The Voice

There were still way too many unanswered questions for my liking, but it wasn’t long before people started waking up. Not to mention Harry made me go back to bed.

I still didn’t get any sleep, though, so there was definitely something that was still missing.

Anyways, I didn’t get anymore sleep, nor was I able to sneak down and figure out some answers. So instead, I had to wait in my room until everyone started getting up, and once I was able to leave, things got crazy.

A lot of the dramatic ones left last week, but this week . . . it was serious. Five were going into the night, and only two would still remain. That meant that there was absolutely no way that
Noah, Kiley, Madi, and me would all still be here . . . .

So, of course, Noah kissed Madi and asked her on a date. Of course, she said yes, and Kiley and I danced like idiots around the living room. Brinley made a rude comment to Demi that no one else but me, and probably Niall, heard about how she thought they were disgusting and wouldn’t last.

“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call you an expert on relationships,” I said, glaring over at her as her eyes widened a little. “Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, though.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Wow. That’s a first. Everit being nice for once. What? Being a stuck up bitch getting too tiring for you?”

“I don’t care what you think about me,” I informed her. “Unless you think I’m awesome, in which case you’re right.”

She scoffed. “Thank you for emphasizing my stuck up point.”

“It’s a joke, not a dick,” I snorted. “Don’t take it so hard.”

That actually made Noah, Kiley, Madi, Zayn, and Harry laugh, really loudly, but Brinley’s eyes just narrowed again as she began walking towards me. “You stupid little bitch, the world doesn’t revolve around you. You’re not funny, and you’re not cute. I know I’m getting through, so I really hope that you don’t because I don’t like you.”

“You don’t like me?” I repeated, and I actually stepped closer to her. Despite the fact that she was taller than me, I wasn’t intimidated. “Have a seat with the rest of the idiots waiting for me to give a damn, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t.”

For whatever reason, this just pissed Brinley off even more, to the point she let out an annoyed grunt before turning to walk upstairs.

Of course, she brushed past me on her way, but to my surprise, she stopped at the top of the stairs to glare down at me. “You know, Everit, I’m really sick of everyone worshipping the ground you walk on. Stop pretending to be a saint because you’re not.”

“I’m not,” I agreed, letting out a quiet laugh. “I never claim to be, and I never asked for anyone to even care about me. That was their choice. You chose to make people not like you. That was your choice.”

“And there you go again!” she exclaimed. “Why do you think you’re so much better than me? I get it. Your life is perfect. Doesn’t make you better.”

“My life is not perfect,” I assured her, no longer able to just act like none of it mattered. “You know nothing about me. Never underestimate the pain of a person because everyone’s struggling with something. Some just hide it better.”

“You’re just a spoiled little rich girl from a small town in Alabama,” she shot back, eyes narrowed. “Yeah, your mom died when you were little, but everything’s perfect for you. Everyone just loves Everit and gives her whatever she wants.”

Despite the pain her words brought to me, the anger was still stronger, and my teeth snapped together. “You know nothing about me. Don’t you dare tell me my life is perfect. Maybe it is now, but it wasn’t always. Don’t even bring up my mom. You have no right to go there. Just shut up and leave me the hell alone before I do something we both regret.”

“Let’s go, Ev,” Noah said, and it took him, Kiley, and Madi to get me out of the house and outside.

When outside, I let out a loud grunt before punching right through the nearest tree. Granted, it was a growing tree, but I literally punched right through it . . . and it fell over.

Noah, Kiley, and Madi were all looking at me through wide eyes, and when I turned to face them, I just broke down. Literally. I fell to my knees, curled up in a ball, and sobbed.

I’m so sorry, Mom! I’m so sorry you were killed because of me! I’m so sorry that happened to you because you had me! I’m sorry she drug you into this! I’ll leave her alone from now on.

It wasn’t surprising to hear someone else coming out here, and when Niall tried to help me stand up, I quickly backed up out of his arms.

With tears staining my face, I shook my head. “Don’t. I’ve fucked everything up enough. Please just don’t.”

“Evie, what is wrong?” he asked. “What did I do to you that makes you just hate me so much all of the sudden?”

“I never said I hated you,” I whispered. “I just said to leave me alone. Just go back in there with Demi and let me have five minutes to be upset.”

His mouth fell open a little, but he didn’t hesitate to get over his surprise and scoff. “Really? That’s what this is about?”

“That’s exactly what this is about!” I yelled right in his face.

“You told me it didn’t bother you!” he reminded me, now just as pissed as I was.

“Well, I lied!” I exclaimed. “I lied because I don’t wanna let you see how much it hurts me. I feel weak and pathetic every time I think about it, but I can’t help it. I compare myself to every other girl I see, and I lose every time. That’s why I can’t help this. I can never be the best for you, and I hate myself for it. I hate that at any moment, you could find this absolutely beautiful girl with the most spectacular personality. Who’s not messed up like me.”

He was at a loss for words, lips trembling a little. “Evie—”

“I’m not done,” I interrupted. “You want me to talk to you? I’ll talk to you. Have you ever laid on your bed and cried because you’re not good enough? Counted all of your flaws and felt worse about yourself. And just felt too ugly and alone to even wanna exist. That used to happen to me a lot, and I thought it was over, but last night before I came downstairs . . . I didn’t sleep at all because of it.”

He looked absolutely destroyed. “Why would you ever even think you’re ugly? Or alone?”

