Addie’s POV

We get to Ash’s, and everyone piles out of the car. It’s pretty chilly outside, so we go inside through the garage door. Ash walks in from inside at the same time, holding a bowl of cereal.
“I hate woooorkkk” He says, and sits down on his armchair, eating his bowl of cereal.
“Why?” Mikey asks, throwing himself on the beanbag. Calum sits behind the drum kit and idly drums.
“My boss is rude. He switched my shifts around without even asking me. And now I have to make it work somehow, between checking up on my grandma and taking her to the hospital and babysitting.” He says, mouth full.
“Aren’t you babysitting now?” Luke asks putting on the snapback that is always on the floor. Lucy joins him, and I rest my back on the beanbag, between Mikey’s legs.
“Yeah” He says “I made them do homework.”
“Hey so you know who called?” We all wait in expectation for Ash to finish “Elena”
“Oh shit, how’s she been?” Mikey asks, playing with my hair.
“Swamped with uni. She’s almost done with the year” Ash answers.
“It’s so weird to think that it’s actually almost Easter” Lucy says and then takes the hat from Luke’s head. He doesn’t protest.
“It’s so weird to think that she’s almost done with the academic year” Mikey retorts from above me.
“So are we banding or what?” Calum calls from behind the drums “I have to go soon today.” We all look at him confused “Homework. English is busting my balls”
“Alright” Luke answers, and gets up. Michael vacates the beanbag which I immediately occupy.
So they play for maybe an hour, when my mom texts me to go home, and that I am kinda grounded for coming back home drunk at 2am on Saturday. Fare enough. I tell Lucy I have to go, and she just nods, taking selfies with the hat. I laugh and then get up.
“Imma go” I say as loud as I can and head for the garage door. The only person who reacted was Michael who looked confused. So I walk to him and say it again in his ear, telling him my mom texted. He gives me a pouty face and I shrug and then their song ends.
“What’d you say?” Luke asks, fixing his microphone.
“I have to go. My mom told me to get my ass home. Turns out I’m grounded” I answer, and I notice Calum checking his time.
“I have to go too.” He makes a face like what’re-you-gonna-do and he puts his bass on the stand.
“Lucy, can you play bass?” Mikey asks and she snaps to attention.
“I can learn.” She says, smiling.
Cal and I exit, and the last thing I hear is Luke explaining something about holding it.
“Can I get a ride?” I ask, unsure if it was implied. He looks like he doesn’t want to give me one, like it’s the last thing he want’s to do right now “Or not. I’ll walk, it’s fine” I say, and start walking.
“What? No, come on, don’t be silly” he get’s in the driver’s seat, and I reluctantly get in the passenger’s.
“So what’s with the homework excuse?” I ask as we are waiting at a traffic light.
“Sorry?” He says, a little off guard.
“I’ve never seen you pester about schoolwork” I shrug. It’s true. And it was weird, and I was not buying it. Or maybe I just wanted to have something to talk about.
“Can’t fool you, can I?” He asks, and he sounds bitter, and I didn’t really expect him to say anything of the sort. I expected him to make some stupid joke and we’d be on our street while laughing. Make the tension ease up. But it doesn’t. With this, it just builds up.
“I was joking” I say, as a matter of factly, and I notice his hands tighten on the steering wheel. “You’re in a bad mood”
“Yeah” He whispers, which seemed like it was more for him than for me.
“You want to talk about it?” I ask. We’re almost at our street.
He says nothing while he parks his car. But then he doesn’t move to unbuckle his seat belt or get out of it. I don’t do either.
“I’m going to see Marissa” He says, not looking at me. And I fight the urge to drop my jaw. “And I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others, because I am not in the mood to take their shit. And if you give me shit about it-“
“I won’t” I cut him off. “Um, so why?” He shrugs. “Is it a date?” He shrugs again. “Well…”I say once I see he isn’t going to talk “Have fun I guess.”
I go to unbuckle my seatbelt, and he grabs my hand. I look at him and it’s like we have this electricity going between us, as if he is trying to communicate something with me, but I’m on a different frequency and it’s not coming out clearly.
“Um…” He says, glancing at my lips “I’d appreciate it if you don’t say anything to Michael, or the others”
And then the electricity is gone, and I open the door, pissed off and irrational.
“You shouldn’t keep this from your friends” I say, and then slam the door. I can feel his eyes burning in the back of my neck, but I don’t turn around, or look at him.

