Soulcrusher

*PLEASE READ A/N*


I didn’t know how to feel about Niall’s last few words. At first I felt my stomach drop, fear filled me. Fear about the world I thought I knew turning out to be false. And then sadness hit me. I was sad because the mother I thought loved me had lied to me all my life. But the strongest feeling that came over me was the next one, anger purged through my heart and head so strongly that I didn’t know how to handle it. I was looking out the window to my right and Niall stayed quiet in the driver seat. His breathing slightly annoyed me but at the same time it calmed me. And even though I was mad I desperately wanted to hold his hand.

“I know that I’m not supposed to read your mind, and I know that you’re mad because of something that I just told you.” He paused. I didn’t move a muscle as he spoke. “But what if my hand were to hold yours. And you can see it as not me holding your hand.” I let out a shaky breath and moved my hand just a little. A second later his hand clasped mine and I felt the tears start to run down my cheeks. It actually helped holding his hand. I took several shaky breaths and the tears just kept on coming.

“I need you to take me to a place where I can be alone.” My voice was weak. I didn’t know what to do, what to think. I think Niall nodded and then let go off my hand. I instantly felt cold and as if he knew he grabbed my hand the second after he had started the car. Since we had made it into Ireland he knew where we were going. We drove for another hour before Niall pulled up next to a coffee house. Or it was more like a pub, but they had coffee.

“I’ll go inside, get something to eat, and you can decide if you want to join me or sit in the opposite side of the room.” Before I could answer he let my hand go and he got out of the car. There was almost no one around even though we had driven into a small town. I took a deep breath, wiped my cheeks, and got out of the car. Closing the car door felt like leaving everything behind. I wanted so badly for things to be okay, for things to stop being fucked up. I went inside the pub. I sat down in a small booth, away from Niall. I loved him to pieces but right now I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at anyone. Without me ordering anything coffee was placed in front of me. A sandwich was placed next to it, and without needing me to say another word the waiter left.

The strength I had felt when I decided to find my daughter had vanished a long time ago. I was beat, but I couldn’t admit to that. I needed to continue and I needed to conquer my fears. I needed to forget that my mother had left me, lied to me and had meant for all of this to happen. I took a bite of the sandwich but I couldn’t feel any of the flavors. My mind kept on running, kept on trying to find a way to move on. I had a clue, we needed to go to Mullingar. But as we now got closer and closer we got the more scared I became. Just thinking about what might meet us there made me dizzy.

“We need to get going.” I slowly looked up at Niall who stood next to my table. He looked so guilty even though I knew he had nothing to do with my mother’s decisions. He cleared his throat when I remained silent.

“Um, okay.” I looked down at the table and noticed I had eaten the entire sandwich and drank all of the coffee. As I stood up I swallowed back the doubts I had and then walked out to the car with Niall. We both stayed quiet as we got in, and as he began driving. I almost felt him trying to keep out of my mind, so I felt that it was fair that I told him what I was thinking.

“Niall.” He sat up a little bit straighter as I said his name, almost as if he was caught doing something. “I’m not mad at you.” He was about to open his mouth to speak, I cut him off quickly. “I know you’ve known about my mother for a while. But it’s not your fault, because it wasn’t your plan.” He exhaled slowly and shrunk a little in his seat.

“There’s something else.” I almost had a gut feeling as to what he was going to say next. He was going to tell me my mother was waiting in Mullingar. “Your mother is currently hiding out in a small town near Mullingar.” Told you so. “And so is your little brother.” I gasped and looked at Niall. I had a little brother? How much younger was this boy? Was he a grown up or a child? Did he look like me? Did he have the same abilities as me? I couldn’t quite grasp it.

“I got a baby brother?” I didn’t know how it happened but the words came out adoring. I somehow went from being totally freaked out to being loving towards a brother I didn’t know, and all in half a second. When I looked at Niall he had a smile on his face, probably because I sounded like an idiot just then.

“You didn’t sound like an idiot. It was just really adorable.”

“Niall…” I spoke with a warning tone, because even though he agreed to stay out of my mind he kept on not doing it.

“Oh right. Sorry. It’s hard staying out when I don’t focus on it.” I nodded and Niall became quiet. It was almost as if he forgot what we were talking about. I motioned with my hands for him to continue and he just looked confused. “You want me to describe how it is trying to stay out of your mind?” I groaned in an unhappy way and practically face-palmed myself.

“My brother?” Make no mistake in thinking that I was in anyway happy with Niall. He had held this gigantic secret from me and I didn’t like it. But as I said before to him, it wasn’t his plan so therefor I wasn’t exactly mad at him.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that.” He took a deep breath and began speaking with slow words. “Your brother is 15 years old. His name is Robert. He’s like you.” He spoke in short sentences to that I would understand him better. The words that he told me made me happy. Beyond happy actually, but it also made me sad that he was like me.

“Does he use it the way I did?” Niall thought about it for a short time and then shook his head.

“He isn’t trained when it comes to the shield. Your mother thought him that was matters is physical strength, not how much you can use the shield.” I wanted to be mad at her for telling him that, but when I thought about it I realized she had told me the exact same thing. But through the years I had learned to block it out.

“Does he know about me?” My hopes were sky high. Which didn’t help me at all when Niall spoke.

“No.” I was about to speak when Niall continued. “She didn’t want to tell him because she was afraid he might look you up. Might try to find you.”

Notes

I'm so sorry for not updating! I've been working and my contract got exstended :D

But here is an update for you guys! And I hope you like it!


I have a question for you all :)
What has been your favorite chapter so far? Which one has set your hearts on fire (or something like that) Please tell me! I really want to know :)