LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

Harry's POV


I woke up. I had to. No wait. I was made to.


Louis is in the kitchen because he ran to get me my aspirin while I'm sitting here with my head in my hands tugging at my curls. But Louis, he's cute.


The rambling gets loud as a frowned faced Louis enters in, his feet padding loudly on the carpeted floor and he sits in front of my crossed legs.


"Here!" He's looking down at my hands his frown not leaving him.


I don't do anything. I just stare at him.
"What?" He looks up his fringes entering his eyes but his hands are busy with pills and a glass of water.


I open my mouth sticking my tongue out. Louis' nose cringes a little, just a little reaction to my action, but then he ends up sighing so loudly.


"Who says you're 22. Fucking hate you. Next time get drunk only if you can handle it." He puts the two tablets on my tongue and hands me the glass of water. "I don't drink anymore and you also shouldn't. Just to stay in line with me you know." He is rambling shit in the morning and his skin glows with the rays hitting his face. No he's scolding me. Louis, damn, he's scolding me. In early morning with a frowned face.


When I've had the gulps I keep the glass on the night stand. "Sit here" I pat my lap, stretching my legs in front. "Just like you did..last night" He's looks up at me his face changing expressions. I'd tell you if I knew what his face now looked like but then there's this hints of redness covering his cheeks and he's looking at me, from under his eye lashes.


"I just said, if you can't han--" he begins but I pull him up immediately on my lap. He's too small to try and resist me.


His hands land on my bare shoulders and he presses his bum to my thighs. I hold him at his waist.
"Did you sleep well last night?" I remove the fringe from his forehead which was irritating him in the eyes.
He nods his eyes traveling, slowly, everywhere on my face.


"Are you sure?" My fingers brush against his hot, now burning, skin at his neck.



"Nope" he shudders a little on my lap shifting closer.


"What is it then?"


"How could have I slept? You were so drunk, you didn't even know what you were doing, just making animal noises in my ear, god.. and then when I thought you were asleep because I shut your mouth with my palm..." There is this small smile covering his lips but he's still frowning a little."...and then when I removed it you were so close to me under the sheets you started to lick my neck all over.." Can you imagine little Louis, moaning silently, whimpering under my touch, his body shuddering, his eyes shut, his mouth open, moaning in all his glory like that his neck tilting back. God. Louis in his 2 a.m voice. Fuck me right here.


His voice is pitching high little by little and the frown is vanishing. I can't imagine him talking like that but then he is.



"..and this is what you did" his face is so red. Just fucking red. His skin is burning. I can feel the heat on my face. So red I can feel his arms on my shoulder shaking a little, the heat from them sweating. His fingers tug at his shirts' collar and he pulls it down exposing his skin. His marked skin. At various places. Like almost everywhere on his right side. Believe me I skipped a few beats and the heart, then sunk in. Like it just plopped like a rock in the oceanic waves running inside me right now.


"I don't even--" my hands immediately reach his neck and my fingers trace them out. Tracing those purple little wounds and he whimpers lightly. I should be sorry.


"Do these hurt?" I look at him but he doesn't look at me.



"I'm receiving pleasure while you're touching them wouldn't mind a pair of lips" he's smirking right now but his body is shaking on top of me. Shaking, more like shivering. He looks at me his eyes so bright yet so dark. I've never seen them like that.


"What's gotten into you" his eye contact breaks and he's looking down at my chest, his eyes tracing the butterfly and then the ferns. "I mean I like it..that's very brave and clever of you, early in the morning. You're not drunk, are you?" I can feel the twitch in my pants. I place my index finger under his chin. He doesn't say anything. His lips just twitch.


"Hey.." He lets me pull his face up and then I try to gain his eye contact back but he's not helping. But then for a second he does and he's all teared up. Oh shit.
"Lou?... Hey.." I pull his face up. "Look at me...Lou..."