When I get in, I have a talk with my mom, how I’m grounded for the week, which includes the weekend, and I should be home everyday after school. Those were the terms. I manage to negotiate me going out on Friday, but not staying too late, in exchange for doing dishes for the whole week.
I go to my room then, and do my homework, but my head is not in it. I think about Calum, and his kind-of-date with Marissa at the moment, and how I’m itching to tell Michael, so he can knock some sense into him, but I also don’t want to tell him, because I told Calum I wouldn’t. Well…I didn’t actually promise anything, it was implied.
So the more I think about it, the more I fume, and when I hear a car outside, I find the only excuse I can to go see him - I take out the trash.
It is, in fact Calum. He looks deep in thought, and he almost doesn’t see me. But when he does he stops, and reluctantly walks over to me.
“Hey” He says, putting his hands in his pockets. “You mad at me?”
“No? Do I have a reason to be mad at you?” I say, passive-aggressively. He looks at me for a moment longer then looks down.
“I am going to tell everyone, you know. I just…I didn’t want them to talk me out of it” He says, still not meeting my eyes.
“It’s not my place or business to tell anyone anyway” I say, and turn to go.
“Wait” He says. I turn around, slowly. “It’s stupid, right? Getting back together with her?”
I can’t even believe that he is considering it. I might pop. My anger might make me snap, and all of my feelings might come pouring out. “It’s not my place or business to make assumptions”
“Addie, come on. Please talk to me” He jogs to face me, since I started walking away. “Look, why are you all of a sudden so mad at me?”
“All of a sudden?!” I say. I need to stop, I need to stop. My hands are in tight fists, and i dig my nails into my palm, to maybe distract myself. “You can do whatever you want with your life, Calum. I don’t see how my opinion on it will change anything. You don’t need my approval to be with her!” I am pushing. I want him to tell me off, to tell me he does need it, or that he isn’t actually thinking about getting back together. I want him to tell me I’m wrong.


