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The Outcome Of A Broken Love (Punk Direction #2)

Chapter 2

He turns around for the first time he’s gotten here. He’s been starring at the glass that separates us and my baby. I stand in the other side of the hallway, my arms crossed across my chest, as I watch any reaction he might have to the sight of what he could have had… if he didn’t lie! If he didn’t ruin everything.
The only thing I notice is how stiff he is, firmly looking past the glass to the gorgeous brown haired baby who’s asleep.
I hate having to see him like this, but there’s no other choice before I know if Niall can help or not.
“He’s beautiful!”
I push my body from the wall and walk closer, sighing and taking a closer look to my baby and the damages he has in his small chest, a black bruise developing already.
I felt incredibly tense since Niall even got here, I pushed every feeling I had down, suppressing them so they wouldn’t come to surface while he was here. I wanted to scream at him, yell at him, tell him I hate him … but I want to kiss him.
Oh how I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him, just to know how it’s like to feel loved again, wanted, and I hadn’t relied on anyone to make me feel that in two years. It’s a job just for him… But I don’t trust him with anything right now.
“I know!” I whisper
I noticed, by how he reacted, that he wanted nothing more to keep the peace. He didn’t want to start a fight in the middle of a hospital, and I appreciated it, I seriously did, because the last thing I need is to be harassed by paparazzi because I’m the mother of a rock star’s son. I don’t need it, neither does said son.
I close my eyelids for a second, because I need to tell him this, and I need to be direct. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but if he tries to destroy the small amount of stability I have in my life right now, his feelings can go to hell!
“I just wanted to ask you if you could donate blood since it’s clear you’re a match!” I said
“I have tats Johanna!” He explains
“The nurse told me you can donate blood if you haven’t done any in the last three months!” His face lights up “I had no other choice but to call you. If you could do just this one favor for me, I would be grateful, then we’ll just disappear from your life again!” I say
My gaze is fully focused on my one year old baby as Niall’s attention turns to me entirely. I fight the urge to turn to him and meet the pair of intense blue eyes. I’m sure he didn’t expect this, but I have no other choice but to tell him this, this exact way just so he won’t get close enough.
“I wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t extremely necessary!” I whisper, playing with the sleeve of my shirt so I could maybe soothe a little.
“I refuse to ignore a child that’s mine Johanna!” He says, arms crossing in front of his chest the exact same way mine did, and now I had no other choice but to face him “I thought you knew me better than that. You know I would never d…”
I spaced out. Maybe it was because of the antidepressants, but I could only see how red he was, clearly containing his anger towards me. He’s changed. He’s a bit taller, but I’m guessing he stagnated by now, so he wouldn’t grow any further.
My eyes caress the outlines of his hair, and how shaggy it looks now, but I like it. His roots are done and he seems collected, taken care of. Not the hair, him, Niall! His eyes are a new shade of blue as he stares at me, darker, pained, somehow bitter.
I can’t help but want to smile as he gets wrinkles in his eyes while talking, but I smother it forcefully. He looks stronger, his biceps are bigger and behind the white t-shirt, I can see a more defined six pack.
His nose remains the same, and so do his cheeks, and how gorgeous I thought he is, is now a triple than I did before. When I first saw him running down the hospital aisle, I went pale as a sheet, flooded by emotions I carefully suppressed for two years.
It didn’t work thought, not when I saw him again in a two year space. My cheeks were still wet, I was still looking like a rag, but he didn’t notice any of that, he just gave me a look, as pale as I was, an nodded, because he didn’t knew where we stood.
I fight the tremble that threatens to go down my spine when I get stuck on the camber of his upper lip and miserably fail. I gulp, as the urge to feel them against mine is overwhelming and enough to make me wanna cry.
I wish I could take more than one ‘happy pill’ a day. But I can’t, not until I meet with my psychiatrist again, and it’ll only happen again next year, so I have to hang on.
I’m a mix of emotions, right now I’m sad, next second I’m happy, and then I can turn extremely angry, or extremely nice. I can’t seem to place the right emotions on the right time, and it kills me because I have a terrible sensation of feeling lost, and no one cares enough to make come and find me.
I feel insecure, unstable, lost, and the only thing… the only thing keeping me grounded is him. Is Dylan and his gorgeous blue eyes, and his hazelnut hair and fun personality and his loud laughs of a baby who’s extremely happy.
And partially, he makes me happy because he’s basically a reminder of Niall, and sometimes I can cope with that, sometimes I can’t, but Dylan isn’t Niall, Dylan is my baby and I love him no matter who he looks like.
