LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

LOuis' POV

That is shit. Why does the past never leave you or change? It's so weird. When you think you finally, finally moved on from the shit happening around you, all that happens is it hits you back on the face. Ughhh.


I'm in the washroom and I don't know what to fucking do about him. Fuck him. I must've have guessed he wasn't going to leave my back so easily.


I take out my phone from my pocket and call Stan

"Hey!" He picks up on the second ring.
"Are you here in Cheshire?" I ask immediately.

"No! What why?"

"Fucking Calvin Rodgers is in jail" I tell him groaning. I can't wait for stories.

"For?"
"Over speeding. He bashed into a fucking phonebooth"

"That's going to be expensive"

"Are you going to be here anytime soon?"

"No. I told you I won't"

" can you inform his parents?"

"The police must've already. and anyway his parents are not here in town. They're on a vacation to Canada" perfect.

"Fucking moron. That's why he's all over the city"

"Yeah" he yawns.

"So what do you think?" I'm seated on the pot now.
"You should"

"No" I stand up.

"Yes. He was your friend after all"

"No" shit goddamn stan! "Okay"

I walk out the bathroom and Harry has already changed.

"Gemma called us for dinner" he says waiting at the door but then exits before I can even say anything. I'm really not hungry after all this.

Dinner was awkward. Way too awkward. Gemma kept blabbering about some girls at her work who were too friendly and some of them who were interns how they kept budging her for every little thing. She even liked a guy who was very kind to her and he was actually the help boy at the door.

While chewing on the prawns I knew Harry kept staring at me. I could feel it. He was just sitting across me like always and it was really, I don't know like he wanted to talk but he was keeping quiet. I even stared at him back for like 15 seconds so that he could move forward with what he had to say but then he would just take a deep breath and calm down again. He was continuously shaking his leg under the table. I could hear the light tap of his loafers.

After I cleaned the dishes and went back to the room Harry had already settled in and his back was facing me. His side of the lamp was switched off. What is up with him? Why isn't he talking to me or even for that matter Gemma?

What is it with him? I changed as quickly as I could with out making much noise and settled in. I don't know its its weird he's behaving this way. His shoulders are tight. He hasn't slept I can see that because he's not comfortable.

I switched off the lamp but foot lamp keeps on lighting the room dimly. I can still look at him.

10 minutes have already passed and he's not budging. I'm getting restless. If he doesn't turn in another minute I'm waking his goddamn ass. I don't care. I turn to his back reaching out my hand to his shoulder tapping lightly.

"Harry? You asleep?" I shake him lightly but he doesn't turn.

"Harry?!" I say a bit loud. "What?!!" He startles me but he doesn't turn.

"I received my pay check today" a nice way to start.

"Congratulations" he actually fucking said the whole word. He could've just said congrats with the same raspy dark voice of his.

"And I also received a private invite for the thing you were taking about"

"What does it say?" He turns around this time and his body is just a foot away from me now.

"I didn't open it. It had syco's label on it"

He nods. He's staring at me the same way again. His stare reminds me of the yesterday night when he fucking said I love you like I don't know it was so dumb of me to get into a panic attack. I was so so dumb.

He holds me by my elbow taking me out from my panicked thought. He pulls me lightly and I saw his chest rising a little and then resting back. What is up with him? He staring at me like, I don't know, its not creeping me out but what is it?

"Whats the matter?" My hands drift to his waist and I feel the little bumps of his stitch over his T-shirt but I remove the cloth and feel the scar. He flinches a little but then he's staring and his eyebrow creases.
"It's fine. Don't worry"

"Don't you fucking fake smile like that now" I snap and his face turns straight again.

"Don't snap like that all the time" he says holding my upper arm tighter.

"Then what am I supposed to do? You're not talking to me and when I ask you, you're not telling me anything you're just staring you know that's a little annoying"

"How can that be annoying I'm not disturbing you or anything?!" he huffs.

"You said you were fine. You don't sound fine. What is it just tell me now" I'm getting restless. He's not behaving the way he does.

"Nothing I was just scared" he says finally. Scared? His chest rose up and then rested back with a hurried breath.

"Scared? why exactly?" He's shifting closer.

"You're probably going to laugh but I'm dead serious" his breath hits me on my nose.

"Go on"

"I thought I kind of... lost you" he deep breaths staring at me his gaze never shifting. He never does shift his gaze. He kind of holds me in place every time. His expressions never change and its so really captivating how he actually watches me.

His hold tightens on my waist. Oh my god.

"What do you want me to do then?"

"You always do this, Louis...ughh you always do this" he looks so annoyed he turns his head away loosening his grip on my waist.

I didn't mean that. I was just teasing him. Oh god. He's been troubled the whole day and this is what I'm doing. I seriously didn't mean this.

"No..no..harry, look...look here" I pull at his chin to look at me. He looks but his eyes are closed. "I told you, you weren't going to take me seriously" his eyes are still closed.

"I nearly had an asthma attack when that shit happened and you..." He trails off huffing not opening his eyes to look at me. I want him to look at me. I will never stop wanting Harry to look at me the way he simply just does holding you there in place like nothing else matters like the world just stopped spinning like if he opened his eyes the sun would rise from behind.

"Open your eyes its annoying" I pat his cheek.

"You're annoying" he grunts.

"Okay I'm sorry I didn't mean that anyway. You took me in the wrong sense. Just open your eyes now. I'm sorry" thats not very Louis of me but it's not just very easy to make yourself stop from falling for the man in front of your eyes.

Harry's POV
I'm still so fucking scared that he might just vanish if I ever open my eyes.

