It's a known truth, the more you try to avoid someone the more they pop up. Whether in person, dreams, thoughts or even the look-a-likes; I couldn't escape the image of Harry. For not being my 'official' boyfriend, this 'break-up' sure felt like the real thing. Still, he had no clue why I wasn't returning his calls or texts. I only hoped he wouldn't show up at school again because then I really wouldn't know how to react.

Izzy shined through for me though, being very supportive and encouraging. She even talked me out of not going back to that girl with the ponytail. One thing was for sure, I had never been as addicted to anything as I was to the scent of my honey vanilla Chapstick. Every time I put it on it reminded me of Harry and sadly I didn't want to forget about him. He was my first kiss and I knew that would be impossible to put behind me; as well as the person.

I had been bumming off rides from Izzy and Niall these past couple of days, just to not be alone or get tempted to call Harry back. Shockingly Niall had backed off from his jerk-like character and was actually being nice. I was incredibly skeptical of this sudden change in behavior but thought not to mention anything that might make him revert back to his old ways…not a chance.


Slouched on Izzy's bed one afternoon, I was reading the love advice section in her latest Cosmo issue. And who should happen to come in when uninvited…as usual. Seeing Niall's silhouette, I didn't even bother to acknowledge his entrance.

"You must really hate my guts," he sighed.

"I don't hate them but I'm not fond of them," I answered with a fake smile.

"I raise my white flag Brynn, you can't hate me forever. Besides I have this nice guy I want to introduce you to at the party."

"I'm not interested, remember?"

"Yes I remember you mentioning that, but the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else. You know, 'out with the old and in with the new'."

"I refuse to listen to any more of your cheap sayings or any advice for that matter," I raised my magazine higher in order to cover the sight of his face.

He sat closer and lowered my magazine. "You haven't talked with him since?"

I merely shook my head.

"You should at least end it accordingly. Whatever it was between you two… But he was the lucky guy, huh?"

"Lucky?" I burrowed my brows.

"Your first kiss, this H guy?"

"Yeah well so much for the romance and fairy tales."

"There are still some good guys out there Brynn."

"Yeah, on the other side of the world perhaps. Here, they're just like you," I stammered out the roomleaving niall baffled and shunned.

---

During our open study hour in the library, I found a comfy chair to glue my butt to and hopefully fall asleep in a couple of minutes. Right before I got too comfy, Louis strolled by and tried to make eye contact.

"Hey Brynn…How's it going?"

"Alright I guess. And you?"

"Oh pretty good. Are you going to Izzy's party on Friday?"

Gee well that's a no-brainer considering we are best friends…duh!

"Yes I'm going. You?"

"Yeah, she invited me a few days ago. So I'll be seeing you there," he said as he waved goodbye.

What to make out of that meaninglessly short conversation… who cares, that's what. I just wanted to zone out of this world for an hour, no for 55 minutes thanks to Louis. And when I finally closed my eyes they sprung right open; wouldn't you know it. I thought this was as good a time as any to listen to the 4 voicemails I had accumulated in my inbox.

"Hey Brynn, it's been a few days and you haven't called me so I'm just wanting to know how you've been and when we can see each other. Hopefully before your friend's party. Okay bye."

DELETE.

"Hi Brynn, I don't know if you've gotten my last message or texts…I hope you're doing alright. Give me a call when you get this okay? Bye."

DELETE.

"Brynn? you are starting to worry me and I'm getting a bad feeling here. Are you in any way mad at me? I don't know what's going on. I hope nothing bad has happened, otherwise if it has to do with something I did, I would rather you tell me. Please call me back. Bye."

DELETE.

"Brynn, it's been a week and I sense that you don't want to talk to me. Unless your phone broke, I don't know. But if that was the case, I figured that you would have reached me some how by now. Ignoring me on the other hand is not the best way to go about things. If I did something I would like to know so I can apologize and not end things on a bad note; whatever this was. I do feel that I owe this to you…to tell you that I got accepted for that internship in Hawaii and they want me there early this summer. So I'm leaving next week. I would share more details but I feel like I'm going to-"

And that was the end of the message. There was no 5th message to finish off the sentence. I grew sadder realizing that now we wouldn't even be in the same town, maybe that was a good thing though; a quick recovery from the heartbreak. But what disappointed me the most was his innocent play, like he did nothing wrong. My sadness turned to anger yet I couldn't erase the last message.

