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Expect the Unexpected ON HOLD

Chapter Twelve

A/N: Everything in bold italics is a flash back. And sorry for taking so long, I had a bit of writers block. Any-who... Enjoy!
How pathetic would it make me if I said the only time I have left the house in the past three months was to go to therapy sessions?

Actually on second thought, don't answer that.

With everything going on, mum thought it would be best if I had someone to talk to and though I wasn't particularly fond of the idea, I didn't put up a fight considering how exhausted she already looked. I can barely look at her these days without feeling sick to my stomach with guilt. The big purple bags under her eyes are just a reminder of what I do. Whether it be Myself, mum, dad, or Ashton, I always seem to hurt people, though it's never intentional.

Between work and trying to fend off the pests that always surround my house now -with their stupid camera flashes lighting up the house every few seconds- means I don't see my dad very often. I miss the close bond we used to have, I always felt like I could talk to him about anything.

My mum has had to take time off work due to stress, not that it's helping much since we're in desperate need for money. That's at the top of the list of worries, followed by the fact I have been summoned to court in only nine days and last but not least; The media that won't give up even though they haven't found out anything, thank god..

It's been three weeks since the last phone call or text message Ashton sent me. He's finally given up. That thought alone makes my heart clench. Even though I keep reminding myself it's for the best, it doesn't stop the waves of pain that crash through me every time I am -unwillingly- reminded of him. In the first month, I had cleared my room of all my posters, CD's and other merchandise involving 5SOS. It's just too hard.

Everything is just too much and I have no idea how to handle it all on my own anymore, it's not like I can confide in my parents, all that will do is cause them to stress and worry more -if that's even possible- and that's the last thing we need.

Ashton probably hates my guts, I wouldn't blame him really. I handled everything in the most cowardly and cliche way I knew how. And the only other person that I want is her.

And that's exactly what I told Karen, my therapist.

"All of your problems stem from one thing in particular and the only way things can start to get better for you is if you face it. I know you've been through a lot Violet, more than a girl your age should have to go through but your still here. If that's any indication of how strong you are, you can do this. Face your fears and let out all the things you've been bottling up."

After about an hour of contemplating whether or not I should do this and why I chose to do it at 4 in the morning -well 5 now- I step out of the car and walk down the make shift pathway that was oh-so familiar. There was only a few rock here and there to guide me in the right direction but I've been here so many times, that its burned into my brain. It was our secret hangout spot after all.

The drooping branches of the willow tree blankets it from the harsh wind. As soon as i'm close enough, I drop to my knees and move the rope-like branches out of the way, revealing a name I haven't said out loud for a year.

Emma Pennington.

Just seeing her name makes my eyes well up in tears and my mind fill up with unwanted memories. I push them away, my fingers slowly trace each letter, gathering a layer of grime and moss as I do so.

"It's hard in these kinds of situations, when all you want is answers but the only person that can give them to you is gone. As cliche as this sounds I think it might help if you visit her. You don't have to talk to her like you see in the movies, though for a lot of people it does help but you don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it. Just being in her presence is what you need right now." Karen suggests.

(A/N: Play This song>> [Link])

I sigh loudly as I think back to last week. I hope she's right because right now all I feel is a dagger through my heart and a lack of breath as more tears cascade down my cheeks.

Fuck it. I thought. Just sitting here is pointless and it's not like anyone is around to hear me. I inhale shakily, wiping my tears on my sweater and whispering,

"Why'd you do it Em?" I asked the block of concrete in front of me, as if I'd actually get a reply.

"I miss you," I sob, "I love you, you know I did, so why'd you just leave as if I was nothing to you? As if it was the easiest thing in the world?!"

My tears were falling at such a fast pace, they felt like acid rotting my skin with every drop. I stood up, pacing around in my new found anger.

"We were best friends Emma!" I shouted.

"The kind that played dress-up in our mums clothes and stayed up all night talking, the night Hayden Jenkins kissed you in 5th grade. Not the kind that top themselves then don't even have the decency to leave a FUCKING NOTE! " I scream.

My breathing hitched in the back of my throat at the realization of what I just said. Just like that, I was back on my knees sobbing uncontrollably until I struggled to breathe between hiccups and new waves of tears. The expression "cry me a river" never sounded more plausible than in this moment.

"All those memories weren't e-enough Em," I cry, "We could hav-e met 5s-sos together like we always talked about. If you'd of just stayed and listened y-you would've known I was just mad, that I never me-meant any of what I said."

"I just want my b-best friend back. I miss yo-ou." I sigh sadly, "I'm s-sorry Em."

With that, I quickly dusted myself off and frantically made my way back to the car, sniffling all the while. The sun was starting its daily climb up into the sky, the blend of pinks and reds calmed me down a bit as I got in the car. I was in no condition to drive just yet -struggling for breath and blurry eyes, don't make for good driving- instead, I turned the air-con on in hopes of defogging the car windows from the early morning fog and listened to the radio as my breathing worked to get back to normal.

My tears were still a slight trickle but no longer the gushing waterfall of pain they once were so it made it safer for me to drive, my eye sight was still a little blurry but nothing I couldn't handle. As I came to a stop at a give way sign, I noticed from out the corner of my eye; A little heart, barely visible in the little light the sunrise provided but enough to realize it was one of the things Emma would always doodle on my windows.

I wouldn't say i'm a very religious person or that I believe in heaven or ghosts, but right now I just needed something to give me hope and whether or not that was Emma giving me a sign from above, that's what I chose to believe anyway -no matter how unrealistic it might be. And just with that thought in mind, a small, barely visible smile formed on my face. It wasn't much but it was the most genuine smile I have mustered up in the past 3 months.

That little heart on my window also made me realize two things. One: I'm still sitting at a give way sign. And two: As much as I love Emma and always will, if the roles were reversed, no matter how much I thought she hated me or how crowded my head was with negative thoughts, I would've given her a reason, left her a note, anything to ease her mind because right now. I don't think the guilt or confusion I'm left with because of it is going away any time soon- if at all.

And that's why as soon as I get back home, I hurry to my room and grab what I need and set off down the road again. This time heading to Ashton's house.

Notes

Hi Bella-Jayne here:) So I've been struggling a lot with writers block lately because I just want these chapters to be perfect and for you to understand.

I hope this cleared up some things. There's still more to come so yay for more secrets haha. I'm still not 100% happy with this but I just hope you guys like it.

Please let me know by commenting your honest opinion down below aaanndd also tell me what you think is going to happen in the next chapter.

P.S Me and Internet Kid are both really bust atm so expect slow updates until further notice. sorry and thank you for sticking with us, it means so much to us :)

BYEEEEE xxxxx

Comments

@Jazzy_Hood
Thank you so much! We're really glad you like it :) We're both pretty busy atm but i'l try update soon x

This is soooo great!! I'm like WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING?!?!?! Haha, please update soon!

@bellajayne

@Hemmingsgirl26
Thank you! haha yeah we feel kinda bad for making poor ash go through it but it gets better just wait and see... :D

omg i honestly love this story so much! It's so cute! I feel so bad for Ashton, though! He's so hurt and confused! Update soon!

@mrs-ashton-payne
Thank you! Me and internet kid are really glad to hear it :)