“Because I’m just too complicated for anyone to love,” I said, and when I saw the raw pain I brought to his beautiful eyes, tears started filling my own. “Especially you. And maybe that’s the reason I don’t wanna be in love right now, but the truth is, I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. I’m way too in love with you for it to even be remotely safe. And you know, just for once, I want someone to be as afraid of losing me as I’m afraid of losing them. I’m scared to lose Max, my dad, any of these three out here . . . but I’ve never been as scared to lose someone as I am you.”

He didn’t say anything, nor did he look at me. As a matter of fact, his eyes were glued to the ground as his jaw trembled.

I took that as my cue to head back inside, but he surprised me by very tightly gripping my wrist. Unlike earlier, it was frustrating that he was stronger than me, but despite everything, it turned me on more than anything.

He immediately let me go when I turned to look at him. “Wait, Evie.”

“For what?” I asked, and a breath came out my nose while my head shook. “You know, as I stare at you right now, all I see is that you’re the only person I’m ever gonna fall for every moment we’re alive, and I just wanna be beautiful enough for you. I know I never will be, so I’m sorry. I can’t wait, Niall. I have to go upstairs before I breakdown right here.”

“Evie, no,” he whispered.

“I’ll be okay,” I promised, not entirely sure if I was being honest or not. “Is that what you want
me to say?”

“I want you to tell me you’re not walking away from this,” he said, eyes full of tears when they finally came up to meet mine.

I felt my breath leave my chest for a second as I slowly shook my head. “Niall, we potentially have forever. I’m never ever giving up on this. I just have a lot of problems I have to fix, and I’m taking it out on you, but I can’t help it. I’ve messed everything up, and that means you, too. I just can’t be good enough for you, and . . . she is.”

“I don’t want her, Evie!” he exclaimed, voice so full of anger and pain that it broke my heart to realize I caused this. “Don’t you get that? It’s the worst timing in the world, but I want you.”

“For now,” I cried, and I couldn’t help it as my body convulsed and shook. “A year? I’m absolutely insane. I’ve been messed up and tortured and mutated. They’ve messed up so much inside of me, and I can’t be good enough for you. You’ll realize that and move on.”

“I’m still right here,” he insisted. “I haven’t gone anywhere, and I never will. I know what they did to you. In case you don’t remember, I’m not quite there, but I’m halfway there, too. We’re messed up, Evie, and I’m never leaving you.”

And just like that, I realized just how stupid I was. We had just talked about it, and he just told me that we would always be connected. I knew that, and I believed every word he said.

So why was I letting my insecurity tell me otherwise? Niall cared about me, and one day, I was certain it would become love.

“I see your point,” I whispered. “Look, please don’t let me push you away. I have tendencies to do that.”

“I won’t,” he promised, and he actually tried to smile at me. “Never.”

That made me grimace in an attempt to smile, but I didn’t hesitate on that and instead looked inside again. “Look, you can’t pick me tonight. If I’m not the top person, I have to go home.”

“Ev, no,” Noah argued, reminding me of their presence once again. “If you’re not the top, you’re gonna fight and battle this to try and stay in just like we are.”

I shook my head and gave him a resemblance of a smile. “Don’t you get it? I’ve messed with his head. He is now too emotional to lose me in this competition, and whether I deserve it or not, he’ll pick me.”

“Evie, I won’t,” he insisted. “But it may not matter because you’re more than likely gonna be the top.”

“Pretty sure Brinley beat me,” I disagreed. “Look, I’m just saying. I don’t think you can.”

“If every other judge is saying he should pick you, that means he should pick you,” Madi said. “Look, Ev, we’re not losing each other. One Direction didn’t win the X-Factor. We’ve gotten far enough that we can still live our dream. You deserve to win this, and not just for you. For Ella. For your dad and Max. For Niall.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “I, uh, I don’t know.”

“If you don’t win this, how are you two ever gonna have a relationship?” Noah scoffed. “The three of us were talking about this last night, and the only way to have a relationship any time soon would be to be the one going on tour with them. Come up with whatever you want, but it could take years otherwise. Can you really go years, Ev?”

I knew he was right, but it still made me shake my head. “Guys, I get your point, but we all deserve to win this. He can’t just pick me so we can be together within the year.”

“I think he can,” Kiley laughed. “But he’s not going to unless you’re the best one of the three people singing off. As much as he’ll want to, he won’t unless you deserve it.”

I just shook my head, once again, and began walking backwards towards the house. “Sorry about the tree. Don’t know how you’ll explain that one. Just tell them the truth if you have to.”

He snorted. “Yeah, right, Evie.”

“I would like to know the truth,” Kiley informed me. “Am I allowed?”

“You are,” I said, and for the first time since I came out here, I was able to genuinely smile. “All three of you are because I trust you to keep the secret. You’ve kept this one, and you always will. You’ll keep this new one, too.”

“Evie, go ahead,” Niall whispered. “I’ll tell them.”

And with that in mind, I turned and headed right inside. I went straight upstairs, closed my door, and didn’t come out until time to start getting ready for eliminations.

Please let me be the top to make things easier . . . .

Notes

The lyrics are from Bad Day by Justin Bieber. I hear it all the time at work, and it's kinda stuck in my head. And, well, it fit, so there ya go. :3

So, guys, I'm horrible. I know. >.< I just haven't been doing much as far as writing goes this week, and I thought I updated a few days ago. Turns out, nope. I didn't. Sorry! :\

I'll try to update before I have to go to work tomorrow, but no promises. I've got a bunch of stuff to do. :\