Mainstream

Ugh. My head hurts so much. And it’s so bright in here. Somebody please turn off the sun. I sit up slowly as I blink my eyes open. I immediately notice the ugliest brown sheets and realize that I crashed at Katy’s last night.

Oh, God.

Last night… What even happened? I remember drinking… like a lot. And dancing. Lots and lots of dancing with Lou- oh. Louis…

Well, there’s no use in crying anymore. Judging by the black smudges on this pillowcase, I did quite enough of that. I pick myself up out of bed and notice the time. It’s almost three. I head to bathroom adjacent to Katy’s room and wipe off all of the lingering makeup. I borrow Katy’s hairbrush to pull my hair up into a tight ponytail that helps wake up some of my senses. My breath is killing me, so I borrow Katy’s toothbrush to get rid of the taste in my mouth. I’m sure she won’t mind.

My stomach starts to growl at me, so I make my way out of the bedroom and toward the kitchen where I hear voices shouting. At first, I can’t make out what they’re saying, but then I catch, “Isn’t this what you really want? Us? I know you feel it to.” There’s a pause then a quick shuffle of footsteps. There’s another short pause before the same voice, which I’ve distinguished to be a male, yells, “Katy, wait! Come back!”

And it’s so weird but I think I just saw the mop-headed freak run out of the kitchen just as walked in. I guess they’re finally working out their problems. It’s about time they just stopped messing around and admit they still like each other. It’s super obvious and honestly disgusting but Katy’s my best friend and if that’s what she wants, I’ll support her. I contemplate going after them but I’m really hungry so I just shrug and stick a bagel in the toaster oven. I hoist myself up to sit on the counter and pick at my nail polish while I wait.

Harry walks back in as I’m spreading Nutella on my toasted bagel. He’s completely out of breath. It’s kind of funny, and I would totally laugh if I were more awake, but I’m in more of a sarcastic kind of mood this morning. “So how’d it go?” I ask. I expect Katy to walk in after him but she doesn't. “Where’s Katy?”

“She took off in her car. Already out of sight by the time I went after her.”

“I’ll bet she’s on her way to her dad’s house.”

Harry furrows his eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t like me. Why are you being so chill about this?”

“Well, for one, and I really mean this, you gained my respect last night. Thanks, by the way.” Harry glances solemnly at the floor but nods. “And secondly, because you and Katy are both idiots for trying to get with other people to make one another jealous. Everybody else may be oblivious but Katy’s my best friend. I know her way too well to not realize what she’s been doing to poor Niall.”

“So… what should I do?”

“Go after her, dumbass! C’mon, you drive and I’ll tell you how to get to her dad’s house.” I slip off the counter and grab a napkin to wrap the rest of my bagel up in.

“Wait, what about Niall?”

“Trust me. He won’t care. He’s using her, too. It’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then.” Harry grabs his keys and we’re out the door.

When we get to Mr. Mandt’s house no one is there, which is dumb because this is always where Katy runs away to. After we run by the coffee shop, but she isn’t there either. I start texting and calling everyone that we mutually know—Damian, Naomi, Niall, but nobody has seen her. We drive around town for a while hitting up Katy’s favorite spots but without any luck. There’s no sign of her or her car anywhere.

By 10 o’clock I know I need to crash again. Harry seems upset but obliges to dropping me off at my own home. I want to tell him that she’ll be back home in the morning, but something feels off. He asks if I’ll help him search again tomorrow if she’s not back yet, but I tell him I have work in the morning. He nods and speeds away after that.

As I’m walking up my driveway I can’t help but glance over to 136 Emery Way. All of the lights are off save for one window on the bottom floor. For a second I think about giving the man I thought I loved a piece of my mind but my tired brain forces me to drop it. Besides, I really do have work bright and early tomorrow morning, and I’m not sure how I’ll get through it if I don’t wash up and get to sleep right away.

~

My shift ends at two. Katy was supposed to come in halfway through the morning but never showed. Damian assures me that he’ll make sure everything runs smoothly in her absence, so I drive straight to Katy’s to check in on her, praying she just went home and forgot about work. However, when I get there everything is as Harry and I left it yesterday. Nothing has moved, not the sheets on her bed nor the kettle from the table. Katy could never leave a mess or item out of place, so she definitely hasn’t been back.

I check on her dad’s house again. Mr. Mandt is there this time but he lets me know that Katy hasn’t been by recently. He could never lie to me seeing as I’m like a second daughter to him, so I don’t press. It’s not like whatever happened yesterday was a big deal anyway... I hope.

As I sit in my car with my head against my steering wheel trying to figure out my next move, I know there’s only one thing I want to do. But I can’t. My fingers itch to pick up the phone and call him but my sinking stomach asserts, no. So I start to call the second best person I can think of in my crisis, Liam, and he picks up immediately.

“Lina, hey. I was just about to call you.”

“Really? What’s up?”

“Oh, well, first, how are you holding up?”

I sigh. “Well, my heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest and put back all wonky with some parts replaced or otherwise missing, but I’ll manage, I guess…” Lies. “Let’s just say I’m done with guys for a while…”

“I’m really sorry, Li. If it means anything, I think he was more messed up today than you were last night. Kid’s a mess.” Good… “Anyway, I was also wondering if you’ve seen Harold around today or yesterday.”

