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In the car after making small talk for most of the ride home, he took a moment to think before speaking again. Then he looked at me.

"It's been a while." His voice was weak, it was deep and raspy, almost like it was a struggle for him to get out. Like something within himself had been fighting for him not to say it.

My lip was pulled between my teeth as I had realized how big of a change had really happened within me.

"I know, I'm sorry." I was suddenly sad.

"No don't feel sad, it's all right, I've got you." He took my hand, rubbing the top of it with his thumb.

"I know, it's just upsetting that I can't be happy without you."

"You can, you will. I don't think we ever thought about how badly we need each other in our lives. Not only the company aspect of our relationship but to help each others spiritual lives."

"What?" Confusion set in.

"I guess I feel like you're putting more in to me then you are with God, and I guess that's why what happened." I stayed silent thinking about what he had said. "I'm not entirely sure that's what happened, I just noticed you stopped talking about things at the church and you stopped asking me to pray for us and it was just kind odd."

"I know. Things have been weird I'm sorry. I'm trying so hard not to fall back into old habits and I did fall,I fell hard, and I guess I was trying so hard to show you that your touring wouldn't be a problem when we're married, but it's just so hard. It all happened so fast." I took a moment to gather the rest of my thoughts.

"Do you not trust me?" He wasn't defensive, I think part of him knew that wasn't it, because it wasn't that it at all.

"Of course I trust you. You and El are like that only ones that I do trust." I continued the thought I had before Harry had interrupted. "I guess I just felt like everyone leaves and when you were gone and El was gone and Bo had left I felt abandoned. It felt like God had taken you all away from me. I guess I was angry with God that I was so lonely. And in turn I'm not going to lie, I stopped praying and wanting to go to work. I still went to work but I had troubles praying. The only times I did were when you spoke." I confessed.

"Lexi, I would never abandon you. I don't think I ever could. You've changed my life in a way in which I would know how to live with you." We were still sat in that car after arriving at our home about five minutes ago. "I think that befriending Eleanor was all part of God's plan so that you and I would meet and change each others lives. You've already done me the privilege of making my life better so now let me be there for you. Let me help make you better. Let me be that one to shed light to something you're in desperate need of."

I felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn't. I was out of tears. I went months without crying and then boom, today they came out in one go and now I'm dry again.

I wanted to cry because I'd never felt so much love from a person before. I knew God loved me, but it's different when another human being feels that way for you. I knew Harry loved me, he wouldn't have stayed with me this long, let alone propose to me if he didn't. With each word that was carefully picked expressed just how much I meant to him. Just how much love he felt for me. And with every word that came out I felt his love that much more.

I longed for a way to make him feel the same way.

I ran inside the house to my computer. As I waited for it to turn on Harry came and stood in the door way.

I tried typing up how I felt, because I knew if I just said them out loud, it wouldn't come out right. I knew that it wouldn't sound right or make him feel that love I felt for him. My fingers betrayed me at explaining what he meant to me. How he made me feel each and every time he looks at me.

You're more then just a boy friend or fiance. You're my best friend, you I couldn't live without. When we met at that bar, when everyone was drunk as we sat there talking, I never thought it would be you and I. These past few months had been difficult, but every time we talked, or every time I saw your face I would forget a little bit of how I was feeling. I-

His eyes were squinted, he was trying to figure out what I was doing. I saved the document knowing I would want to finish it later. And I shut it off, setting it back on the table next to my bed.

"Harry."

I stood and made my way to him.

"You never have to tell me how much you care about me because I just know that you do. You never have to kiss me, or tell me you love me because I just know that you do. It's just how you were made I guess. Not sure if it's me, specifically, but-."

"Oh shut it, I was made to love you."

"And we don't have to have sex to show me how much you love me. I just know that you do." The tension in the room was high as my face got closer and closer to his. "When you tell me things like you wanting to help me, and you wanting your turn at making my life different, I want you to know that you have. I want you to know just how much you effect me. I know you love me not by your words or your actions, but because you just do. I want to make you feel like I do, but I don't know how."

