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My Judgement's Clouded

Like tonights sky

“Yeah I can see how that can be a problem.” Maddie sighed and padded my hand that was laying flat on the table.

“I really like Harry, I do, but I don’t know if I could put Liam trough this…” I shook my head and looked up from my cup to look at Maddie. “What should I do?” She smiled sweetly and grabbed my hand with both of hers.

“I don’t know, Ross. This isn’t as simple as black and white.” I let out a small laugh and thought about that fact.

“You can totally say that.” I squeezed her hand and smiled at her. “I think feelings are stupid sometimes. Why can’t the world just go on automatic and then we wouldn’t have to deal with stuff like this?” She smiled back and shook her head.

“I know honey.” She let go of my hand to lean back in her chair. “Do you think you could ever love Liam?” My head snapped up and I stared at her with surprise in my eyes. Her question taking me totally off guard.

“I don’t know.” I looked at the wall behind her and continued. “There was a moment a few days ago when he told me we were going to make it. We could handle this and the baby would be the happiest baby ever.” I smiled at the memory. I had told Liam all my fears and cried for several minutes.

“That’s sweet.” She gave me genuine smile and drank from her coffee.

“Yes it really was. But Harry knows me. And I know Harry.” I looked at my cup with now cold tea in it and sighed again. “No matter what I do I’ll end up hurting someone.”

“How does Liam feel about you and Harry?” I thought back to the hotel room in Stockholm and their conversation about me coming with them. Liam didn’t say no but he seemed mad at Harry for wanting me there.

“He seems angry. Mostly at Harry I think, even though it was Liam who told me how Harry felt.”

“No, really he did?” I nodded my head. “Why would he do that if he wants you to himself?”

“I think he didn’t know I was in love with Harry. I had asked him if Harry had been mad for a long time after I stopped speaking to him and he said that he wasn’t mad, just hurt.” I sighed again, I do that very often. “He told me Harry loved me, or well he said loves, and I said that I already knew that.”

“Uhhu…” Maddie gave a quick response.

“And then he said ‘No you don’t, he loves you, like he is in love with you’. And I was stupid enough to tell Liam that something as good as that wasn’t possible.” Maddie sighed and shook her head.

“Ross! That wasn’t the best idea ever…”

“I know.. I wasn’t thinking at all and he seemed really mad.” I looked up at Maddie and rested my head in my hand. “I’ll have to talk to him, tonight.” Maddie nodded, smiled and changed the subject.

“Are you excited for tonight? It will so awesome seeing them perform!” She squealed and then laughed.

“Of course I am. It will be so bloody awesome that I don’t know what to wear!” We laughed even more and then decided to start picking out the outfits. Since it was April it was still pretty cold here in London so I picked out a nice black dress with a lace skirt that started underneath my boobs. To that I wore leggings, black, and a jeans jacket. I also had with me an extra shirt in case I started freezing. But the most important part of my outfit was my shoes, I am a bit of a shoe fanatic. No it doesn’t mean I buy Prada or anything, but I like shoes. The shoes I was going to wear tonight were plane black Converse with all of the boys signatures on them. I’ve gotten them to sign them when I met them the first time. I hadn’t worn them since then. Maddie on the other hand chose to wear something that was very noticeable and really out there. She wore a bright green dress with black ballerinas, thank the lords. She picked out a leatherjacket which she planned on not wearing because it ruined the entire outfit.

The rest of the day I and Maddie did nothing important. We watched TV, called for room service and I took my very longed for bath. And let me tell you, it was beyond incredible. We played videogames too, I won every time. Maddie wasn’t the best at it and I had grown up with smaller brothers. Around three or something Maddie decided it was her turn to take a bath. Getting bored I decided that I would go sit on the balcony and write a little. That’s also something no one knows about me. I love to write but I don’t think I am any good, so I don’t show anyone.

I walked out on the balcony, which had three lounge chairs and a coffee table that was round. The lounge chairs were all pretty big so it wasn’t that hard for me to curl into a small, but awkward ball, with my feet over the chairs armrest. I looked out over the city, we had gotten a room fairly high up. The sun was still shining but you could tell that it was going to fade away slowly within hours. I let my mind wander and I found myself thinking about what I want. I want to be happy but how can I be happy when all there is to life is struggles. Before I had gone to that concert six months ago I thought that One Direction had it all planned out. They seemed so happy all the time and they seemed like they never had any problems. Liam and I had bonded that night. He had told me about his problems with Danielle, he had confided in me even though he didn’t know me. A part of me fell for him that night.

A part of me knew I would’ve fallen harder if I hadn’t ignored him. I chose not to act on my feelings. And that’s when Harry showed up. He and I started out as really good friends, we did. I felt like we could talk about anything but I didn’t feel that instant attraction I had felt to Liam. But my love grew for Harry, he knew me in and out and I knew him. I have this weird thought that I can’t love someone I don’t know. Just saying the words is hard for me, because the words don’t mean anything to anyone anymore.

