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LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 10*

Zayn’s p.o.v
t
“Liam I think he’s done for the night. We shouldn’t have called him here” I say worried but I will in my senses to know what was right or wrong for now.

“ur correct zayn” liam says.

“I think u should drop him home zayn. He’s not in his senses.” Niall advices worriedly to me.

I walk over to harry and pull him out of the crowd and help him sit in the couch which on the side of the bar. Harry resisted me many times before finally shouting in my ear, “stop it zayn”

I was a bit horrified at the thought about what was worrying him so much. Yeah I guessed he thought about the thing again. I knew what was going on with him. What he had gone through. I knew everything. He trusted me the most. The other lads did not know about it coz harry thought he might tell him when the right time comes but not now.
I cup my hands and place my hands on his chin.

“why harry?” I ask him worried about him. Really I was. He started weep as a tear drop escaped his eye as his head fell back onto the head rest of the couch and he slouched. He immediately shuts his eyes. I wipe of the tear and I sooth his upper arm. I knew what he was going through.

“no harry no please calm down” I whisper as I shift closer towards him wiping of every tear drop that would roll down his cheek one by one. I was concerned about him too much and when he hadn’t contacted me in the past month I thought every thing was fine enough. He was closest to me than the other lads and when I saw him when he entered the bar I knew there was something going on.

His head rises up as he opens his eyes and I see the hurt in them . those green emeralds where now all diluted. The colour was darker than usual. His white portion of the eye was red. The next moment he pulls me into a tight hug and I hug him back tighter. He starts to shake terribly and I sooth his back as I rubbed my hands on his back.

“shh harry everything will be fine. Everything will be okay” I say trying to calm him down right now.

“you say-y tha-t every-yy tim-me z—aaay—n” he says as he bursts into crying hard on my shoulder and hugs me tighter.

“this ne-ver s-eem to e—ndd” harry continues as he would say in b\w sobs.

“I know, shhh harry, I know it will, it will someday. You just have to LET IT GO” I say trying to calm him down but this time it did not help.

“I do, but-t bu—t it just comes running back” he says as his voice cracked too much. “I’m too much hurt to let it go zayn” he says. I could feel the hurt inside him in his every word, in his every sob, in his every tear drop. I wanted him to calm down just now.

He pulls me away after a minute as we hugged each other being silent but the bar music was loud enough. It was silent between us. I see that hurt again.

“zayn could you call the bar tender. I need to drink” he orders me firmly.

“but you’ve already had 30 shots harry. Its more than enough for the night. You usually don’t drink this much. Whats up harry? Is there something else that’s troubling you?”I knew there was something else that he wasn’t telling me. Maybe this is not the right time to ask.

“lets head home harry” I say getting up.

“ I told you to call the bar tender” he orders me again. I see liam and niall approaching me.

“whats up with him zayn? Is he alright coz he doesn’t seem to look that way usually” liam asks me truly worried this time.

“isn’t he going home?” niall asks.

“nah, he’s just not listening to me right now. he wants to drink more and he’s already tossed in 30.” I answer them worried. Till now harry had called the bar tender himself as he was still sitting on the couch.

“keep getting me shots until I tell you to stop” harry orders the waiter and I over hear him.

I immediately say, “no no no no no no, just don’t.
you go from here” I tell the waiter.

“please zayn I need it and you know” harry says this looking at me with pleading eyes.

“b-ut b-ut harry you’ve had almost too much” I says trying to convince him.

“please Zayn” he requests me again but this time the tear droplet that rolled down his cheek made me accept his request. I walked away from the scene to the dance floor leaving harry alone for the moment. I knew this wasn’t right but I even knew he needed it. Niall and liam followed me to the dance floor and we joined in our other guests for the night.


Louis’ p.o.v
My eyes fluttered open and I rubbed my eyes. What am I doing here on the bed, I say confused to myself as I got up a little to look around in the dark. I stretch my hand out of cover to switch on the lamp. I squint due to the sudden entrance of light inside my eyes but after a few seconds I was all fine with light. I sit up resting my head back thinking of what was doing on the bed. I remember dozing off to sleep on that couch. Maybe harry? No no why would he? Why would he even care?
No no he won’t
The box was still there on the table. The letter was still on lying on the couch. I was confused.

“oh I must’ve sleeped walked” I say to myself, trying to convince myself of what could probably be the reason. I sigh and step out of the bed completing forgetting the topic.

“oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit” I curse myself as I run out of the room directly stopping at the harry’s. I knock twice and no reply.

“harry? U in there. I think we’re too late for the party. It’s already 11” I shoot from outside the door.
I get no reply. I frown a bit and twist the knob to peep in and I find nobody in there as I switch on the lights.

“oh my god. He’s already gone and he did not even wake me up”
I immediately dial his number from my phone. A few bells rang but he didn’t pick it up. I go back to my room. I sat on the bed thinking of what should I do next. I’ll deal with harry later.

I get up and walk up to the carton and thought of keeping my stuff into the cupboard. Right now I couldn’t think of doing something else. I empty the carton and at the bottom I find a folded paper with some flowers drawn on it. I pick that up and open it. It was a card from my sisters.

