Expect the Unexpected ON HOLD
My eyes flutter open slowly, adjusting to the morning light and I sit up, ignoring the slight dizziness it brings me. I realize I'm no longer on the couch but in Ashton's room. That could only mean one thing; He carried me in here.
That thought alone makes my cheeks heat up and a smile spread across my face. He is so sweet. Memories of our first kiss replay over again in my head, my fingers running over my lips as I think of how gentle his were on mine.
I know I said I didn't want to kiss him so soon and though that's still very true, I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't care if it started out as a distraction because it turned out to be the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time.
I wonder what the time is. I look around wondering where he would put my phone and see it sitting on his bedside table.... Along with my bracelets.
No, no, no! Please god no! Why can't the one thing that's actually good in my life, just stay that way for once? I can feel my lip start to tremble as I think of how I'm going to have to explain them to Ashton. Fuck! I look down to my wrists, feeling disgusted as I see them littered with scars and burns.
This isn't how I wanted to tell him, I was hoping for a little more time, hoping that we would be a little more official maybe. Just something, anything to reassure me I wouldn't loose him. I can't loose him.
I've known him for what? A week, tops? And already he has become the only sliver of light in my life other than my parents and even that doesn't give me much comfort considering they're my parents. They have to support me through this. But Ashton, he doesn't have to do anything for me, he can walk away just like that and that's what scares me so much.
Taking in a shaky breath, I push back the tears that threaten to fall and grab my phone, noticing that it's 9:22 am, before getting out of bed and following the sound of quiet humming all the way into the kitchen.
I stand in the kitchen doorway just admiring the view for what might be the last time. I smile to myself as I sneakily watch Ashton hum to himself while making breakfast, which by the looks of it is Vegemite on toast. What a guy. The way his back muscles flex beneath his see-through white shirt with every move almost makes me drool onto the kitchen tiles.
All too soon, he turns around, just about dropping the toast when he sees me. He smiles but its not his usual cherry smile, more of a sympathetic one. Great. Just what I need, more pity.
I sigh, taking a seat on a stool at the kitchen island while Ashton finishes preparing our breakfast. There's an awkward tension and all I want to do right now is crawl up in a ball and cry. This sucks. I don't know what I did to deserve all this shit but I just can't handle it anymore. It seems like no matter what I do, the world will always be against me.
Ashton pushes the plate in front of me but I make no move to eat it. He sighs and walks toward me but I look down at my lap, playing with my fingers and hoping he gets the idea that I don't want to talk about this and just drop it. But with my luck, that probably wont happen. This is it. He's going to ask me and then hate me once I tell him. I feel like I'm a dam just waiting to burst into a river of tears.
"Violet." Ashton whispers.
I shake my head, still not daring to look up. My lip starts to hurt from biting it too hard, trying to keep it from trembling, failing as a small whimper falls from my lips.
"Violet look at me," Ashton demands, his voice stern yet still as soft as velvet.
I slowly look up, my watery eyes meeting his warm hazel ones. He gently takes hold of my forearm and pulls me up from my seat, bringing me into a bone crushing hug. As surprised as I am, it doesn't take long before I hug back just as tightly. We stay like that for at least ten minutes.
My head rests perfectly in the crook of his neck, feeling relaxed yet my thoughts just wont give me a break. Is this a goodbye hug? Is he only trying to make me feel better because he doesn't know why? When he does find out, will he hate me? My head is drowning in questions that I can't find any answers to.
A warm drop falls from my eye and runs down Ashton's neck, making him pull away and take my face in his abnormally large hands. He wipes my face free of tears and leans down, pressing his lips onto mine in a sweet kiss.
All our emotions were put into that kiss. The way one of his hands wrapped around my neck, almost protectively, reassured me that he would still be here. The way both of mine held his cheeks showed how much I really needed him, whether we continue like this or decide to stay as friends doesn't matter. As long as we still have each other, I don't mind.
It was a short kiss but it said everything we needed to say without words. He rested his forehead against my shoulder, taking my wrists in his hands and gently running over the bumps with his thumbs.
"I know there's a reason," He mumbles against my shoulder.
I stiffen at his words. I can't tell him, not after being reminded of how good it feels to be this close to him. I know that all of that was his way of calming me down and reassuring me that everything will be okay, that he will still be here. But how do I really know that?