On my way to Izzy's car I found her and Louis talking, which I rarely saw. When I finally got to them it appeared that the conversation had died down and he said good bye. When I asked what they were talking about, she said she was giving him the address to her house. I then began to wonder if Louis going to the party was my chance to finally connect with him.

"Do you think Louis would hit on me if I began flirting with him at the party?" I blurted out in the car.

"Wha-at?" Izzy chuckled. "Don't you think you're becoming a little boy-crazy?"

"Say's the queen of boy-crazy," I shot back.

"Well it's to be expected of me, not you."

"Niall is always telling me to be another person at these parties, that maybe I'll enjoy them more."

"Since when do you listen to my brother's advice? Look where that got you B."

"I know, but 'out with the old and in with the new' right?"

"Now I KNOW you've been hanging out with Niall too much; you sound just like him. If anything B, make a fool of yourself with another college guy. If you go for a boy from school, like Louis, you'll regret it later."

Confused where she was coming from, although wise to consider, I left the conversation at that. Frankly I just wanted to kiss someone else so that Harry wasn't the last one to imprint my lips; as selfish as that sounded.

---

"I hope you have fun at the party tonight honey. I assume you're spending the night as well?" My mom asked.

"Yes, if that's alright with you?"

"Sure. I switched my night with the girls for today. So maybe we can do something tomorrow like watch a movie or go out to eat, just the two of us?"

"That sounds great mom. Let's do that, we can try that new Indian restaurant that just opened," I suggested.

I was trying to adjust the front part of my yellow strapless dress. Izzy helped me pick it out and I was beginning to question the selection. Too late now, it was on and the makeup already matched. I sure did look like someone else, or maybe my future better self? I straightened my hair for a different look and I was ready to take a stab at this 'college culture' one more time.

If I thought I looked "sexy" then that could only mean that Izzy looked like a mouthwatering vixen. And I was right. Wearing a short hot pink skirt with a red tube top, I could visualize the endless lines of drooling barbarians ready to jump if she should command it. Once again I looked like plain Jane next to her but I didn't mind; I left more to the imagination and I'm sure I'd find some guys that would appreciate that.

"Were you helping your brother set up for the party?" I asked unknowingly.

"Please, we always hire caterers to set up for our parties. I just came back from getting a trim," she smiled shamelessly.

I didn't quite know how to interpret that, and I found myself observing the length of her hair for the next few minutes; though I refused to ask any further questions to save myself the embarrassment. Questions and questions filled my aching mind; regarding Harry, Louis and my life. I wanted to be done with all this loud thinking for a while. And then I thought…

"How much alcohol is it going to take to not remember anything in the morning?"

"Oh B, we are going to have a blast tonight!" Oh no, she heard that. I think I just gave Izzy an open invitation to sabotage my liver and kidneys.

Back at their house barely 8:30pm and it seemed more like a friendly get together than a block bash. But 2 hours later it became just that. And so much for my partner in crime who kept disappearing and reappearing with a different guy at her feet. The more I tried to relax and fit in, the more awkward and phony I felt. I was on my 3rd drink and decided to ditch the shoes as they hindered my astronaut walk.

Proud that I wasn't as drunk as my bff, I decided some fresh air and clarity was needed. Stepping out to the front of the house, not a soul was around; only peaceful solitude. I stood with my bare feet on the damp lawn and closed my eyes momentarily. Nothing was going to make me move from this spot. No one was going to interrupt my meditation.

"Enjoying the fresh air?"

"Haaa, something like that. Did you just get here?" I asked while my inner peace had been shaken.

"No, I'm waiting on a friend who said he had to leave but now I can't find him. I'm his ride."

"Oh. Funny, how long have you been here? I didn't see you."

