Good Intentions ⇼ Luke Hemmings

“Wait… What happened?” Kaylee asked, rubbing her eyes. “It’s too early for this and I have a hangover.” I’d woken up on her couch with Ella and Steph, and no recollection of what happened after I’d decided to get completely drunk. I guess it worked, considering I blacked out. When the four of us woke up, we had breakfast and I waited for Ash to take Josi out and the girls to leave. When Kaylee and I were finally alone, I confessed that I went to Luke’s and I told her the bots I could remember(which wasn’t much, as my mind was a bit groggy with a headache).
“He just pretended it didn’t happen.” I frowned.
“That’s… Weird?” Her voice came out as a question. “Sorry, Romy, but that’s pathetic.” She rolled her eyes. “Just because he wants something to go away and to move on, doesn’t mean he can say it didn’t happen!” She too my side, as per usual, which made me feel slightly less crazy. “That’s complete and utter bullshit!”

Kaylee began to laugh, covering her mouth.
“Sorry, I’m not mocking you… I just think it’s so fucking hilarious how he hasn’t grown up at all. He’s 22, and acting like he’s still 16, that’s the funniest shit I’ve heard all month. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She mocked his voice, which made me smile a little. “I knew he’d be a boy for a bit after graduation, but I really didn’t think he’d be 22 and have no clue on what it takes to be a man.” She sighed.
“I just… I don’t know, Kay. I feel fucking crazy. How can he pretend it never happened when I remember everything he said. How can it mean nothing to him when I can’t stop thinking about it?” Kaylee was silent for a long while after I’d asked that rhetorical question. She opened and closed her mouth three times before she finally spoke to me.
“You feel too much, he doesn’t.”

The rest of my Sunday was spent lounging around my flat and remodeling, in hopes to make it look less empty without Maiko’s stuff. He left a note for me, apologizing for cheating and telling me he’d wait for me if I ever decided to forgive him. I didn’t read the whole note, I set it aside and decided it was something to deal with another day. I never realized how boring my flat was without someone to constantly bug me by leaving his things all over the fucking place. Maybe I should get a dog or a cat or something. Do I really miss Maiko or am I just pestered about Luke’s child-like lies? I couldn’t fucking tell, and I don’t think the answer will come any time soon. How could it when everything else is so fucking confusing. Perhaps I’m clinging onto the nothing that’s left of Maiko and I, praying that if Luke hept his antics up, I can run back to Maiko and use him for my own good, compliments or a once-in-a-while shag. At least I’d know he’d mean everything he said and everything we’d do. With Luke, I’m not so sure. I never was.

***

It was now Monday morning, and I’m bringing the weekly paperwork to each worker. It’s a droning activity, but I’d rather be going floor by floor than sitting in my office filing faxes and such. I subconsciously wore my best dress, in hopes it would make Luke angry that I was avoiding him. It was a tight, red dress that stopped just above the middle of my thigh, accompanied by matching high heels, and although I probably looked odd in it, I felt like I was on top of the world(despite my shitty mood). I’d gotten compliments from almost every woman in the building and was almost 100% sure a few men stared at my arse. It was a confidence boost that I’d really need if I was going to continue holding a grudge against the devil himself. When I made it to Luke’s cubicle, I tried to leave the papers and go, but he spoke before I could make my quick exit.

“I came to pick you up but you weren’t there.” He pointed out, leaning back in his rolling chair.
“Oh, sorry. I just really don’t want to be around you you for more than ten seconds.” I smiled fakely. As I began to walk away, he caught my arm.
“I was late because of you. Tony just tore me apart in there.” I ripped my arm away from him, shrugging.
“Sucks to suck.” I crossed my arms, feeling like I was in high school again with frivolous fights.
“Gotta get that dick out of my mouth, then.” He attempted to joke, cracking a small smile.
“Gotta get that dick out of your personality.” I corrected, his smile quickly disappeared.
“Okay, you’re mad at me. Why are you mad at me?” He rubbed his eyes, as if I was just looking for excuses to be cross with him.

