You Have Me

"You're-baby?.....you're h-having a b-baby?"

Harry's stuttering stopped being funny ten minuets ago.

"Maybe. I don't know," and I really don't know. I've boughten over five test, and every time I've been too afraid to actually take them. "I think it's too soon to know. I just know my period is almost three weeks late, and everything makes me nauseous. And I mean everything. Like, right now, your cologne is making me want to throw up."

Harry's pacing and that is also setting my nausea in motion. I don't feel good, and I'm afraid. I'm nineteen. I can't be another teen scenario. Forget about my parents disapproving. They already hate the man I've chosen. But I'm fucking nineteen, and we used a fucking condom. Why the fuck is this happening? Why doe-

Never mind.

I'm me.

Duh.

"Okay.....well it's not okay, but okay."

"Harry, this isn't even close to okay," it's my turn to pace now, "Do you even know who you are? You're Harry fucking Styles. There's no way this," I motions to us both and then down to my stomach, "is ever going to be okay. I'm nineteen. I'm a fucking child myself."

"Sweetheart-,"

"No Harry," I stop pacing and turn to face Harry. His face is just as panic stricken but he seems more in control of himself now. And that's good, because right now, I'm a fucking mess. "God, no. I'm so sorry Harry. I-I really....I'm sorry." Harry's hands are able to grasp my waist and stop my moving. My backs facing him and his arms are now wrapped tightly around me.

"Hey, hey. No," Yes, oh shit, yes. It's all my fault. I've ruined Harry's career and now he won't get to enjoy his youth. It's all me. "This, or anything else is not your fault. Fuck, baby, no," his hands turn me so that I'm facing him, "Don't apologize. And don't blame yourself. This isn't a bad thing. It's unexpected but it's not bad."

This shouldn't be unexpected. This shouldn't even be happening. We were safe. We took precaution. This is the worst and my life is the absolute worse.

Harry's face-well more like his eyes-are bright. His hands are rubbing my waist. I like this Harry. Despite the circumstances, I like this Harry. He looks like my Harry. The one I watched Mulan with. The one who teared up during reflections and then wanted to yell at Shang for being such a prick.

"Harry, what if I take a test and it comes back positive? What about the band? What about you? You're only twen-"

"Baby," Harry brushes his lips against mine, and no. That's how it all started. "Who gives a fuck if I'm only twenty? The band will be okay and I'll be okay. I'll be okay. Because I'm having a baby, with the women I love."

"I'm not sure yet." I whisper.

"Then let's find out. I'll get a test from the hotel gift shop-and by that I mean I'll send Paul to get a test-and you'll take it here and what ever happens we'll be okay."

"Okay." I nod. I lean up and connect our lips quickly before sighing. I'm still completely terrified and I'm still freaking out. I'm no where near ready for this and I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel.

"Okay," he kisses me quickly before pulling out his phone. He moves back and smiles.

"We should be good to go in fifteen minuets. Drink something so you can be ready." I grimace. Peeing on a stick sounds disgusting and if I'm being honest I'll probably throw up with just that.

"I'm not ready for this." I mumble turning around. Harry just chuckles, shaking his head. I move towards the big leather recliner and drop my tired ass on it. Is it possible for me to scare myself into a miscarriage- oh my god, that's awful. But it's probably not possible.

Hopefully.

"Paul just texted back saying that if he was your father, he'd cut my balls off. He'll be up here in five," Harry moves towards his mini fridge and pulls out a soda. He opens it up and takes a sip. He moves towards me and holds his hand out for my hand. I place mine in his, and he pulls on it, until I'm standing. And really? I don't want to stand right now. I want to sleep until I wake up smarter. After he's comfortable he pats his lap, and I roll my eyes. I sit down and his arm wraps around my stomach. This is nice. Like, Christmas nice.

"You're not leaving again, right? You're here to stay with me, no matter what the stick says?" Harry's voice is timid and I haven't even thought about that.

Would I stay? Could I? With a baby? Can we handle that?

I don't know.

And thats horribly-scary.

"I want to stay," I say quietly. I turn my body so that my side is facing his chest. "But I'm terrified, Harry. You know how messed up I am. I still can't remember anything, and you're still...you know..."

"Crazy?" Harry finishes amused.

"I wasn't going to say crazy....I was going to say....not of the right mind."

"Baby I'm insane. It's okay, but I'm better now." Harry promises and begins toying with my fingers. I nod, and look at him.

"Yeah, but I'm still a mess."

"No...you're......not of the right mind." Harry jokes and I should punch him for that. I might stab him actually.

"You suck. On so many levels."

Harry laughs, and just when things are feeling easy, the mood switches and his face gets serious. "I miss you. I miss you so much." Harry's eyes are growing wet and my heart is cracking. No baby. Don't cry.

"I miss you too." I place my hand on his cheek and caress him. And I don't think I can find it in me to leave. Especially, if the test turns out positive.

"Don't leave me again." Harry begs. His eyes are sad, and I feel sad.

"I don't want to."

"Then please. Please don't." Harry lays his forehead against mine and my eyes flutter close.

"No more lies. No more keeping things from me. I need honesty and familiar." I just don't want to feel like I did. It was horrible and it hurt. It hurt like fuck.

"Okay," he seals his promise with a kiss. "You'll stay? No matter what?"

I nod. Because even if I wasn't about to do this, I don't think I'd be strong enough to leave Harry. I'll never find another Harry. I don't want to find another Harry.

The knock on the door is all the reality I can handle right now. And it's the same for Harry. Because his eyes are wide and I can practically feel his heartbeat. "It's time." Harry whispers and I move off of him. Harry stands and kisses me quickly before walking towards the door and grabbing a small plastic bag. I can hear them mumbling but my attention span isn't working. It hasn't really been working since I woke up in the hospital.

Harry walks back, the bag is now on the floor and Harry has the cardboard box in his hands starring at it.
"Okay, once you take it, we have to wait four minuets. If this says positive we'll book a doctors appointment. If it says negative, well...we'll go and get drunk."

Yeah, getting drunk sounds nice.

I nod and take the box from his shaking hands.

"Hey, whatever happens, you and I are going to be okay. I love you and I'll take care of you."

"I know." I say quietly. I give him a small kiss and walk towards the bathroom.

Here goes my future. Here goes Harry's future.
*******
"Well?"

"Harry we have to wait four minuets."

Harry nods and continues bouncing on his feet. A timer is set on Harry's phone and my heart is about to jump out. I just hope Harry's ready to catch it, because if not...I don't know. I'll die or something. Right? That's what happens, right?

"Yo-"

Beep.....Beep.....Beep.

Oh shit.

"Okay, here goes." I grab Harry's hand and we walk slowly, to the bathroom. These have been the longest four minuets of my life, holly fuck.

I walk towards the sink and pick up the sink.

Ewe. Oh my god, ewe.

I take a deep breath, with my eyes closed. Whatever this says, is going to change everything.
I look down and, what? I turn looking at Harry with wide eyes. Harry's radiating nerves and anxiety.

"Baby?"

I look down quickly, and then back up. I can't speak. My mind is in a haze and oh shit, I think I'm about to throw up. And it's not because of Harry's cologne.

"Fuck."

Notes

This story is my bitch.