Calum’s POV
I stare at her. And it hits me that…she and Michael don’t need my approval to be together as well. So I just stare at her, and she looks like she’s about to cry, and I don’t know what to do.
The coffee thing went really well. Marissa was apologising, and she dropped a thousand hints that she wants to get back together, and told me to call her anytime I feel like hanging out with her, and I want Addie to tell me not to. i want her to tell me that it’s stupid, because I know it is. But she doesn’t. All she gives me is “You don’t need my approval to be with her!”
I nod a couple of times, all of this sinking in.
“Okay” I say, barely above a whisper. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right” I step back from her, and her face is unreadable. It’s not victory, and it’s not disgust it’s…it looks like devastation. “I guess I’ll figure it out on my own” I whisper again, and then I’m moving so fast, I barely have time to register my front door or the stairs. I slam the door so hard, I feel like Addie must’ve heard it.
I feel like punching something. Maybe a wall. Or maybe just screaming in a pillow. I pace around my room thinking things through.
I cannot get back with Marissa without the guys, especially Mikey, going bonkers and either cutting me off completely, or talking me out of it as soon as it happens. And I don’t even think I have feelings for Marissa. I start making a list, because I don’t know how else to do this. So I make a list of all the good traits and bad traits Marissa has, and then the same two columns for Addie.
By the end, Marissa has like 2 good traits, and around 12 bad ones, and Addie’s good traits column is flooding, and only has one bad, which is underlined ‘She’s dating Michael’
I rip the piece of paper apart. And I take a couple of breaths.
What if I go up to her right now, and tell her how I feel?
How do I feel? I…I like her, but it’s not just that. It’s so different from Marissa. I liked Marissa, and I told her that I loved her, but it wasn’t as intense as this. I don’t know what to call this. I don’t know how to go about this. How do I explain to someone how I feel, when I can’t even explain it to myself? Or, when that someone is dating your best friend?
No. I can’t do that to Mikey. It would be so selfish of me. And it breaks my heart, I actually feel chest pain, when I come to the conclusion that I have to keep this to myself. I have to keep all of these feelings to myself, and just…forget about them.
Marissa’s not a healthy choice for me. I know that. But at least I won’t be thinking about Addie as much.
I pick up my phone, ready to call Marissa, to tell her that I’ll meet her tonight. I stare at the caller ID, and right before I press it, Addie is calling me. Literally, she is calling my phone. Right now.
“Hello?” I sound exasperated.
“Hey, my mom washed your sister’s clothes.” She says and I am so grateful that she called, but also so disappointed for the reason. She still sounds angry “You know, the ones I wore when I sl-“ She stops herself “Yeah, um, I can bring them over…if you’re home”
I am. I am home and I’m alone, and I could tell her. I want to tell her how I feel.
“Calum?” She asks annoyed.
“Yeah. Sure.” I manage to say.
“I’ll be over in 2” And she hangs up, without saying bye or anything.
I go downstairs, and wait for her, pacing by the door. She doesn’t come in 2 minutes. She comes in 10. Which worried me for a second that I imagined that call.
The doorbell rings, and I open the door.
“Hey” She says, and holds out a bag with my sister’s clothes and flip-flops.
“Thanks” I say to her. I take the bag and put it to the side. She looks at me for a little while, probably disturbed by the state of me. I tried to fix my hair at least a little bit, but I pull on it when I’m anxious or agitated, and I have been all day, so I couldn’t do it.
“I’m walking tomorrow” She announces and then turns to leave.
“Why? I can give you a ride. It’s literally no trouble at all” I say a bit too fast.
She looks at me, probably weighing the pros and cons and then finally nods “Fine.” And turns around to walk, but I don’t want her to leave.
“Wait” I say, before I can stop myself. She turns around, expectantly “Um…you wanna come in?” I say, and I move away from the door. Now she really looks confused.
“Why?” She asks, cautiously.
“Because” I say and then take a breath “I don’t like fighting with you. And…I don’t even know why we’re fighting.”
She looks at me and then back at her house.
“I have maybe 10 minutes. I’m grounded” But she still walks in. My parents aren’t home from work yet, so we sit in the living room, and I make her coffee.
When i come back with it, she is standing by the framed pictures of me and my sister as babies. I can see her smiling.
“Mali used to tell me I was adopted, and that I was really a troll” I come next to her, and put my hands in my hoodie’s pockets. I notice her repressing the smile. “To this day, she calls me a troll sometimes”
There is silence. I follow her eyes to a different picture frame. It’s of me and my grandpa from my mom’s side.
“He was in the military. He was also encouraging me to play soccer. He was a couch at one point, when I was in primary school-“
“Can we skip this” She turns to me. “Why am I here?”
I look at her for any hint of..well anything really. But then I just give up.
“Can you tell me why you’re mad at me?” I ask, leaning on the wall.
“Can you tell me why you’re mad at me?” We are standing pretty close.
“I’m-I’m not mad at you?” I say, my voice low, and my eyes fixed on her lips.
“Funny. You sure as hell act like you are. Like I’ve wronged you in some way” She takes a step back and sits on the couch. I sit across from her.
“You’re the one who is ignoring me” I say, but before I can continue she scoffs.
“Oh please, you’ve been weird and awkward since Friday!” She says, rolling her eyes.
“So have you!” I say, which sounds like a childish reply, but I stand my grown.
“And it’s not just from Friday. It’s been going on since…well I don’t know, since we met! You have this weird attitude towards me, like one day we’re friends and we talk and I feel like I can tell you stuff I can’t share with everyone, and the next day you’re distant and want nothing to do with me.” She says, and I catch my breath. She can’t be right can she?
“You know what the problem was in the beginning, Addie” I say as calmly as I can, because I can feel her getting riled up “And-“
“Yes I do.” She cuts me off “And now you want to get back together with her, and you have the nerve to ask for my blessing?! What do you expect me to say, Cal?”
“Not to do it!” I explode and say louder than I should’ve. She looks taken a back, maybe by what I said, maybe by my tone. Probably both. “Okay? I want you to tell me not to do it, and that it’s a stupid idea! And that you don’t want me to be with her!”
“Are you hearing yourself?” She asks, calmly, which is making me loose control “You’re expecting me to make choices for you?! Me? Not your best friends, who care about you so freaking much, even though you neglected them for a long time, but me? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?!”
“Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other” I say, and my voice almost breaks.
“You’re the one with the secrets! You aren’t telling them about Marissa and the date, and the fact that you’re getting back together with her!!” She stands up.
“How am I suppose to tell Michael anything, when he doesn’t tell me shit?!” I stand up as well.
“I am not gonna get into your friendship with Michael, but-“ She begins, her voice raising with every word, saying something else, but I cut her off.
“You’re already smacked in the middle of it!” It slips out. And then we’re silent. She is staring at me bewildered.
“What?” She asks slowly, and a lot quieter than the shouting mach we were having just now.
“You guys are dating, Addie! And he hasn’t told me shit! He gets weird when I ask him about you, and then changes the subject. You do as well! I’m not stupid” Go big or go home, right? She looks stunned. “And it’s not like you need my permission. He liked you first, and you like him, so you’re dating, and it’s fine, I just…” I stop and take a breath “I just don’t get why you’re hiding it.”
“Calum-“ She begins saying something, but I again, cut her off.
“Do the others know? Lucy probably does, but..do the other guys know?” I can’t look at her in the eye. And i feel like a lump is forming in my throat. This is not how I wanted this conversation to play out. At all.


