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LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 118

Louis POV

"Do you think the fitting is right?" I'm standing in front of the mirror checking if piece of this shitty expensive suit we ordered for Niall's wedding is fitting me or not. Niall's wedding is in 3 days. This suit needs to fit me and if it doesn't I'll sue the tailors godamn ass.

"Its fits you perfectly" Harry rests his chin on my right shoulder. "It looks like it was made just for you." he kisses me on the cheek as his arms lace around my waist.

It wasn't made, it was tailored, “I don't think this is exactly the thing I wanted to wear. You sure? Don't you think it's a little tight at my thighs?" I try to adjust the dress pants while Harry is trying to lick my ear. It's sending vibrations across my body and I'm going to start acting awkward if this doesn't stop.

"It is just the right fit, Lou. " He groans as I straighten my back, "you're worrying too much" he gives me a light squeeze.

"I'm not worrying too much. I don't think I know anyone except you at the wedding and you're probably going to be busy all the time, being the best man that you are..." I've never stressed out so much about a wedding and now that I am I don't know why this is happening, "...I'm going to be alone and I don't want to look stupid when someone asks me who I am. I don't want to look ill fit when I'm already feeling ill fit, from inside. You get what I’m trying to say right?" his eyes travel up and down my body scanning like someone scans a art piece.

"Why would you feel ill fit?" He walks around me.

"Because I don't know anyone except you and you're going to be busy" I admit, looking him in the eye.

"No! You have everyone else there. You have other guys with you, Louis. Zayn will be there, Liam will be there and Ed will be there too. I will be with you. I won't leave you alone."

"I know you won't but you'll be busy. I'll never be comfortable with them and its very-"

"I'll keep you by my side all the time. I promise." he kisses me on my forehead and I feel giddy in return.

I look at him and he looks back at me with this assurance, this firm look of safety for me that I feel as if he's wrapped me in his safety blanket. I don't know what I'd do without him. But fuck! He's the best man and he can't be with me all the time he needs to tend to Niall's needs more than mine, "Well, you don't have to do that" I walk closer to him and wrap my arms around his waist and lean on him. "I'll manage until you're available"

"But if you're worried about feeling lost I'm going to be there so you don't have to. If you do feel like that, it's totally fine. This is my first wedding to attend in years and believe me for some time they didn't even exist for me and now I'm the actual in charge of it" he chuckles.

"What? That doesn't even make sense, haz. You're doing well anyway"

"I see that you've coined many names for me. But believe me, now weddings are all I think about"

"Like plural marriages or like just one marriage?"

"Just one, the important one." he smiles because he knows what he's talking about and I know what he's talking about.

"Which is?" I tease and I can't hold onto my smile any longer it creeps back onto my face.

"The wedding where I marry you, Louis. I can't wait looking forward to it. I just can't..." his face has gotten so flushed all of a second and his body is shaking out of nowhere and I don't understand what's happening. Is he okay? "If I could I'd marry you right now"

"Haz? Are you okay?" I can see his eyes watering. I move my hands to his face, "hey-" he hugs me instantly. What is happening?

"Hazza say something, you're worrying me" believe me my heartbeat has quickened in a millisecond.

He sniffs, "its n-othing" he mumbles in my neck.

"Of course it's something. Tell me...” I rub his back. He's still shaking, a little.

"I just imagined us being together with kids and lots of pet animals... and I couldn't fathom in with you standing right in front of me. I just couldn't have ever wished for something that was you" he pulls away lightly, sniffling; "you're this lovely being from heaven and sometimes it's too overwhelming" he breathes in hard, his chest rising up and down.

"What are marriages so important to you?"

"Lou...It means something, you know. It gives you this label of marriage, this bond, this relationship this responsibility which you'd love to take care of...and everything else that comes with it...its just lovely. Sometimes I guess labels are good"

I don't know what to say right now but he hugs me back his face squishing in my neck and he sniffles. What the hell!

"And you're unbelievable! You just wiped your snot on the most expensive piece of suit I've ever owned...asshole!" he instead of trying to be serious starts laughing.

"Oh Lou!" He breathes and kisses me on the lips firmly this time, "you're so dramatic" he kisses again holding my face in his large hands

"Thank you for the compliments" I say back. "But I'd still be angry if you leave me alone at the wedding. It kind of triggers things...”

"I promise I won't. You can be the flower boy. I can ask Niall" he giggles.

