I haven't eaten all day, not really seeing the point. Sitting at my desk at the church became increasingly harder. I was so close to booking an awesome band for the finale. But the hunger I felt in my stomach and the perfect running weather outside was distracting.

"Hello?" I asked picking up the phone after it rang for the second time.

"Hey Lex, it's me Eleanor. What's up?"

"Just about to book that awesome band we like for the youth group finale."

"Oh the kids will love that!"

"Yeah, what's up with you?"

"I was just missing you, we haven't talked in weeks. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Did Louis tell you to call me?" He had called me a couple days ago. He knew I wasn't big on running and stuff, so he though it weird that he saw all these pictures of me running.

"No, but I have seen all the pictures. You have never liked physical activity as long as you've lived."

"So, does that mean I can't like it now?"

"You like running?" Her voice was full of an unbelieving attitude.

"Yeah as a matter a fact, it's become really nice." I lied. Though it was becoming easier I still didn't like it at all.

"Well, I guess you won't always be so tiny." She told me.

"You're one to talk, miss size zero is too big."

"Hahah, well I miss you and my mom wants to see you again. You should come over for a little bit."

"I can't, I've got work and then I'm going with the lads for a couple weeks." I was disappointed I couldn't."I'm so lonely at home, you should come back."

"I will for a bit when you go dress hoping, all four of us will be back home, to help you pick it out and stuff."

"But that's so far away. Come on, you're mum could come down, you know there's plenty of room in the house. She could come and then I wouldn't be alone." I suggested.

"You all right?" She asked. I told I'd been fine. Stressing over the finale. I couldn't tell her about the comments I'd received lately. She would know something was up if I did that.

"How about you?" I tired, however as I lied about my welling being she uncovered the truth, she heard the pain in my voice. And the knew that I hadn't been treating myself well.

"Cut the crap Lex. What's up?"

"I am fine. Nothing I can't handle."

"Lexi I've heard you say that before and things didn't turn out all right." She pressed, when I hadn't answered she resorted to threats. "Do you want to call Harry and let him know something is up."

"There's no point. I. Am. Fine." I was angry, but I didn't mean to be.

"Whatever." And then she hung up.

I went to my office door, closing the blinds and locking the door as a sob fell out my mouth. I sat at my desk, salty droplets of water falling out of my eyes and down my face. My head fell into my hands, my elbows resting on my knees supporting it. Fingers combing roughly through my hair, tugging tightly at the knots. Quiet whimpers breaking the silence.

I hadn't an idea how long I was in my office crying, but it must have been a while.

"Lexi, you all right in there? I thought I heard you crying." It was Pastor Dan, the senior pastor of the church. It took a moment to compose an answer.

"Oh, yeah, just sorting something out. Sorry."

"Oh all right." He sighed. "Also I wanted to let you know I was leaving. Would you like to come over for some dinner, I think Kim's made some tasty pasta stuff." He offered.

"Thanks for the offer, but I've still got kind of a bit of work to do. Maybe another time." We yelled through my door as my body sat frozen not knowing how I could confront him him my sodden face and blood shot eyes.

"All right, I guess I'll see you later then."

"Bye." I waited for his steps to fade away before I took a final deep breath. The clock on the wall opposite my said ten after eight. "That will leave me thirty minutes for a run, if leave now." I absent mindlessly said to myself. Gathering my things I dropped my bible, it spilled open to a page with a single high lighted verse. 'For the joy of the lord is your strength.' "Please." I shut my eyes tilting my head upward. I exhaled and then slung my bag over my shoulder.

The run was calming, it was good after what happened with Eleanor, someone I felt so comfortable telling everything to, was now in the dark and had no idea of the pain and terror I was going through.

The phone call with Harry only made me want to go for another run.

"Louis and Eleanor sent me some pictures of you. You look different, what's up sweetheart?"

"Nothing, God why can't they leave it alone." I was angry this time. Really angry, why couldn't they just leave me alone. Harry was silent, whether he was taken aback by my use of God's name or just simply terrified of why I was so frustrated, it was hard to tell. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh."

"You all right?" He asked, the concern evident.

"Yeah, I'm great actually." I lied, hoping he would believe me.

My grey laptop rested on my lap, open to my twitter, at my mentions.

@LExiEd is clearly just using Harry for him money.

Attached was a picture of me in an expensive outfit I had purchased with my own money. I never let Harry buy an abundance of things like clothes for me.

"Lexi!" He called through the phone.

"Sorry, I guess I'm a bit distracted. Sorry, what did you say?" Asking but not really wanting to know the answer.

"You look really buff in these pictures, have you been working out?" A sigh of relief escaped my mouth.

"Finally, someone's noticed, yes I have been working out." I was proud I was able to lose so much weight in such a small amount of time. It was good. But it almost wasn't worth it because no one was seeing it.

"Lexi, I mean this in the least horrible way possible, but you don't look healthy." He stated coldly.

"It must just be the angle."

"But it's every picture, every angle." His voice was strained, he was trying not to sound as concerned as he did.

"I'm fine Harry, I've never felt better."

"You'd tell me right, if things got bad, right?"

"Of course Harry, you'd be the first to know." I didn't hesitate before answering him.

"All right, I love you baby, I love you lots and I can't wait to see you in a month."

"I love you too, I'll talk to you tomorrow! Tell the boys I said 'hi'!" Before he could say anything else I hung up on him

Notes

Thank you so much reading!!!!!


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xxxxSara