Why Don't We Go There?
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Niall's POV
Finally it was summer vacation. I was super excited until I heard that Clary was going back to the states practically the whole month of June. What was I going to do? A whole month...I could barely handle four days. When did I get like this?
I was currently at Louis's house. We were waiting for Liam to get over here so we could practice football. The girls were meeting us at the park. Lilly and Clary have gotten really close its kinda scary. Don't get me wrong I'm glad she has really become a part of our group but sometimes I feel like now I am no longer important. And I do not like that thought. But I mean I'm still her number one...we're always talking. So I can't get too mad...it's not like I can hoard her all to myself.
"Hey Niall. Liam is here...lets go." I get up and we all walk to park. We get there and Clary isn't there yet...so we sit around and wait. She's never late...I just texted her this morning...nothing seemed off. Of course you can easily lie over text. I start to worry. What if something happened to her?
"Where's Clary?" Lilly looks at me then shrugs. I figured she'd be the next one to know Clary's whereabouts.
"I'm not sure...um I'll call her." Lilly goes and calls Clary but then frowns and hangs up.
"She didn't pick up...that's odd of her." Before I even knew what I was doing I was running to her house. I hear them yelling after me but I don't care. Why didn't she answer her phone? Lilly called her, I would've assumed she would have picked up for her new best friend. Please let her be okay...please let everything be fine. I ran the fastest I think I have ever done in my life.
It takes me about 10 minutes to get there. I run up to her door and pound on it.
"Clary?! Clary open up! Why aren't you at the park? CLARY!" Nothing. It was a Saturday afternoon...wasn't her mum home? I pounded again. Oh god something happened. I run my hands through my hair. She's gone...oh god.
Then the door flew open to show Clary...Thank god she's okay but something was definitely wrong. I just knew it by looking at her. She didn't flash me her perfect smile. She just looked at me...her eyes seemed dead. "What?"
"Um...you were supposed...is everything okay?" Then I noticed her eyes were puffy like she had been crying.
"I don't feel like going today...tell them I'm sorry I'll come tomorrow." She went to shut the door but I stopped her. She didn't feel like football? She alwyas feels like football.
"Clary...what's wrong? You've been crying..." Then she looked at me again. A tear rolled down her cheek...her green eyes were filled with sadness. It broke my heart to see her like this. Why is she crying? Who made her this sad? I hate whoever did this to my Clary. I did the only thing anyone would do in my situation...I reached out and hugged her.
Clary's POV
I just didn't want to see anyone today. My mom went to her studio for distraction.
Today was the day that we got a phone call from the hospital out in Iraq saying dad didn't make it.
Today was the day that my dad left me...
Today was the worst day of the year for me.
Right next to the day of the funeral which was next week. May is the worst month for me. My dad's death, birthday, and funeral all fall in this month.
Today I had all intentions of going to practice with the gang. I was even dressed for it. I told myself this morning that I was going to be strong. Just like how I was raised to be. If I am sad I can't let others know. I have to be strong...he would've wanted me to be strong. "Stay strong Clarissa."
But I looked at old photos and that's when I lost it. I have been crying for about 2 hours. Just sitting on my bed sobbing. Tears pouring out of my eyes like a waterfall. I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. All I know is that it hurt...I hurt.
I heard Niall banging on my door, and I was hoping he would just leave me alone to my misery. But he didn't. He just kept on banging. I collected myself enough to tell him to leave but that didn't work either.
So here I am bawling like a baby in his arms. God when did I become like this. I was so strong on his birthday. I went to school and didn't melt down. I laughed and smiled even...even though the inside of me felt dead. My mom and I even could stand being together on that day. We shared some of our favorite memories of him. We laughed.
Now I am a blubbering mess. Now my mom left to work without saying goodbye. Today is a day that we just wish never happened. Today is a day where the Wolf family goes back to being dysfunctional. Niall strong arms held me close to him. He was whispering soothing words into my ears, "Shh Clary its okay..."
"No...its...not. I...am...such...mess." I was...I am...I will always be.
"A beautiful mess." That just made me cry more. I didn't deserve any of this. My mom and I would've liked back to Wisconsin to his grave...but obviously that can't happen.
