Love/Hate

Hayden's P.O.V.

I woke up and laid in bed looking at the ceiling. For some reason the song "If I die young- by The Band Perry" began playing in my head.

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh, And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by....

....the sharp knife of a short life, oh well?
I've had just enough time So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, oh well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
I got up and walked over to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and got undressed. I climbed in and began washing the filth off my body. Last night I got a couple of ideas as to what mom by "You'll know everything you need to know when the time is right."

I think that she either has important information to tell me or she's hiding something and used that to cover it up. Either way, I'm going to find out whether she likes it or not. I started singing a song I wrote called, "Bless Myself."
There's a little secret
I would like to tell you
There's a book of lies
I know they'll try to sell you
And they'll try, and they'll try
To convince you to buy you need 'em
So the next time you're down
Look inside not around.

I can bless myself
There's no need for someone's help
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can justify all the mistakes in my life
It's taught me to be, it's givin' me me
And I'll survive
'Cause I have blessed myself.

I have searched the world to find
There's nothing better
Than when me, myself and I
Can come together
And I know for a fact
There's a spirit I lack called defend
Yeah I've been through it all
Just to find in the end

I can bless myself
There's no need for someone's help
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can justify all the mistakes in my life
It's taught me to be, it's givin' me me
And I'll survive
'Cause I have blessed myself.

Do you ever wonder
How anything can make you cry
Have yourself discover
That the pain you feel
Is the pain that you deny in your life
So open up your eyes

You can bless yourself
There's no need for someone else
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can bless myself
There's no need for someone's help
There's no one to blame
There's no one to save you but yourself
I can justify all the mistakes in my life
It's taught me to be, it's givin' me me
And I'll survive
'Cause I have blessed myself. La La La La La
La La La La La

I will survive
'Cause I have blessed myself.

I turned off the water and wrapped my towel around myself. I climbed out of the shower and walked into my room. Jay and Jamie were standing in the middle of my room with a tray of food, "What are you doing in here without permission?!"

"Why didn't you tell us you can sing like that?" I rolled my eyes and looked at them. I walked over to the door and held it open.

"Get out." Jay set the tray down on the bed and they quickly walked out the door. "Oh, by the way, if you tell anyone what you heard I'll destroy you." They nodded and quickly went downstairs.

I closed the door and walked over to the closet. I put on matching pair bra and underwear and looked through my clothes. Something simple to go with my mood....I got it!!! I picked this out and changed into it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and walked out of the closet. I grabbed my bag off the floor and tucked my skateboard underneath my arm. I walked out the room and went downstairs to the kitchen.

Mom was sitting at the table eating and reading her magazines. "Good morning." I walked over to the table and picked up a apple. I walked out the kitchen to the door and mom stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?"

"Come on, I've haven't done anything since that night. Can I get one day off?" She looked at me and crossed her arms. I should deserve a fucking day off for crying out loud.

"Fine. I'll let you have a day off since it's the twins' birthday today." I looked at her shocked because I totally forgot that it was there birthday today.

"Crap, I forgot their birthday." I looked at her and she looked away, "You know what, I'll pick them up from school...Yeah, that's what I'll do." I walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

I walked over to the door and walked out into the slightly cold atmosphere. I ran across our yard and hopped on the board skating past Niall, who was walking to his car. I feel a little bad for him, but at the same time I don't.
****************************************************
I got to school and got off the board. I walked inside the school and went to the cafeteria for a breakfast. I walked in and saw Harry and the others sitting together talking.

They all looked at me and I tried to convince myself to go over, but I couldn't find the courage to. I instead walked over to the line and got my food.

I walked over to a table far away from them and sat down. I began eating my food when Niall came in looking awful. His hair was sticking in multiple directions. He has a blackened eye from yesterday's fight between him and Harry.

He walked over to me and I looked at him, "Hayden, please." I looked at the others and they were watching closely. I got up and walked over to him.

"You messed this up, Niall. You need to find a way to fix it by yourself." I tapped his shoulder and walked past him. I walked out the cafeteria and headed to biology.

I walked into the class and Ms. Weingarten was writing down today's lesson on the board. I knocked on the door and she looked at me, "Ah, Ms. Mitchell. What can I help you with?" I walked over to her and adjust my bag.

"I know you haven't gotten to now me yet, but I wanted to ask for your advice?"

"Sure. What is it?"

I sat down on the stool in front of her desk and looked at her, "If you hurt someone badly and you wanted to fix it, what would you do?"

