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Soulcrusher

To make all fawn

Dropping everything in my hands and sitting down on the floor with a huff, I felt some part of me disappearing into the distance. I never wanted him to care for me, even though I knew that it made my time here a lot less. But the situation with him actually starting to fall for me, and maybe me caring for him a little more than I should, makes me leaving at the end of all of this a lot harder.

Although I didn’t care, did I? I couldn’t possibly care about someone who actually wanted to kill me.
Katy was patting my shoulder slowly as I was staring into the wall, trying to figure this all out. No matter how hard I thought about it though, I couldn’t figure out what to do or think.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have you.” Katy was speaking with a soft tone but I jumped when I heard her voice. Would it be better if I didn’t know all of this? Probably not.

“No.” I took a deep breath and made myself look at the woman next to me. “I needed to know. And it was the reason that made me call you, I just needed to know.” She carefully removed her hand from my shoulder and I slowly stood.

“What are you going to do?” I looked at her and subconsciously shut her out. Even though she was a powerful mind reader, she couldn’t access my thoughts if I hid them from her.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged and looked down at my hands. It was my fault that he had gotten into this situation and not it’s my fault that he’s going to get out of it. It seemed like everything that happens somehow falls on me.

“You need to decide.” She paused for a few seconds before standing up straighter and sighing loudly. “I’m not going to tell Simon what I found out, but you need to do something.” I nodded my head and slowly got up from my sitting position.

“Thank you.” She nodded as I looked at her and stood still until I was standing in front of her. “I need to talk to him.” Her little smile disappeared and she looked unsure.

“Are you certain that’s the best approach?” I shrugged once more as I looked her in the eyes.

“I’m not sure of anything at the moment. But if I want any kind of future for myself I have to solve this.” I began to walk passed her when her hand snaked out and grabbed my arm.

“He accidentally let your secret slip hun.” I averted my eyes when I saw the pity in hers. I couldn’t stand it. I hated being seen as someone who couldn’t take care of herself. Although I wasn’t mad at him at all for ‘telling’ her.

“And?” I waited for her answer and hoped it wasn’t that she was going to tell anyone.

“I’m so sorry.” I was about to say that I didn’t need her pity, but she stopped me. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m sorry.” I pulled my arm towards me a little but her grip didn’t loosen.

“Please let my arm go.” She took a deep breath and I felt her stare at me.

“I’m not going to tell anyone Nick.” I slowly nodded my head.

“Let me go.” I breathed in through my nose and Katy let my arm go. I instantly began walking towards the stairs. I faintly hear the sound of Katy shutting her door, but my thoughts were on the boy downstairs. I didn’t know what I was going to say to him, but I had to do something.

As I walked into the living room where he was watching TV he didn’t even flinch. I knew he knew I was there, but he didn’t make a move acknowledge me. I bit the inside of my lips, almost so that I could taste blood, and tried to collect my courage. But no matter how much I knew I had to talk to him about this, I just couldn’t. My heart didn’t stop speeding. I couldn’t breathe. I felt the palms of my hands start to sweat. As I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

I’ve waited for something like this for what seemed like forever, something that meant that this torture would end. I wanted to be gone. But some small disturbing part of me was saying I wanted to stay here. I didn’t like him. He made my life into a personal hell. But his eyes showed me so much pain, pain that I had caused him. Everything that had happened these last few months was all my own fault. It was my fault that he turned off is emotions. It was my fault that Simon found out about Craig, and it truly broke my heart that I had to break his.

I had been staring at him for a rather long time when I almost felt him turn his head to look at me. I slowly took a deep breath shut my mouth. I didn’t know how to start this conversation. I didn’t know what he wanted, although I could guess.

“Are you gonna stare all day?” I snapped my focus on him and tried to respond, although I failed. I kept on staring at him, afraid that he was reading my mind. I was also afraid that he would leave before I had the chance to talk to him. “You gone mute as well?” I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head quickly.

“I just…” I couldn’t continue. What had I thought when I decided to talk to him? He doesn’t feel anything just yet.

“I don’t know if you realized, but earlier when you talked to Kats and decided to shut me, you made it possible for me to leave.” I stared at him in amazement and my mouth fell open in shock.

“Why didn’t you leave?” His eyes snapped back to me, since he had turned his gaze back to the TV. He himself looked shocked by this fact, but if it was because he hadn’t thought about it or because I figured it out, I didn’t know.

“I…” I could do nothing more than look at him. My mind as reeling and I didn’t understand why he hadn’t just left. Was it really true? Was he actually starting to care for me?

“Stop!” His voice was low and before I knew it he was in front of me. He didn’t touch me, even though I wasn’t keeping him away. He simply stood really close. “Stop thinking that.” He took a deep breath and let it out shaking.

“Why? Why does it upset you so much if it isn’t true!?” I raised my voice and inched closer to him. “Just a week ago you would’ve laughed at that thought.” My breathing showed how irritated I was.

“Have you ever asked a vampire how it feels turning your emotions on again?” I barely managed to shake my head before he continued. “It’s fucking painful!” Faster than the speed of light his lips were on mine. Same warm feeling as when I had touched him before filled me, and I felt myself give into the kiss. No matter how much I wanted to hate him, he sure could kiss.

Notes

Hello guys!

I know I told some of you that I was gonna update last week... And I'm super sorry I didn't! I've had some issues with one of my friends, and it's been very hard.

But I hope you all like this!

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Comments

o.m.g you're going to his concert? I'm so jealous!! i love his songs he sure knows how to use his words

@ThatCrazyMofo agreed :)xx

Updaaaaaaaaaate, please!xx

ThatCrazyMofo ThatCrazyMofo
4/17/14

@crushingonniall
I'm hoping for her sake that it was in Stockholm :P Because other parts of Sweden aren't that fun ^^

@thelovelyreader
well,i don't exactly know but it was a family vacation they had5 people and they got a tour or something then they went to a museum shit idk but she said it was fun:)x