"Okay first of all, I'm fine without any responsibilities of a flower boy" I pull away, "second of all, shoo away...I need to change"

"Where are we going, now?"

"I need to buy dress shoes for this. What am I going to wear? Sneakers?"

"Your wish. If you want to you can. Whatever makes you comfortable?"

"If I were rich and powerful I'd wear a plain white tee-shirt and denims to a wedding with yeezy on and no one would judge me. But look at where I am..." I sigh and smile at him. I take off my suit jacket.

"If I was rich and powerful" he repeats sitting down on the bed, "I'd wear makeup and bell-bottoms and nail paint and flower crowns to a wedding and catch the bouquet...if the bridesmaids allow...” He lies down, his knees still hanging from the bed.

"You are rich and powerful and you can wear what you want to. You don't have to wait for a wedding" I climb on the bed and sit just beside him.

"Powerful?" He lifts his head up, "me?" He chuckles sadly. "No!"

"What? You are. I am. Everyone is."

He scoffs back at me. "Don't make a fool of yourself"

"I'm not!"I place my hand at his chest, "You are. Don't you get it? If every person living on this planet stops thinking about what other people might think about you when you do something or not do something, then I think there wouldn't be anyone less powerful than the other. We'd still be able to create the kind of atmosphere and environment where people accept and appreciate of what you are rather than just trying to judge and see what's wrong in it."

"But we don't do that. Do we? Does anyone?" He props his head on his palm and turns sideways.

"Fuck you're so godamn generalizing! Don't do that. Start with what you have. I shouldn't be explaining this to you, Harry. We don't always have to start at a large scale. We can start with us, ourselves first and then someone else. We can start that in our relationships with other people and it will spread accordingly. We don't have to rush it"

"Okay" he nods.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, okay. I'm done arguing with you" he shrugs and sits up.

"Is that how our marriage is going to last? You ending it with 'I'm done arguing with you'?" It's funny imagining all this at a future time because I'm not even sure of the next second right now and I'm making myself think of years to come.

"Aww" a smile spreads across his face. He looks at me, tilts his neck sideways and keeps smiling. What the fuck? He can stop doing that; it's making me all giddy and conscious.

"What?" I say softly not trying to giggle it away.

"You wanna marry me too, lou? Is this an answer to my proposal or this is a proposal? In the most tommo way possible? Is it?" He shifts closer, his arms lace around me.

"Marriages are supposed to be mutual" I sass. How am I supposed to say the exact words that I really do want to marry him? And for a second my heart beats have started racing.

"Of course, of course."

Harry's POV

Nothing makes me happier than walking around with my hand on Louis' waist. Sometimes he doesn't like it and he flinches it away but then it makes this touch more worthwhile and meaningful when he does let me. He turns all shy and giddy but only for a minute otherwise his sassy self gets offended.

"Have you prepared the speech?" he asks, as we step down the car and I carry his shopping bags.

"Which speech?" I ask and he looks so confused at me.

"I didn't expect this out of you. How can you forget about the speech?!" He makes a face.

"Oh! Speech" I remember, "fuck! I haven't prepared anything yet"

"Maybe you don't need to" he shrugs as we get into the elevator, "you're talented enough and you've known him better than anyone else so I guess you'll be able to say stuff on the spot rather than learning the stuff and speaking at the dinner"

"Maybe. But I still need to. Like just bullet points maybe"

"Your wish Harry." He steps closer to me. "You'll be great" he nudges lightly.

"I will be?" I ask as I wrap my arm around his waist.

"You are good like that" he nods. The elevator dings and the doors open and we both walk out.

"Are you still worried?"

"About?"

"Being alone at the wedding. That I won't be there with you initially"

"No. “He blurts, "I mean...I'll be okay I guess"

"You will be?"

"Yeah....like if I keep my eyes on you, probably then. Just don't disappear anywhere"

"Sure I won't"

"Why is the door unlocked?"

"Maybe Gemma is back or something"

"Gemma never leaves the door unlocked. Remember we've always ranged the bell."

"Yeah...maybe there's an intruder"

"Maybe?! There is an intruder."

"Don't panic at the first second. Just let walk in and see what’s happened"

"No! Let's call 911

"C'mon it's not that serious. You remember locking the door right?"

"I can never forget to lock the godamn door. Let's call 911." How the fuck can Louis be so calm about this?

"Okay!" He breathes. "Call 911."

