Plunge
Confusion and doubts
~Harry~
It had been almost a week since I’d seen her. Today was Saturday, and I was walking to the community center for our session, not knowing how it would play out. Would she be nicer, or simply be civil? Would she treat me like a piece of shit, as she always did, or would something change?
I was never self-conscious like this before. I suddenly wanted to please her so badly, wanting to be good for her, wishing that everything I did could be approved by her, knowing that I would have her support. It drove me insane; wondering what the hell she was doing to me, and more importantly, why I didn’t want to stop.
I arrived at the community center, squinting lightly at the bright sunlight before pushing through the doors. As I walked along the hall, I heard the squeaking of shoes and turned around, grinning as Matt sauntered over towards me. He was holding keys to a car in his hands.
“Hey Haz,” he said, “I was just going to go grab something to eat for Cassidy and I. Want anything?”
I shook my head, “I’m good, and thanks mate.”
He nodded and turned away, rounding a corner and I whipped back around, forcing myself to calm down, knowing that I was only a few minutes away from seeing her for what would be the first time since our kiss.
Faster than I would’ve thought possible, I was in and out of the changeroom, throwing my clothes off like they were on fire. I pushed through the changeroom door that led to the pool deck, raking my fingers through my hair and fiddling with the cross necklace hanging around my throat. I wore black swim trunks, but I froze when I saw her.
She was sitting at the edge of the pool, her feet lazily dipping into the water. Her hair was up in a ponytail again; she wore her red bathing suit and goggles hung around her neck. Her hands were fisted in her lap and she was biting her lip in concentration.
She turned after a moment and gave me the smallest smile imaginable. I gulped lightly—hoping that she wouldn’t notice—and walked over to her, sitting down next to her, careful not to trip and fall like an idiot.
I extended my legs, letting them dip into the water, the cool substance making me shiver lightly. The faint current moved my calves along, and they brushed up against hers. I watched her tense and I looked at her, not wanting her to think that I’d done it on purpose, because I hadn’t.
“Hi,” I rasped, but she didn’t answer. I was just beginning to think she hadn’t heard me when she spoke up, “Hi.”
There was silence after that. I cleared my throat awkwardly, looking away, until finally deciding not to be a pussy.
I licked my lips nervously but asked, “So, do you want to come over to my place once we’re finished here?”
She looked at me, not smiling, but it seemed as though she was grateful for the topic. She chewed her lip, her brow creasing lightly, “Um, sure. Let me just tell Matt.”
My brain immediately panicked.
“You can’t,” I blurted, and she looked at me with a surprised expression. I gritted my teeth; nice going, dipshit, now you have to tell her.
“Why not?” she asked, looking genuinely confused. I didn’t want to explain it to her; frankly, all I wanted to do was kiss those beautiful, tasty lips of hers. But I sighed, raking my hand through my hair and slipping my feet into the water, feeling them brush up against hers. She tensed visibly.
“Matt asked me—I mean,” I tried to elaborate, “I’m not supposed to be doing this.”
“Doing what?” she inquired, her voice sharp. It wasn’t like she was exactly angry, just so curious that she wanted me to get to the point.
I sighed, “This. I couldn’t kiss you that night, or at all, really, because he asked me not to.”
“He told you not to kiss me?” she was confused, clearly. I shook my head, pursing my lips and trying to figure out a way to best word this without having her yell at me.
“No, not exactly,” I said, “He just said—at the beginning, before the first lesson—that I couldn’t…fall for you, I guess. I promised, but I broke it.”
“You broke it,” she said slowly, her eyes widening, “Wait. You mean that you—?”
“—Like you?” I finished off, and then smirked at her, “Yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious.”
She looked down, pink creeping onto her cheeks, and I cracked a small smile. But then she looked back up at me with wide eyes.
“But what are you going to do?” she asked, her brow furrowing with worry again, “I mean—you can’t. We can’t.”