[FLASHBACK]
"Come on Clary...you have your letter?" I nod my head and straighten out my black dress. I was supposed to talk at the funeral. These are the most words my mom has spoken to me since he left us here on Earth to fend for ourselves. My mom had roses in her hands and I had some as well. I don't like funerals. I don't like death...I want my father back...I want my playmate back...I want to see him running towards us like you see in commercials...or him surprising me at school. I wanted him back home safe...he's back home...safe...but he's not with me anymore. He's with the rest of the Wolffsson clan...I'm the last one...He left me all alone. He promised he'd come back home to us...to me. He promised me. I felt tears rolling down my face again. I didn't care anymore. My whole body felt dead. I suppose a part of me died when he left me...all I wanted was my father back.
I laid my rose of the coffin. I watched as the lowered my father into the ground. My mom held my hand and cried. I cried. I fell to the ground in tears. It's not fair...why did he have to leave me? Why did he have to go so early? It's not fair. I still needed my dad...what girl didn't need her dad? I wanted him back. Soon everyone left but me and my mom. I know my dress was ruined...but so is my life right now. I get up and say a few words in Russian...then place my letter beside all the flowers on his grave. I know that we had to go. But I didn't want to leave him...but I knew that we had to go. "Mom...come on...we should go back..." I helped her up and we just walked away hand in hand.
[END FLASHBACK]
Niall suddenly picked me up and carried me upstairs to my room. "No! Put...me...no don't...go in there." I knew what my room looked like. I knew that he had no right to see what I did. Too late. He was already in. He could see all the pictures that scattered my floor.
"Clarissa..."
That brought another round of uncontrollable sobs. That's what my dad always called me. He was never fond of the nickname my mom created for me. "That's no name for a queen Alex." My mom has started to call me that instead of Clary and I liked it. But today she called me Clary. I knew why. Too many memories resurface at the sound of my full name.
Niall stepped over the pictures and put me down on the bed. He pulled his shoes off and got on my bed with me. "What...are you...doing?" I know that I look awful because nobody is a pretty crier. He didn't respond but pulled me into him. I just clung onto him. I just wanted this day to end...I sometimes wished I could've gone with him. Then I would never have to know what it was like to go through life without him.
"Clary...what day is it?" I know he wasn't asking for the date.
"The day...we...found out...my dad...was...gone." God how do I even have anymore tears left?! He just pulled me in closer. Then he kissed the top of my head and wiped away some of my tear. It was useless because more tears were going to follow.
"You like Hunter Hayes right?" I just nodded since I was too busy crying to answer. Then his lovely voice rang out.
When you try not to look at me
Scared that I'll see you hurting
You're not hiding anything, no
And frankly it's got me worried
Nobody knows you better than I do
I keep my promises, I'm fighting for you
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, with you
I'm not going any place
I just hate to see you like this
No, I can't make it go away
Oh, but keeping it inside won't fix it
I can't give you every answer that you need
But I wanna hear everything you wanna tell me
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
Yeah, I cry with you
You need love tough enough to count on
So here I am
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
You're not alone, oh no, baby
Niall's POV
I stopped singing. I knew she loved Hunter Hayes. So I sang her his song called 'Cry With You'. Sometime during the song she stopped crying and just laid there. My phone had about 15 texts from everyone. But I didn't look. My main focus was to get Clary to stop crying because it broke my heart to see her upset. Soon her voice rang out, much quieter than usual though. It was almost a whisper.
"Sorry for not going to the--"
"Clary you don't have to apologize. Its fine. They will understand."
"Thanks for staying..." I could feel her tracing the design on my shirt. It felt really nice, having her curled into me was nice as well. I would always stay...always.
"I'd do anything to make those tears stop." I felt her get off of me. So I sat up. Shit I said the wrong thing. Oh crap this was about to be awkward for her...heartbreaking for me. She was looking at me with those green eyes that I have grown to love.
"Why?"
"I don't like to see girls cry...it means something is hurting them." She scooted closer to me. My heart was racing.
"Why do you care so much?..."
"Because you're my friend..." Then she frowns and nods. Shit. Did she want me to say something else. Quick profess your love for her you moron! Wait no don't do that! She was just crying over her dead father...oh my gosh SAY SOMETHING. It's like my mouth just decided to stop listening.
