. But I know sometimes lack of "structure" puts a strain on the author just because of writer's block and other things like that.

I think from here, you can look at what you've written so far and ask yourself possible ways you can go next and sketch out and organize the rest of the story from this part (sometimes brainstorming concepts with someone else really makes the process easier and in some cases cleaner), and then go back to previous chapters and tweak certain things just so it' ll all wrap up nicely.

OR....

You can rewrite it (as you previously stated) and do things differently. The only problem that may arise with that, is since you are so far along in this story (40 chapters) the people that have previously subscribed to your story and have followed it this far may have trouble getting used to a new storyline and character adjustments.

But that's assuming there was a story line before (which it has seemed like), which you said there wasn't. So it's definitely a hard choice.

I think you should trust your gut and do what seems best to you. Everyone else will get over it :)

I'm here if you need a brainstorm session or a convo just to sketch out storylines by the way.

Ivarry shipper for life lolol