"Depending on what it is....I would....start by realizing where you messed up and working from there." I looked at her and those words made me think really hard.

What did I do to mess up my relationships with Harry and the others?....I know the part where I messed up is when I ever started talking to any of them. If that didn't happen then everything would be fine?

I looked at her and she smiled at me, "Did you forgive it out?" I nodded and she walked over to me. She placed her hands under mine and lifted them up. "Then my dear go and resolve your problems?" She smiled at me showing off her pearl white teeth.

"Thank you, Ms. Weingarten." I got up and gave her a hug. It's so good to get her opinion because now I know how to resolve this whole situation. I pulled away and walked out of the classroom.

I just have to avoid them...shouldn't be hard. I turned the corner bumping into someone. I stumbled backwards and looked up...shit, Harry and the guys were standing in front of me.

"Sorry." He looked at me and I wanted to go hide in a corner forever. His attention moved to my left eye and I looked down at the ground. "Does it still hurt?"

"No, but...um...thanks for asking." I quickly walked past them and headed to my locker. I opened it and put the skateboard in when a girl bumped into me. "Excuse you!!"

She turned around and looked at me, "What?" Her friends grabbed her arm and pulled back. They whispered something in her ear and she looked at me, "Sorry, it was an accident." They walked off and I slammed my locker shut.

My phone went off in my bag taking by surprise. I dug through my bag for it because my bag had lots of random shit in it. I finally found it and answered it quickly, "Hello?"

"Hayden, it's Jay."

"Jay, why are you calling me during school?" She didn't answered which confused me more, "Hello?"

"They're in the bathroom. I gotta go."

"Hold on..." She already hung up. What does she mean 'they're in the bathroom'?..Those damn bullies from the other day. I opened up my locker and took out the board. I slammed the door shut when Liam came up to me.

"Hayden, what's up? Where are you going?"

"I have some family business to take care of...Do you think you could cover for me?" He nodded and I gave him a hug, "You're the best. I owe you one."

I walked away and headed out to the front of the school. I got outside and walked in the direction of the twins' school. Can't those girls realize that I was dead serious? My blood started boiling and I began running as fast I could. I hopped on the board and skated quickly to their school.
***************************************************
I got to their school and hopped off the board. I picked and walked inside looking for her. I walked down the hallway searching for a bathroom when I heard my name called.

I turned around and saw Jamie waving at me, "Hayden, over here." I walked over to him and he gave me a hug.

"Jamie, where's Jay?" He pointed to the bathroom behind me and I handed him my skateboard, "Wait here." I walked over to the girls' bathroom and stormed in.

Those two girls were hitting Jay with their boots. I walked over to them and grabbed them both by the hair. "Hey, let go." I dragged them out the bathroom and put them up against the locker.

"Didn't I warn you the last time I was here." They nodded scared and the bell rang. Students came out there classes but I kept my focus on the two girls. "Do you not understand that she won't hit you because she's the bigger person?"

They shook their heads and I let go of them. "Hey!!" I turned around and saw a teacher coming over. "What are you doing to these students?"

"The question is what aren't you doing with these students." She looked at me confused and I continued, "These two students of yours keep bullying my brother and sister."

"And who may that be?"

"Javina and James Mitchell. I'm their older sister, Hayden."

"Well...Hayden, this is the first time I heard of this." Is she fucking kidding? I looked at Jamie and waved him over. He came over and looked at me, "Jamie, have you or Javina told this woman that you were being bullied?"

He nodded repetitively and I looked at the lady, "First hearing about this huh?" She walked closer to me and that plain look her face turned into a angry one.

"Little girl, if you knew any better you would stop talking?"

"And if you knew any better you'd get your head up out your ass before you wind up without a job." She opened to say something but instead she grabbed the two girls and walked away.

Jay walked out the bathroom and looked at me. I walked over to her and she looked at me, "Can I go home?" I nodded and I looked at Jamie.

"Jamie, go back to class alright. I'll be back to pick you up after school." He nodded and headed to his next class. I looked at Jay and she struggled to pick up her bag. I took it from her and she smiled at me. We walked to the main office and I told her to wait outside.

I walked over the desk and the lady looked at me, "How may I help you?"

"Yes, I'm here to pick up Javina Mitchell." She looked at me and I smiled at her. She handed me a clipboard and told me to fill it out. I filled it out and handed it back to her. "Thanks."

"Uh huh." I walked office and saw Jay on the floor. She saw me and got up. We walked out the front entrance and headed in the direction of our street. It's their birthday for crying out loud. Why would can't people stop beings such asswipes?

Notes