Fall Quarter

“She’s here, yeah…No, I don’t know…I don’t know Harry!”

Jasey looked up from her bed and watched Tilly pace back and forth phone in hand. She had made it back to campus on a shuttle, avoiding people’s eyes until she pushed into the dorm and collapsed onto her sheets. Jasey hadn’t been in the room for ten seconds when Tilly’s phone rang with a call from the boy.

“You want to talk about it hon?” Nicole sat next to her, running her hand thought Jasey’s hair.

Jasey shook her head and hugged her pillow tighter.

You're so beautiful.

It's just me.

No matter how tightly she shut her eyes and how desperately she tried to block it out, the memories invaded her mind, filling in the dark spaces.

“Well why in bloody hell did you do that?!” Tilly's voice suddenly rang out, making Jasey jump. Her roommate looked apologetically at her and then continued to scream in the phone. The idiot. She had been working so hard, trying to show to Jasey that Harry was a perfect gentlemen and now here he was, ruining it all for them. “Harry Styles I swear…NO! You can NOT talk to her!” Whatever the boy was saying on the other line wasn’t persuading Tilly, but just enraging her further. “Good bye Harry. I said, GOOD BYE!” She slammed the phone down after she hung up and gave it a disgusted look. “Boys.” She turned to Jasey with a much softer face. “How are you doing, love?”

Jasey moved her shoulders up and down. There was no point in lying, saying that she was “fine” when there were tears still running down her face. She felt lousy. She felt trapped and weak and scared. All she wanted to do was forget.

“Was it because Harry kissed you?” Her eyes darted to Tilly’s as she said the question. “He told me,” she explained. “Was it that?”

“No,” Jasey replied, biting on her lower lip. “It’s not because of Harry.”

“Then what is it?” Nicole pressed.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Jasey muttered and snuck under her covers. “Not yet,” she added. “I just want to sleep.”

Her roommates traded wary looks, but soon allowed her to. “Ok,” Nicole said and got off the bed. “You can talk to us later though, okay?”

Jasey nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, praying that her mind would stop the endless replay loop that it’s been on and finally give her peace.


* * * * *

“It’s just me.”

Jasey eyes snapped open with a start. It was just a dream, she thought. But it had been so real. She was there again, and he was, he was… Her heart thumped faster in her chest as she recalled the dim lit room and the oncoming threat. It was just a dream.

It’s been almost a two weeks since the Harry incident and although Jasey’s been trying to keep up a happy façade, she knew that she wasn’t fooling Nicole or Tilly. She threw herself into her school work, giving her brain something to think of but…that.

Flipping over, she realized that it was early in the morning, only 4:30. She needed to sleep. College was definitely no walk in the park and she needed to be awake for her classes later in the morning.

Jasey was just about to drift off when she thought that she heard a light knock on the door. She shifted a little, looking over questioningly at the wooden door. Who would be coming here at this hour? There was a moment of silence and she was sure that she had simply imagined it when several knocks rang out again, harder this time.

In the dark, she saw Tilly climb down from her top bunk up pull the door open. A bar of light shone down on Nicole when she did, but their other roommate stayed asleep. “Niall,” Jasey heard her friend whisper. “What are you doing here?”

“Harry.” Niall's Irish accent floated into the room, causing Jasey to feel a slight pang of sadness. All communications between her and the boys had been cut off since that day. Also, the band had traveled off to China and Japan for a week, doing promotion and things of that sort. In the time, she recieved a few texts from Niall, but Jasey hadn't been keen on responding to them.

“He told us what happened," the popstar continued. "He wanted to come and see her once we landed, but we said that it probably wasn’t the best. He’s like a worried mum, that one.” Jasey was surprised. Well, she hadn't been so astonished that he told the boys - after all, they were insanely close - but the fact that he cared about what had happened made her feel some butterflies. “So, he sent me." Niall leaned a little to the left, peering into the dark room. "Do you know what…?”

“No,” Tilly sighed and looked behind her and straight at Jasey's bed. She snapped her eyes shut at the last minute, hoping that they didn't notice she was awake. “She won’t talk. She says that she’s fine, but we know that’s complete rubbish.”

“Maybe I could give it a go?”

“I doubt that-"

Niall looked behind Tilly at Jasey’s bed. She allowed herself a little peek and instantly regretted it when her and Niall's gazes met. “She’s listening into our conversation right now; I might as well give it a shot, right?”



Nicole awoke grumpily, but her mood changed when she realized why she had been shook awake. “Good luck,” she said quietly to Niall and followed Tilly to the mess hall.

“How’re you doing, love?”

Jasey sat up and leaned against the wall, toying with the edge of her sheets. “Fi-“

“No, no,” Niall scolded as he crept onto the bed next to her. “Don’t say fine. You would not be avoiding us if you were fine.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and laid a cheek on her head. “What’s bugging you, Jay?”