And then as I am about to dial 911, "what are you guys on about at the door?" Gemma appears in front of us still dressed like she's just back from work.

"See?" Louis turns to me, "told you it was Gemma" he huff's.

He enters in hurriedly. Grumpy Louis. Gemma speaks up, "what is going on?"

"You left the door open!" I immediately say as I enter in and she shuts the door behind, "I was so fucking scared, do you know that? What if someone else could've come in?!"

"I needed to pee urgently, so I ran..It was going to take a minute. God! Harry! You need to stop over analyzing everything. "

"Over analyzing?" I scoff, "Don't say that. Not you.." I tell her. She can't be the one telling to tell me to just stop doing the things I do. It will not just stop. I might reduce the over analyzing and over thinking but never completely forget it. I cannot stop doing it from nowhere.

"I'm sorry" she shrugs, "but you get what I mean, don't you? You have to try and not just over think it. You're on such a nice level and state of mind. Don't ruin it for yourself, for him and for everyone you care and everyone who cares about you." She says this with such needy tone that I can't help but melt inside and then understand the requirement of the situation.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I did exaggerate a bit. But you should've shut the door. There could've been an actual intruder"

"Yes, I'll remember that. Thank you for the tip" she walks closer and hugs me sideways, "be careful, always, but enjoy the time you have with him and with me with everyone else. Forever's don't exist. Do they?" She chuckles.

"No! Absolutely not!" I laugh.

"I'll set Dinner? Be back in an hour?" She asks.

"Yeah okay, thanks"

There's something about today. Like there's this thing I suddenly understood out of all this that no matter what, no matter how scared or hopeless you feel, at the end you will always find someone to calm you down and help you through.

I enter in the room and I hear the shower running. There are a lot of things running around in my head; lot of things I need to do and all the other things Dr. Sabrina advised me to do. It's a nice feeling that as soon as I entered this room, it smells like Louis, it feels like Louis and maybe this is my Louis world. The whole Louis world exists in my bedroom.

My head is wandering off to think about all the stuff. All the stuff Dr. Sabrina told me and all the stuff I asked her. It's running around my head and if Louis is in the shower then, fuck! It's making me horny. Like fuck! Shit. Dr. Sabrina said if Louis could help me I'd be able to get my full length. Fuck! If only I could've stopped thinking about all this that I would've heard the shower turn off. Fuck! Shit!

I don't know if I have a hard on right now or not but I'm definitely sure I will soon enough, even if it's a semi. I don't know how to ask him about this directly or maybe he'll notice like he does every time. Maybe this time too he will.

It's Louis Tomlinson and how can I be this person who’s scared to love him? How can I let this man suffer just because I have issues? This can't be.

"The last time you stared at me this creepily was on my birthday after which I ended up at the hospital." He's moving to the cupboard with just towel wrapped around his waist. The sexy beast, doesn't he understand what he's doing to me? "Are you drunk?" He turns to give me a glance and then makes himself busy with the clothes he's putting on himself.

"No" I reply clearing my throat but I can't clear my head with all the wild thoughts that have already set their bed in my head. Fuck.
"Gemma will set the dinner in an hour or so"

"Okay. I'm probably going to finish this book I was reading. Only the last chapter is left." He turns around dressed in my shorts and his t-shirts. How does he find mine all the time?

"Why are you wearing my shorts?" What am I even asking?

"Why, you wanted to wear them?" The sassy sexy beast.

"No. Definitely not" I gulp in. How do I tell him that now not only this room but my clothes and like him and it feels as if I'm high of him.

"Is there a problem?" He's walking towards me, "you're standing there so weirdly" he stops just right in front of me, "Is there something...? Everything good?"


"Yeah" I nod when he's completely close to me. "I met with my therapist yesterday"

"And what did your therapist say?"

"She said that I've progressed well"

"Oh you have?" His fingers lightly brush my arm.

"Yes."

"Then I think I'm in for a treat" he steps forward and rests his chin on my chest looking up, with his arms wrapped around my waist.

"You want a treat?" Fuck! It's like my mind can't roam around any other thing than thinking horny right now.

"I need a treat" he squeezes, "because I also think that you've been better, like a lot, and with whatever knowledge I have about your past, you're in a much better place than you have been. It's good to hear that."

"You're happy?"

"I'm happy and proud" he hugs me tightly.

I just hold him like that for a while before I gather all the courage to speak u what's going in my head. "I um...wanted to try something tonight."