"You're going to be a perfect boyfriend someday." She was now looking at her comforter and picking at it. She sounded sad...and I can't tell if it's because of her dad or because I said she was my friend.
"I only want to date this one girl...but I don't think she likes me." Yea play it cool Niall...
"Oh my gosh! Who is it?!" She was smiling at me. God she had no clue. I just shook my head at her.
"Can I guess?"
"You can try...only three guesses." She smiled then sat there for a moment or two.
"Rebecca? Your English partner." I shook my head no. I knew she was just kidding when she said that one. She KNOWS I would never date Rebecca. She sighed then thought some more.
"OH is it Lilly?!"
"EW! God no. She's not my type." Gross...just thinking about that makes me sick. Lilly is like an annoying little sister I never wanted.
Then she just looked at me and leaned into my ear. She whispered "Is it me?"
My heart stopped. I don't even know what to say. What do I say?! I don't trust my mouth enought to respond. So I do the next best thing to answering her: I kiss her. Her lips don't respond right away but then she's kissing me back. I cup her face with my hands while hers are on my chest. I break off the kiss. I am so afraid to look at her.
"I knew you had a crush on me."
"What?!"
I am now looking at her with shock. She was sitting there smiling at me. My expression got a giggle for a response.
"Oh come on Ni. Don't even play dumb. I assumed since Homecoming."
"What? Why didn't...you I don't know say something?!"
"I waited until I was sure...but sometimes I couldn't tell...I like you too by the way." She likes me too...holy shit. She likes me too.
"So will you be my girlfriend?" She sat there for a moment and seemed to be seriously thinking how to respond.
"Yes I will but we can't tell anyone."
"Why not?! Everyon--"
"I just think it is for the best...I mean it would be weird for Haz to see us like all couple-y and shit." Right I forgot they had a small, very short thing. I sighed and agreed. Even though I knew Harry wouldn't care at all.
"Fine. That seems fair." She smiled and hugged me agian. Finally I get the girl. Finally I got her. And I am not letting go.
Finally it was summer vacation. I was super excited until I heard that Clary was going back to the states practically the whole month of June. What was I going to do? A whole month...I could barely handle four days. When did I get like this?
I was currently at Louis's house. We were waiting for Liam to get over here so we could practice football. The girls were meeting us at the park. Lilly and Clary have gotten really close its kinda scary. Don't get me wrong I'm glad she has really become a part of our group but sometimes I feel like now I am no longer important. And I do not like that thought. But I mean I'm still her number one...we're always talking. So I can't get too mad...it's not like I can hoard her all to myself.
"Hey Niall. Liam is here...lets go." I get up and we all walk to park. We get there and Clary isn't there yet...so we sit around and wait. She's never late...I just texted her this morning...nothing seemed off. Of course you can easily lie over text. I start to worry. What if something happened to her?
"Where's Clary?" Lilly looks at me then shrugs. I figured she'd be the next one to know Clary's whereabouts.
"I'm not sure...um I'll call her." Lilly goes and calls Clary but then frowns and hangs up.
"She didn't pick up...that's odd of her." Before I even knew what I was doing I was running to her house. I hear them yelling after me but I don't care. Why didn't she answer her phone? Lilly called her, I would've assumed she would have picked up for her new best friend. Please let her be okay...please let everything be fine. I ran the fastest I think I have ever done in my life.
It takes me about 10 minutes to get there. I run up to her door and pound on it.
"Clary?! Clary open up! Why aren't you at the park? CLARY!" Nothing. It was a Saturday afternoon...wasn't her mum home? I pounded again. Oh god something happened. I run my hands through my hair. She's gone...oh god.
Then the door flew open to show Clary...Thank god she's okay but something was definitely wrong. I just knew it by looking at her. She didn't flash me her perfect smile. She just looked at me...her eyes seemed dead. "What?"
"Um...you were supposed...is everything okay?" Then I noticed her eyes were puffy like she had been crying.
"I don't feel like going today...tell them I'm sorry I'll come tomorrow." She went to shut the door but I stopped her. She didn't feel like football? She alwyas feels like football.