“What?” I was confused now. One day she was kissing me, and then next she was telling me that we couldn’t do…something. What couldn’t we do?
I didn’t realise that I’d said this out loud until she waved her hands around, “This! Whatever this is! God,” she pulled her feet out of the water and stood up, and I looked up, watching as she looked down at the ground, evidently trying to figure this stuff out.
“Did this just happen to slip your mind?” she questioned angrily, glaring at me. Great, the old Cassidy was back. I tried not to notice how amazingly hot she was.
She began to pace, her hands coming up to cradle her face as she attempted to calm down—to no avail. She was muttering to herself, “Matt said not to.You’re my pupil Styles, my fucking pupil. I’m supposed to hate you. I do hate you. God—,” she was so beautiful when she was exasperated, “—this won’t work. It won’t work at all.”
She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose, “You’re a womanizer, Styles. You sleep with random girls, and don’t bother denying it, because I’ve seen proof.”
That stung, and I visibly winced. I knew she was referring to that night with that Reyna girl. Fuck, I knew that would eventually come into play.
She glared at me again, “Why would you not tell me this?”
“Well,” I began, still hurt from the comment about my one-night stand. Fuck, I knew it was a bad idea. “I kept on trying to convince myself otherwise. But Cass—it didn’t work, you know that.”
“Don’t call me that,” she ordered me quietly, looking away. I frowned, pulling my own feet from the water and pushing myself up to stand, towering over her. I knew exactly what she was doing, and it wasn’t going to work.
“Stop looking for a reason to walk away,” I told her, taking a step towards her. Usually, she would’ve stepped back, but she didn’t; she simply looked up, gazing at me like I was an interesting new species she’d discovered.
“I’m not,” she managed to get out, her voice catching in her throat.
I nodded, “Yes you are! You’re scared, I’m not stupid. Stop it; I want this, I know you do too, okay?”
“You don’t know that,” she fought back, and usually, it would’ve stung. However, this time it was so evident that she was lying. I fought back the tiny smirk that curved the corners of my mouth.
“You’re lying,” I stated simply, stepping closer to her, “You are blatantly lying. You’re really bad at this, aren’t you?”
She pursed her lips and nodded. My hand came up to stroke her cheek lightly, and I tentatively leaned down, aiming for her lips. Her hot fruity breath puffed out on my face, making me all the more eager to get to my target. I was close; so close. But at the last second she turned away, my mouth scraping against her cheek.
I pulled back, looking and her questioningly, but she shook her head, “Not here,” she told me, and then stepped away. I could tell that she was still trying to be distant, and I worried immediately, but then she came back and stood on her tiptoes, her mouth hovering near my ear.
“I’ll come over,” she told me in a hesitant whisper, and I smiled.
~Cassidy~
I felt horrible as I collapsed on Harry’s couch. I had lied to Matt. I never lied to Matt. He’d always been my rock, something I knew wouldn’t change during my crazy life, and for that, I was eternally grateful. But this was how I repaid him? By lying to him?
I was so mad that Harry had kept this from me. Why hadn’t he just told me that that was the reason he hadn’t kissed me that night? Honestly, I would’ve done so if our roles had been reversed.
Now I felt as though I was doing something illegal. I was actually beginning to warm up to the fact that I’d kissed Harry, remembering how it had felt: explosive and passionate. But now I felt like a criminal, like it was wrong to do so, Harry’s confession of what Matt had said tainting my mind.
Fucking great.
I had made up the lame excuse that I was going to visit the Jansens before I’d left the pool. Thank God, Matt had bought it, but it was tearing me up inside. I wasn’t supposed to be lying to him, I wasn’t supposed to look forward to seeing Harry, and I wasn’t supposed to kiss him.
Everything was just so fucked up now, and I hated it.
A small part of me didn’t want to be here, feeling guilty, but a much larger part itched to smell the spearmint on Harry’s warm breath, to be in his house, knowing that I could, even though I wasn’t supposed to be. If Matt found out, he’d probably kill Harry.