"Like what?"

"After dinner, that is. A little something my therapist talked about and I thought...it would be great..."

"About?"

"About why I've been...um...been rejecting your advances towards me"

"You wanna try?" He looks up, a little excited but nervous. He looks u ay me and if I were to look deep into his eyes I would've seen lust appearing and I'm pretty sure the way he's hugging me he's already felt my bulge against his body.

"Yes. I do want to. I feel so much for you and I don't want to keep you unsatisfied. I'm sorry for all the times that I did. It's frustrating, honestly"

He stays silent. Doesn't move much but then he can't be the one who just walks away without being the sassy beast that he is, "Well you should be sorry," he nods, "because I've gotten blue balls more often than you must have. It's very annoying to have to go through the process alone."

"I'm sorry. I'm still working on it. I can't rush into this. I'm still new to not having flashbacks while I am trying to be intimate and sexual. I don't understand why this happens or it's like I don't remain conscious while that happens and then I let my brain work negatively”

"I understand. Take all the time you need till then I can test myself with the blue balls. We don't have to rush into this just because I'm being the desperate asshole"

"What?!" I chuckle, "what did you just call yourself?"

"You heard me" he squishes his face in my chest like he's ashamed of the need he has.

"Hey!" I pull him a little away, "it's okay if you feel like that. It's all natural to have that need. I too have it; it's just there are other things trying to stop it. Don't call yourself an asshole. You aren't the asshole here"

"See that's the problem" he steps away, "You stop me from calling myself an asshole but you call yourself one. That's hypocrisy. Don't you do that again!" He lightly punches me in the stomach. He looks annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I won't. But I mean we both get it, don't we? At this level where we both stand, I think I can safely say that the need we have for each other is exceptionally high than what we can ever think of and to have this feeling, I don't know what to say, but like...to be with you and to be able to not touch you is the hardest part." Saying this directly to Louis has somewhat made me vulnerable but should I care right now? It's just Louis and I in the room and I can be as honest as I want and s vulnerable as I want to be with him.

He pauses for a while steps back and then sits on the edge of the bed, his head hanging low. "Sometimes...” He begins his voice a bit shaky. "All I think about is why couldn't we just have normal lives? Like just normal, where we could be both met each other and the rest would've just gone with the flow you know? Nothing to fight for. Nothing to wait for. Just pure simple showcase of love for each other."

I sit beside him, not touching him, "maybe we were meant to be this way. We don't have to change anything"

"I'm not asking for change. Maybe we could've been what normal is from the beginning. Nothing to sort out of"

"Maybe sometimes fighting makes us stronger and waiting makes us more patient. And as far as I can tell all we need to be in a relationship is strong and patient with each other. Aren't we both strong and patient?"

"Yes, maybe you're right. What you are saying is true. But don't you see? We're both hurting. We're both wasting too much time. We've both matured too soon to think that the pain we are in, is okay. That, it was meant to be. That, we accept this. I don't want to accept this and be like, fuck yeah I'm-this-strong-person-who-can go-through-anything-and-everything...all the time. I want this to stop now. Do you get it?" He looks up at me. His eyes puffed up.

"I get it, okay?" I shift closer to him and he breathes hard suddenly like he's trying to stop the overflow of emotions that's he's having right now, "Lou, hey?" I gently wrap my arms around him, "it's okay. What has happened has happened. I do not know why it happened. You do not know why things happened with you. But we can always make sure things like this do not repeat. We always learn. We cannot guarantee that this might not happen but we can always be careful and positive about our life that we have to live in the future." He rests his head on my shoulder, "and about wasting time, its fine. What are we, 22 and 24? We still have 100 more years to explore together. We can do all the stuff that we've missed on. If you want to start now, I can" I shrug.

He gets up quickly, pulling away from me and sits on my lap, both his legs wrapping around my waist and his arms around my neck. "Hold me" he whispers.

I hold him at his waist. "You're very lean" I comment.

"And you talk too much" he smashes his lips on mine as his body lifts up. This isn't just supposed to be a kiss. It's full of lust and desire and agony and pain and suffering he'd like to share with me. I don't know exactly why he's this. Maybe all because he was expected to be this strong person from when he was just 5. Maybe he needed to be the string one around his younger sisters. Maybe his friends leaned on him too much. I can't judge him on what he is.

But he is the person and I love him.

He moans into my mouth pushing himself on me and I don't want to stop him even when I know Gemma could call us any moment for dinner.