"Yeah, I was inside. That is strange. You look nice by the way," he smiled.

"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself," I tried acting cool, but it was coming out forced.

"I never got why people say that instead of 'You look great too' or something," he commented.

Well thanks for making me feel awkward, and now I shall say nothing so you can apologize for saying something so dumb. But guys never do get a clue. So I saw this as my moment to finally speak up and make my move.

"Well, are you coming back after you drop him off?" I hoped he would.

"Nah I think I'll either crash at his place or go home."

"So early?"

"Well, to be honest I'm kind of not feeling this party tonight."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'll catch up with you later okay," he finished as his friend came running out.

My unsuccessful attempt of connecting with Louis had lasted about 5 minutes. He was gone without ever knowing that I was looking forward to spending time with him tonight. My dress, my hair and makeup wasted for only the moon and stars to admire. Not having moved from my spot I closed my eyes once again.

"What is wrong with me?" I murmured.

I hadn't a clue where my motivation of snagging a cuddle partner had gone. And sadly my buzz was turning me into a depressing guest. I heard some steps on the grass and assumed it was just some people leaving until they slowed down and the noise stopped right beside me. I opened one eye to peek and simply couldn't believe who was standing there.

Niall was looking straight up to the sky, captivated and lost in thought. I normally would've snapped at him for disturbing my personal space but I hated to admit that company felt good at this moment; especially of such high status. I wondered how lucky his night was going and began to observe him fully. White suit jacket, sleeves rolled up all stylish like he was, black V-neck and dark denim. It was impossible not to give him credit for being an amazing dresser.

With his surfer blonde hair spiked up, I realized beneath his big headed ego he was decent looking. I didn't know if the alcohol had given me second wind but I sure had some CRAZY ideas running through my head right now. I began to giggle quietly at the thought of some, causing him to notice right away.

"What's so amusing?" he asked.

"Believe me, not even I can understand myself right now."

"Are you not enjoying yourself? Why are you out here?"

"I don't know exactly, but its quiet and I was enjoying that for a while," I really had no other answer.

"I think I'm going to get another drink before this fresh air turns me sober," he smiled, though he gave me a look and I wasn't sure if that was an invitation to follow him.

"So what happened to this 'nice guy' you wanted me to meet? I think I'm ready to make out with someone now," I smiled sheepishly. I couldn't pull off sexy for the life of me.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting to ever hear you say something like that!"

"Well, desperate times call for desperate measures and my buzz is running low, so I need to find someone quick before I pass out on the floor and regret that I didn't make this night at all memorable."

"You can't be serious?"

Niall was smiling yet he was having a hard time believing me and I needed to prove to him that I could be daring and crazy. I was just about to march back in the house and find a guy and make it his lucky night.

"I'll show you!" I stammered off.

"Wait!" Niall ordered.

I was not about to waste time convincing Niall that I was dead serious on committing to what I said. So I turned around to repeat my last phrase once again but was interrupted by the unexpected. One second Niall was 4 feet behind me and the next his hand was tightly gripping my waist and the other pulling my head towards him.

Playing along with the role of tipsy 'damsel in distress', while I would have jumped back and slapped him on a normal day, I was still proving a point here. Regardless if he turned out to be THAT 'lucky guy', this made my imaginary vengeance against Harry that much sweeter.

My hands were still in the air, shocked that Niall was standing this close to me and actually touching me. I always thought he saw me as a pathetic case of a girl but I never would have pictured this. Niall had a very arrogant way about him and it reflected in his kiss. I could immediately tell the difference in personalities between him and Harry. Niall was well aware of his handsome looks and was set to make this a very memorable moment indeed.

All the practice that I had came to remembrance and I decided to wow him back. Upon this decision, my arms fell over his neck and I deepened the kiss with revived lips. There was nothing innocent about it, nothing heartfelt. It was vigorous and animalistic. And then for no reason at all, I pushed him back.

We faced each other with blank stares. How the hell did this just happen? Niall walked back inside without saying a word and I did all that I could do…close my eyes.

Notes

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xo