I looked down at the block of paper I had brought with me and opened a blank page. I grabbed my pen and closed my eyes. I searched what I wanted to write. I opened my eyes and felt my heart break a little when I wrote.

Do you dream of me when you sleep
Do you dream of me when you are awake
Am I only a dream or is your heart here in reality too
If this is reality, why do you compete with no one
I am already yours

I became frustrated with myself and wrote ‘Fuck this’. The big problem was I didn’t know who I was writing about. Yes I loved Harry, but I knew him. If Liam decided he wanted me he could easily get me. This pained me very much. Everything I had told Harry was true, I didn’t love Liam, but I had the feeling that anything could change that. I didn’t want to tell Maddie because she would only shake her head and sigh, saying how weird I was and that I had to make a decision. Bla bla bla. That was all I could here when she went on a rant like that.

For someone as wonderful
You have very little manners

The pen was on the paper again. Just scribbling words that didn’t make any sense. Putting words onto paper from my mind, nothing was ever as easy as this when you were thinking too much. And I realized just now that I am not making any sense at all.

For someone as beautiful
You have a very ugly inside
For someone as caring
You care very little about yourself

How could boys do this to me? Every time I fell for someone I would fall hard. I had only gotten in a relationship one time before and that didn’t end well. But I had been in love before that too, or well we can call them crushes. I always got me feelings in too deep and I end up getting hurt, even though the boys in question didn’t know about it. I was hopeless, yes. No one tells you when your young that love is complicated. They all say how happy you will be that one day you find your soul mate. All the movies show a bit of struggle but the couple always end up together in the end. Well guess what? It’s not like that in real life. But then again, if you made a movie about my life, no one would watch it. I mean yeah, my boyfriend kind of cheated on me but there was no Prince Charming after that.

I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of depression and snapped out of it when I heard Maddie put on the radio in the kitchen. I took a deep breath and collected my notebook and walked into our bedroom. I put it in my suitcase and then walked out into to the kitchen. I found Maddie fully dressed in her outfit for tonight and laughed at that. She turned around with a funny look on her face which made me laugh even harder.

“Isn’t it a bit early to change into the clothes we are going to wear tonight?” It was now her turn to laugh at me.

“Rosie, look at the time darling.” I stuck my tongue to her and then turned to look at the clock that was behind me on the wall. It was already 5.30pm and the show started 7.00pm. I cursed and turned around to stare a little at Maddie.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I pouted and sighed.

“Because you looked like you were busy.” She raised her chin as if to say that this conversation was now over. I sighed and turned to go change. “Ross.” I looked over my shoulder at my best friend. “Are you okay?” I smiled and felt tears in my throat.

“Yeah, just a little confused that’s all.” She came over to hug me and then kissed my cheek.

“Good! Now go change! We are leaving in an hour.” She pushed me out of the kitchen and I went to change. I got into my clothes rather quickly and when I was done with my makeup as well I looked at myself in the full length mirror in our room. I started to feel that sad feeling creep back and I mentally shook myself. Tonight I was going to enjoy the concert and then I was going to party, pregnant-lady-style. I shook my head and laughed a little at my own joke. When I looked at the clock there were about five minutes left before we were going to leave. As I began trying to put my shoes on Maddie walked in and laughed at me. My little belly was starting to get in the way.

“Need help with those?” I sighed and pouted. I nodded towards her and mouthed a ‘thank you’. We, along with the other girls that had gotten backstage passes, were informed that we was going to be at the concert 45 minutes before the show started, to make sure we had front row seats. Of course we were really excited about seeing everything from the front row. We could, as Maddie put it, ‘See the sweat and tears’ really well. I had just laughed her off but secretly I was as excited as her. It was going to be epic. When we got escorted in to the arena we met the boys head guard, Paul. He told us about the boys and what we were going to expect during and after the show. He winked at me and Maddie when none of the other girls were looking and we both started to laugh. Since we had gotten there so early there wasn’t so much to do so we started to get to know each other. It was all going well until some girl called Clara asked me about the baby.

“So how old are you? Aren’t you a little young to be having a baby?” She looked at me with sceptical eyes and I felt Maddie put a hand on my back.

“I am nineteen and yes I am a little young to be having a baby.” I smiled sweetly at her and thank the gods that she wasn’t as bad as some of the girls in Malmo.

“So its an accident?” My smile fell a little and I felt Maddie rubbing circles on my back.

“You could look at it like that yes. But I couldn’t be happier about it.” I turned around to look at the stage when she continued.

“So the father isn’t in the picture then?” I swirled around and looked at her with anger in my eyes.

“I am sorry but that is none of your business.” She put her hands up and laughed a weak laugh.

“I am sorry if I offended you, your Highness.” She snorted and walked over to flirt with some guards. “I have never ever met anyone as rude…” I started to mumble lots of cursing words in Swedish and Maddie continued to rub my back.

“So how did you get backstage tickets?” I was ready to snap at the girl when I realized this was another one, who had stayed quiet the entire time here. I sighed and rubbed my stomach, the baby was kicking pretty hard.

“I won them in my local newspaper.” A little girl at fifth teen said next to me. She looked so happy to be here.