"I love yo-u" he mumbles, both his palm cupping my face and his lips attached to mine.

"I love you" I say it back.

His movements against my lips and my movements against his lips have gotten slower, lazy if you want to call it. But I don't want to stop and neither does he. He kisses the corner of my lips, moves to my jaw, licking every inch he can. His tongue travels to my neck and he buries his face there sucking on the spot.

This has turned me on far more than what I expected myself to be. "You can slow down a bit" I chuckle. He's hugging me like a koala bear.

"Do you not like it?" He snaps away, his face full of guilt all of a sudden, like he did something wrong.

"No!" I immediately say, I fucking love it. "I crave for you and your touch. I can never not like this. It's just Gemma might be here in a while for dinner and I don't want to be in a situation where it's difficult for both of us to get hands off each other."

He giggles suddenly, pulling in again and believe me I'm surprised by his reaction. Why is he laughing? "Are you laughing at me?" I ask as he's buries his face in my neck.

"You don't have to be so formal with me, okay?" He laughs at my face.

"Fuck! I thought I said something wrong..." I chuckle in relief. "I'm embarrassed" I mumble and in return I bury my face in his chest.

"Look at you" he coos, "your face all red. I like this. I'm going to embarrass you all the time, now" he pats my head

"Louis!" I tickle him and he squeals and jumps "do not ever do that again"

"Wai-t!" He squirms; his laughing has made him inaudible. "Stop!" He catches my hand in his.

"I love you but don’t mean that I can't kill you"

"You're too tiny for that!"

"Fuck you"

"Fuck me"

"Oh I see. Well as a matter of fact you can always stop me from doing stuff to you. Anytime. No matter the intensity of the situation. I'll stop. I'll get my hands off you and I'll never hold it against you. It's your right. If you do not like it, I can't force it."

"And you'll do that too? Stop me anytime? That whenever you don't feel comfortable, you'll tell me to stop?"

"Yes. I'll slap you probably"

"Uhh...no don't do that"

"Okay" he kisses me.

Dinner has never felt so long. It feels like 5 hours must've passed away but it's only been 45 minutes.

"When are your bridesmaids' dresses arriving?"I ask Gemma as I'm washing the dishes and she's keeping the leftovers in the fridge.

"They already have, if you haven't noticed"

"Don't be mean. Are you ready with your speech?"

"Why? Are you?"

"No, still stuck. I don't know what to really say. It's all like general stuff and Laura's like been my mother, our mother. What am I supposed to really say?"

"Say this"

"What?"

"That she's been your mother, apart from being our mother. That's enough to faint her"

"Why are you being so mean?" I turn around to face her.

"I'm not being mean" she sighs, "It's just Laura asked me to call mom and dad if they could be here for the wedding. Mums' her aunt and Rosa also wanted her to be here and it's going to be so weird and awkward because I don't remember when I last called her or talked to her."

"Do you want me to ask her?"

"I don't know. If you're okay with it, go ahead but it's just...it feels weird to be asking her of something when we don't even talk. Why would she want to be here because I said so?"

"I talk to to her sometimes"

"You do?"

"I called her 3 months back, I suppose. But that's it. That's how much I talk to her. I don't think she'll refuse. It's a celebration; she'll love to be here."

"Yeah. Are you okay with calling her up?"It’s not that I’m comfortable, its that when someone’s uncomfortable and asking you for help you come out of your way to help them out even if that results in stepping out of your comfort zone.

“I’ll do it tomorrow, its late now”

“Okay. Tell me once you’ve done it”

Louis’ already went to the room and somehow my body is working in a way that seems foreign but yet like I’m ready for this change to happen in me. No matter what, it feels like today is the day when I’m finally ready to be the person I always was but in a more better way.

When I open the door, I’m just a step away from walking into Louis. He just appeared out of nowhere and now we’re laughing at each other like we’re kids who just cracked a joke that only the two of us understood. We’re laughing and we’re standing so close we’re touching each other.

Not touching each other seems difficult right now, because fuck, just look at him how purely he laughs ad the music he creates that out of the universe melodious. Our hands on each other seems to be creating this heat between and we both understand this on a very high note that something is happening and w’re allowing it to happen.

Suddenly we’re both staring into each other’s eyes and the laughing slowing down into mere chuckles and now its like I just want to him up against me. Its mind fucking hot right now between us and I don’t want to miss this.