The little flower coloured in pink . though it was untidy, it was cute. I flip it and at the back it read, “WE MISS YOU LOUIS”
That was something I couldn’t have imagined them to say t me to get me back. I am sure in my head that I’m not going back but this made it hard.

They made me think over what I had already determined to do. But I am not going back. My insides started getting weak. No please I’m not going back . my unconscious mind told me your family misses you , u should go back it’ll all be fine. But my conscious head didn’t believe what was happening and I’m not going back. No I’M NOT GOING BACK.

I finally said to myself and got up to place the things into the cupboard one by one. I kept mumbling things to myself.

Why did the god in the whole world choose me to be the one to be treated that way. I mean I don’t hate being gay. But what I hate is being treated badly. Being kicked that way, Being abused that way. Not just once but millions or billions. I don’t even remember the count. I’m sure there’s nobody else in the world who could feel that way, the way I’ve been treated.

Are you godamn sure that I was the one. I know I’m being selfish right now but WHY shouldn’t I be? Its ME who was kicked. It was ME who was punched. It was ME who was pushed away from the crowd. It was ME who was treated the way I never deserved to be treated. It was me all the time and you still think I shoudn’t be selfish enough?
I finally fall onto my knees onto the floor in front of the cupboard sobbing. My hands rested onto my knees as I did not know why was I sobbing every now and then.

I have to get over this stuff all together. I wipe the tiny tear droplets off my face and get up. This has to get over. Every night and every day I just can’t keep complaining. Complaining that to whom? When there’s nobody around to hear me? This all has to end. I just can’t keep crying over such things all the time. Within the past three days. I’ve just been crying and now this just can’t keep continuing like that.


Either the sadness leaves me or I’m myself leaving sadness. Someone has to leave. it’s done. Tomorrow is gonna be a new beginning again. I just can’t keep wasting life. I just can’t it has to be. I couldn’t go back to hell. I just couldn’t see myself dying every day. Which I did for the past three years. I brush my hand through my hair and face. I feel some kind of a guilt inside me rising. What if me running her comes out to be a wrong decision? But at the same time I felt so strong again that there was something which told me whatever I was doing was correct and I should just head forward.

My thoughts were broken by the ring o my phone. It was 2 in the night and who could it probably be?

I walk over to the phone which lying on the bed. It was harry calling me. HARRY, right now?

I pick up the call. But I heard someone else’s voice over the phone. It wasn’t familiar.


HARRY’S P.O.V
I was sitting there at the couch of the bar. The bar was almost empty. I could see people moving out of the bar as the lads waved goodbye’s at them. The waiter might’ve kept the third or the fourth tray of 10 tequila shots each. Everytime he asked me if he should stop or not but I would just yell at him, “DID I SAY THATT?”

He would shake a little coz of my scolding and then follow my order. I was not in my senses. But the cold liquid made me feel good and right now I just wanted that. It made my insides feel perfect. It made me feel that my scars were getting healed. I lay on the couch slouching and tossing in shots over shots over shots. I didn’t want to stop this night. I was too sad and lonely. This was only my friend which made me feel good and my heart perfect right now.


If somebody right now old me to even say a word I wouldn’t be able to. And even if I somehow did he wouldn’t understand a word coz I would just end up mumbling.


“Louis, Louis, Louis, I want Louis, I want Louis” I started to mumble out of the blue. I was totally unconscious right now to be even able to understand where I was. I pick up a shot glass and banged it onto the table. The glass broke and I liked it. I pick up another one and bang. I was liking it. Another one and bang. BANG BANG BANG. Sound of breaking glasses mixed with the music of the bar.

I hear Zayn yelling at me, “stop it harry stop it. This aint your property. C’mon just stand up we’re going home.”

“what have you done to urself harry you look terrible” Liam also comments and I laugh at him.

But I couldn’t actually understand what was going on here and I lay down at the couch as my head rested on the arm rest and my legs were up on the couch and I shut my eyes.

“zayn you drive him home, I’ll take care of whats happening here” liam says.

The next moment two men were picking me up from the couch. “ur too heavy” I open my eyes to look and it was niall and zayn.

“c’mon harry get up” they say. But I ignored and did nothing. I did not know what was going on. But I knew I was being helped by some people and was being shoved into a car. But it wasn’t mine.

The moment I realized it wasn’t my car I shout. I was drunk enough to shout at anyone and everyone. “my car my car” I chant. I hear zayn telling niall to drive my car home and zayn will bring me in his car.

I was lying there inside the car like a rag. every time the car would take turns swiftly my head would just bang onto the window. The next I feel somebody touching my pocket but I didn’t care. I was already feeling the need of my comfy bed.

“is this Louis?” zayn says to somebody. My eyes immediately shot open as heard his name.

“this is zayn. I’m sorry to inform you but your roommate is really in a bad condition. He’s drunk too much tonight. So I think you should be ready to deal with him. I’ll be there in max 10 mins. Be ready” zayn says all in one breath. I pull my self up a little as my hand stretches over to the phone.

“LOUIS IS MINE” I warn zayn angrily as snatched away the phone from him. “dare you touch him” I continue warning him.