Why was I so worried about that? Before it wouldn’t’ve bothered me, because before I hated Harry, but now I cared. Now I felt something for him, only burying me deeper in the hole that I’d already created and had flung myself into.
Lovely.
The couch dipped beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts, and I turned to see Harry sitting there. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his arm snaking around the back of the sofa, making the hairs on the nape of my neck stand up. I wasn’t supposed to be here; I wasn’t supposed to have lied.
I wasn’t supposed to want to be here, yet I did.
I meant what I said at the pool. He’s a womanizer. I didn’t want to be one of those fuck and chuck girls that he was probably very acquainted with, but I couldn’t deny that I did like it when he kissed me.
“What are you thinking about?” he mumbled, scooting a bit closer, but not by much. If I hadn’t been so aware of my surroundings, I wouldn’t have noticed. Harry turned his entire body to face me, but I stayed the way I was, staring blankly at the television in front of us.
“Nothing,” I waved away the question, and his brow furrowed. He moved even closer and grasped my chin in his hand, turning my head to look at him. I felt a muscle in my jaw twitch; I shouldn’t be here.
“That might work on most people, Cassidy Kane, but I’m not one of them.”
Before, hearing my name roll off his tongue made me want to puke. But now I found it endearing, loving how his accent morphed my name into the most exotic, beautiful ways. I liked the way his lips curved as the words emerged past them, liked the way he smirked lightly after he finished speaking, acquainting me with his dimples.
But I just nudged my chin out of his light grasp, moving back to where my previous position had been. He sighed, but I closed my eyes lightly, forcing myself not to look at him. The sofa shifted, but I just looked down, fiddling with my fingers in my lap, wishing that things weren’t this complicated.
“I—I don’t know if I can do this.”
It had been almost a week since I’d seen her. Today was Saturday, and I was walking to the community center for our session, not knowing how it would play out. Would she be nicer, or simply be civil? Would she treat me like a piece of shit, as she always did, or would something change?
I was never self-conscious like this before. I suddenly wanted to please her so badly, wanting to be good for her, wishing that everything I did could be approved by her, knowing that I would have her support. It drove me insane; wondering what the hell she was doing to me, and more importantly, why I didn’t want to stop.
I arrived at the community center, squinting lightly at the bright sunlight before pushing through the doors. As I walked along the hall, I heard the squeaking of shoes and turned around, grinning as Matt sauntered over towards me. He was holding keys to a car in his hands.
“Hey Haz,” he said, “I was just going to go grab something to eat for Cassidy and I. Want anything?”
I shook my head, “I’m good, and thanks mate.”
He nodded and turned away, rounding a corner and I whipped back around, forcing myself to calm down, knowing that I was only a few minutes away from seeing her for what would be the first time since our kiss.
Faster than I would’ve thought possible, I was in and out of the changeroom, throwing my clothes off like they were on fire. I pushed through the changeroom door that led to the pool deck, raking my fingers through my hair and fiddling with the cross necklace hanging around my throat. I wore black swim trunks, but I froze when I saw her.
She was sitting at the edge of the pool, her feet lazily dipping into the water. Her hair was up in a ponytail again; she wore her red bathing suit and goggles hung around her neck. Her hands were fisted in her lap and she was biting her lip in concentration.
She turned after a moment and gave me the smallest smile imaginable. I gulped lightly—hoping that she wouldn’t notice—and walked over to her, sitting down next to her, careful not to trip and fall like an idiot.
I extended my legs, letting them dip into the water, the cool substance making me shiver lightly. The faint current moved my calves along, and they brushed up against hers. I watched her tense and I looked at her, not wanting her to think that I’d done it on purpose, because I hadn’t.
“Hi,” I rasped, but she didn’t answer. I was just beginning to think she hadn’t heard me when she spoke up, “Hi.”
There was silence after that. I cleared my throat awkwardly, looking away, until finally deciding not to be a pussy.