He smells like whiskey and cologne I’m sure he changed since the last time we saw each other. It’s more masculine, if that’s even possible, because the male in front of me is a proud and healthy example of testosterone.
I’m still focused in Niall’s lips at the moment and I only notice I drifted off when he shakes a hand in front of my face. I’m startled and look up, just in time to see the corners of his mouth curling up in a smile.
“I missed you too!” He says and that feeling of blood being drained from me, like someone kicked me in my stomach and I can’t breathe, returned.
It’s not just you now Johanna, you can’t depend on him like you did before!
You don’t love him! You don’t love him! You don’t love him!
“I don’t want you anywhere close to my kid!” I angrily say, gulping once his cheeks are red again.
Here we go!
“He’s not your kid! He’s our kid!” He states, voice already raising a notch “You know what I can’t even believe you hid this from me!” He angrily said
“Oh really?” I asked mockingly “Like you hid the fact that you knew my parents weren’t being honest with me and you just kept it to yourself?! Don’t be a hypocrite!” I yell
“Are you seriously comparing what I hid from you to the fact you hid my own son from me?!” He says back, equally loud
“Think about it, are them really that different?!” I ask
“So, this is payback?” He asks, I freeze
“You hypocrite son of a bitch, who do you think you are to come here and accuse me of payback?” I yell at him “If I thought you would be a good influence for my son I would have included you in his life, you self-centered, arrogant ass! He’s not yours, you don’t know him!” I accuse
“I don’t’ know him because you didn’t have the decency of telling me I even had a son! You’re to blame that I don’t know him! It’s all your fault! But now I’m not letting you hide him from me anymore. It’s not gonna be that easy!” He sais
I feel like exploding, like I’m extremely hot everywhere. And I want to hurt him more, I want to tell him I hate him, that I never loved him and Dylan isn’t even his son.
Those are all lies thought, and I can’t find it in myself to hurt him, to wound him that deeply.
I don’t hate him, I did love him, and maybe still do, and Dylan… is so obvious Dylan is his son.
I immediately straighten my back when I hear cries coming from the inside of the room.
Dylan has woken up thanks to our screams, and I had to define priorities. Fighting with Niall isn’t one of them.
“I don’t have time for this right now Niall!” I state and rush inside the room.
Dylan immediately extends his hands to me, mimicking grabbing something, his hand opening and closing repeatedly.
“Momwy!” He calls and I rush to his side
“Mommy’s here baby!” I says and pick him up slowly
I caress the small amount of hair in his head and he sooths, the cries turning to sobs as he presses his little head against my chest.
“Oh, we’re gonna talk about thi…” He bursted in the room, immediately stopping once he sees Dylan in my lap.
Dylan’s head snaps up, and he’s starring at Niall.
“Dylan…” Niall’s voice is failing him and maybe I understand why
Now that he sees him closer, he can notice the differences between he two of them more carefully. How Dylan’s eyes are the exact same color his were, how his nose was mine, and his hair color was a mix between mines and his. How his cheeks were round, and full, like Niall’s were when he was younger. And his lips, thin and pink, trembling thanks to his current state.
And the way he looked at people, sure all babies are innocent, but I’m sure he saw the innocence as mine, as a sign he was mine, and he was his. Even if he didn’t believe before, he doesn’t have a doubt now.
I can see it in his eyes, how sure he is Dylan is his.
He takes a step forward, and extends a hand, trembling to touch Dylan’s head, his calloused hand touching the soft skin of Dylan’s head.
I was shocked when Dylan leaned into his touch. He isn’t one to usually give attention to strangers, but something in Niall’s touch comforted him. Niall extended his arms, grabbing Dylan from me. I almost whined at the loss of his warmth in my arms.
Dylan’s head buried into Niall’s neck and he cupped Dylan’s little head, caressing it slowly while taking in the warmth of the small body wrapped around his. He sighs and looks at me, his expression hard and unreadable.
He kisses Dylan’s forehead and sets him back on the bed, whispering:
“Daddy’s here now Dylan, daddy’s here!” He says and turns to give me another look.
I gulp, feeling extremely guilty that I told him he couldn’t see Dylan. I was about to tell him he could, I was about to give in… when he stormed out without even directing a word to me. Dylan whined and I grabbed his hand, my eyes focused on the door he just used to leave.
Next thing I know that day, an attorney is forcefully coming inside Dylan’s bedroom.
I had just been served!