"I'm sorry.." He wipes his face making it redder than ever. If that's even a word. "I thought you'd like me like that" he chokes. What the fuck is happening here? Did I say something yesterday?
I like him even if he's covered in shit. Well that's a weird gross scenario but I'd like him, I'd kiss him anyway.


"I like you anyway. I more than like you, Lou? Why-"


"You do all such great things for me and I never appreciate your help in any manner. I practically live in your house now, in your room making it mine because you let me and I took advantage, I'm more here than you are and you don't even seem to mind it" he chokes again shrugging "i don't know how I'll ever be thankful to you"


He's having this burst out or should I say a break down in the morning and I don't know if he's slept the whole night because you just don't have such breakdowns in a matter of a second, you just feel sad for a long time and then you just fucking cry it out. He did just that.


He did not sleep last night. He's been awake and as far as I remember something happened yesterday and he didn't tell me and he isn't telling me and that's already exploding my head and now he's having breakdowns. He needs rest. He needs to calm himself down. He needs to shut his brain. He needs to just go to sleep. He needs to stop over thinking.


"Louis its OK" I rub his sides "you don't have to say it I know you're thankful"


"But I want to. I want you to know that I'm so so thankful for what you do every second for me I just want you to know. I just want you to know that I'm so greatfull for your time, the time that you take out for me. Tell me you know that I am thankful." He's so fucking teared up.


"I know you are. I know, lou. But you should also know that these are not favours that I do. These aren't even favours. It's something I feel from the bottom of my heart. And I don't even have to think once or stop for a millisecond. You are you. You're not just somebody to me. You don't even know how much I am thankful for you to enter into my life through that door suddenly." Fuck I'm gonna tear up too. Shit.
"And don't you cook for me all the time? All these days you've been cooking dinner for me. I appreciate that you still want to stay with me here after how I treated you in the first month. I ruined almost every night for you. Even your Christmas. I was just a dumb drunk asshole"


"Don't you fucking try and bring that up" his hands cup my jaw and I lean in. He's so warm right now. Even though he's sweaty and shaking.


There's this silence in the room and I don't know if its actual silence or not because my thoughts are so loud at the moment. These little confessions happening between us all of a sudden and my mind, it my just explode because there's so many and I don't have words. None. But its great the way we've started to understand each other better.


It's more than just words can explain. And Louis knows that because he's staring at me his eyes so full I've never seen him like that. But then there's this hurt inside him I see every time I stare too deep I wanna just pull that hurt away. It stings every time I look at him.


But then there's this soft Louis sitting on my lap staring at me his gaze not shifting. His fringes covering his forehead and how that little fringe is back just beside is eyes and how that little freckle sits right above his right cheek and how his thin lips are plum and wet because he just licked them. What if I could just remember the taste of his lips forever.


He leans in shifting closer on my lap, his arm wrapping around my neck and then he leans in kissing me on the cheek, pecking me on the lips. "Babe, you're getting late" he kisses me on the forehead shifting the curls on the side.


"Yeah" I nod against his lips. "But you know what. ?" I pick him up by his waist and placing him side on the bed. "You should sleep more. You should just stay in bed, order whatever you want and just stay in bed and you don't have to think about the bad times, think about the good times. Ok?" I get up making him lay down on his side of the bed. "Just sleep until you really want to get up that is only when you have to pee, otherwise stay" I kiss him on the forehead patting his head. He purrs just like a cat and that... I don't know, it makes me feel so giddy inside and I like it a lot. It's new. Every time I spend time with him its all new. It's so new, new with everything. It's been not long and I still want to experience every new feeling that he brings me and I know it'll never be enough. Never. I wouldn't ever be satisfied with what i get from him, not in a bad way but always in the positive sense. He's all I have right now.


Not forgetting about my sister whose been always there by my side from the very moment I was born but him, he has a special place in my heart.