“hey love, your mine and I want to love you all my life” I mumble into the phone as I fall back onto the seat and pull the phone near my ear.

“hey love, I want to love you too much” I say again whispering again into the phone. I wanted to hear his voice. That melody which always helped me. I wanted too but the only thing I could hear over the phone was silence.

LOUIS’ P.O.V

“hello?”

“is this Louis?”

“yeah” I nod as if the man could really see me. “who’s this?”

“this is zayn. I’m sorry to inform you but your roommate is really in a bad condition. He’s drunk too much tonight. So I think you should be ready to deal with him. I’ll be there in max 10 mins. Be ready”

“i- i…” before I could hear anything else I heard some familiar voice in the background. I couldn’t say a word and that voice familiar too me got clearer but I could hardly hear his words.

“Louis….louis…life” were the only words I could hear in whispers. I did not know what to say. I did not reply and after a few seconds I just hang up the call.

This guy is seriously drunk. I forgot everyting that was happening with me. I got out of the room and went into the hall way and waited for harry, the drunk harry. I don’t know should I be worried, be excited? Just behave normal? Or wait for something to happen? Laugh? What t do I didn’t know. I was just impatiently strolling down the hall back and forth.

I’d rather wait.

I think just 5-6 minutes must’ve passed and I heard the bell rang. I rushed and ran faster towards the door as I twist the knob to discover harry resting his head onto zayn’s shoulder and zayn’s arm wrapped around his waist which supported him to atleast stand.

Zayn enters in and slowly whispers to me, “don’t worry he’ll be fine till the morning” zayn directly walks into harry’s room. He was quite familiar to this house I supposed the way he directly went into harry’s room without even thinking once. I followed him. They both stumbled a few times but zayn helped him.

He carefully lays him down on the bed and informs me talking in whispers, “right now I’m going back, coz tomorrow’s Monday and I have work, but if something happens in the night just call me. My number is in harry’s phone”


I just nod at his words and he walks out of the room and then exits the house. I lock the door behind him and then walk again into harry’s room. I stood there wondering what to do as he lay like a piece of shit on the road and his hands hang free.

I remove his shoes and tossed them aside. But right now something had caught my eye. Where the shoe rolled and stopped near the cupboard saw some red colour stains on the floor. I walk over to the cupboard and bend down to touch it. It was some liquid red. A bit dark red. I feel it between my index finger and thumb. My eyes shot open as I realized it was nothing else but what I imagined it to be. It was blood. But whose?

Something had struck my head and I wished it wasn’t the truth. I could not believe if turns out to be the truth. My insides were shivering now at the thought. I stand up and walk over to harry and sat down on the floor at the end of the bed. What I saw I just couldn’t believe. My mouth escaped a little squeek.

I immediately shut my mouth with my hand. I slowly shift towards harry’s hand which was hanging free in the air. I hold his hand and slowly trace my fingers over the multiple scars on his wrist. Something inside me was twitching as if I could feel that hurt inside me which harry had gone through. But I did not know why would a person like harry do such stuff. I see harry shifting a bit and a small frown appeared on his forehead. He pulls his hand away and twists to the other side.


My head was now full with I don’t know what but it was hurting me inside of why would somebody hurt himself so much. Something inside me was tingling. I stand up as I release a small sigh and straighten up harry onto the bed properly. Suddeny I stared caring for him. It was sudden.


As I pull the covers up I see harry shifting a bit and he flutters opens his eyes. As his eyes opened they looked straight into mine. Something inside me heated up. Our eyes met and the connection was not breaking and somehow i liked it.

“harry, you can sleep” I say as I couldn’t look into those hurt eyes any longer.

“won’t yo-u y-ou sleep?” harry immediately says with a crack as if he was about to cry.

I don’t know what made me sat again onto the floor beside him.”I will. But for now you need a good long nap” I say as if I was making my little sister sleep.

Harry slowly pulls out his hand from the covers. My eyes shifted to the scars again. They all looked fresh as if he had cut them just right now. he pulls my hand closer to him as he held it between both his palms. They were cold.

Harry was shivering, I could feel it. He shuts his eyes and a tear drop rolls down his cheek to the side. I just couldn’t look at him. He was so pure but how could somebody do this to himself? Why?

“will you please lay with me here?” harry says whispering as he opens his eyes and I could see the hurt again and the plead inside him. His eyes were too puffy right now. my hand automatically reaches out to his tears and I wipe them off as I got up and walked over to his side. He did not leave my hand. I slowly shifted into his covers and a little bit closer to him. My heart was beating faster than ever. My breath was uncontrollable.

Harry was now a bit calm and composed. But with the amount with which he was shaking I knew there was something terribly wrong. My hand just kept squeezing tighter and tighter. But after a few moments I feel the the hold loosening.

I open my eyes to see he was asleep. It felt good to see the greek god lying in front of me asleep. I stared at his face as I noticed tear stains on his pale cheeks where I usually saw dimples.


Notes

heya guyzz...
another one!!
but after this chapter i might take time to update, coz i have my exams coming!!! sorry guyz!:(
but till then keep commenting, subscribing and voting!!

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.