"Clary...what's wrong? You've been crying..." Then she looked at me again. A tear rolled down her cheek...her green eyes were filled with sadness. It broke my heart to see her like this. Why is she crying? Who made her this sad? I hate whoever did this to my Clary. I did the only thing anyone would do in my situation...I reached out and hugged her.
Clary's POV
I just didn't want to see anyone today. My mom went to her studio for distraction.
Today was the day that we got a phone call from the hospital out in Iraq saying dad didn't make it.
Today was the day that my dad left me...
Today was the worst day of the year for me.
Right next to the day of the funeral which was next week. May is the worst month for me. My dad's death, birthday, and funeral all fall in this month.
Today I had all intentions of going to practice with the gang. I was even dressed for it. I told myself this morning that I was going to be strong. Just like how I was raised to be. If I am sad I can't let others know. I have to be strong...he would've wanted me to be strong. "Stay strong Clarissa."
But I looked at old photos and that's when I lost it. I have been crying for about 2 hours. Just sitting on my bed sobbing. Tears pouring out of my eyes like a waterfall. I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. All I know is that it hurt...I hurt.
I heard Niall banging on my door, and I was hoping he would just leave me alone to my misery. But he didn't. He just kept on banging. I collected myself enough to tell him to leave but that didn't work either.
So here I am bawling like a baby in his arms. God when did I become like this. I was so strong on his birthday. I went to school and didn't melt down. I laughed and smiled even...even though the inside of me felt dead. My mom and I even could stand being together on that day. We shared some of our favorite memories of him. We laughed.
Now I am a blubbering mess. Now my mom left to work without saying goodbye. Today is a day that we just wish never happened. Today is a day where the Wolf family goes back to being dysfunctional. Niall strong arms held me close to him. He was whispering soothing words into my ears, "Shh Clary its okay..."
"No...its...not. I...am...such...mess." I was...I am...I will always be.
"A beautiful mess." That just made me cry more. I didn't deserve any of this. My mom and I would've liked back to Wisconsin to his grave...but obviously that can't happen.
[FLASHBACK]
"Come on Clary...you have your letter?" I nod my head and straighten out my black dress. I was supposed to talk at the funeral. These are the most words my mom has spoken to me since he left us here on Earth to fend for ourselves. My mom had roses in her hands and I had some as well. I don't like funerals. I don't like death...I want my father back...I want my playmate back...I want to see him running towards us like you see in commercials...or him surprising me at school. I wanted him back home safe...he's back home...safe...but he's not with me anymore. He's with the rest of the Wolffsson clan...I'm the last one...He left me all alone. He promised he'd come back home to us...to me. He promised me. I felt tears rolling down my face again. I didn't care anymore. My whole body felt dead. I suppose a part of me died when he left me...all I wanted was my father back.
I laid my rose of the coffin. I watched as the lowered my father into the ground. My mom held my hand and cried. I cried. I fell to the ground in tears. It's not fair...why did he have to leave me? Why did he have to go so early? It's not fair. I still needed my dad...what girl didn't need her dad? I wanted him back. Soon everyone left but me and my mom. I know my dress was ruined...but so is my life right now. I get up and say a few words in Russian...then place my letter beside all the flowers on his grave. I know that we had to go. But I didn't want to leave him...but I knew that we had to go. "Mom...come on...we should go back..." I helped her up and we just walked away hand in hand.
[END FLASHBACK]
Niall suddenly picked me up and carried me upstairs to my room. "No! Put...me...no don't...go in there." I knew what my room looked like. I knew that he had no right to see what I did. Too late. He was already in. He could see all the pictures that scattered my floor.
"Clarissa..."
That brought another round of uncontrollable sobs. That's what my dad always called me. He was never fond of the nickname my mom created for me. "That's no name for a queen Alex." My mom has started to call me that instead of Clary and I liked it. But today she called me Clary. I knew why. Too many memories resurface at the sound of my full name.
Niall stepped over the pictures and put me down on the bed. He pulled his shoes off and got on my bed with me. "What...are you...doing?" I know that I look awful because nobody is a pretty crier. He didn't respond but pulled me into him. I just clung onto him. I just wanted this day to end...I sometimes wished I could've gone with him. Then I would never have to know what it was like to go through life without him.
"Clary...what day is it?" I know he wasn't asking for the date.
