Timing is Everything (Liam Payne)

Ths "vacation" of mine has not turned out quite liked I had hoped or thought it would. It is very much one sided. When "the boys" are mentioned that pretty much means, not you. It all revolves around them. Their wants, their needs, everything at a moments notice and how fast can it be done for them. When I thought I would get to spend time with him, I thought that literally, not so. My time with him, is outside of photo ops, press, meet and greets, filming and shows. There is always something for me to do so it's not as though I'm sitting and doing nothing, its just not with him. Personal time is scheduled in, so I do get that, but that also comes with a price, paparazzi and fans. So if we go out, expect to be bombarded and lots of photos taken. Show days are especially busy with sound check, wardrobe and other things that have to be done. I am tired from all the running and keeping time. I have no idea how they do this months on end, countries and time zones. I would surely get sick from exhaustion.
My expectations have not been met. I love seeing the different countries and cultures but I came to see and spend time with Liam. The other girlfriends have returned to their lives outside of this chaos. I feel like I am in the way and a distraction, even though he swares I am not. The women employeed behind the scenes have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome and are super nice, but that again, is not why I'm here. I dont know what I was expecting, but it wasnt this.
At the end of the day Liam is tired. Most nights he wants nothing more than to sleep and even that doesnt come easy for him. He'll lie down with me til I go to sleep then he'll get up and go in another room. When he does sleep its in two to three hour increments and at odd times. The passion I was wanting from him, just isnt happening. He is too tired. Most shows are scheduled three days apart, enough to get there, get settled, perform, pack back up and on to the next city.
Were are coming into my third week with them and I am beyond ready to go home. I feel as though my whole objective has been a waste. I am trying very hard to not let it show. I am just not used to the selfishness of all this. Yes, they love thier fans, yes, they are gratetful for them, yes, they have come a long way, but....it is all about them 24 - 7. Girls literally throwing themselves at them, signs with girls pledging their viginity to them, it is just sometimes too much for me to mentally digest.
I am sitting in my room, taking a break of sorts and decide to go through my e mails and reply back since my time is coming to an end. Liam comes in and tells me to get ready, were going out, alone. Its about damn time, is what goes through my head. Thats all I want, for him to see me. I'm being neglected. Have we had sex? Oh yeah several times, sometimes several times a day, but earth moving, where emotions are felt, no. Sometimes it feels as though its just for his needs, and I know that if I were not here, someone else would be meeting those needs. I see the girls the other guys pull in a door or around a corner. I'm not an idiot, I dare not mention it, but I know he has done it.
I get up and get in the shower. I stand under the hot water trying to wash everything away. I'm not happy right now, it really is all I can do not to go home. I step out and go look for some clothes.
"What do I wear?" because I have no idea what he has planned or someone has planned for us.
He comes in there and looks through what I have hung up and pulls out a emerald colored short, fitted dress with an open back. "How about this? I havent seen this on you." I take it and start to get the accessories that go with it, then go back to start on my hair and make up.
He follows me in there and stands behind me as I start brushing out my hair to blow dry it. "You're unhappy." stated matter of factly. His face shows concern, its the first time I've seen him show any care towards me in days.
"This is nothing what I expected or imagined. It's really not your fault."
He is not accepting that answer. He pulls a chair around to the bathroom and sits down and pulls me to him, down to sit on his lap. He has me sitting in a way where I can still do what I need to do looking in the mirror.
"Dont you need to get in the shower?"
"I do, but I'm with you now, and you know it doesnt take me along time in the shower." He lays his head on my back while I put on my make up. "I've kind of ignored you huh?"
"That would be putting it mildly, but yes, you have. I've felt like I've been in the way, almost a pest, to shoo away."
I've hurt his feelings, his eyes say it all. "I didnt mean to. Its just"
"All about y'all. I get it. I really do. I just wish you or someone could have penciled me in somewhere." Oh God, I'm tearing up. I close me eyes hoping nothing falls, that I've caught it in time. No tears shed this time.
"I dont mean it to be that way"
"I know, that why I said its not your fault. Maybe I just made my expectations too high. I guess I was thinking a vacation with you. This has been anything but that. I dont want to sound ungrateful, I have loved some parts of it. I just wanted to spend time with you and that really hasnt happened." I say looking at him in the mirror.
"I'm about to spend time with you now" He tells me kissing my shoulder. I turn in his lap and kiss him. "I never meant for you to feel this way. I wanted you to share this with me, this experience."
Now I feel like a fool. Maybe I was the one being selfish, wanting him to myself. Not wanting to share him with the rest of the world, they had him first. I lay back on him and lay my head against his. "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings, I was only thinking of my own."
He pulls me closer to him in a hug and kisses my temple. "Well, if you want me to smell better, I need to get up and get ready." The happy gleam back in his eyes.
I stand up and finish my make up while he showers, then go put my clothes on and wait on him, reading a book in the living room area.
He comes around the corner and I cease to be amazed at how handsome he is and he doesnt seem to know himself. I stand up and go to him and get the up and down look as he checks me out. I spin around to give him the 360 view and he pulls me in, "Sure you want to go out? We could just stay here."
"As tempting as it sounds, I need to get out of here and spend time with you, not in a bed."
We leave and are taken to an open air restaurant and are escorted to a private table with candles. It looks as though we are seated in the jungle, with a wooden walk way to our table. Wine is already present, chilling beside the table. Freah fruit cut up and set to the side. A chef and waiter standing beside our table, as if they had nothing else better to do. He wraps his arm around me when I take a breath in and look up at him and smile. A relaxing meal, just the two of us, where we can talk without having to watch what we say and can eat as slow as we want with no time schedule for the rest of the evening. I slide my shoes off at some time during the meal and rest them on his. "Playing footsie with me are you?" "I have no idea what you're talking about. I just wanted to take my shoes off and dont want to put them on the wood" I say somewhat flirting with him. After we eat, we are taken back to the hotel and I try not to think about the madness going on there.
Once in our room I start to undress with his help and I, of course, return the favor. We lay in the bed naked under the sheets, our bodies touching, legs intwined, kissing, touching and talking. As we lay there I feel something at my feet and try to move it up the bed with my feet. It feels like a sock almost but I dont recall sleeping with socks on last night, nor him. He has the weird look on his face. I finally get whatever it is close enough to where I can grab it. I reach in to get it, and he takes it from me.

Notes

So . . . .