I attacked his lips with my own, unsure of what I was doing exactly. I kissed him with all the love and passion he had just shown me. I wanted to make him feel as good as he made me feel. And words right now failed me. My arms clung around his neck as I was lifted from the ground. My legs instinctively wrapped around his hips. His enormous hands held me tight to his body. The heat between out lips was unmistakable.

I moved my lips down his neck, near his ear lobe, sucking on his sweet skin taking my time moving back to his lips. His tongue entered my mouth roaming and finding every crevice. Tasting every bit of my mouth he could. I dropped my legs pushing him towards the bed.

A deep gutty moan escaped his lips as my lips once again traveled down his neck. I giggled against his skin. The effect I was having on him was something I've never seen from him.

"Are you laughing at me?" I was on top of him, he was laying on his back.

"No." I said guiltily. He flipped me over, his legs on either side of my hips. His face came down on mine kissing me again, his tongue exploring yet again.

A small high pitched moan tried to make it's way through my lips, causing both of us to stop what we were doing. I stared up at him with hopeful eyes.

I looked at his lips, so perfectly soft and plump. I looked at the way it curved up and the way his eyes stared down at me.The smile on his lips was mischievous, but it also held a small bit of guilt. Guilt that brought me back to reality. The smile quickly fell off my face and my eyes went wide looking at him. He rolled off me, sitting next to me on the bed. I sat up putting a hand on the back of his neck bring our foreheads together.

"Harry, I love you more then anything, and I want to show you, and I want you to feel how I feel, but I can't, we can't. I just wish we could, I love you and I-"

"I know." And then he kissed me, it was sweet and innocent. It was quick but it meant so much.

"I'm sorry."

"Lexi, it's all right, I was just about to stop us as well."

"I love you."

"I love you too. And of course I know you love me, and despite what you think, you do make me feel loved all the time, you always have, it's just what you do, it's what you are."

"I see what you did there." I lifted my eyebrows and pointed at him. He laughed and we hugged and then we snuggled up and went to bed.

Sleep took over soon after a long day of emotions and movie and going places, planning things and hanging out. I hadn't had this much to do since Harry had left. All I did was work and ran. And even going out and running a near half marathon didn't compare to the exhaustion I felt.

The sleep was the best I had had since the night before Harry told me he was going on tour again. I didn't toss or turn, I didn't kick my legs any, if at all. The room had been the perfect temperature and my mind was quiet. We slept long and hard, not hearing Louis or Eleanor come home, or even Niall, Liam and Zayn in the morning.

"Look like you guys slept well." Louis stated when we walked out Harry's room together. I could feel my hair was a curly mess and we were still in last night's clothes. They gave us suggestive smiles.

"Must have got pretty heated." Niall nodded towards Harry. We all looked to him, his neck clearly showing someone had covered it with deep purple marks. They must have been the left overs of what almost happened last night. I blushed and bit my lip not realizing that had happened.

"It's not what you think." Harry defended. "You all, I'm sure, are aware Lexi and I are waiting for marriage."

"Looks like the you almost stopped waiting." Zayn laughed.

"Hardy har har. We missed each other, isn't that enough." I defended some more.

"Let's go do something! I'm bored." Eleanor sighed.

"We can't."

"We've got Lux's dress fitting. Which I guess Harry you don't have to go." I looked to him offering him a more relaxing alternative.

"No I want to spend as much time with you as possible, even if it means waiting a terrible dress shop for hours while Lux get's her dress." Harry looked down to me before wrapping his arm around me to pull me into a hug.

"Gah, it's sickening." Niall spit out.

"I think it's cute." Eleanor was a good friend in that way, always sticking up for, and defending me.

"You're just jealous because you haven't got a girl friend." I joked.

"I bet he won't even have one for the wedding." Liam guessed.

"Hah, I bet he won't have one for his own." Louis jabbed. We laughed as jokes about Niall's girl friendless life style had rolled off our tongues.

"Laugh now, but I'm just waiting for the perfect girl."

"We know Niall." I ruffled his hair.

Notes

Wow, we're getting so close to the most sad chapters I"ve ever wrote.
Don't forget I'm having writers block and I need suggestions:):):):):)):)


I love oyu all, don't forget it!!!!


xxxSara