“I don’t remember.” I spat, clutching onto the papers so I didn’t reach over there and pull that dumb lip ring out(the same lip ring I told him a million fucking times to get rid of in the office). I hate him right now. He made an o with his mouth, nodding as he dragged his hand across his chin.
“Seriously?” He cocked an eyebrow. “That’s why you’re mad?”
“Seriously.” I confirmed, clenching my teeth. “And do me a favor, don’t talk to me until you remember.” With that, I turned on my heels and began walking away. I’m not sure what came over me, but after I passed out the rest of the papers, I took my lunchbreak early and drove to Maiko’s work.

***

“Hey.” I croaked as I stepped into his office.
“Hi.” He seemed out of breath as his eyes traced down my body. “What, uh-” He cleared his throat, “Why are you here?” He asked, I sat down.
“To talk.” I offered a small, fake smile, still unsure why I was actually there. “I just… I wanted to know where you’re staying and make sure you’re eating well and sleeping… You know, just wanted to check in.” He scratched the back of his neck. “You look thin.” I pointed out. “Stressed, too.” He let out a dry laugh.
“I’m staying with Jose for a while, gonna get a new place soon.” I nodded. “I’m eating fine, I guess.” He lied. “A lot of fast food.” He admitted. “But Jose’s girlfriend cooks when she’s there, so if I’m lucky I get that.” He smiled hopefully. “She not as good of a cook as you, though.” I smiled at his compliment.
“Are you stressed?” I asked.
“Hell yeah.” He laughed. “I’ve to do two articles rather than one, now. Kyle got canned, so I took his articles. Haven’t been sleeping much, either. Insomnia, you know?” I nodded, he always had trouble with Insomnia. For a while, he had pills, but they made him sick so he stopped taking them.

“Romina?” He asked after a while. “Is there any chance of us getting back together?” He asked. It didn’t catch me off guard, I knew it was coming sooner or later.
“That’s what I came here for.” I spoke before I thought. “I need to know if that girl was a one-time thing. I need you to be honest with me.” I pleaded.
“I met her that weekend. I swear it was a one-time thing. I was drunk and she held me while I cried.” My eyes fell to the floor. “I was losing you, Rom, and I couldn’t do anything about it.” He gently touched his beard.
“I’m not saying we can get back together… I’m not saying you can come home.” Again, I mentally cursed myself for the things I was saying. “But we can try.” I told him, in spite of how horrid Luke was being lately. “And by that I mean-” He cut me off.
“There’s no guarantee.” He finished my sentence, I nodded. “It’s a test run.” Again, I nodded.

He stood, walking over to me and helping me up by my hand. He pulled my into a tight hug and kissed my forehead. When he pulled away, Maiko held my waist, and I found it amazing how his thumb immediately found my hipbone—after being apart for a while, he still knew my body horrifyingly well. He traced my hipbone.
“Why don’t you believe you can love?” He whispered.
“My dad.” I finally confessed. We’d had small conversations about him before, and it was made clear that he was abusive, but Maiko never knew how big of an impact he had on me. “His voice was so damn loud and when we were in public, he wouldn’t hold mum’s hand. He was so aggressive, if you didn’t agree with him, he’d get so angry, and his family became some sort of game to him. How much can I avoid them when we live in the same, small house and I sleep right next to my wife?” I let out a forced laugh. “I couldn’t sleep over the shouting. I just wanted to believe in soulmates and true love, but it seemed impossible when I never saw what it looked like. I remember, one night, dad came home drunk. He said he got lost on the way home so he stopped at a pub and the next thing he knew it was one in the morning. When he left the room to have a cigarette, I heard mum crying. She cried and cried and I had to put my headphones in because I couldn’t bear it. I don’t believe that the heart can hold so much if it never held love in the first place.”

Notes

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