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The Way

It Was Food And Food Is Good

With Eleanor gone and the lads gone I felt more alone then ever. I knew God was with me. I knew he would never leave. I knew there wasn't any reason for me to feel this way but I did.

Mine and Harry's scheduled phone calls have had to be rescheduled and even then they were only quick hellos. I wanted to tell him how low I'd been feeling, but eventually I just gave up. There were more important things to be talking about, like the wedding.

And with the increase of lonely feeling I'd noticed I began eating more, and sitting around more. Therefore maybe gaining a bit a weight. But the way the press had published things it made me feel massive. So massive I's decided I would eat less and get a little more activity in.

One day I went out with the youth group for ice cream. If it wasn't bad enough that I'd been feeling crappy about myself, the paparazzi had followed us and repeatedly called me fat and were even calling some of the kids in the group names.

"Just please for one day, I'm with my youth group, please just leave us alone." Were walking from my Harry's car that he let me use while he was gone, to the little ice cream parlor. And some of the people did stop. They found it in their hearts to leave us alone.

While we sat eating we got talking.

"Do you ever hate them?" Alexander asked after he swallowed his bite of blue moon ice cream. I though about it.

"Well Jesus told us to love everyone, as hard as it is sometimes. No, I could never hate another human being." Except yourself. A voice said with a booming volumes in my head. I put down the spoon I'd been eating from, setting it next to the dish of plain chocolate I had chosen.

"But no one is perfect." Another kid said. I thought some more.

"Yes, you're right, it is hard to not hate them, and I guess sometimes I do fail and I might hate them sometimes." I wanted to say more, but I hardly thought it was appropriate for them, being grade sevens and all.

As we sat they asked more questions. I answered them the best I could. Then one asked about the wedding.

"Why of course you're all invited. I couldn't get married without you guys." I looked at them genuinely happy they had wanted to attend. They laughed. The girls started breaking off and talking amongst themselves as the boys began running around. Before it got too out of hand I suggested we brave the public and go back to the car.

I dropped them all off at their homes. Before leaving each house I apologized to each of the parents for the paps that followed me. I did this every time we went out. I felt so bad. They probably hated me. Probably why I almost didn't get the job. But along with apologizing each time, at the beginning of the youth group I sent out forms letting them know that if they were to go out with me things like this would happen and that if things got too crazy I was able to call Paul to send help.

Anyway I went back to the empty house. I stood int he kitchen looking at the food that had been sitting there for a few weeks now, untouched, uneaten.

When I went into the living room to watch the television I noticed my reflection in the blank screen. I ran to my room tore off my clothes to put on some running shorts and a t-shirt. I slipped on the running shoes I'd gotten after Harry left. I'd already worn holes through them. I walked back through the house stopping to tie the laces and grab my ipod before departing for a good two hours.

I ran the whole time. I listened to the music, focusing on the words of the songs. I ran through the paths in the park and tearing around the corners of the city, no intent of stopping. It started getting darker as the sun decided to set. I kept running though. I was trying to see how far I could push myself. Yesterday I ran for an hour and fourteen minutes. Not as good as the day before, but I decided I would beat that time by a huge margin today. I did, but I decided to keep running until my legs gave out.

I hadn't ever been a fan of running before, but seeing as I've been alone for a while now, why not.

I only stopped once for a picture with a couple girls a few years younger then me. I looked terrible, But then again you always look terrible. looked terrible, But then again you always look terrible. The voice said.

"STOP!" I screamed at it. When I saw people's head turn and watch me I looked around like it hadn't come from me. I turned back around to head home. MY legs became really heavy and my stomach kept yelling at me to fill it.

This isn't heathy. The voice spoke, more calmly now.

I dropped to my knees, praying from help from God. Asking him for his assistance, asking for his help to fix me. As I returned home, people were crowded outside the door.

"LEXI!" "How come you're running so much?" "LExi! Are you trying to shape up for the wedding?" "Do you miss Harry?" "When is the wedding?" "Where is the wedding?" "Do you talk with Harry much?"

And that was all as I unlocked the door and got inside. I looked to the massive clock on the wall, I had forty minutes to have a shower before mine and Harry's nightly phone call.

~~~~~

"You went out for ice cream today?" Was the first thing he said to me.

"Yes, with some kids from youth group. How'd you know?"

"It seems the paps follow you every where." I agreed by nodding my head at him.

"It's all right, it's teaching me patience." I hadn't really become more patient, I just wanted to say something that made Harry a little more comfortable with it.

"What did you have?" Lately Harry had been interrogating me on everything I did and ate. He thinks I'm not eating enough, which is true, but it would only worry him, and I wasn't going to let him.

"Some chocolate ice cream." I was grateful that he left it at that. Never mind that I went for a run after only eating a quarter of it. "How's your day been?" I asked changing the subject just to make sure he wouldn't dwell on it.

"It's been all right. I've just really been thinking about you and missing you loads."

"Not long now." He was still worried, I knew because he wasn't speaking. "What did you do?" I asked.

"An interview and then we had a really short shoot for some press thing, and now I'm at the hotel now, just performed."

"Was it a good show?"

"Yeah, no one threw anything, and the fog machine thing didn't get in my face." He was excited. "Did you really call the guy about that?"

"No, but I'm sure some talked to him about it." We told each other about our days, I updated him on some of the things for the wedding. I told him about the cake tasting appointment when he was on a break from shows. I told him I was going to look at a church, and then I told him about my plans to go dress shopping.

He told me that he had finally met Jay-Z and Beyonce. I had to admit I was a bit jealous.

"I wish I could have gotten a picture of Liam's face, like his eyes glazed over and he wouldn't speak the whole time."

"You guys won't let him live this down, will you?"

"Not even in the slightest." I laughed, feeling normal again.

Being here and talking with Harry when we weren't talking about the latest pictures he's seen of me, made everything feel normal again. It made me feel like nothing had ever changed since he left. It made me feel like nothing could hurt me, and nothing could get to me.

My thoughts were interrupted by his massive yawn.

"How late is it there?" I wondered

"About midnight." He hesitated.

"Oh, well you should get some sleep then."

"No, we haven't talked in like a whole day."

"I know, but you need your sleep. I love you."

"I love you too."

I fell asleep on my bed that night, laying there with my laptop open. My phone next to me. It wasn't that I slept well, maybe I did, but it didn't feel like it. I woke up and my neck had a awful pain pulsing through it. I went to the bathroom for a wee. I looked into the mirror while I washed my hands, my hair was more curly then I'd ever seen it before. It almost looked all right, so I kept it that way when I dressed.

Leaving my room I felt a hunger in the pit of my stomach I hadn't felt in weeks. And I had the want to actually eat. So I made myself a breakfast sandwich. Alone that would be more calories then I'd consumed in the last four days. But for the first time since eating became weird for me, it didn't matter.

It was food, and food was good.

Notes

Yaya so I'm so glad you are enjoying it!!!!

Thanks again for reading, it means the world to me:):):):):):)

Comments

@Javairia_Directioner

yes!

can u upload the third one on this website?
@Sherlolly Tomlinson

idk, I think I know how to phase it out, maybe, kind of, idk....
@s-a-r-a-no-h
I see...obviously I didn't read close enough :)