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My Judgement's Clouded

And it all makes sense to me

I was cursing myself and Maddie for being so reckless. Of course Niall would come and visit her and of course he would bring the rest of the guys. I told my mother that I needed to lay down for a bit and she told me not to worry about helping her. I went to bed and as soon as I closed my door I broke down again. Did I really want my child to grow up without a father? No, I didn’t but what was I supposed to do? I didn’t love Liam at all, I mean before I had a small fan girl crush but that was it. He was a great guy but since I knew he could never be more than a celebrity to me I didn’t let my heart feel anything for him. I couldn’t help but to think about what the other guys would think. Niall would hate me and Maddie for lying to him. Louis already dislikes me so that was only going to build. Harry would feel hurt that I didn’t tell him and Zayn would probably be angry like Niall. I hoped that Liam would have some sense and not tell them but if I had learned anything following them trough their carrier it was that they were like brothers. They told each other everything and this would be one of those things. I also hoped that when Harry or Niall would want to come here he would tell them no and that I didn’t want him in my life.

I sat on my bed with my back against the wall and caressed my big baby stomach. I would never love anything more than I loved this child. I felt so much love for she/he and I haven’t even seen her/him yet. I bet she/he looked a little like Liam, and that would remind me of my mistake every day. But I also knew that the baby looked a little like me. I secretly hoped that she/he would look more like Liam, since he was more good looking than me. I sighed and felt the tears stop pouring. I smiled when my baby kicked the spot where my hand was.

“I am so sorry love.” I spoke gently to my child and she/he kicked more. “I know you want your daddy here but that’s not possible.” As if she/he really heard what I said she/he started kicking more. I rubbed my stomach to calm my baby down and spoke more softly. “Shh… I know… I know.” I clearly wasn’t one of those people that thought that talking to an unborn child was crazy. I was the kind of person that thought that the baby would recognize my voice. I rubbed my stomach for several minutes and when I felt her/him calm down I began to speak again.

“When you get older and ask about your father I will tell you he was a kind man. He had the gentlest heart, even though it was very exposed. I am going to tell you that he loved you with all his heart and would have done anything for you. If you are hearing me know my baby, please know that he does love you and so do I. I am always going to here for you and even though might not be, he wishes he could.” I started to cry more and more for every word and I knew they were all true. I knew Liam would do anything for this baby and I knew he would want to be here. I just couldn’t destroy everything for him. His life was being a popstar, not a father. At the last word I was bawling so much I couldn’t see through the tears. I sighed and laid down on my side. Curling into a ball as best as I could. I cried some more and then fell asleep, welcoming the darkness.

“She is sleeping right now.” I heard my mother say and I thought I was dreaming.

“But we need to see her.” Harrys voice called through my dream and began to worry.

“I think your friend talked to her more than enough.” My mother sounded mad.

“Yeah well he isn’t the one who got pregnant.” Louis voice rang through the rooms and I realized that this most certainly wasn’t a dream. I sat up, feeling a little disoriented.

“You, young man, do not come to our home and speak about my daughter in that tone!” My mother yell-whispered. She was really mad at Louis.

“If she hadn’t tricked him into having sex with her then none of this would’ve happened!” Louis retorted with the same tone. I gasped and quickly got out of my bed. I knew Louis would be mad, but not this mad.

“Lou, back down mate.” Niall was here to. Crap, I didn’t know if I had the strength to take on all of their questions. I considered staying in my room but Louis next words made me change my mind.

“If her mother had raised her right then we wouldn’t be her.” I slammed my door open, the front door being almost right in front of it, and pushed Louis as hard as I could. At first he looked shocked that I had pushed him and just when he was about to push back he got a sight of my bug belly. He gasped a little and then just stood there, not really sure what to do. I looked at him with a death glare and then at the rest of the boys.

“What are you doing here?” I spoke with venom in my words. Zayn was the only one who didn’t get affected by it.

“We are here to talk to you.” I glared at him, not sure what the hell he wanted to talk about.

“I already told Liam I don’t want him involved in this mess and when I mean him I mean you guys too.” My mother grabbed my arm and pulled me backwards.

“Rosanna, bjud in dem. Grannarna kan höra.” Rosanna, invite them in. The neighbours can hear. My mother spoke to me in Swedish so that the guys wouldn’t understand. I nodded and then turned towards them.

“Come in. We’ll talk in my room.” I walked into my room, not making sure that they were following me. I sat down by my desk to leave room for them on my bed, if they wanted to sit. I waited as they all walked into my room and then nodded to my mother to close the door, our guests were coming soon. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Why did you lie to me?” Niall asked the one question that I didn’t want him to ask. I felt really guilty and looked at him with sad eyes.

“I couldn’t tell you the truth because you would’ve told Liam.” I looked at me feet and sighed. “I’m so sorry Niall.” I heard him sigh and then get up. He got down on his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands.

“I understand why you did it. But I would’ve liked it more if you let me help you with this.” I shook my head and pulled my hands from his.