At his touch, Jasey immediately stiffened. Especially after all that had been going on in her mind, his arm on her shoulder felt heavy and unwelcome. He was so close that she could hear his steady breathing. She completely froze up. But then when Niall picked his head up and met her eyes with a gentle smile, Jasey felt her heart start to slow. Her shoulders were no longer as tense and she let herself relax. Niall's crystal eyes were so full of care and true concern. She didn't see the menacing glare that she had always seen in guys' eyes before. Much like Liam, she found herself perfectly fine with the physical contact.

Niall smiled a little, feeling the tension rolling off of her body as Jasey leaned into him. He too had noticed her jumpiness around the boys and saw this as a step towards improvement. He gave her shoulder a little squeeze and kept eye contact. "There's nothing to worry about," he said gently. "I promise."

She chewed on her lip, thinking. It was never easy to tell her story. She was so ashamed of it. Of everything. When she told her parents, they could barely understand through her sobs. And then when other people found out, Jasey could feel their judgmental glares whenever she walked down the halls. She told herself that she didn't care, but at the back of her mind those following eyes haunted her. Jasey looked back at Niall and weighed out the consequences. What if he was the same? She really wanted to believe that he wasn't, but you never know with boys.

And also, telling the tale would mean that she'd have to relive it as she retold her messy history.

Could she do that?

Her friend brought her closer to himself when he saw her eyes well up with tears. “Hey, hey, it’s ok,” Niall said and wiped them away with his jacket sleeve. She seemed so innocent and tiny that all that he wanted to do was protect her. The other members of One Direction always joked around how Niall was the one that needed the most protection because of his naive ways and open personality, but with Jasey, everything was just magnified. Yes, she could be horribly competitive at times, but there was just something about her that made her so desirable to protect.

That little gesture reinforced her resolve. He needed to know. They needed to know.

Harry needed to know.

Of all people, he was the one that deserved this the most. She hadn't apologized to him properly yet for all that she had made him go through. It was honestly a product of bad timing. If Harry had waited maybe, until she got used to him like she was to Niall and Liam, then it was possible that things might have been different. But he had gone for the kiss and well, they will never know how it could have been.

"Sorry," she mumbled, wiping the tears away herself. Gosh, yet another One Direction boy that she's cried in front of. Must be some record.

Niall shrugged. "It's ok. Now, do you want to tell me what happened?"

Slowly, Jasey nodded her head. And then with a shaky breath, Jasey began to paint the picture of her story for him, one bleak color at a time.




"Just tell them what you told me," Niall advised.

Jasey looked around at the expectant faces staring back. Niall was seated next to her on the couch, with Liam one the other side of her. Nicole and Tilly were across the coffee table, leaning with interest. Zayn and Louis were perched on the arms of the sofas, still eating. It was Friday night, the day of the friends’ weekly get together. Normally it was a noisy affair, filled with loud laughs and practical jokes. However, today, everyone was silent as they munched on the take out. They were all curious to see what would happen later. Niall had convinced Jasey to tell everyone why she had reacted so violently to Harry’s innocent flirting. She grudgingly agreed. Now it was time to follow through with the promise, no going back.


“Well, you all know that I lived in San Diego,” she said, starting with the basic facts. It was easier to build a platform to take off of first before diving in blind. “My best friends and I were close.” Jasey smiled wistfully, thinking of her best friends that she had left at home. One of them was at University of California, Irvine, studying to be a dancer, and the other was at San Diego State University, exploring her choices kind of like Jasey. “And well…” she trailed off, not knowing which step to take next. Her hands were trembling slightly. She had never been one for public speaking, and this was worse multiplied by a hundred. She hadn't really opened up about this to anyone except her parents and her two best friends.

Niall reached out and touched her shoulder. The fact that she didn't jump or startle made him smile. “You got it,” he encouraged.

The corners of her lips turned up slightly at his words of encouragement. Those two had really bonded the night she had confided in him and Jasey was really glad for his friendship. Then, a small movement in the corner of the room caught her eye. It was Harry, hiding in the shadows.

Jasey barely noticed that he had been there in the first place. He was acting odd that day, dodging her looks and refusing to meet her eye, changing the subject quickly whenever someone mentioned Jasey in conversation. She was sure that he was uncomfortable because of her. How else would anyone react when a light kiss caused someone to run away in tears?

What she didn’t know was that he was uncomfortable because of himself – or at least, what he thought he had done. Harry had convinced himself that she ran away because he was too pushy. He was an idiot for moving in too fast. Above everything else, he wanted to make everything right. But how?

When Harry looked up, Jasey was still staring intently in his direction. But instead of looking away with a blush as she always used to do, she held his gaze, allowing him to sense the emotions running through her at the moment. He looked into her eyes and felt the fear that was flooding through her body, the uncertainty filling her mind. Seeing that created an almost irresistible urge to run across the room and hold her close, whispering to her that it was going to be alright, that he would never let anything or anyone hurt her not matter what the cost. But he contented himself with offering her a reassuring smile and a nod to continue. He didn't want a repeat of what had happened last time he touched her.

Jasey gave him a small smile before her gaze dropped back down to the coffee table, biting her lip. It was time. She folded her hands in her lap nervously, her feet rubbing against one another. “So it started back when I was in high school…”

Notes

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~Sianna Sister