I licked my lips nervously but asked, “So, do you want to come over to my place once we’re finished here?”
She looked at me, not smiling, but it seemed as though she was grateful for the topic. She chewed her lip, her brow creasing lightly, “Um, sure. Let me just tell Matt.”
My brain immediately panicked.
“You can’t,” I blurted, and she looked at me with a surprised expression. I gritted my teeth; nice going, dipshit, now you have to tell her.
“Why not?” she asked, looking genuinely confused. I didn’t want to explain it to her; frankly, all I wanted to do was kiss those beautiful, tasty lips of hers. But I sighed, raking my hand through my hair and slipping my feet into the water, feeling them brush up against hers. She tensed visibly.
“Matt asked me—I mean,” I tried to elaborate, “I’m not supposed to be doing this.”
“Doing what?” she inquired, her voice sharp. It wasn’t like she was exactly angry, just so curious that she wanted me to get to the point.
I sighed, “This. I couldn’t kiss you that night, or at all, really, because he asked me not to.”
“He told you not to kiss me?” she was confused, clearly. I shook my head, pursing my lips and trying to figure out a way to best word this without having her yell at me.
“No, not exactly,” I said, “He just said—at the beginning, before the first lesson—that I couldn’t…fall for you, I guess. I promised, but I broke it.”
“You broke it,” she said slowly, her eyes widening, “Wait. You mean that you—?”
“—Like you?” I finished off, and then smirked at her, “Yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious.”
She looked down, pink creeping onto her cheeks, and I cracked a small smile. But then she looked back up at me with wide eyes.
“But what are you going to do?” she asked, her brow furrowing with worry again, “I mean—you can’t. We can’t.”
“What?” I was confused now. One day she was kissing me, and then next she was telling me that we couldn’t do…something. What couldn’t we do?
I didn’t realise that I’d said this out loud until she waved her hands around, “This! Whatever this is! God,” she pulled her feet out of the water and stood up, and I looked up, watching as she looked down at the ground, evidently trying to figure this stuff out.
“Did this just happen to slip your mind?” she questioned angrily, glaring at me. Great, the old Cassidy was back. I tried not to notice how amazingly hot she was.
She began to pace, her hands coming up to cradle her face as she attempted to calm down—to no avail. She was muttering to herself, “Matt said not to.You’re my pupil Styles, my fucking pupil. I’m supposed to hate you. I do hate you. God—,” she was so beautiful when she was exasperated, “—this won’t work. It won’t work at all.”
She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose, “You’re a womanizer, Styles. You sleep with random girls, and don’t bother denying it, because I’ve seen proof.”
That stung, and I visibly winced. I knew she was referring to that night with that Reyna girl. Fuck, I knew that would eventually come into play.
She glared at me again, “Why would you not tell me this?”
“Well,” I began, still hurt from the comment about my one-night stand. Fuck, I knew it was a bad idea. “I kept on trying to convince myself otherwise. But Cass—it didn’t work, you know that.”
“Don’t call me that,” she ordered me quietly, looking away. I frowned, pulling my own feet from the water and pushing myself up to stand, towering over her. I knew exactly what she was doing, and it wasn’t going to work.
“Stop looking for a reason to walk away,” I told her, taking a step towards her. Usually, she would’ve stepped back, but she didn’t; she simply looked up, gazing at me like I was an interesting new species she’d discovered.
“I’m not,” she managed to get out, her voice catching in her throat.
I nodded, “Yes you are! You’re scared, I’m not stupid. Stop it; I want this, I know you do too, okay?”
“You don’t know that,” she fought back, and usually, it would’ve stung. However, this time it was so evident that she was lying. I fought back the tiny smirk that curved the corners of my mouth.
“You’re lying,” I stated simply, stepping closer to her, “You are blatantly lying. You’re really bad at this, aren’t you?”