“Cool, I got them from my mother’s new boyfriend, he is trying to impress me.” The girl that asked the question said. “And it’s totally working. How about you two?” She turned to us and smiled sweetly.

“I got them as a baby present.” I smiled back and her smile got even wider. Then her eyes wandered off to the stage behind me. The little girl gasped and put her hand over her mouth. It wasn’t that hard to understand that either all the boys or at least one of them were standing behind me.

“Hello ladies!” Harrys voice ran out and I turned around smiling. Next to him I saw Liam. I smiled to him and he gave me a genuine smile back. To keep our cover we didn’t say anything, we couldn’t act like we knew the guys.

“Hello loves.” Liam spoke and he looked around at all the girls. There were only five of us but still, he looked at everyone equally. We all said small hellos to the boys and they sat down on the stage. The other girls pressed themselves onto the small fence keeping us from the stage and me and Maddie did the same. It wasn’t until I heard Maddie gasp that I realized the other boys were joining us. She stared at Niall and Niall tried not to stare back, it was adorable.

“Are you guys ready for the concert?” Zayn spoke and smiled at the girls. I heard two of them sigh and the third, the bitchy one, pushed me aside so she could be closer to the boys. The all looked like they were ready to jump her but I put my hands up and mouthed ‘its fine’ and smiled. They relaxed a little and Carla started to speak.

“It must be so hard…” She said hard very slowly. OMG she was flirting with them too. “Being famous. I mean it’s one thing having beautiful girls pining after you.” She stopped and threw her hair behind her shoulder. Maddie made a gag noise which earned a stare from Clara but laughter from the boys. “But it’s an entire other thing having huge whales pining over you…” She looked back at me over her shoulder with a smug smile. All I could think was ‘Oh honey, if you only knew’. They boys looked at each other and Niall pushed Harry and Liam lightly on their backs. They both spoke at the same time, and the exact same words.

“Oh it’s no trouble at all.” They both winked at me and it made me blush wildly.

“I am actually a big fan of curves, or what do you say Harry?” Liam spoke and then looked at his best friend. It seemed like they had kissed and made up, hihi.

“I have to agree with you Liam.” They were making me blush even more and Carla looked furious. I laughed and tried to smooth this over a bit.

“Aw you are being to kind, guys. You’re only saying that so this pregnant woman won’t have a hissyfit.” I laughed one more time and this time Maddie joined me.

“Yeah that must be it because who would fuck a fat girl?” Carla spat out the words and I looked at her shocked. I heard Harry cough and we all turned to him.

“I would.” He raised his hand and then Zayn followed.

“Me too, it’s something primitive about it.” He winked at me and I blushed again. I knew he didn’t mean it as in he was interested in me.

“If I wasn’t totally in love with this other girl, I would too.” Niall winked at me and looked at Maddie for a short moment. She blushed a lot and I laughed.

“I would rather have a curvy girl with personality than a skinny girl with an attitude.” Liam smiled and winked at Carla. “But you are very beautiful you too, love.” He just had to be nice, hadn’t he? When Liam was finished we all looked at Louis and he laughed.

“I am sorry but I can’t think about sleeping with another girl when I have Eleanor.” We all said ‘naaw’ and laughed at him when he blushed. “What ever…” He sighed and walked behind the stage.

“Yeah well we need to go now, they are going to open the doors soon.” Harry smiled at all of us. “See you in a bit!” They all said goodbye and we all responded. I pushed Maddie lightly and she blushed at the reminder that Niall just had admitted to being in love with her.

“You really think you are something don’t you?” Carla spoke and I looked at her in confusion.

“Actually I don’t think that.” I spoke sincerely and looked at her. She just got madder.

“Whatever! Just stay the fuck away from me or else!” She walked a little bit away from us, making sure she stayed in the front row.

As the girls, and some boys, filled the arena we lost sight of her and the concert soon started. They opened with ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ and then sang ‘Taken’, ‘I Wish’ and ‘One Thing’. It was all going great and the boys were really good, even better then they had been in Stockholm. When they started singing ‘More Than This’ Harry sang his part to me and Niall sang his part to Maddie, they did it discreetly. Somehow during the first few songs that girl Carla had gotten closer and closer to us and was now almost right next to us. I didn’t think much about it and the boys started to sing ‘Gotta Be You’. Harry pointed at me one time so I sent him an air-kiss, which he caught and pressed to his chest as he continued to sing. Apparently Carla had seen this and didn’t like it.

“No wonder you got pregnant, you’re a fucking slut!” She screamed in my ear and as fast as lightning he took her elbow and punched me right on my belly. The pain was too much for me to handle. I fell on my knees and felt my vision get fuzzy. Oh my baby, was all I could think, are you okay?

The last thing I heard before I blacked out was voices calling my name.


I loved the story. The ending was so cute! :)
naaah it's fine I'm just going to be subscribed to it to save the wonderfulness lol
Naah I mean dislike very much because I ended the story ;)
Well I mean I would never hate you.... Unless I know you o.O lol