You Have Me

H.P.O.V

" Harry,"

"Go away." Please leave. Please.

"Look at you Harry!"

"Fuck you."

I'm loosing my mind. I'm loosing everything slowly. I want Beth to come back and promise to never leave me, and I want the lads to leave me fucking alone. My eyes are fixated on the ceiling. My head is throbbing and honestly the drinking isn't having the same effect it used to.

I feel nothing.

Obscurity surrounds me and I can barley make out who is calling my name. I just want her back. I want to hold her again. I want to talk with her and make her laugh. I want her to call me her favorite again. I want to deserve being her favorite.

"Harry,"

I looked up and met blue intense eyes. I shrugged and sat up. "What could you possibly want from me?"

"For you to snap out of this."

"Snap out of what?"

Niall's laugh was mocking me. He leaned on the chair's arm. "Are you fucking serious? You're being a big fucking baby," Niall looked at Zayn and Liam; I looked between them and leaned back against the chair. "Mate,"

"Why don't you guys just-I don't know.....fuck off?"

"Because you're our friend and you look like utter shit."

I chuckled bitterly and Niall ran a hand through his hair. "What happened?"

"Beth left."

"No shit Einstein. She didn't leave forever."

I turned towards Liam, hoping to block out Niall's cruel jokes. "She left me." He nodded at me like I was three.

"Why?"

I looked at him and shrugged. "I was careless with her."

"Careless as in?" He asked. Like he didn't fucking already know. Like he wasn't there.

"Inconsiderate about how she felt."

" Ha-"

"I didn't help her. I didn't know how. And instead of taking care of the girl I love I fucked her over and put her in the hospital."

Liam just bops his head, "But you were sick," he adds carefully. "You didn't do it on purpose."

"That doesn't matter Liam. She was mine. My responsibility. She always took care of me and I couldn't take care of her."

"Okay," he starts leaning back our shoulders lining up. "But she'll be back. I mean she is back. She's in LA...."

I rubbed my face and groaned. She doesn't want to see me. And that means she doesn't want me. Every time my eyes close I can see the tears rolling down her cheeks. The way her body trembled and her mouth released helpless whimpers.

"Please, Harry. It's enough."

Her words still made me flinch and tugged heavily on my heart. I did this. I made her leave. I failed. "I didn't even open the door to say goodbye. I let her leave, when I should've ran after her and begged her to stay."

"Maybe...maybe this is what was supposed to happen." Zayn adds quietly.

My body went rigid. I felt like a million needle pricks were being penetrated inside my heart. I turned and looked straight at Zayn and he backed away. I narrowed my eyes and cleared my throat. "Zayn..." I said trying to regain what was left of my composure. Total rage took over instead, irrational but still.
I want to keep fighting for her. But she won't let me in. I'm dying a painful death and she doesn't know how much I need her. I can't breathe; I can't do anything without feeling animosity.

"Harry, look. Maybe you'll get better without her. Maybe you'll learn how to be with out her."

A pungent smile appeared, "How can I believe that when you told me we were 'kind of perfect' together? You're contradicting yourself, Zayn."

He sighed "I'm just trying to make it easier for you."

"Well, you suck at it, and I'm still feeling fucked up."

I stood up from the couch and Niall placed his hand on my shoulder, stopping me from leaving. "Where are you going?"

"To find Beth, and make her come back with me."

I stated and picked up my keys. I don't know where she'll be. But I need to find her. I need to see her. Niall and Liam looked at each other in alert and Zayn blocked my way out. "That's not a good idea Harry."

"Zayn, move."

"Sorry, Harry but going to see her is the worst thing you could do. You don't even know where she is!" He shook his head.

"I need her."

"And I need a lot of things that I can live without, and so can you."

"This is different."

"Harry, man up and let her go."

"Fuck you," I seethed "You're supposed to be my friend! You're supposed to help me! And instead you want me to give up on the one person I love the most? God- you know what? Fuck you!"
He sighed again, but he made no move to leave. "I am your friend Harry! But I'm also Beth's! And I don't know if you're good for her anymore. She has so much going on, and you're not making it easier-"

"Zayn." Liam tired. But it was already done. He had already said it and there was no point in taking it back. "Harry, why can't you just be patient?" Because I need her. Because I can't lose her. Oh god, if my friends, my best fucking friends couldn't see that then I don't even want to know what Beth thinks. I just want Beth. I want Beth back. "You need to give her time Harry. Beth is-Beth means a lot to all of us okay? And so do you, but Beth doesn't have anyone. Her family isn't around because she chose you. We're her family."

I shook my head and walked out dodging Zayn's hand and Liam and Niall's sad looks. I stalked past all of their rooms and slowly made it to Louis door. There were strange noises.

"I can't believe you're here!"

Louis voice was loud and clear. He was in his room probably talking to Elean-

"Lou, it's only been eight day-" that's not Eleanor.

"I'm so bored without you! Harry will be so hap-" Beth?

"Lou. I don't know if I'm staying."

Oh god, no. Please don't do this to me.

I walked carefully to his door and leaned my ear against it. "What do you mean?" I heard Louis ask.

"It means, I don't know if I want to stay."

She answered slowly. And my hand turned the knob and before I knew it I was inside, looking at a shocked Beth and concerned Louis.

"You're not leaving again." I said firmly. Beth's mouth parted but no words we're coming out.

"I won't let you."

Notes

Bow down.