“There is no point that you try to offer help. I do not want it from you.” I looked at the boys behind him, all except from Louis. “None of you.” Niall stood and walked back to the bed. He put his head in his hands, making me feel even worse.

“Then why did you get yourself pregnant if you’re not going to take advantage of the fact that Liam is famous?” Louis spit his words at me and looked at me with a death glare.

“First of all, I didn’t mean to get pregnant!” I stood and pointed at him, feeling extremely angry. “Do you think…” I pointed at myself. “That this is what I wanted to do with my life?” He still looked at me like I was the one to blame, and sure I was but I didn’t choose this. “Do you even know me, Louis?”

“Ha! You’re the kind of girl that uses nice guys like Liam. And we all know it…” He stood up and stood in front of me. “Slut!” I slapped him hard over his face and I heard some of the boys gasp.

“Do not ever call me that.” I poked my finger into his torso. “Not that it is any of your business but I lost my virginity with your innocent friend.” His face dropped a little. “And for the next matter, I don’t remember shit from that night.” I spat the words in his face and poked him once more. “Are you going to call me a slut and then say my mother is a bad parent, again, I am going to beat the living shit out of you!” I yelled at him and the other boys stood up to hold me back. Apparently I had started to push Louis backwards.

“You made him cheat on his girlfriend!” Louis yelled at me when Harry and Niall had me locked in their arms.

“I do not control his fucking actions! He was the one who had sex with me when I had blacked out! You’re a fucking prick you know that?” I tried to get loose but didn’t succeed. “But I understand if you think that it’s ok to use a helpless woman.” I narrowed my eyes at him but relaxed my body. I sighed and sat down on my desk chair again. I grabbed my belly when my baby continued to kick, which she/he had been doing since I woke up. She/he kicked really hard and it made me groan in pain.

“Ross, are you okay?” Harry knelt down besides me and rubbed my back to calm me down. I nodded and tried to breathe slowly. The room stayed silent for a very long time and when I had my breathing under control I spoke softly.

“I wanted to be a teacher.” I looked at the floor and then up at Louis. I was looking a little angry but also a little worried. “I wanted to be a highschool teacher.” I laughed and rubbed my belly. I shook my head and thought how ironic it all was. “I can still be one but I have to wait ten years so that I can study part time and then work part time.” I looked at the floor and sighed. My life sucked big time and I didn’t want them to get dragged into it.

“Rosanna…” Louis started to speak but I interrupted him.

“It’s not that I don’t want this baby. It just would’ve been nice to be able to support it and myself, without my mothers help.”

“We can help you with that…” Harry spoke softly and I looked up at him. I shook my head and grabbed his hand.

“I do not want that though. I don’t want to ruin anybodies life. Not yours…” I looked down at my belly and my baby. “And not Liams…” I sighed and stood up. I put on a fake smile and turned towards Zayn. “It was nice to see you all again. Hope everything works out for you, and I hope you stay famous!” I smiled big at Zayn but he didn’t buy my act. He shook his head and sighed.

“Rosanna, we are not leaving until you let us help you.” I just stood there, shaking my head. I didn’t want their help. Didn’t they hear what I just said?

“Ross…” Harry spoke to me so I turned around to see his very hurt face. It broke my heart to see him like that. I put my hand on his cheek and sighed, shaking my head at the same time. He grabbed my hand and removed it from his cheek only to put it on his heart. “You know I love you Ross.” I tried not to start crying. He had told me that before, on the phone. We had grown very close and we became like best friends. But I broke it of when the lying became to hard. I nodded at his statement and waited for him to continue. “Liam didn’t want us to come here because he was going to listen to what you told him. But I know that both you and he need each other to get trough this.” I tried to pull my hand back when I felt the tears start coming. I kept on shaking my head, denying everything he was saying. It couldn’t be true. “We are going to take our free month and stay here, but that doesn’t start for another two months.” I couldn’t believe this. Fuck, nothing was going the way it should be. I looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Harry please don’t…” He cut me off.

“You need him and you need me. Even though you try acting like you can stand on your own, you can’t. No one can Ross.” I felt broken and whole at the same time. I dropped my face and looked at my feet. I couldn’t believe this, the boys were going to do this for me. But I had to know if they all wanted to. I looked up at Louis who looked tired.

“Louis.” His eyes focused on me and stared. “Are you alright with this or not? Tell me the truth.” He just looked at me for several seconds and then looked down at his feet.

“I don’t think anyone in your position should have to handle it alone.” I sighed.

“You didn’t answer my question Louis.” He looked up at me and sighed too.

“Yeah, you’re not what I thought you were. I thought you wanted the fame and fortune for your kid, but you just didn’t want to ruin Liams life.” I shook his head and walked over to me. He took me by surprise and hugged me tight. And then he whispered in my ear. “I am so sorry Ross.” Him calling me by my nickname meant everything right now.


I loved the story. The ending was so cute! :)
naaah it's fine I'm just going to be subscribed to it to save the wonderfulness lol
Naah I mean dislike very much because I ended the story ;)
Well I mean I would never hate you.... Unless I know you o.O lol