I pull him closer to me by his waist and he keeps looking into my eyes like there’s something he’s trying to hold on forever. Like he’ll find something and he’ll keep it. I can see how his eyes are turning darker with every second that’s passing and how shiny they are right now.

He doesn’t say anything but his hands move to my chest and I’m so fucking sure he can feel my heart beating like a drum beat against his palm.

“do you feel it?” I ask, my voice almost a whisper and maybe he would’ve just understood what I said only if my lips had moved. His eyes flutter for a second, like he’s trying to gain consciousness of the world he is in right now. His glare moves slowly down to my face and he looks back into my eyes again, like he’s unsure of something he’s about to do.

He frowns, his face turning into an emotion of being unsure about something. He hugs me tightly like he’s never done before. we’re standing just behind the closed door when he rests his he’d on my chest. “tell me that you’re scared too” he squeezes his body against mine.

“I am” I nod and he sighs in relief. “Can you look up at me?” I ask him.

He looks up, pouting at me, “the mere thought of us being able to feel each other skin to skin drives me crazy, god! If it coul—’’

And he tip toes, his lips crashing on mine like that’s what he needed to make himself just breath.

The kisses do not have a pattern. It’s rough. It’s slippery. It’s sloppy. It’s messy. In a minute he’s got me against the door out of breath nut it’s worth every minute every second we’ve waited for each to be comfortable. It’s worth every day, every resistance I’ve made against own self to be here and have this moment with him.

He pulls me down coming back to his feet but then I bend down and pick him up form his waist and he wraps his legs around me and suddenly it’s a whole another world where all there is, is nice.

These are ot just kisses right now. They’re more than what others can think of and what I can ever imagine. It’s about blind trust that you can put into someone and not even a single thought crosses that they could ever betray you. Trust them to be able to see the world from their eyes. Trust there every action because sometimes actions speak louder than words.

“I wake up every morning to wanting to be with you forever.” I don’t even remember when I sat on the floor with Louis wrapped around my body. He’s looking at me out of breath his lips all plum and wet, “I want to be able to be this strong person for you, to be able to care of you” he kisses my forehead and it feels like this kiss of promise that he’s making to himself and to me. “you’re my morning prayer Harry and I want to do them till my last breath”

“Fuck” something just struck inside. How can someone love another person this much and be so expressive about it? How can someone love me this much? How can Louis love me this much? I want to cry into his arms and ask him all these questions but I think we’re way past that and are at a stage where I display and express my love back to him.

“you just swore at me” his hands are in my hair and I’m at stage where my kink is at 80% activation level.

“and you love that because your eyes are completely dark blue in color right now”

“are they?”

“mhmm” I nod, “I get it now. I discovered your kink”

“oh really? What is it?” he’s smiling so wide his lips might stretch.

“you like tall brunette gay men swearing at you, specially when its more of a whisper and said by mistake”

“you’re describing yourself. Kinks are more in general. Like your kink is getting a head massage or just pulling your hair, I saw your greens turn black”

“Oh really? You study kink now”

“no it's more of an observation”

“I’ve got a plan for a new observation, if only you’d like to do that is?”

He nods, “yes”

“yes?”

“yes”

“Let's move to the bed, then” he unwraps and jogs up to the bed. It really doesn’t surprise how fast he can on his feet. “my therapist suggested that, just to begin with it, if someone helped me with getting a full length maybe then maybe I’d be more confident in actually

Notes

i know i should be sorry and i am because i didn't update for quite a long time. it's because i graduated and then i got a job an then i've been working for 12+ hours everyday, i barely could take out time for this but i kept adding tits and bits of story.

hope you guys are baring with me.

thank you so much for being supportive.

but there's one thing i'm worried about which is:
that i haven't updated the next part of this even when i have a draft ready because i'm scared i'm going to ruin something which i have created within the last three years in this story. i do not know how to further proceed with building a situation full with feelings and yet so innocent and pure that it comes out in it's honest form and is not too made up.

i never thought i would reach what's called 'writers block' which is when you're just out of ideas which satisfy what you actually require than what you are thinking. but i am in this state of mind where i am not able to proceed further. there re at a point in time too many ideas or too less and none of them actually end up being this great which will perfectly sum up LOUIS' and HARRY's relationship.


keep baring with me but i'm sure that i'll finish this story because it's too close to my heart.


comment, vote,subscribe

lots of lovexx

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.