“Uh, yeah, we were looking for Katy all afternoon yesterday. She ran off after some argument they had. Still not really sure where she’s at actually…”

“Okay, well, when was the last time you saw Harry? We kind of had band stuff today and he blew it off. It’s not like him to do something like that. I mean, even… no one else blew it off.”

“He dropped me off at home last night. He seemed really beat yet really determined. He sped away pretty fast after I got to my door.”

“Weird, you don’t think-”

I sit up. “Shit.”

“Okay, well maybe they’ll-”

“Be back in a day?”

“Yeah, or-”

“Maybe not…”

“Let’s give it a few days then?”

“Yeah… Let’s just hope it won’t be that long.”

~

A week passes. Then, another. No word from either missing party, but we don’t file a report because they’re both adults who can handle their own. But that doesn’t also mean I don’t worry. I try to go about my days as normal. The rest of the staff just think Katy took an impromptu vacation and don’t complain because of how damn hard she works for that shop without breaks. When I go home, Liam usually comes over, sometimes with Zayn or Niall, and we try to think only positive thoughts for our friends. It’s hard sometimes but it’s whatever.

I’ve been trying for the past few days to track Katy’s phone but knowing her it died and she’s not looking to turn it back on any time soon. The boys tried to do the same with Harry’s but guy’s an idiot. He left his phone at Katy’s before we left that day.

Niall finally realized what was going on, and if you ask me, he did a really good job of pretending he was butthurt by the whole fiasco.

And then there’s Louis. I haven’t seen him since that club, but he’s invaded all of my thoughts. I keep going back and forth between irrationally sad and angered and completely blank and emotionless. I’m still not really sure what to make of what happened, and I don’t really know what to do next. It only makes feel slightly better that the guys’ updates of him just describe how he feels like a piece of utter shit for what he did. He hasn’t left his house in a while, or at least I haven’t noticed.

Today, however, we all have to go into the boys’ management headquarters to explain the situation to their team, and when I get there, Louis is the only one in the room, sitting on one end of the long table. I pause at the door for a second, take a deep breath, and proceed to take the chair on the other end. As I pull my chair in, I risk a quick glance over in his direction only to see that his gaze is already locked on my direction. I divert my attention quickly but I out of the corner of my eye Louis holds his stare.

As we wait, I try to keep my focus on my fingers, messing with the rings and such. Thankfully, Liam and Zayn walk in a few minutes later, breaking the silent tension in the room. Niall is the last to show up a few minutes later and with the three of them seated in the middle seats, I can’t even see Louis anymore.

Their management team walks in promptly at noon and they don’t hesitate to start firing questions at us. I do a lot of the talking given that I was the last one to see Harry and know his and Katy’s situation better than anyone even if I didn’t know it was him till just a couple months ago.

“You said he seemed unsatisfied after he dropped you off. Was there any indication that he was going to run after her?” someone shoots at me.

“I mean, I guess. He had this really strong look of determination on his face, like he wasn’t going to give up any time soon, and then, he just sped off,” I reply.

“And you didn’t try to stop him?!” he yells, startling me. My heart starts to beat fast and I start to fidget with my rings again. Suddenly, I just feel so small. He hits the table. “Well?!” I jump.

“Hey, take it easy, Frank,” someone interrupts. “She had no idea he was just going to disappear after her best friend.” I look over and Louis is glaring this guy down. He almost looks menacing but the heroism shines through more.

Frank clears his throat, apologizes, and continues to rest of the questioning calmly. By the time they let us leave, I feel so drained. I barely make it home without crashing. I’m in desperate need of a nap. As I make my way to my front door, someone stands, leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

“What do you want?” I try to spit out annoyed, but my voice quivers a little. Half of me doesn’t want to hear anything he has to say but the stronger half makes me stay put.

He sighs. “Lina, I am so so… so sorry. Doing that to you was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life because those two months with you were the best two months I’ve ever experienced, and just for reference, I’ve travelled the world. I understand that what I did was wrong and that I hurt you, but that’s the last thing I ever want to do ever again.” He pauses as I finally get my door to open and turn around to actually face him. “I’ve been a mess knowing that I let myself do this to you, even drunk, which I know isn’t an excuse. I’ll admit that seeing her there did bring back some feelings, but none of them even begin to compare to what I feel for you. I meant what I said, and I still do, but just so we’re clear, I love you, Lina Ellis, and if you’ll have me back, I promise that I won’t ever hurt you again. Ever.”

My emotions are so confused right now so naturally I do whatever they want me to do, and right now, that’s hug someone real close to me. So I wrap my arms low around Louis’ waist and bury my face into his chest and through the fabric of his shirt I muffle out, “I’m not saying I forgive you, but I just really need to deal with some things right now because in the few weeks I haven’t just been missing one best friend… I’ve been missing two.” I pick up my head so I can look into his solemn blue eyes. “It’s been really tough… but-” I step back “-I just need a some space to figure things out.” And with that, I close the door.

Notes