"You're not going to vanish if I open my eyes?" I sound stupid, way stupid but I'm not ready to open my eyes and see he's gone.

"I'm here" he holds me face between his tiny hands. They're so warm I know he's actually here. I can't stop smiling the way his hands hold my face. Fuck me my cheeks hurt from stopping myself but I'm smiling hard.

"I'm an inch away from your face and you still think we're not here together.? You're not alone" he sounds disappointed.
He's an inch away from my face. I shift my face nearer and I feel it. He's here. Louis is here. He's not gone. I shift in further and now I know his nose touches mine. I heard his breath hitch. Like his body knew I was here. Like it always flinches.


I open my eyes and my gaze falls on his eyelashes. Stuck to his cheeks like feathers. His eyes are closed lips parted skin flustered and I think my world just stopped. I've never had such a close look at him. If I could just not touch him beacuse all I can think is that angels don't exist but I have it in front of me and if I stopped touching him he'd vanish.


His breath his rising frantically. He deep breaths licking his lips slowly not opening his eyes. I shift in closer brushing my lips against his thin lips and he moans so low and deep I think I should've buried myself there.


Everything is so irresistible but I want to go slow this time. Time anyway doesn't exist because I'm in a place where angel exists.

I kiss him between his nose and lips and his hold my face becomes tight. I kiss him at his upper lip my tongue swaying along and he presses in. My hand travels to his neck and I kiss at his parted bottom lip and his head dips back a little. When I pull away he licks his lips trying to open his eyes and then he looks at me.

"Har-ry.." He begins, i guess still recovering. "I'm not going to mislead you any longer "he blinks multiple times.

"You don't mis--"

"Shutup now. You haven't let me talk in the past hour. Either to talk or you kiss me or you look at me that one way..now let me say what I want to. It takes courage" his skin is so smooth I could lick against it so easily. If only Louis could hear my thoughts I've would've been slapped hard right now already.


"So am I supposed to listen?"

"Yes. Like it should be crystal clear to you, whatever I say" he orders, "okay?"

"Okay my boy" I shift closer our stomachs touch and I rest my palm at his chest. Well he chuckled when I called him that.

"Urgh Harry..." he's thinking hard now that his eyebrow furrows. "..You always make me feel like shit" he lowers his head buring it between my neck and shoulder.


"What is it? say it, you were so angry a moment ago and now what happend? Why do I make you feel like shit? I'm sorry for that. ..What is it?" I'm stroking his hair and I can feel hot breaths hitting me at my back.

"You don't have be sorry!! Okay! It's not your fault." He deep breathes again and moves a little to look at me. "...it's that its-its so difficult for me to put my feelings into words and then you look at me that one way and it makes my heart flutter you know and then I'm like everything ....inside me starts to mess up and I'm already so confused about myself all the time...." He gulps, "But you know, no matter how much of a messier person I am, it doesn't matter, I can be loyal as fuck and I'll love you with all I have. No matter how tiny I am I'll love you with it. I promise." His face has turned into a serious expression and I know he means every fucking word that he just said and I know he'll do anything to keep what he just said, "And anyway you know I don't really.." He nuzzles into my chest fitting his head perfectly under my chin and wrapping his hands around my shoulder. "...make much promises" he kisses at my neck. It's an open mouthed kiss and i felt it. Felt the hot breath linger there.


I whisper against his skin," I've never felt being loved so much" my breathing is frantic. I admit this. I can never like this before. I feel i should cry and i want to but i don't want to ruin what's between us right now. I can feel his chest rising and his heart beating loudly against my chest.

He gets panic attacks. He got them that night too. And he got it tonight in my arms again. He's shaking a little.

"Are you okay Louis?" He nuzzles into my neck sniffling in. He's shaking a bit more now. I brush my hand through his hair. Is he okay? It doesn't feel okay! "Louis?" I pull his face back, lightly forcing it look up at me.
"What is it tell me?" oh my god. His face is red and he's not looking up. All he wants to do is nuzzle in. I leave his face and he dunks in settles in between my neck and shoulder shaking more than before.

"Are you crying Louis?" And he snorts. As if I caught him doing something bad. It's fine if he's crying. But why the fuck is he crying?

"No!" He sniffs, "no im not crying. Do I look like I'm crying... No way I'm not crying, you silly" he sniffles again against my neck.

"Did something happen? You can tell me, always" I stroke his hair and his body eases against mine.

"I'm...I'm so glad to spend my every night with you Harry" hes pulling away slowly and he looks up at me. His eyes are a little red from crying.

"Ohh my" I take his face between my hands. "You should know how much special you make me feel all the time" I kiss his forehead. "And there's no need for you to cry" I chuckle.


"I'm not crying asshole" he blinks twice and rests his head on my chest.

"You're not at ease Louis."

"You fucking give me panic attacks like its some chocolate. And yo- you.." He chokes on his breath, "..call those panic attacks love. How am I supposed to live through that?"


Believe me my heart swelled up and its hurting like good hurting coz its never been so big.

"You know I love you and I love this thing about you...I love you beacuse you show me your soul. This world, as you said, is a selfish and a fearful place and you, Lou, you should know I appreciate rawness so much. I love you so much" I hold him tight. Tighter. If this goes on any longer I'm going to be a crying mess. I don't want it to be like that. I'm so overwhelmed that's it fine if I stay awake all night holding him and stroking him if that's what he wants. I'd do anything.

There are people who deserve more than what can be given to them and Louis is one of those people.

Notes

Aaaaaahhhh I can feel the swell in my heart. Wow!

Otp otp otp otp otp otp otp otp otp!

Larry are interacting so much in real life I still can't believe it.!!

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Lots of love xx