"The day...we...found out...my dad...was...gone." God how do I even have anymore tears left?! He just pulled me in closer. Then he kissed the top of my head and wiped away some of my tear. It was useless because more tears were going to follow.
"You like Hunter Hayes right?" I just nodded since I was too busy crying to answer. Then his lovely voice rang out.
When you try not to look at me
Scared that I'll see you hurting
You're not hiding anything, no
And frankly it's got me worried
Nobody knows you better than I do
I keep my promises, I'm fighting for you
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, with you
I'm not going any place
I just hate to see you like this
No, I can't make it go away
Oh, but keeping it inside won't fix it
I can't give you every answer that you need
But I wanna hear everything you wanna tell me
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
Yeah, I cry with you
You need love tough enough to count on
So here I am
You're not alone
I'll listen till your tears give out
You're safe and sound, I swear that I won't let you down
What's hurting you I, I feel it too
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry
I mean it when I say
When you cry, I cry with you, oh
You're not alone, oh no, baby
Niall's POV
I stopped singing. I knew she loved Hunter Hayes. So I sang her his song called 'Cry With You'. Sometime during the song she stopped crying and just laid there. My phone had about 15 texts from everyone. But I didn't look. My main focus was to get Clary to stop crying because it broke my heart to see her upset. Soon her voice rang out, much quieter than usual though. It was almost a whisper.
"Sorry for not going to the--"
"Clary you don't have to apologize. Its fine. They will understand."
"Thanks for staying..." I could feel her tracing the design on my shirt. It felt really nice, having her curled into me was nice as well. I would always stay...always.
"I'd do anything to make those tears stop." I felt her get off of me. So I sat up. Shit I said the wrong thing. Oh crap this was about to be awkward for her...heartbreaking for me. She was looking at me with those green eyes that I have grown to love.
"Why?"
"I don't like to see girls cry...it means something is hurting them." She scooted closer to me. My heart was racing.
"Why do you care so much?..."
"Because you're my friend..." Then she frowns and nods. Shit. Did she want me to say something else. Quick profess your love for her you moron! Wait no don't do that! She was just crying over her dead father...oh my gosh SAY SOMETHING. It's like my mouth just decided to stop listening.
"You're going to be a perfect boyfriend someday." She was now looking at her comforter and picking at it. She sounded sad...and I can't tell if it's because of her dad or because I said she was my friend.
"I only want to date this one girl...but I don't think she likes me." Yea play it cool Niall...
"Oh my gosh! Who is it?!" She was smiling at me. God she had no clue. I just shook my head at her.
"Can I guess?"
"You can try...only three guesses." She smiled then sat there for a moment or two.
"Rebecca? Your English partner." I shook my head no. I knew she was just kidding when she said that one. She KNOWS I would never date Rebecca. She sighed then thought some more.
"OH is it Lilly?!"
"EW! God no. She's not my type." Gross...just thinking about that makes me sick. Lilly is like an annoying little sister I never wanted.
Then she just looked at me and leaned into my ear. She whispered "Is it me?"
My heart stopped. I don't even know what to say. What do I say?! I don't trust my mouth enought to respond. So I do the next best thing to answering her: I kiss her. Her lips don't respond right away but then she's kissing me back. I cup her face with my hands while hers are on my chest. I break off the kiss. I am so afraid to look at her.
"I knew you had a crush on me."
"What?!"
I am now looking at her with shock. She was sitting there smiling at me. My expression got a giggle for a response.
"Oh come on Ni. Don't even play dumb. I assumed since Homecoming."
"What? Why didn't...you I don't know say something?!"
"I waited until I was sure...but sometimes I couldn't tell...I like you too by the way." She likes me too...holy shit. She likes me too.
"So will you be my girlfriend?" She sat there for a moment and seemed to be seriously thinking how to respond.
"Yes I will but we can't tell anyone."
"Why not?! Everyon--"
"I just think it is for the best...I mean it would be weird for Haz to see us like all couple-y and shit." Right I forgot they had a small, very short thing. I sighed and agreed. Even though I knew Harry wouldn't care at all.
"Fine. That seems fair." She smiled and hugged me agian. Finally I get the girl. Finally I got her. And I am not letting go.
So that's the end? They don't get back together and get married or have kids?!?!?!I'm very disappointed
7/19/16