She pursed her lips and nodded. My hand came up to stroke her cheek lightly, and I tentatively leaned down, aiming for her lips. Her hot fruity breath puffed out on my face, making me all the more eager to get to my target. I was close; so close. But at the last second she turned away, my mouth scraping against her cheek.
I pulled back, looking and her questioningly, but she shook her head, “Not here,” she told me, and then stepped away. I could tell that she was still trying to be distant, and I worried immediately, but then she came back and stood on her tiptoes, her mouth hovering near my ear.
“I’ll come over,” she told me in a hesitant whisper, and I smiled.
~Cassidy~
I felt horrible as I collapsed on Harry’s couch. I had lied to Matt. I never lied to Matt. He’d always been my rock, something I knew wouldn’t change during my crazy life, and for that, I was eternally grateful. But this was how I repaid him? By lying to him?
I was so mad that Harry had kept this from me. Why hadn’t he just told me that that was the reason he hadn’t kissed me that night? Honestly, I would’ve done so if our roles had been reversed.
Now I felt as though I was doing something illegal. I was actually beginning to warm up to the fact that I’d kissed Harry, remembering how it had felt: explosive and passionate. But now I felt like a criminal, like it was wrong to do so, Harry’s confession of what Matt had said tainting my mind.
Fucking great.
I had made up the lame excuse that I was going to visit the Jansens before I’d left the pool. Thank God, Matt had bought it, but it was tearing me up inside. I wasn’t supposed to be lying to him, I wasn’t supposed to look forward to seeing Harry, and I wasn’t supposed to kiss him.
Everything was just so fucked up now, and I hated it.
A small part of me didn’t want to be here, feeling guilty, but a much larger part itched to smell the spearmint on Harry’s warm breath, to be in his house, knowing that I could, even though I wasn’t supposed to be. If Matt found out, he’d probably kill Harry.
Why was I so worried about that? Before it wouldn’t’ve bothered me, because before I hated Harry, but now I cared. Now I felt something for him, only burying me deeper in the hole that I’d already created and had flung myself into.
Lovely.
The couch dipped beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts, and I turned to see Harry sitting there. His knees were pulled up to his chest, his arm snaking around the back of the sofa, making the hairs on the nape of my neck stand up. I wasn’t supposed to be here; I wasn’t supposed to have lied.
I wasn’t supposed to want to be here, yet I did.
I meant what I said at the pool. He’s a womanizer. I didn’t want to be one of those fuck and chuck girls that he was probably very acquainted with, but I couldn’t deny that I did like it when he kissed me.
“What are you thinking about?” he mumbled, scooting a bit closer, but not by much. If I hadn’t been so aware of my surroundings, I wouldn’t have noticed. Harry turned his entire body to face me, but I stayed the way I was, staring blankly at the television in front of us.
“Nothing,” I waved away the question, and his brow furrowed. He moved even closer and grasped my chin in his hand, turning my head to look at him. I felt a muscle in my jaw twitch; I shouldn’t be here.
“That might work on most people, Cassidy Kane, but I’m not one of them.”
Before, hearing my name roll off his tongue made me want to puke. But now I found it endearing, loving how his accent morphed my name into the most exotic, beautiful ways. I liked the way his lips curved as the words emerged past them, liked the way he smirked lightly after he finished speaking, acquainting me with his dimples.
But I just nudged my chin out of his light grasp, moving back to where my previous position had been. He sighed, but I closed my eyes lightly, forcing myself not to look at him. The sofa shifted, but I just looked down, fiddling with my fingers in my lap, wishing that things weren’t this complicated.
“I—I don’t know if I can do this.”
Notes
Sorry for being MIA guys. The new school year brings so much homework. I'll probably be updating maybe once or twice a week now. Please don't hate me.Comment, vote and subscribe! And vote for me in the fan-fic awards too! A new round has started up and I would love to have this story nominated! Continue your wonderful comments, they make my day!
Random fact: It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up.
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I haven't forgotten about this story. Please update soon!!
10/25/15