I walk away to the bathroom leaving him sigh behind me. It's a lot. Such a huge rush of feelings inside me right now. I feel so full of them. It's like a lot. I've never felt such rush and its so good. It makes my heart full. So full that I might even need my inhaler. Because it's so overwhelming for me. Like from feeling so miserable all the time. I feel liberated. More so its such a feeling i don't know if I could just give it a word. I could go on with paragraphs ending going into hundreds of pages but I'd still not be able to put my finger on the exact word.


I feel special, loved, respected, vulnerable in all possible meanings of it and I am not at all ashamed of it. I feel so full, even dry at sometimes when I'm not with him. I miss those times so dearly when I'd spent my time just staring at him from in the studio playing the piano in such smooth and elegant fashion that even if I spend my whole lifetime watching him do just that I wouldn't want him to stop for another moment. The way his fingers would just glide so magically over the keys and how much he was passionate about doing it.


Louis POV
Harry's gone and I'm here in the kitchen not obeying him but I'm hungry as fuck right now and there is no tea. It's all coffee. I don't know Harry just bought 2kilos of my Yorkshire tea last week and its all gone. Like somebody drank it. Of course it was me but its finished and I feel the loss of my drugs right now.


So what does the person in need of drugs do. Obviously call the supplier.


"Harry?" He picked up way too fast.
"You missed me?"
"I miss my tea dumbo, its finished" I yawn
"Have coffee instead"
"Harry!"
"What?"
"You should know what I want"
"I'm just suggesting. You could also have coffee. I can teach you how to make bullet coffee. It's very healthy for the gut"
"Should I care about that? I want my tea. It's like I'm addicted to cocaine and then you're like handing me marijuana instead. Are you crazy? if I'm addicted to cocaine I want cocaine. Marijuana wouldn't do what I want"
"You shouldn't have done that"
"What?"
"Joked like that"
"Should I be sorry?"
"I don't know but you should be"
"You always give way more than two options. You're always talking on both the sides. Huh Anyway I just called for the tea. But it seems you want me to have bullet coffee. How's that made?"
"Leave it"
"What?"
"Go to sleep"
and the line goes blank. Weird ass Harry I made him upset. Shit. But OK. I'll make it up to him. He's weird from his face to his ass to his big toe.


And then I'm roaming around the house in my socks, well I feel the chill all the time so I'm fully clothed. I don't know where to go and what to do. It's just so boring. I'll soon have to find a job or something.

The phone vibrates in my pocket.
It's niall. OK


"Hey Louis?" He's whispering. Almost.
"Yup?"
"You home?"
"Yup. Why are you whispering?"
"Do you wanna go ring shopping with me?" He's still whispering.
"Oh. Uh. Yeah why not. I thought Liam was going?"
"He has a match to take care off. Are you ready right now?"
"Yeah. Uh I'll just have to change my um.. sweatshirt"
"Great. Meet you in 1 minute"
"Wait where are you?"
"I'm next door in my soon to be wife's washroom"
"OK. OK. Wait. What?"
"Yeah. Just be ready"


He's so weird. He could've just come here and asked. Why take the risk. Dumbo.

Anyway I should get ready then.



Harry's pov

It feels sick right now. Just back from a recording and all of it goes through my head. I'm so fucking tired but I have two more recordings yet to finish. That what happens when you suddenly decide to stay home and not do work. Anyways I need to complete it so I'd rather do it. I have to write down a few songs but I don't know what I should write.
Anyways ive recorded these many songs this week.

Sedated –hozier
Love yourself-justin bieber
They don’t know-kristy maccol
In the woods somewhere-hozier
I found-amber run
Omen- sam smith/disclosure
Work this body-walk this moon
The 1975 and halsey have just started with penning down their songs.

Fuck I should have a catnap at least. I’m exhausted.

Notes

Sorry i know its late but guess what i'm here.

hope you enjoy this chapter. there'll be frequent updates for you guys.
and thank you, whoever reading this, for staying
vote, comment and subscribe.