My eyes sprang open as I heard the door slam shut and yelling echo throughout my empty house. There were stomps up the stairs, and the door flew open, slamming hard against the wall. Niall stared at me with red, angry eyes. There were tear streaks on his face, but the part that scared me the most was the veins bulging on his neck.

“Are you FUCKING kidding me, Charlie? After EVERYTHING we’ve fucking been through, you cheat on me with some piece of shit Yale prick?” My eyes grew wide as Niall cracked his neck from side to side. How did he find out?

I was silent so Niall took the opportunity to continue, “It’s all over the fucking tabloids, Charlie. That fucking knob sold some text message you sent him to TMZ, The Sun…fucking everyone. It said that you “had the greatest night in years” with him and that you “never stopped loving him.” Really? Fucking really, Charlie? I thought you told me all he ever did was treat you like dirt. Now the entire world thinks I’m a joke so thanks so fucking much.” He was breathing heavy but he never took his eyes off mine. I never texted Dylan anything like that, so how could he have done that? Oh God, the motherfucker probably texted himself that from my phone when I was pretending to sleep. If I could just explain it to him…“Are you going to fucking say something you slut?” Or not.

“Slut? Fuck you, Niall! Yeah, Dylan may have treated me like dirt, but what did you do, huh? You abandoned me at my most vulnerable time so you could get drunk with your best friend. How do I know you didn’t fuck some bitch in the bathroom of a club? I’m not a fucking slut!” I screamed at him, my heart beating fast inside my chest.

“You think this hasn’t been hard on me? I don’t know what the fuck to do, Charlie! And I don’t go to clubs with Harry, most of the time we go out for an hour and then I’m too drunk to function. I feel like shit every god damn day when I wake up and I want it to stop. And it doesn’t fucking help that I find out you slept with some other guy from my fucking publicist!”

“But you think it’s okay to just barge in here and start yelling at me? I tried to tell you when I went over to the hotel yesterday. But instead you closed the door in my face and told me to go home. I don’t need to feel this way, okay? I was trying to do the right thing but you’re too caught up in your own world to notice that.” I was calming down a little, but Niall was only getting angrier.

“So that makes it okay for you to say what you said? How now that we don’t have a baby you don’t need to deal with me? Well fuck you, Charlie. How was I supposed to know that’s what you were going to tell me? I told you, I shut down when I’m upset and I didn’t want to talk about our feelings. I wanted to get drunk and numb the pain.” He was running his fingers through his hair, and I saw his mouth twitch like he needed a cigarette.

“No, it doesn’t. But you have no fucking clue what actually happened. If I could have talked to you about it none of this would be happening right now. I’m sorry, Ni. Okay? I’m sorry. But I fucking cannot stand it when you act this way. That’s your fucking solution for everything; get drunk and not have a care in the world. Maybe if you did care, you would have given me a chance when I visited you yesterday. You’re fucking blaming me for everything, Niall. You’re making me feel like shit.”

“That doesn’t give you the fucking right to cheat, Charlie! There’s no excuse for what you did to me!”

“He fucking took advantage of me, Niall! He got me drunker than I’ve ever been and he brought me upstairs and had sex with me while I was barely conscious. Are you happy now? Because you left me I had no one fighting for me. I had to lay down and take it because I was alone. You abandoned me.” I was digging my nails into my pillow as I yelled at him. I saw something different in his eyes as he took in the information, but his face never faltered.

“So you’re telling me he fucking raped you? Are you fucking kidding me? Where the fuck does this guy live, Charlie? Huh? Fucking tell me right now because I will fucking murder that motherfucker.” He ran to my nightstand to grab my phone but I threw my body on top of him and knocked my phone out of his hands.

“Stop it, Niall!” He flung me off of him so I landed back on the bed. I looked at him with horror as he stared at the ground, panting. His eyes were blood-shot as they darted around the carpet, and his teeth bore outside his lips as he caught his breath. He looked like a monster. In the process of our scuffle, I had ripped the shirt he was wearing. The collar was torn down to his bellybutton, and I could see his new tattoo was still fresh on his skin. Although I am broken my heart is untamed still it read in his own script right around his heart. When he finally did raise his face, I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“I can’t fucking deal with this right now. After everything, this has to be thrown into the mix. You want me to start caring, Charlie? Well I am. When will you?” He started to leave but I wasn’t going to let him get the last word.

“I’ve always cared, Niall. Even through the pain, the hatred, and my solitude; I never stopped caring. I never stopped loving you, either. Yeah, I shouldn’t have allowed Dylan to come over, but I can admit my mistakes. I made a mistake by falling down those stairs. I made a mistake when I lost our daughter. I fucked up big time, but I can accept it and try to move on. That’s something you can’t do, Niall. You can’t admit when you’re wrong.”

Without a word in response, Niall started to walk out the door. He grabbed the handle to close it behind him, but stopped with the door nearly shut and mumbled something.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked as bitchy as possible. I was so done with this day and it had barely started.

“What would you have named her?” The words barely escaped his closed mouth as he focused his eyes on the handle.

I felt like the breath was knocked out of me. I had to take a deep breath before I answered. “Rosemary. I don’t know why, but it’s the first name I thought of when the doctor told me she was a girl.” I looked at my hands as I spoke, not knowing how else to act. I hadn’t told anyone that, not even my mother. It was something that was always in the back of my mind, but felt too personal to ever say out loud.

“Our little Rosie…” Niall dropped to the floor and erupted in tears. I heard him muttering some Irish profanities as he punched the carpet beside him, looking like a scared little boy. Instead of going over and comforting him, I cried into the pillow I was holding; hoping this all would just be a dream.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” I looked up and Niall was moving towards me on the bed. He sat down next to me and wiped some tears off his face. “I’m the piece of shit here, Char. I know what I did to you was wrong, but I didn’t care. I just felt like my whole world fell apart. I don’t know why I treat you this way because I love you more than anything. You’re my life, Charlie, and to see you this way…I can’t stand it. I’ve never cared so much for someone and I don’t know what to do with myself. I let so much shit happen to you while I hid in the comfort of my friends. I will never treat you this way ever again. If you’ll still have me, I’ll make it up to you. I promise I will.” He grabbed my hand and I cried harder. It was the first time he’d touched me in God knows how long. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder, taking in the smell of his cologne that I never realized how much I missed. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Charlie. Since we lost the baby everything has been so hard.” I shut him up by planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I love you, Niall Horan. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you. I’m willing to put all of this behind us and move on, so we can start being happy again. And don’t try and get rid of me either, because I can be a persistent little fucker.” I held his face in my hands and he smiled at me. He passionately kissed me and picked me up to put me in his lap.

“I’ll love you forever, Charlie.” He kissed my nose and held me in his arms as we both drifted off to sleep.