Addie’s POV

I stand there, in the middle of his living room, the coffee untouched.
“You…you think Michael and I are…are dating?” I barely get it out.
“Come on Addie. Please don’t lie to me, okay?” He looks down again, his hand balled into fists. “Just, tell me. It’s fine. I don’t get why you guys would-“
“There is nothing to tell” I cut him off. He looks tired. Very tired. “Michael and I are NOT dating” I clarify, pronouncing every word as clear as day. “I don’t like Michael like that. He doesn’t like me like that. We are not together.” I say. Calum’s shoulders vividly relaxed. Like all the tension from his body has disappeared.
“What? But you guys are always…and I saw you yesterday, he was walking you home and he had his arm around you…” He says.
“Again. We. Are. Not. Dating” I say “We are just friends, and we’re close, but I have no romantic attraction towards him, and he has none towards me. It’s as simple as that. And you, and everyone else on this fucking planet needs to stop assuming they know who I do or don’t like!!!” I say angrier by the second, but he deosn’t react like I expected him to - angry.
He runs his fingers through his hair, and sits down. He’s acting like I’ve told him that I’ve cured his cancer.
“Have you seriously been mad at me because you thought I was dating Michael?!” I say, putting my hands on my hips. He nods, his face buried in his hands. And I laugh. I laugh because this is ridiculous. And he laughs as well. And peeks at me through his hands. I sit down on the opposite couch, and start drinking my coffee.
“I have to go” i say, putting the half filled mug down. “I’m still grounded”
He nods, and walks me to the door. He hasn’t said anything.
“Wait” He says, as I open the door. I turn around. “So why were you mad at me?”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don’t know. Because he hooked up with a girl? Because he wants to get back together with his ex? Because he assumed I liked Michael?
“Because you were mad at me” I say, which is not a total lie. I was partly mad at him for being weird around me.
He nods, and then he hugs me, fierce and tight and every part of the front of my body, was connected to parts of his. I hook my hands around his neck and we just hug for what seemed like forever. He finally, and a bit reluctantly, lets me go and we say bye.
When I walk to my house, every part of my body is burning and I just want to go back, and hug him again.
I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what this was, actually. I don’t know what we do from here, which is all ridiculous thoughts, because it’s not like we’re dating or together, or going in that direction at all. We’ve barely managed to be friends.
But one thing sticks with me throughout the whole night. He liked you first. Who liked me second then?


Calum’s POV

She leaves and the house is quiet. I don’t know what to do now. I mean…she’s not dating Michael, so why did I not tell her how I feel? I should’ve. I have half a mind to go over there and declare my…well, my feelings for her, whatever they are.
I go upstairs instead, my body shutting down. I haven’t slept in more than 24h, and I am running on coffee and adrenaline.
I see a text from Marissa.
‘It was nice seeing you today, Cal’
I don’t reply. I fall asleep the moment I close my eyes.

Notes

It's 5:56am and I have nothing to do, so here you go :)