Probably noticing my silence and my now tense body, Ashton lifts his head and rests it against mine, letting one of my hands drop to my side and brings his up to my cheek instead.
"Hey," He coos, brushing over my cheekbone,
"Don't look so scared. I know there's a reason... I also know you're not ready to talk about it so I'm not going to make you. I just want you to know I'm here, okay?"
"Okay." I nod.
"Maybe okay will be our always," He whispers, never breaking eye contact.
I can tell he's trying to stay serious but as soon as the corner of my lips twitch up, we both break into laughter, hunching over as our stomachs get sore.
"I think I prefer "Zombieland" " I laugh.
"Me too." He agrees.
He takes my hand in his once again, this time smiling the cheesiest smile I have ever seen and kisses my cheek before pulling me out the house.
"My beautiful creation has gone soggy and cold now so it looks like we have to settle for boring cafe food." He jokes, answering the confused look I was giving him.
The cafe was only just down the road so we walked hand in hand, swaying them back and forth to the point where it looked like they would just fly off. I felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders now.
Ashton is so understanding it makes my heart melt, he really is the sweetest person ever. Which is why he can't know, maybe one day but if I have it my way, that day won't be for a very, very, very long time.
I ended up ordering blueberry pancakes whereas Ashton got bacon and eggs on toast. We sat in a comfortable silence while we gobbled up all our food.
We may or may not have had a little food fight resulting in us getting kicked out.
On the way back we decided to walk through the park instead of the streets just for a change in scenery. This is one of the things I liked about hanging out with Ashton; it's just easy. We can talk about anything and everything or we can be completely silent, just reveling in the moment. It didn't matter what we were doing, I always felt safe around him and I haven't felt like that in years.
It's as scary as it is comforting because when you have something you haven't had in ages, it means you can also lose it and I'm not sure I could handle losing Ashton. It's not like I love him or anything, though I feel like maybe one day I could, it's just that I know how rare it is to just click with someone like we do, and I can't loose that. Not again.
"Hey um, tomorrow the boys and I are flying to Los Angeles for a couple shows and I was wondering if you wanted to come send me off at the airport?" Ashton asked.
He looked so hopeful, I didn't want to say no but I had to. If they were leaving to go play shows then that meant fans would most likely be at the airport waiting to get a glimpse of them and I couldn't afford being spotted with Ashton.
It's not like I'm embarrassed of him or anything it's just that if word got out that 5sos was seen with a random girl, they'd want to know who I was and everything about me. I can't even let Ashton know everything about me yet, let alone the rest of the world.
"I'd love to but I don't think that's the best idea since there will probably be fans and media and stuff," I trail off, feeling guilty for turning him down.
"Oh yeah, sorry. I wasn't really thinking about that." He smiles.
I stare at him for a little bit to see if he was faking it but from what I could tell, he wasn't.
It was already noon by the time we got back since we spent ages playing on the playground at the park like the little kids we really are and as much as I didn't want to leave Ashton, especially since it would be the last time seeing him for a about a week, I had to.
As soon as I got in the door, my mum bombards me with questions, asking me why I didn't come home like I said I would but once I told her I fell asleep during the movie, she let it go pretty quickly which I was thankful for.
I go up to my room in hopes of taking a nap before helping my mum with dinner but just as I lie down, my phone goes off.
From: Unknown Number
Hey, hope you don't mind, I got your no. from Ashton's phone. We're hanging out and he wont stop saying how much he misses you. HELP!
Before I could reply, my phone beeps again, alerting me of another text message.
From: Unknown Number
Oh btw this is michael Ha :p
I smile to myself as I reread the first message again. It's only been an hour since we last saw each other, he's such a dork. I quickly save Michael's number in my contacts, not bothering to reply to him. Instead I send a quick text to Ashton before falling asleep.
To: Ash :)
It's been an hour Ash! How are you ever going to survive a week? haha :P
Hi Bellajayne here :) Yay for getting my laptop fixed super quick! I hope you like this one.
Me and Internet Kid would really love to hear what you guys think so far so feel free to leave a comment please, please, please! <3
Bye-bye chicken pie :P