Love Don't Die

“I’ll just be down the road shopping, okay? Don’t get too crazy,” Rusty told me as she kissed my cheek. Just sitting outside of Harry’s house made me mad. That fucking lying motherfucker.

“Can’t make any promises, but I love you, Rust.” I got out of the car and looked at her through the open window.

“I love you, too, you crazy bitch.” She winked at me and then drove away. As I walked up to his house, I felt nervous. I never felt nervous -- I could walk around town butt-naked and not give a fuck. But this…I trusted him. I told him everything, literally, and he didn’t have the decency to tell me this. I was heartbroken.

Instead of just walking in I knocked. Super fucking loud. I even kicked the door a few times before he opened it.

“Hello?” His voice was groggy and he wasn’t wearing any jeans. I had obviously just woke him up. Good.

“It’s me,” I said as I brushed past him and walked inside. As I walked to the living room I heard him close the door behind me.

“Did you forget something?” He said as he approached me. He had a glint in his eye as he started to take off his pants.

“Drop your pants and I’ll chop off your cock. I cannot fucking believe you.” He stopped what he was doing and looked at me with concern.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t make you leave, Louis did! If it was up to me we’d be fucking in my room right now.” He put on a smirk but I blew him off.

“You’d be lucky if I ever fucked you again, Styles. I’m glad I went home because I got to see the true scumbag you really are. Tell me, how was lunch with Kate today?” As soon as the words left my mouth I saw the color drain from his face.

“How did you—” he started to walk towards me but I stuck my hand out and backed away.

“Don’t, Harry. Just don’t. After everything I’ve fucking been through with you and you’ve been seeing someone else. Am I just your London whore? Is that it? So when she’s off being some slutty model you can fuck me instead? How perfect for you,” I spat. I could feel the tears sting my eyes but refused to let them fall. I was not going to cry for this asshole.

“Listen, babe, it’s not like that! It’s really complicated and I didn’t want to get you involved.” He kept reaching out to touch me but I wouldn’t let him.

“Complicated? You’re seeing two girls at once. That’s not called complicated. That’s called being a prick.”

“Please, Toni, let me explain.” He took two steps towards me but I shook away his arm and started walking towards the door.

“Explain it to someone who cares, Harry.” I started to open the door but he ran up from behind me and shut it closed with his hand.

“Stop it, Toni. It’s not real okay? None of it is. I’m not dating Kate; I’m barely her friend. It’s for publicity, okay? None of it is real.” I looked deep into his eyes as he spoke. I wanted to believe him, but my heart wouldn’t let me.

“It’s not real? Why would anyone be in a fake relationship, Harry? That’s sick. There is obviously something going on but you just can’t admit it.” I tried to open the door again but he wouldn’t let me. So instead I walked away to find a different exit.

“But it is fake, Toni! It’s all a publicity stunt so my management stays happy. I don’t like it, alright? But I can’t say no to people. Every relationship I’ve had in the public eye has been fake. All my real girlfriends are behind closed doors because I don’t want them to go through the bullshit I do on a daily basis. And these fake relationships are great for hiding my real ones, so I keep doing it. It’s just I feel bad, you know? These people need someone to step in. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” He was following me through his kitchen where I found the garage door.

“Not disappoint anyone? Well congratulations because you disappointed me. And if it was so fake then how come it’s been going on this long? I read the articles, Harry. Six months it said you’ve been with her. Six fucking months.” Now I didn’t want to leave. Did he think he could just charm his way out of this? Fat fucking chance.

“I’m sorry! And the only reason it’s been going on that long is because she’s gained more popularity than expected. When we first started making appearances the band’s fourth album was coming out and she was going to be doing some guest role on a TV show. Then everything was supposed to die down. But instead she kept landing roles and magazine covers, and they wanted us to stay together. She asked me to keep doing it, Toni, so I had to. I’m not the kind of guy to break someone’s heart like that. She needs me.” His eyes were pleading now. But unfortunately for him, the drugs in me kept my fire burning.

“That wouldn’t break her heart, Harry, only her career. If she just showed her tits like she usually does then she’d be fine. Oh, and I’m sure your little stupid fucking band None Inception really needs more publicity. What are you? The most popular band in the world? But I’m sure you need to keep up appearances so some poor toothless child in Indonesia can see you and then buy your next single. That’s bullshit, Harry. If you had any self-respect you would learn to tell people no. God, I can’t fucking believe you! You act all high and mighty but deep down you’re just a pathetic little boy who’s afraid of his own shadow.” I was breathing heavy and I watched as his face turned from sorrow to rage.

“Can you fucking stop that? My band’s name is One Direction, not those bullshit names you come up with. I’m high and mighty? Toni you don’t even have the graciousness to remember the name of my band, my mates, fuck you probably forget my name half the time. I do everything I can for you but you won’t do the same for me. Fine if I have no self-respect, but at least I’m not spoiled and selfish like you.”

I was silent. I didn’t have anything to say back because deep down I knew he was right. I never took the time to care. I was so caught up in my own problems I didn’t even bother to know his. He was afraid, but he had a right to be. All the things people make him do…it’s not right. No one deserves to be thrown around like that just to please other people. He was practically a prostitute. But I didn’t give him any sympathy, instead I yelled at him and made him feel worse. At this point I just wanted to kiss him. Just say I was sorry and forget everything.

But instead I raised my fist and punched him straight in his right eye.

He groaned as the pain forced him backward and he held his face with his hands. I didn’t say a word as I made my way through his kitchen and out the door.

Notes